Back To You
by leigh.deeA
Summary: A day before her competition, Kahoko confesses her feelings to Len. He feels the same but believes he can't pursue their relationship. Nine years later, Kaho is working in Korea as a struggling composer, violinist, and assistant to a famous actress. When her boss, Yunoki Miyabi, decides to take on a new movie, she is reunited with her former classmates from Seisou, including Len.
1. Prologue

_Are there still people out there who read La Corda Fan Fiction?_

_I asked myself this days ago after reading the first seven chapters of La Corda d'Oro Daigakusei-hen, the continuation of Kahoko's story in Seisou College._

_Hmm, I kind of want to know, so...I tried my best to wrench my password from my uncooperative mind and reaccess this account to find out if people will._

_One of the reasons I wanted to post this fic is that I think it's in keeping with Len's perspective in Daigakusei-hen (i.e., Music is what keeps him and Kaho together; he believes that's enough). This fic contains what I think is a plausible reaction if Kaho suddenly confesses to Len... The __prologue you'll read below was written mainly to flesh out that scene, but it's set in the original La Corda- before Len leaves for Vienna. Initially, this prologue was called "Ten Things" and was a retelling of Chapter 67 of La Corda __(where Kaho learns about the exact date of Len's departure), __but it morphed into something else and has other incarnations. It can be read on its own (as a retelling of 67), but I am posting it as a part of "Back To You"._

_Please review. :) I think I need the help (constructive criticism and maybe encouragement). _

_..._

_Summary:_

_The night before her competition, Kaho gathers her courage and confesses her feelings to the person she loves. Len feels the same but believes he can't pursue their relationship and so, reveals to her that he is scheduled to leave tomorrow- on the day of her performance. Their final encounter becomes their worst, leaving Kaho lonely and brokenhearted. _

_Nine years later, Kaho is in Korea helping Shimizu with his compositions. She wants to make playing the violin and composing songs her day job but has to stick with the work that actually pays the bills: her role as guardian and assistant to Yunoki Miyabi, famous actress and sister to one Yunoki Azuma. When Miyabi decides to join the cast of a new movie, Kaho unexpectedly reunites with her former classmates from Seisou, including one Tsukimori Len._

_..._

Prologue – Part 1

_Ten Things_

Ryotaro Tsuchiura, sixteen-year-old sophomore from Class 2-5 of the Seisou General Education department, was an average guy whose actions and thoughts were pretty much confined to the ordinary. According to him, he was just like every other second-year high school student who had schoolwork and the looming inevitability of college applications to stress about in due time (third year wasn't far away...). According to his peers, he shouldn't be so modest; he was the star soccer player _and_ Gen. Ed pianist who'd competed against the best music students in Seisou; Ryotaro was allowed to brag a little because he had, after all, shocked both departments by being an athlete _and_ a musician.

"What made you think you could do both?" they'd asked. According to his classmates, he didn't get any weird ideas.

After the _concours (why'd they have to use the French term) _was over, Ryo had decided to look back on both the prejudice and the good-natured ribbing with a chuckle and a small shrug of his shoulders- even if his responses had sometimes been less than friendly in the heat of the moment. Besides, how different was he from the others? Like his friends and like the other students in Seisou, he had had his small share of victories and defeats; he knew what _actual_ weird meant.

He knew where his mind was supposed to make camp. _In the soccer field. Up on stage..._

_Indefinitely...not permanently...maybe? But I guess..._

_Still indefinitely..._

_So..._

How weird could he get anyway?

At the moment, he had a future in music to contemplate, a competition he should be concentrating on and his feelings to think about; he had no time to worry about something that didn't directly concern him. But he couldn't help himself. He shouldn't be doing this and yet...

He was still going to meddle in Tsukimori's and Hino's weird (_there's that word again..._), 'off-the-mark' courtship.

Tsukimori and Hino had never dated- not each other and not anyone else. And he wasn't going to encourage them. But despite his determination to ignore them, they were frying his brain cells; they were making him crazy. Tsukimori annoyed him so much he itched to spring into action and put things into perspective for his lost, inexperienced schoolmate. _Scratch that_ – _for the two lost, inexperienced violinists_. It wasn't as if he planned to push Hino and Tsukimori to date, but he wanted them to at least think about their actions: her tendency to run towards him, his tendency not to notice, etc.

They were definitely not self-aware. And Ryo definitely wasn't Tsukimori's wing-man. But their not knowing irritated him more than anything.

That's why he had this hairbrained idea to coax Kaho into actively thinking about Tsukimori. With an intentional scowl and an almost smirk, he'd told her he couldn't think of a single good attribute that Tsukimori possessed, and he'd challenged Kahoko, who'd tried to defend the annoying perfectionist, to think of some good qualities other than Tsukimori's extraordinary musical talent. He told her he wanted to be "nice" (charitable, maybe?) and think well of Tsukimori before the stuck-up violinist could be a stuck-up musician in Vienna.

He'd said to no one in particular that he was tired of both of them. There wasn't any harm in making his request, was there? It wouldn't change Tsukimori's situation or alter Kaho's hero-worship. They needed to know.

It was for the best. It would give him a sort-of _closure _and give Hino and Tsukimori a new starting point to think about. It could, maybe, give him the opportunity for a new beginning, too. He thought about these possibilities as he watched Hino walk to her classroom after break.

_Let's see where this goes..._

Satisfied that he'd done his part, Ryo patted himself on the back and reassured himself that he'd set into motion the events that would lead to his peace of mind.

…

Hino Kahoko, sixteen-year-old sophomore from Class 2-2 of General Education, had a strange assignment to complete: It wasn't a new piece she had to learn on the violin; it wasn't homework given by her teacher or a cram school instructor. Instead, it was a dare from a friend who'd asked her to try and change his mind. Tsuchiura had called it a thought experiment and suggested she pick a nice, comfortable area in the school library or, better yet, in the school gardens to think about the 'assignment'. She'd decided to work on his challenge while sitting on a bench overlooking the amber-colored waters of the Seisou lagoon.

This task wasn't supposed to be that difficult. She knew the person she had to write about. She admired him and even looked to him for guidance on occasion.

_Ok, if I'm being honest, it's on most occasions..._

She knew how to describe him and could do it in a million different ways: _determined, strict, focused..._

He demanded from others what he expected from himself- never more and never less. He always promoted a high standard in whatever he did. He was intimidating; he could be rude and standoffish; he didn't concern himself with other people's feelings unless they compromised the level of music he aspired to reach. _He could..._

Where was she going with this when she was supposed to write ten things she liked about him?

_He's never intentionally mean_, she thought. In fact, she'd decided he was more socially awkward rather than smug or self-infatuated. In the past, she felt that people as talented as he was could be as self-infatuated as they were charming. But he wasn't.

_Charming? Or self-absorbed?_

She took a deep breath. _Ten things I like about Len Tsukimori..._

She started by cataloging his features, as though tackling this was the thing to do before she could dig deeper; it seemed like the first step in a process: describe the surface before she could think about the things that really mattered. She didn't want to miss anything and maybe by starting with his looks, she could ease herself into _actively_ thinking about him...

It wasn't as if she'd tell Tsuchiura that she appreciated Len Tsukimori's good looks but...

Tsukimori's appearance wasn't something she consciously paid attention to. It registered once in the back of her mind that his features were above-average and yeah... _appealing. _But that had only happened because they'd physically stood in each other's way; or, to be more accurate, because she and Tsuchiura had been blocking the door to his homeroom. If he hadn't opened his mouth, she could have studied him like a painting. He was attractive enough to have his picture hanging from a gallery...

But, of course, she wouldn't hang a picture of him on _her_ wall...

Why would she?

Kahoko assumed that when it came to people, she could only really pay attention to someone as good looking as Tsukimori if she already knew them.

She scribbled a few descriptions on her notebook:

_Number1. Tsukimori Len is 5'8" ...which is a good height. He has clear golden eyes and long lashes..._

_Huh._ She'd never thought she'd be describing Tsukimori's physical appearance in writing.

It was weird that she'd only been able to confirm to herself how good looking he was after knowing what he was like as a musician and as a...

_Well...Friend of sorts._

"I doubt that he thinks of me as a friend," she said with a sigh.

She bit her lip and mentally pinched herself for voicing her thoughts aloud; she knew she'd freak out if he'd suddenly appear out of nowhere and asked to explain what she'd just said. She snuck a peek behind her shoulder and stopped herself from looking up the trees.

_No sign of the guy._

She crossed out her first entry and wrote:

_Number 1. Tsukimori Len is …._

_Tsukimori Len is..._

She sighed and stared at her feet. _Tsukimori Len is attentive._

It was recent so she couldn't help but gravitate toward a particular memory as evidence...

_Despite her effort not to, she'd still managed to keep him waiting- it was the consequence of choosing fashion over comfort, of agonizing over dark serviceable flats vs. heels with pretty bows. She knew which pair would look better with her dress, but she hadn't considered the comfort she'd need when she had to move fast and had had to dash through the city to arrive on time for the performance. She apologized to him as he sighed and held the door to the venue open for her. They'd almost missed one of the duets but..._

_If it hadn't been for her poor choice of footwear..._

_She wouldn't be having another moment with Tsukimori._

_There was no sign of embarrassment or hesitation on his face as he tended to her foot. He was so casual about touching the ankle, the sole and the tops of her toes; he'd bought bandaids which he was now carefully placing over her blisters. _

_It was a chilly evening, and she expected an icy touch...but his hands had been warm and (out of nowhere) she imagined him warming them up inside his coat so he wouldn't shock her skin with cold fingers. _

_He probably wasn't even aware that he was giving her a Cinderella moment. _

It had happened gradually; she started to picture him doing things like that for her. She had little extra scenarios in her head that made her believe in the caring side of him– as if his sweet side was actually the foundation behind his 'practical-no-nonsense-lets-get-it-over-with' exterior. He valued her, so he didn't want her to be uncomfortable...

If he could hear her thoughts...

_Oh no, Kaho_. She shook her head and placed both palms over her warm cheeks. Could she really call him sweet if he didn't mean to be?

To be honest, she liked his practical nature too.

_Number 2. Tsukimori Len is a practical-no-nonsense-type of guy. He will tell you directly how bad you are at playing the violin; he'll inform you what has to be done or corrected. He'll let you know when you sound like a drunkard and never sugar-coat his criticism..._

"He'll tell you..." And then in her most Len-like voice, she said, "This has nothing to do with me."

Again she checked her surroundings for his sudden appearance. _Ugh. Maybe I should add that to the things I _dislike _about him. He really does come out of nowhere sometimes..._

_Anyway..._

_Well_, he really didn't have to involve himself or care over-much about her feelings or her plans. Again the words: 'This has nothing to do with me' echoed in her head.

_When I get the chance, I'm going to tell him to avoid that line..._

She bit her lip again; she was thinking about it too much. Would he avoid saying the words just because she had asked?

_But..._

_If he cares..._

If the sweetness underneath would come out...

_Then maybe..._

She almost didn't want to write it down. She was feeling itchy as if a bug had crawled up her uniform and invited other insects to take the same route, but she wanted to add the next item to her list before she lost her courage. It was as though writing it down would grant her the proof she wanted instantly.

_Number 3. Tsukimori Len cares..._

She was hesitant to add, 'about me' but she couldn't help but be glad that he had made time to tutor her and provide constructive criticism for her performances. She knew she needed it. He also cared enough to walk her home after their sessions.

_Gah..._The idea that he'd been intentional and that he'd cared made her chest constrict in an unfamiliar but not unpleasant way.

_Number 4. Tsukimori Len is surprising..._

He walked her home after practice. She teased him by calling him her 'sensei'. They'd had meat buns together...

He was sweet.

He was sweet to her.

Was she surprised? Did she look forward to his sweetness? Did she believe it was inside of him...waiting for...

Waiting for what exactly?

_Inspiration?_

She felt this odd push and pull inside of her; she would think one way and then try to dislodge the thought the very next moment and then go back to thinking it.

"He's nice to me," she said aloud as if she was determined to make the thought permanent. _He doesn't even act like it's anything out of the ordinary. He's just being himself...and well I..._

"I like him just as he is," she said softly.

She shut her notebook. _Did I actually write that down?_

_I like him just as he is._

_Well, that's not surprising._ She'd gone from making a mental grocery list of his attitudes into some honest reflection and now...

_I like his music. I like him. And I've never really had to explain it before. _She gripped the notebook in her hand and stared at it with a fierce expression, "No, Kahoko. It's just a list."

She leaned tiredly against the bench and let her gaze drift to the horizon. The sky was flirting with a palette of blues, reds, and oranges; it was twirling in different swaths of color, trying them out before it would inevitably don black. The autumn leaves hovered and glided in the air before they were swept off to less familiar places. Combing her hair with her fingers, she fixed the tangle that the wind had made.

Slowly, she rose to her feet. She had never consciously thought of the things which made Len attractive. And now, she had to acknowledge, this list was making her do it.

It was getting dark, and she should be going home, but she suddenly had the urge to look for him. She just had to, it seemed. Without really examining her feelings, she got up, collected her things and walked towards the building of the Music Department.

.

.

.

Tsukimori Len was about to leave for home when an unusually strong gust of wind opened the window of his practice room. He turned on his heel, picked up the stand the wind had knocked over, and went back to the window to lock it properly. But while he was still adjusting the latch, he was surprised when he caught Hino Kahoko's reflection staring at him through the door. He turned, and she ducked.

He'd already seen her and yet... _She actually ducked_. He sighed, strode to the door, and let her in.

"I'm sorry, Tsukimori-kun. I swear I'm not spying on you," Kaho said, gripping the edges of the notebook she was carrying. He assumed that she had questions she wanted to ask and wondered if those questions were related to the notebook she had in her hands. He could tell she was anxious about something.

"Are you all right Hino?" he asked, making her rest by the window.

"Eh? Oh, um, yes," she said, placing the notebook on her lap and holding up her hands. "I'm ok, really."

He sighed. He was concerned about her—that was the norm now. But the difference from long ago was that he no longer wondered why. She looked tired.

"Here, drink this," he said, offering her his unopened bottle of water. "You look dehydrated. Are you taking care of yourself? You have a competition coming up, remember?"

When her gaze dropped to the floor, he sighed and said: "It's just water. It's no trouble at all."

He had to admit that he liked being useful to her.

_Useful, huh?_

She took the bottle from his hand and removed the cap. He watched her neck while she swallowed and his eyes followed the trail when a drop of water had escaped from her lips onto her chin. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and, with that same hand, pulled the edge of her dark skirt. Her hair was slightly disheveled– wind-blown, he concluded. He leaned forward to remove a leaf that got caught in her hair.

"Is it windy outside?" he asked casually, watching her face. He had been, for a moment, close enough to see her eyes. Her pupils were dilated.

She cleared her throat. "I tried to fix it...," she said. She passed her palms over her hair, trying to feel for any wayward strands.

She narrowed her eyes, "You look like you want to search my head for lice."

He blinked. "I'm sure that's not it."

He shifted his focus to the window and let the silence settle between them as he picked out the colors in the trees. _Red, golden, warm and glowing..._The season reminded him of her. He was quiet, but a brief glance in her direction assured him that she wasn't bothered by their lack of conversation.

"I like this season," she said suddenly. "It's...I don't know..." she trailed off. "It's always felt so crisp and new to me."

There was something to it- that perspective of autumn being about new life instead of the end of the old. He remembered that she'd chosen _Tristesse_, a song of farewell, as her piece for the theme of new beginnings during the first selection. For her, it had meant the beginning after a departure.

"Like a second spring," he said, as he watched red and orange leaves fall slowly from the trees. "A springtime when every leaf is a flower."

She smiled. "That sounds lovely."

"It isn't mine," he replied, thinking of a French philosopher who loved autumn. It was puzzling how he'd suddenly remembered a quote like that.

_Who said it?_

But she was right, the season was lovely. He watched strips of light pass across her features; she had her hand on her chest, and he knew that underneath it, there was a strong heartbeat. He wanted to study the rhythm like a piece of music. He wanted to understand her.

He wanted this – her satisfied smile, the glow of the afternoon's farewell, the space between them that held his feelings; he wanted the moment expressed in notes and measures so he could revisit it when his memory wasn't enough to recreate its magic...

He sighed as if to expel these thoughts. They were unusual to him; he was getting carried away.

_Before I leave..._

"What is it Tsukimori-kun?" she asked.

He hadn't noticed that he'd been staring at her. She still had her hand over her chest.

If he couldn't get a perfect retelling of this moment, he would just have to make more memories.

_Maybe..._

He looked at the clock. _Maybe... _

"Ano, Tsukimori-kun," she said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yes? What is it, Hino?"

Her brows were knit as they often were when she was determined to do or say something, which, he predicted, would puzzle him or distract him or... He exhaled. He was getting ahead of himself; she was probably going to ask about practice or a piece of music. She surprised him with: "I wanted to see you. I just came to see you, that's all."

She'd become shy and had looked away, but her face was something, even in profile. She was smiling.

"If that's the case then..."

.

.

.

Prologue – Part 2

He had asked her out for cake or drinks, and without her really noticing, Len had led her from the school to a new cafe that had popped up recently in town. The menu behind the counter was a large, gold-framed chalkboard with the items written in apple green and strawberry-colored chalk. The table they'd picked was in a corner where tiles of colorful post-its made a blank brick wall more festive. Messages in different penmanships, some tiny drawings and doodles decorated the notes. One bright blue post-it said: _"Shut up and be mine."_ It had a smiley face on it too. Beside it, the reply was: _"I thought you'd never ask..."_

She hadn't noticed before taking her seat, but there was more than one happy, lovey-dovey couple in the cafe. They were laughing, holding hands, and looking at each other as though the world had fallen away.

Len walked to their table with their order: a strawberry yogurt drink for her and lime flavored one for him.

"Did you have something to ask me, Hino?" he said without preamble as he sat across from her.

"Er...well I..."

It was more of like stuff she wanted to say to him. How should she begin anyway? She was too impulsive...

"To be honest, I..." she trailed off.

He followed her gaze to the spring-bound notebook she had carried to his practice room. It seemed an easy enough thing to do, so he casually grabbed it from the table. But she was lightning fast and nearly ripped the cover when she tried to pull the notebook from his hands. It fell to the floor near his chair.

That's when he saw it...

_Number 1. Tsukimori Len is attentive..._

His expression told her everything. She bit her lip, almost hoping the action would stop her cheeks from blushing. _Too late..._

He picked up the notebook and silently read every line. It didn't take very long.

_Number 2. Tsukimori Len is a practical-no-nonsense-type of guy. He will tell you directly how bad you are at playing the violin..._

_Number 3. Tsukimori Len cares. He cared enough to walk me home when it was already dark._

_Number 4. Tsukimori Len is surprising..._

_I like him just as he is._

_Number 5. Tsukimori Len is attractive, just as he is._

"I don't think you meant to show this to me, did you?" he asked in his usual cool tones.

"Um, actually," she began, "it's supposed to be a list of ten things I like about you...an assignment...from uh...Kanazawa," she lied.

His brow furrowed. "This is an assignment?"

"Uh, yeah. It was supposed to be an informal essay. I was writing down some key points..."

_Right...Kanazawa isn't an English teacher._

"There are only five items," Len pointed out. When it looked as if she wasn't going to catch on, he said: "You said ten things not five."

She couldn't reply to his teasing. Len placed the notebook back on the table.

"He will tell you directly how bad you are at playing," he read aloud.

"I didn't mean any of it..." she said. Tsukimori raised an eyebrow.

"No!No! I mean, I didn't mean that particular line negatively."

She licked her lips and tucked her chin. He shook his head. "Hino," he began slowly, "I realize I haven't told you how much I think you've improved. I know that you're self-motivated and that you're always willing to work hard, but I also think it's important that you hear encouragement." He paused and looked into her eyes, suddenly wishing he'd embellished his words with more..._softness_. He almost sighed. He wished he wasn't himself.

"You're doing well," he said sincerely. "Your hard work is paying off."

He handed her the notebook. "Music is your path," he said with complete confidence.

Her mouth had opened a little in surprise. "Thank you."

She smiled and added, "Thank you for encouraging me that night."

"That night?"

"Do you remember? You said you wanted to see how I would improve."

She'd meant _that _night –the night he had told her about his departure. And yet he hadn't yet revealed the precise date...

"That was enough for me."

He wondered what she would think of as too much...

He wanted to know what else she would be contented with.

_A duet?_

_A symphony?_

For him, the prospect seemed hard to resist. _But..._

He was all about resisting, wasn't he?

"I really can think of ten things," she said shyly. "But I think I already wrote down what was most important..."

His eyebrows rose. She continued, not breaking eye contact, "I like you as you are.."

He smiled. It wasn't a full grin but a soft smile that made her heart skip a beat. In Len's mind, he concluded that Kaho probably didn't understand how good it felt to hear her say those words. And so...should he hesitate?

"I like you too," he said. "Just as you are."

She blinked once or twice before he added: "You're brave and passionate. And I'm thankful that you were patient enough and stubborn enough to work with me. I don't think I've acknowledged this before, but I know how difficult I am. It matters to me that you think well of me and..." He hesitated. "I..."

"I think we've become close, you and I."

.

.

.

Something about the way he looked at her made her want to push for the literal meaning and bridge the distance between them. Her eyes fell to his fingers. She wanted to touch his fingertips...

_Just his fingertips..._

_Just..._

.

.

.

She'd touched the fingers of his right hand...

Len's eyes widened and his mind, as if programmed to do so, played the incidents that led them to touch hands in the past. He remembered all of them.

"We've held hands before," he said, keeping his eyes on their fingers. Her hands were small, feminine, _pretty_...

He had this sudden thought about their hands knowing each other and looking for each other: The pads of his thumbs, their palms, the tips of their fingers, were worlds of their own that met over and over again and had the wisdom to keep colliding.

He shut his eyes. Why was he thinking like this?

_What is happening to me? _

He had to lighten the mood. "Do you remember the Horror House?" he asked, trying to spark her memory of the incident. "You grabbed my hand and pulled me to the exit."

He quickly felt the loss of her warmth when she raised both her small hands to her cheeks in embarrassment. This had broken the spell only for an instant– the relief that suffused his chest lasted mere seconds because her hand had searched again for his. She said his name.

"Tsukimori-kun, you offered your hand that day."

Her fingers moved to his wrist. His eyes found the neon-colored post-its above her head. _Shut up and be mine..._

_But she hasn't said anything..._

Oh, but he'd felt it- her light touch over his wrist.

.

.

.

_At the Park_

Kaho wanted something she couldn't describe; she wanted the feeling that had fluttered like wings inside her when they were in the cafe and their fingertips had touched.

It had been magical.

She couldn't help but imagine what being near to him could do; she wanted to hold his arm and touch his lips, and she wondered if this, being near someone, was the sort of thing that could summon a storm. She didn't know, but she was sure there was something between them now.

_I like you too, just as you are._

She couldn't keep calm. She couldn't let this pass her by. They'd left the cafe and were, once again, walking side by side in the park. The night, with its token half moon and starless sky, had caught up with them. A cold wind moved past the streetlights that flanked their path. She stole a glance at Len and waited until he had walked a few steps ahead of her.

"Tsukimori-kun," she said, clenching her fists.

"Yes?"

"Len," she said with finality. "I'm calling you Len from now on."

Len stopped walking. "What?"

_You heard me right._ Hadn't he called her brave and passionate?

"Len, you can call me Kahoko."

They'd been walking for a while now; she spotted the bench he'd knelt in front of while placing bandaids over her blisters. A lampost glittered shyly behind it.

"Or Kaho, if you prefer."

Len was quiet. He looked up at the moon before giving his off tangent reply: "It's another half moon."

Was that his way of saying, 'you're being strange'? He might be confused, but she was determined; she would make him understand; she moved a step closer.

"Len, I..."

.

.

.

When she had said his name, it was as if she had touched him: physically placed a hand on his arm, or connected their fingers as she had done in the cafe. But this was worse. He could feel his pulse racing as he tried to work some saliva into his mouth– it had gone dry in the few seconds it took for her to rattle his nerves. He took a step backward– it was a step away from her as much as it was a step to keep the anxiety from building inside his chest. He realized he hadn't thought ahead. But could he have predicted this?

"I'm leaving on the day of your competition," he said abruptly. He was being impulsive; he didn't know if telling her his secret would be a step towards his self-preservation.

But he was being stupid.

_She should know what she's getting herself into_.

He was leaving...He couldn't...

_I can't..._

He took another step backward. He had been wondering, hadn't he, what she would be contented with?

_Not a duet...not a symphony..._

What was too much?

_When did she get so close?_

She grabbed the front of his coat and lifted her face to his. He hadn't consciously cataloged their height difference and...

He felt a light pressure against his lips and realized...

She had just kissed him.

He was ready to breakdown.

"I almost lost my nerve," she said, not letting go of his coat even after she'd pressed her lips against his. She was so close he could see the different shades of gold in her eyes.

"But I wanted to let you know how I feel."

He told her that he would be leaving _tomorrow, _but it hadn't deterred her_._

He was dumbfounded; he half expected her to spit fire at him. He took in her features, her determined stare, and balled up fists. Was she biting her lip to hold back more confessions? Was he ready? Could he even escape it?

.

.

.

Knowing his secret made it easier for her to do what she wanted.

"I'm not sorry," she said in a steady voice."I only want you to know how I feel," she said again. "I just want you to know...how much I feel for you."

He ran a hand through his hair, "I...This is really unexpected."

She took his hand and led him to the bench. "I don't think it is," she said honestly."Will you please say something?"

"Len, please look at me. I know I can't force you to do or say anything but please..."

He'd indulged her enough in the past hadn't he? She nearly bit her lip in excitement. _This is going to work..._

It had good timing, the wild idea in her head. "Can I ask you for one last thing before you leave?"

He squeezed her hand. That was all the encouragement she needed.

"Len, I want to know how you feel about me."

.

.

.

Tsukimori Len, sixteen years old, from section 2-A of the Seisou Music Department, was a little lightheaded. Hino Kahoko was sitting too close to him; his hand was in hers, and her eyes shone with hope and encouragement.

Why did he assume that he could avoid his feelings and never factor in hers? He was in an unprecedented situation with no knowledge of a standard to follow or a right path to take. It occurred to him that he could _try_ to defend himself, but he also knew that he was already at a disadvantage when it came to her and that his arsenal, if he could call it that, consisted of words that when strung together _would _make her think she was an inconvenience he was trying to avoid. In short, he was helpless.

He took a deep breath. She wasn't an inconvenience, not really. _But..._

"I don't want things to change..."

He was content with knowing she would keep practicing while he was abroad. He'd felt secure in his convictions and in hers. But he couldn't ignore the hopeful expression on her face. He knew that he had been holding back but if she found out how he felt about her...

_It didn't matter._

It didn't matter because he hadn't hoped she'd return his feelings. And even if he thought she would, would he have confessed? Not while they were in their current situation, no.

He didn't want to. There was nothing to talk about because he didn't want things to change between them. He hadn't expected anything but her attention– directed at studying and not at him. He hadn't tried for anything more than the promise she'd already made. He looked at her, at this impulsive girl who made him impulsive too, who confused and kissed him and...

He closed his eyes and pressed two fingers to the bridge of his nose.

_Why do I feel too old for this? _

His head was throbbing– that was why he wasn't thinking correctly. He didn't feel as if his usual 'practical-no-nonsense-lets-get-it-over-with' self would come to the surface and rescue him.

And now she had asked for one more thing...

"Len, I want to know how you feel about me."

He was nauseous. He couldn't lie to her. He had to face this unstoppable storm that would hurtle him toward his future.

He said the first thing that came to mind:

"I want to avoid becoming a distraction to you," he said with more frustration than he'd planned. "It was enough for me to hear you promise you would continue to play the violin. I want...I want to stay with you but I can't" he said desperately.

He couldn't look at her. "I don't want it to change. I hadn't planned on changing our relationship."

.

.

"What do you mean?" she said, her voice rising. "It's not as if you can..." She stopped mid-sentence and shook her head. "No, I'm wrong. I'm wrong because I know how you make your decisions. Once you've made up your mind, there's no going back. But you can't just tell me that you hadn't planned on changing our relationship. Because I..."

Quietly she said, "I want more from you."

It was more than that. She _expected _more from him.

_He can't discard me like this, right?_

She persevered, "You and I... I just know we have something worth keeping. I want to understand it, like the notes on a score. I..."

"I want to know how to express myself in the best way but..."

She entwined her fingers with his, "I want it just like this."

"Don't you understand? You're a decision I've made too. I want to hang on to you and depend on you like I do my violin."

He had to speak at that moment: "But even without me, you can still..."

She didn't give him the chance to finish; his eyes widened when she placed a finger over his lips. She saw the panic in his eyes and finally realized her mistake: Her feelings couldn't get through to him.

She'd failed.

She'd failed to stir his emotions...

She'd failed to _convince_ him to care...

An unwelcome shock reverberated through her entire body: Her confession hadn't made him happy.

_Why did I..._

She didn't freeze. Instead, she took her hands off him and stood quickly, anticipating her legs would be useless and petrified if she waited any longer.

"I want to go home," she said softly. "Tsukimori-kun, I want to go home."

She tried to smile as he stood to meet her gaze. "This is where we separate, Tsukimori-kun," she said, trying to sound normal, even cheerful. But she turned away before he could see the tears fall from her eyes. She wiped them with her sleeve.

_I'm not weak. I'm not impulsive_, she told herself as fresh tears clouded her vision.

"Let's go then," he said without hesitating.

She turned to face him. His brow was furrowed, but he didn't look anxious. Should she even be surprised? He actually looked determined.

_He's determined to take me home_.

_Determined to sweep this night under the rug..._

_Determined not to have a relationship with me..._

He was probably still in control of his emotions while she, on the other hand, was ready to burst.

She almost wanted to laugh."Will you say that this has nothing to do with you? I won't let you."

She was embarrassed and disappointed and, on top of all that, she was heartbroken. But it was unlike her to be harsh. She didn't want to make him unhappy even though he had hurt her. It wasn't like her to take revenge.

"I don't want to hurt you. But I don't want to hurt myself either. Please Tsukimori-kun, don't take me home."

_I want to be alone..._

"We both need time to be alone," she said evenly, voicing her thoughts. "We have to think about what we've said and...and I want to be strong, so, tomorrow, we can get over this tomorrow. Or I can decide to get over this tomorrow."

She hated that she was babbling. "We'll be fine tomorrow," she said, not caring she'd said 'tomorrow' too many times. _Tomorrow. I'll be ok tomorrow._

She closed her eyes. "I have a competition to think about. You have your papers for abroad to take...care...of"

Her hands shook, and her voice was unsteady. She was filled with disbelief and disappointment. And sadness too because she knew him well enough to know that he didn't understand how his decision had hurt her. She had dreamt of him...

He hadn't realized that he'd been part of her dream.

_Maybe I'm just not part of his..._

Oh yes, she could belong to his world of music, but she wouldn't be the girl he wanted beside him.

"Good night, Tsukimori-kun," she said, trying to smile."I won't bother you again."


	2. Chapter 1

Nine years later...

_Seoul, South Korea_

"_Please forget everything I said..."_

The last remnants of a dream had Kaho swinging closely between sleep and wakefulness; she would have remembered the events of that dream, too, if a wet tongue hadn't brushed across her nose and welcomed her into reality. When she opened her eyes, she was on the floor, and her blankets were tangled at her ankles; in her unexpected position, she could only make out her roommate laughing at the foot of the bed. Miyabi was carrying Cho, the calico tabby Kaho had adopted from the streets of Gangnam.

Kaho tried to sit upright, "What time is it? Is it ten am? Aren't we supposed to be traveling...?" she jumped off the bed, rushed to the shower and turned on the heater before sprinting back to the room, bundling the mass of blankets on the floor and hauling them onto the pristine white sheets.

Yunoki Miyabi, famous Japanese actress who was working in Korea for several months now, didn't respond; she only smiled and continued to stroke the cat in her arms.

Hino Kahoko, roommate and trusted assistant, was the person Yunoki Azuma had employed to take care of his younger sister while she was abroad.

"You have the radio station interview this afternoon, right?" Kaho said, still in a panic.

After Kaho's scrambling, Miyabi finally took pity on her and said, "Kahoko-san, that interview is scheduled for next weekend."

She smiled that mischievous smile of hers and sat beside Kaho who had flopped on the bed. "Why am I the one who has to wake _you_ up?" she teased. "Aren't I the star? Why do I tolerate this behavior? Why do we live like this?"

Kaho groaned, "I'm sorry Miyabi."

_It's become harder and harder to wake up in the morning..._

Kaho had willed herself to become a morning person in high school when she'd woken up every day at five in the morning for violin practice. But now, years after her stint in Seisou, another external influence had morphed her into a night owl.

Thanks to one Shimizu Keiichi with whom she was working nights, she had trouble waking up earlier than nine am. He was busy composing, she was busy helping; recently, she played the violin sample for the latest demo he was going to submit to XM, one of the big three entertainment companies in Korea.

"I've been working so hard lately," Kaho said tiredly.

Miyabi placed Cho over Kaho's chest. "I know, I know," she said."That's why I'm giving you the day off."

Kaho held Cho in the middle and turned her head towards Miyabi.

"Oops!" Miyabi raised an index finger. "You're not using it to cook and clean-up after Shimizu. He's a grown man who can afford to hire a maid."

Kaho grimaced. "I need to check in on him Miyabi," she said. "He sometimes forgets to eat, and his house is always a mess. He's going to use the material we finished last night to line Agatha's birdcage again. I don't want to scrape the poop off the paper, and I don't want to re-do everything we'd accomplished last night."

Miyabi scowled and crossed her arms, "Why does he have a pet anyway? Didn't the person who gave it to him realize that they'd be endangering the bird's life?"

"It was given to him by one of the idols he works with. He played the cello in high school too. He got to know Shimizu while still training for his debut."

"How long has Shimizu been working with XM?"

"About two years."

"How long have you been in Korea?"

"About four years, I think."

"You look way older than him," Miyabi said, moving her face close to Kaho's. She wrinkled her nose and pulled Kaho's right cheek. "I can see your pores Kaho! You need the Jeju volcanic lava mask. It's..."

Kaho held up a hand, "I can't commit to your 10 step skin care routine."

They headed for the kitchen where Kaho put Cho in front of her bowl. "I know," she said to the ball of fur. "Same as always..."

The grumpy cat circled her breakfast, examining the contents of the bowl like a true connoisseur. If she could talk, she'd probably give Kaho a piece of her discontented mind and belly; she was surprisingly picky for a former stray cat.

Miyabi stood behind them, still extolling the virtues of her ten step skin care regimen. "Haven't you seen the people I work with Kaho? You need that regimen in your life. You'll be glowy and fabulous.

Directors will want you in their movies."

"I'd have to buy a new face to make it to even half your level, Miyabi."

Miyabi hugged herself and narrowed her eyes. "_No..._"

Kaho shook her head at the exaggerated, scandalized look on Miyabi's face. "Don't worry Miya, I've never put serious thought into plastic surgery," she said, reassuring her roommate.

Miyabi belonged to the same gene pool as her beautiful older brother, so naturally, she had never had any problems with her eyes, nose, lips, ears, earlobes, uvula...etc. Kaho wasn't sure Miya understood where the people who wanted plastic surgery were coming from.

.

Kaho read her labels (thanks to Miyabi) and was frequently a healthy eater. She grabbed a ceramic bowl from the kitchen cabinet and filled it with wholegrain cereal. Miyabi was by the juicer, making a concoction of celery, carrots, and cucumber. She'd filled one glass and was already making a second one for Kaho. They took care of each other, she and Miyabi. Kaho was already used to thinking of her as a younger sister rather than her boss.

_Or boss's sister..._

"Don't ever consider surgery Kaho," Miyabi said sternly. "I was shocked when I found out Mr. and Mrs. Kang gave their son money to have his jaw shaved for his eighteenth birthday. Don't you think Boknam has a great jawline? There's nothing wrong with his face."

Boknam's family lived in the unit downstairs. He was a stocky kid with monolids and a wide square jaw, but he was also a talented vocalist who wanted a chance to be part of the next big boy group.

"Isn't the 'V' shaped jawline favored in Korea? The scouts prefer that sort of look. I think he's going to go for double eyelid surgery, too."

She eyed her roommate, "Hey, shouldn't you know more about this because of Yul?"

Miyabi rolled her eyes and handed Kaho the drink she'd made. "Yul and I have been together for a year, but I still don't know the names of his bandmates. They use their official stage names for promotions, but they also call each other by their real names when they refer to each other during interviews. Yeah, I know, confusing, right? Plus, they change their hair color so often they must be sponsoring a dye-company...so, no. I can't say I'm entrenched in the Kpop scene."

"You haven't tried to distinguish them through their voices?"

Yul, Miyabi's boyfriend, was a light lyric tenor who was known for his vocal agility. Like Miyabi, Kaho didn't know all the names of Yul's bandmates, but she did know the names of their vocal line and had even made violin covers of their songs.

Miyabi tapped her chin. "Yul's voice I can recognize, of course. He's exceptional, isn't he? I keep asking when they'll give him a solo album."

_He's done a few OSTs_, Kaho thought. But strangely never in the movies where he'd been part of the cast.

"Isn't he concentrating on acting right now?"

"I guess. But only if his company allows it. Ah, I wish I could visit him right now."

"Um, aren't you prohibited from meeting him at his dorm? His manager? And his fans, remember?"

"I once smuggled myself in a Churo truck to see him, do you remember that?"

"I can't believe that worked."

"If there's a will..."

"There are fans who will get in your way?"

"Very funny Kaho," she said. "Actually, that was a trick I came up with by observing the more obsessive of his group's fans," she admitted. "The dating scene for idols is full of cautionary tales, I know. But Yul and I have been careful. I haven't read a single rumor about us."

"I'm amazed that he was allowed to date you."

"What's more amazing is how he and I manage to have this long-distance relationship."

She was right, Kaho did find it amazing. When Yul and Miyabi had met during the filming for a mini-series in Japan, Azuma had predicted Miyabi would lose interest and move on after the show's finale; Miyabi's past relationships had never survived more than two months.

"I don't know how you did it, "Kaho said.

"Right?"

"You used to change boyfriends faster than Yul's bandmates changed their hair colors."

"Hey," she said, offended. "I wasn't that bad."

"I think you've reformed since meeting Yul."

"You do when you meet someone special," Miyabi said. She hugged Kaho from behind, "When are you going to get a boyfriend, Kahoko? Haven't you met anyone? When are you going to change this 'I'm single and happy' lifestyle you've subscribed to."

"You make it sound like I'm doing penance for something."

Miyabi who'd probably never been boyfriendless since she turned eighteen, propped her chin on Kaho's shoulder. "Why not Shimizu then? Wouldn't you prefer being his girlfriend rather than be stuck as his cleaning lady?"

"He's in love with his work, I'd only get in the way," Kaho replied. "And besides, I'm a better cleaning lady than I am a girlfriend."

_I don't have the qualifications_, she thought.

Miyabi took Kaho's empty bowl."You're an even better violinist. Now go on, go visit Agatha before Shimizu forgets he's her pet and sets her loose on the neighbors."

_._

_._

_._

Shimizu lived in a small rooftop apartment he'd rented the day he arrived in Seoul. It was close to a local bakery and restaurant where Kaho bought the special Kimchee he favored. When she went over to his house in the mornings, she'd wake him up by setting a plate of Kimchee by his nose.

_"Ohayo_, Shimizu-kun," she said, waving the Kimchee under his nostrils like a bottle of smelling salts.

It wasn't the first time she'd tried to rouse him with food. Years ago, when she moved to Korea after finishing her music degree, she'd tried cake, waffles, bacon, mini donuts, coffee and just about every other mouth-watering food item to get him to wake up. Kimchee (or at least the Kimchee from that specific store) had always worked.

"_Jal jago naeil_, Hino-san," Shimizu said sleepily.

"No, Shimizu-kun," she said pulling him away from the futon where he'd fallen asleep the previous night. "It's too early for sweet dreams."

She propped him against his new, large, state-of-art refrigerator, a massive slab of metal which was out-of-place in Shimizu's tiny apartment; she imagined the gray machine un-twisting itself into a giant robot only to end up stuck in the confines of Shimizu's 'the-living-room-is-also-where-I-sleep' apartment. Shimizu's head tilted a little to the side, a motion which the refrigerator interpreted as a command to release ice water over his blond hair.

"Shimizu!" Kaho shouted. She grabbed him by the shoulders before his sweatshirt (which was inside-out) could be thoroughly drenched. He responded by waving his arms in the air like a child trying to stop his mother from dunking him into the bath.

"_Kenka uttenno ka_?" she said after he'd punched her in the stomach. She shook him by the shoulders, suddenly wondering about mothers who regretted the neurological damage they'd inflicted by shaking their naughty, misbehaving children.

Blinking, Shimizu patted his disheveled blond head. "Hino-san?" he said in his sleepy voice. "Did I just get out of the bath?"

Kaho dropped to the floor and released a tired breath. "No, but I think you need to step into one."

She pulled him to his feet, grabbed a towel for him to use and pushed him into the bathroom. "Don't forget to take off your clothes, ok?"

From the corner of the apartment, Agatha, Shimizu's parrot, squawked.

"_Take off your clothes. Take off your clothes._"

"_No_, Agatha. _No. _Never repeat those words," Kaho admonished. It was unlikely the bird understood or would follow her bidding.

.

.

.

"I don't need to go to the gym do I?"Kaho said to Agatha while she tidied up Shimizu's mess.

Cleaning Shimizu's apartment was often a sufficient work-out; whenever she finished her tasks, admiring her handiwork was like watching the sunrise after scaling a mountain. Since Shimizu was able to undo most of her work in three days, well, that meant she had a new peak to climb and a slightly different version of peace and tidiness to earn every week.

She was strangely, wonderfully zen about cleaning up after him.

"Here, have some breakfast," she said, re-filling Agatha's bowl with birdseed.

Kaho went to the kitchen near the front of the apartment and grabbed a packet of noodles from Shimizu's groceries. A glance at Shimizu's kitchen clock told her it was still eight am. She sighed, knowing she didn't have to check her watch to figure out their times didn't match. With her usual patience, she rummaged through his things to look for batteries and was successful only after cleaning out two drawers. She washed her hands.

They still had to discuss last night's project, an RNB/Ballad which he'd placed under his pillow.

"Do you dream about music, Shimizu-kun?" she wondered aloud.

She imagined most of his compositions resided in his head; they were in various states of completion; and they hovered like birds, constantly jostling for his time, waiting for their turn to be revised or completed.

"_Hai_, Hino-senpai. Don't you?"

"You scared me, Shimizu!" she exclaimed, nearly knocking a pot off the stove. "Don't come up to me like that!"

"What are you doing?" he asked.

He was freshly showered but still sleepy looking. A towel was draped over his head like a shawl. Kaho smiled sweetly and placed her hands in front of her as if indicating a spread of delicious food. "I'm making your lunch, errr...breakfast, actually," she said.

"Oh. How did you get in the apartment?"

"Through the front door Shimizu-kun. Like everyone else does."

Shimizu blinked, nodded, then shuffled his way to the little table in the kitchen. It had room for only two people as Shimizu seldom received guests. Sometimes Kaho wondered if Shimizu was aware that she was the one who cleaned his apartment.

_He must think magical fairies do it..._

"Did you sleep well?" she asked while serving him noodles.

He blinked, nodded, took the chopsticks she offered and started to eat. Over at the corner, Agatha screeched: "Take off your clothes! Take off your clothes!"

Kaho glared at the bird. "_Micheossoh?_" she said, hoping the bird would listen to Korean if not Japanese."Keep quiet."

"Hino-senpai," Shimizu said, drawing Kaho's attention away from Agatha. "I e-mailed KZ our demo for her new song."

"Eh? You sent it to her directly?"

He nodded. He used to go through the producers first. Well, at least that was what she thought he usually did. Maybe he'd actually made good on his promise to be friends with KZ; Kaho suspected Shimizu had no idea the girl had a crush on him.

"What did she say?"

Shimizu swallowed a mouthful of noodles. He used his metal chopsticks to get another helping and continued eating.

Kahoko was used to Shimizu's habits; she waited patiently and watched closely as Shimizu poured the contents of a stick of instant coffee into his cup. He was about to drink when Kahoko eased the cup away from his hand and filled it with hot water (which she'd boiled a while ago). She placed the drink on the table, and he stirred the sludgy looking mixture with the stick the product came in.

"She wants to know if you'll help write the lyrics again this time."

"_Hontou? Wae?_"

Whenever she and Shimizu were together, their conversations became an odd mix of Korean and Japanese. They'd be speaking in Japanese one minute and switching to Korean in the next. The lyrics she'd written for KZ's song were originally in Japanese. But she had the know-how to translate them (free of charge, it seemed) to Korean.

"_Souzou mo dekinai..._"

Kaho's name had never made it to an album before. The demos she'd submitted with Shimizu (only the ones she'd helped him with, actually) hadn't made the cut because they didn't match the vision the producers had for the concept of the group she'd written them for. But despite a long drought of rejection, she had stayed hopeful and remained in Korea because she had an early and unprecedented success: during her first year, she had helped write a song that became a short solo during a stage showcase by one of the members of a popular boy group. The group's company had never released the completed track but having a small taste of the near impossible had driven Kaho to write more songs. She didn't want to think of herself as one-hit-wonder, but occasionally she would ease her frustration by surfing the web for fan comments that wished for the full version of the "unfinished" solo.

"Is she Ok with my playing in the Demo?"

"Yes, Senpai" Shimizu answered with a smile. "She liked your violin. Miyabi's singing was praised too."

They had recorded Miyabi separately and Shimizu had one of his friends add Miyabi's voice to complete the demo for submission.

"I didn't ask Yunoki-senpai for permission though."

"It's Ok," Shimizu reminded her. They both knew the demo wouldn't be released and Yunoki would never know his sister's voice had been used prior to the official recording.

"She wants to add some rap parts too..."

"Oh, right," Kaho said. "I forgot she raps."

"She used to be one of the main rappers in a girl group," Shimizu said, stirring his coffee again. Then, as if to explain, added, "The other singers were more talented."

_Way to be blunt, Shimizu-kun_. "You probably shouldn't tell her that to her face."

Shimizu shrugged and drank the last drops of his coffee. "She likes you, Shimizu-kun. If you're not interested in her, let her down gently, ok?"

Reminding others to be kind when "shutting down" the romantic hopes of people who were in love with them had become an advocacy for her. Shimizu hadn't replied.

She looked around his newly cleaned apartment and asked, "Why don't you move to a better place Shimizu-kun? With your salary, you can afford a condo with its own recording studio."

"But what about you Hino-san?"

"Eh? What about me?"

"What will you be doing if I move away?"

"Eh?"

"If I get a new place...Will you be able to take care of an entire house?"

She didn't know what to say. Was he concerned about what would happen to her if he wasn't close by? She tried to sound amused, "I didn't think you'd buy a house, Shimizu. Just a slightly bigger living space."

"Will you be leaving with Miyabi when she goes back to Japan?"

They hadn't discussed it before, but Miyabi had become her primary source of income. If Yunoki Azuma wanted Hino Kahoko to follow Yunoki Miyabi to Japan, it would be hard to refuse, especially since she'd promised Yunoki she'd take care of his sister. She didn't know if she wanted to leave Korea; her success had been limited, and she'd burdened Shimizu before when she couldn't find a place to stay but...

She was close. _Really close_. KZ liked their song. If KZ would have her way _and_ the producers agreed on the songs she wanted in her next album, then Kaho would be closer to her goals. She wanted to make more of her own music.

Will KZ be allowed? Sometimes not even the popular artists were given a choice.

"I'm not sure, Shimizu-kun," she replied. "I'll have to see what happens. I've been here four years, if things don't work out, I should probably just leave with Miyabi."

Shimizu fixed a steady gaze on her, "Hai-senpai," he answered in a flat voice. "It's only been four years."

"Is that the doorbell?" Kaho asked, thankful for the interruption. "Did you invite anyone today Shimizu -kun?"

"Kahoko!" shouted Miyabi. "Open the door!"

"Miyabi?"

"My brother's here!"

.

.

.

Kaho's chest tightened; the contents of her stomach were sloshing up and down, and the acids were burning a path on her esophagus. If Yunoki Azuma was going to eat her alive, he'd regret having a too-sour meal. _I need antacids._

_He'll be able to taste those too..._

_Gahhhd. What am I thinking?_

_If Miyabi knew that she feared Yunoki like a stranger with an ice pick..._

She bit her lip and tried to ignore the nausea. She wasn't prepared for his arrival; she hadn't rehearsed what to say. She placed a calming hand over her chest, schooled her face into a polite expression and, well, donned imaginary armor. When she finally opened the door, Miyabi stood outside with her hands clasped behind her back. She smiled serenely at Kaho.

There was no sign of her sly older brother. "Eh? Where is he? Does he know I was with Shimizu?"

"Where is he Miyabi?"

Miyabi entered the apartment and sat on the floor next to Shimizu, pinching him on the shoulder like she always did whenever they saw each other. Shimizu only blinked. Miyabi then pinched his cheeks, "As sleepy as ever."

"Why are you so afraid of my brother?" Miyabi asked.

"I'm not sure," Kaho lied. "He's just so perfect I'm afraid of disappointing him."

"Okaaaayyyy..." she drawled. "Azuma's not in Korea, Kahoko. I was kidding."

Kaho laughed nervously. She wanted to pinch Miyabi too...

_Gahhh...I almost had a heart attack._

Shimizu had rested his head on Miyabi's lap. "I know he's older than me, but I feel like he's my little brother."

"Shimizu does make you want to take care of him, doesn't he?"

"He already has you to look after him, _Kahoko-san_," Miyabi teased.

Kaho rolled her eyes._"_When I opened that door, I thought we would be leaving in a hurry."

Miyabi tipped her head to the side and gave Kaho one of her most charming, "You-know-you-love-me-anyway" looks. "I'm meeting with a new co-star later," she said. "You are coming, of course."

"A new project?"

Miyabi nodded.

"Web series?"

"No."

"Music video?" Kaho asked hopefully.

"I've always wanted to star in one, and I know you've always wanted to watch the behind the scenes...But, alas, no."

"A sixteen episode TV series?"

"Those feel like ten hour long movies," Miyabi replied.

"They did their best to please you," Kaho said dryly.

Miyabi rolled her eyes. "It's a movie," she said, grinning excitedly. "Yul might be playing my leading man again."

_Oh. "Oh..._Might be playing?"

"You probably would know who it was if you had been with me a while ago when my agent called."

"I thought you weren't speaking to her?"

"I'm not." Miyabi clarified. "She left me a voice message which said that I was being considered for a part opposite one of the members of Yul's group. If you had been there to answer the phone..."

"Ah, so you assumed it would be him."

"He's the only one who's been in the movie scene, so far."

"They might have asked someone else."

"Ssshhh Kaho."

"Didn't you ask him?"

"I texted Eun Hye to give you the synopsis. Once Yul sees me at the screen test later I'm sure I'll get the part."

Kaho understood that Miyabi meant to surprise her boyfriend. But what if she didn't like the story? What if she didn't like the script? Kaho told her that being with Yul shouldn't be the main draw. She called Eun Hye.

"Hi. Yes, she's here. Ok, ok..."

"She's still sorry about the callback," Kaho said to Miyabi. She paused and spoke to the younger girl in her most rational, wiser-older-counsel voice: "To be honest, Miya, I have to support Eun Hye in this. There was no guarantee that they'd give you the part. It wasn't yours exclusively. Anyway, if you had accepted that project, there's a chance you might not be doing this movie with Yul."

Miyabi held up a sheet of paper which read: 'I'll call her later.'

Kaho stayed on the phone; she nodded in time to each bulleted description Eun Hye gave: "Ok. Musicians. Romance. Soul mates. Zombie apocalypse."

"Zombie apocalypse?" Miyabi said, horrified. "I wasn't told about a Zombie apocalypse..."

"Just wishful thinking on my part. You saw that recent Joseon drama with the zombies, didn't you?"

"Another ten-hour long movie..." Miyabi sighed.

.

.

.

Notes:

Jal jago naeil - Korean for "Sweet Dreams"

Kenka uttenno ka? - Japanese for "Are you trying to pick a fight?"

Micheossoh? - Korean for "Are you crazy?"

Wae? - Korean for "Why?"

Souzou mo dekinai... - Japanese for "I can't imagine"

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.

04/18/2019

I forgot to add: Yes, I imagined an actual song for Kaho.

"I Want Love" by Kassy. This is the song I had in mind for the piece Kaho had written for KZ. I used the name KZ so it's close to the real artist (just for the names, but I have no intention to model KZ after Kassy.)

.

I would also like to mention that XM is a stand-in for the real company, SM Entertainment, which is one of the actual "big three" (along with JYP and YG) in Korea.

I considered using the names of real Korean artists and companies in this fic, but I eventually decided against it.


	3. Chapter 2

_At a nearby cafe_

Miyabi and Kahoko were on their second serving of half-and-half pasta. Miyabi had the carbonara on one side; Kaho had the sundried tomato on the other. It was a slow day, the staff was milling about, re-arranging cutlery or wiping glassware. Miyabi looked resplendent under a red awning with the afternoon sun providing just enough light to accentuate her classical features. She swallowed another mouthful of pasta and continued to read the dialogue of the character she was confident she'd be playing in her next movie. She flipped the page on her tablet with a manicured finger.

"I didn't realize this movie would be based on a book," Miyabi said. "Listen to this next line Kaho, '_I keep wondering what he meant. Did he tell me before he knew it himself_'?"

Kaho had her own copy on her phone; she read from a page further down the text, "'_I thought that waiting to fall in love was like waiting to be born. Once you meet the right person, life begins anew; you assume you'll have everything you want. You forget that like a newborn, you cry, you stink, and you crap during the worst possible time; but regardless of these failings, there is a person who still holds you while you live through those awful moments; they insist on loving you and helping you grow up. __I think that's what love does; love means accepting another person and helping them become better._"

"'_Every new love will meet its share of trials_,'" Miyabi read as she scrolled down her tablet."'_Ours had the early misfortune of being born with a bloodline incompatibility_.'"

"Bloodline incompatibility?" Miyabi repeated. "What?"

"He's talking about their social status. Saiki belongs to a rich family that's obsessed with their wealth, bloodlines and musical heritage. He and Ayane can't be together because she doesn't have any of those."

"I'm not exactly sure he's rejecting her," Miyabi said.

"I think he's just reminding her it'll be difficult for them. They have problems that were there from the start and which they can't really avoid."

Miyabi continued scrolling on her tablet. "I wish this were a hardbound copy. I could just flip to the back to read the description."

"I wonder what new Korean names the studio will give them," Miyabi said.

"Listen to this Kaho," Miyabi continued, finding another quote, "_'I'm going to make him regret me, of course. I'll never explain so he'll keep second-guessing his conclusions, I'll never complain so no one will have the victory of knowing he's angered me and I'll never disdain– he'll never know he broke my heart. I'll finally be the perfect lady, it will annoy him so much he'll leave me alone forever.'_"

"She changes the way she speaks three times in this book," Miyabi observed.

"It's a retelling of _My Fair Lady_," Kaho explained. "Saiki grew up rich in England; Ayane grew up an orphan in the Kansai district. Her dialect is very obvious at the start of the book. Towards the middle, where you got that quote you just read, she starts to talk more like Saiki. And in the end, she finds a balance between her roots and the heights she's achieved."

"All right, so Saiki plans to transform my character, Ayane, into a well-bred lady and a violin prodigy or virtuoso or something?"

"That's the gist of it," Kaho said.

"We probably shouldn't have skipped ahead so much. Hmm...do I like Saiki or don't I?"

"Will it make a difference if Yul plays him?"

"Of course it'll be Yul," Miyabi said confidently in between sips of her ice tea. She was about launch into a list of reasons why it _should be_ Yul when she suddenly furrowed her brow and leaned in towards Kaho. "Kaho," she spoke in a hushed, conspiratorial tone, "there's this weird guy who's been staring at us since five minutes ago. I think we'd better..."

"Hino-san?" a muffled voice said.

At the sound of her name, Kaho turned to face the owner of the voice. She had to crane her neck upwards to get a good look at a tall guy dressed entirely in black with a matching black cap and facemask. He took off the facemask and the black baseball cap; underneath the cap was longish pink hair with blue highlights. His loud hair contrasted with bright aquamarine eyes that sparkled with recognition.

He reminded her of cotton candy and lollipops. An amusement park. _Something..._

"It _is_ you Hino-san!" the stranger said. He grabbed both her hands and held them as though enthralled. Because, really, with the way he was looking at her, enthralled was a proper adjective.

"I can't believe it," he gushed. "This is another fateful meeting," he said, brushing a light kiss over her knuckles.

Kaho stared at the hand he'd kissed. She was locked in her body; all she could do was blink. The stranger looked longingly into her eyes, "Ah, but I wish it had been like it was in Seisou. I wish I'd come here just to meet you. You're more lovely than ever, Hino-san."

Miyabi looked at Kaho with an expression that said, '_Well_?'. Kahoko finally formed the right syllables: "Kaji-kun...?" she said weakly.

"The one and only," he beamed, grabbing an empty chair to sit between the girls. Kaho made introductions after she had recovered from Kaji's enthusiasm.

"Miyabi is Yunoki Senpai's sister."

"Oh yes," Kaji said, still smiling. "I've seen you in movies."

_The famous Kaji Aoi in the flesh_, Kaho thought. He was still flashy; he still had ear piercings; his eyes were still the most dazzling color. He had flown to Korea after graduating from high school and had debuted in a nine-member male group after only a year of training. This wasn't unheard of in the KPOP industry, but Kaho knew he must have belonged to the highest level trainees to be given the role of main vocalist after such a short training period. Aside from Yul, he was one of only three members in the boygroup whose name Kaho actually remembered. He was also the only Japanese guy and one of two foreigners; if she wasn't mistaken, the group's youngest was from Hong Kong.

Kaji ran a hand through his hair and flashed another smile; he had a look of confidence and youthful openness that was attractive and re-assuring; he could be your friend if not your boyfriend. He was approachable. She remembered that he was also intelligent.

_Wasn't he supposed to become a lawyer or a doctor?_

_But..._she wished he hadn't singled her out with his undeserved admiration.

"Your hair is...it's really something," she said.

He chuckled. He told Kaho how the fans had given him the unique honor of being the group's "unicorn" and that his hair had somehow become a magical item that was coveted for its healing powers. "I can't say I'm going to miss this hair color after today," he said, running a hand through said cotton-candy hair. "I'll be going back to blonde later for my next movie role."

_Oh._ Kaho glanced at Miyabi who hadn't reacted. "Are you by any chance doing this movie with Yul?"

"Yul?" Kaji asked.

"Yeah, your bandmate?"

"Ah no, Yul's in Paris. My project will be based here. It's an adaptation of a book actually."

Kaho stole another glance at Miyabi who had now given Kaji her full attention. "Yul's still in Paris?"

That wasn't the response Kaho had expected.

"Yes," Kaji answered. He appeared confused only for a short moment then laughed. "Yul's the most popular guy in the band," he said. "I guess I should have expected he'd be the one to catch your attention Hino-san and even Ms. Miyabi's. Ah, but he's lucky in so many ways. It must be nice to be strolling in Paris with the person you love."

Kaho blinked. There was no need to look at Miyabi; they were both thinking the same thing.

.

.

Yunoki Miyabi had looks that belonged to the older generation of movie stars: she was almost awe-inspiring when her face was serene with just a hint of a smile. But few people knew that the untouchable Miyabi, who always seemed to be in a Mona Lisa like repose, wasn't the real Miyabi. The Miyabi Kaho spent time with behind the scenes had a face that was always in motion; she laughed, she scowled, she grimaced at things she didn't like. The Miyabi beside her was neither. Her expression was too placid, too controlled.

Kaji had hit a nerve.

Kaho wasn't sure what to do. "Are you and Yul very close?" she asked, trying for a subtler way to get information- anything that might convince Miyabi that Kaji may be wrong about Yul.

Kaji frowned slightly, visibly tiring of the subject of his bandmate. "As close as bandmates can be, I guess. But we don't know each other as well as some of our other members do."

"I suppose there are some things you wouldn't know about each other or aren't completely sure about."

Kaji frowned, completely lost as to the significance of the conversation he was having. "Well, there _are_ secrets I haven't shared with him."

"Such as?" Miyabi asked. Her face was still blank.

Kaji blushed. "Well...uh..."

"You don't have a girlfriend you're hiding do you?" Miyabi asked.

Kaji's face was an openly expressive one. It read: _'Of course not._'

"Ah, no. When I enter into a relationship, I want it to be serious. If there's no danger to my girlfriend or to me, I'd like everyone to know."

Kaho imagined Kaji announcing his engagement to a famous actress or Idol. It was the only plausible relationship she imagined a flashy guy like him could declare openly. _As for Yul..._

"Ah, I see," Miyabi replied. "You'll have to excuse me a moment Kahoko, Kaji-san. I have to go to the restroom." She placed her hand on Kaho's arm and shook her head gently before Kaho could stand with her.

.

.

"Hino-san," said Kaji when Miyabi was out of earshot. "Is Miyabi-san a _really dedicated_ fan of Yul's? I have a feeling that she doesn't approve of him dating."

Kaho bit her lip and tried to think of an appropriate response. Miyabi was not an obsessive _sasaeng_ fan; it was obvious that Yul hadn't told Kaji that Miyabi was his girlfriend...or maybe, one of his girlfriends.

"Is Yul ..." she hesitated. _Is he a playboy?_

She wanted to drop the topic but...

"So, how are you Kaji-kun?" she asked with her best imitation at a smile. She was worried about her friend, but she knew Miyabi, and knowing Miyabi, she was probably screaming in Yul's ear right now. To the best of her knowledge, Miya had never cried over a guy before.

"Tell me about this movie you're going to make."

Kaji was a cheerful conversationalist who never once dropped his smile; he shared new details about the book and explained that the movie was a joint partnership between two studios, the main one in Japan and another in Korea. It would be helmed by a Korean and Japanese cast and crew.

"They were originally planning on making a series but decided on a live-action film instead," Kaji informed her. "They're also adding new compositions and bringing back the musicians who did the soundtrack for the animated film."

Kaho hadn't realized the project had that much history. She asked Kaji if the book and/or movie had a considerable following in Japan.

"Yes, it does," Kaji said proudly. "The movie was done by Studio Hil a few years ago. It won an Oscar for best foreign film."

"I didn't know it had those credentials..." Kaho said.

When was the last time she read a novel? Or watched Anime? How had she missed this one? If it had a good soundtrack, she should know about it.

"I'd like to ask, Kaji-kun," she said with some hesitation, "how did your company get you this part?"

"I was the voice actor for Saiki in the animated movie. Studio Hil approached me with the part during a vacation trip I had in Japan around two years after debut. Thankfully, the company said yes so I got to do it. It was fun. We recorded a lot of material, and I had to say lines over and over in different ways so we'd get a right feel for the character but in the end- it wasn't tiring at all. It got nostalgic actually after listening to Tsuchiura and Tsukimori. They were both great."

"Tsuchiura and Tsukimori?" Kaho repeated, her voice betraying nothing.

"Yes, Tsuchiura did the conducting for the original score. Tsukimori played the violin solos that were used in the film. It was," he paused, "it was amazing actually. I hadn't heard a live orchestra for a long time because of training, but I got to watch them and be completely immersed in the music I loved. I felt like I'd gone back to high school. It was unbelievable. I was the happiest I'd been after my stressful practice hours."

Kaho wasn't sure what to comment on. "Oh, that's right," she said. "You had to practice your dance routines, and you had voice lessons too..."

"Yeah," Kaji nodded. "Idol life is pretty stressful."

He took a sip of the latte he ordered and fixed his eyes on Kaho. His voice deepened: "Say, Hino-san, I was wondering if..."

"_Is_ Paris stressful?" Miyabi interrupted. "You're probably more hardworking than others, Kaji-san."

She took her seat next to Kaho and smiled her most beatific smile. "Say Kaji," Miyabi began, "how many actresses are in the running for Ayane's part?"

"I met Layne a while ago, but she had to decline because of scheduling conflicts. She's also about to get married, so..."

"Huh. She's too young to be getting married at the start of her career," Miyabi commented.

"Apparently she and Joo Won have been together for a long time," Kaho said. "They met before they were famous."

Miyabi scoffed. "And here I thought he was dating someone else...guys can be really terrible."

Kaji didn't respond; Kaho tried to re-direct the conversation by talking about Miyabi. She told Kaji that Miyabi had been asked to read for the part.

"That's perfect!" Kaji said. He looked at Kaho with an excited gleam in his eye.

_Eh?_

"I'm sure they'll pick you, Miyabi-san," Kaji declared. "You're one of the most beautiful girls I've seen. Ah but you're beautiful too, Hino-san."

Kaho tried not to grimace. She didn't enjoy being called beautiful. She knew that Kaji liked her and that he was sweet and genuine but ..._well_, no one thought she was beautiful. If there were people out there who thought the same as Kaji then, at twenty-five years old, she, Hino Kahoko, would have met them by now. She could be dating them by now.

Miyabi, as if reading Kaho's mind, said, "Kaho doesn't like being complimented Kaji-kun. She doesn't like pretty verses or being compared to a 'fathomless ocean'. Actually, there was also some _fool _who called her a 'his swan'. That was the worst of it, I think..." she trailed off, tapping her chin. Then she added, "Yeah, that's the worst of it."

Kaho was turning red. Miyabi had used the Korean word for 'fool' and had no idea she was in the presence of that fool she was talking about. Before graduating from Seisou, Amou had told Kaho in confidence that Kaji liked to go into raptures about 'his swan' and her 'ethereal music'. Years later, Kaho had shared the story with Miyabi without mentioning Kaji's name. She tried to avoid looking at Kaji's face.

"But you can compliment her about her music though," Miyabi said. "That's the praise she was born to hear."

"Let's not talk about praises right now, Miyabi," Kaho said. She was, ironically, embarrassed on Kaji's behalf.

"You still play the violin Hino-san?" Kaji asked, his eyes wide with wonder.

She smiled and nodded. Of course, she did. It was her life. The violin allowed her to be passionate. That was what her music was about –giving the best of oneself in any situation.

"She's getting that look on her face again," Miyabi warned.

"Eh?"

"The look she gets when she's thinking about Music," Kaji sighed.

Miyabi stared at him with a mix of amusement and curiosity. "Say Kaji, you knew Hino in high school...Did she have a boyfriend back then?"

Kaji actually blushed. "Er," he looked at Hino then back at Miyabi. "Not that I know of..."

"Why didn't you ask her out?"

Miyabi could be such a pain sometimes. At Seisou, it was common knowledge that Kaji had had a crush on Kahoko. When they were still in high school, he'd done nothing but praise her and her music; he'd called himself her biggest fan, but she hadn't understood where he'd been coming from.

_I'm still not sure today..._

When Kaji couldn't reply, Miyabi said, "You know what they say about second chances, right Kaji?"

"They come when you're least prepared?" Kaho quipped.

"Oh, shhh, you cynic," Miyabi swatted Kaho. "Anyway, down to business, Kaji," she began with the clear, determined voice she was known for, "I know this movie is right for me. I'm determined to be Ayane; I'm meant to be your leading lady. There will be no second chances because those won't be necessary."

She continued, "After my screen test, they won't ask for more time. The directors will know magic when they see it, and the executives will agree with them; they'll choose me. I'm perfect for this role."

"I didn't realize you were so energetic Miyabi-san," Kaji said. "On TV, you looked, uh, well..."

"Like I was waiting for life to happen to me? Like I'd cry over a guy who cheated on me? No, Kaji. You and I will look great together. We'll be the perfect couple. We can rehearse it now with Hino as judge."

_Wow, I'm not sure why I was mentioned there..._

Miyabi and Kaji should have been stuck in the panels of Shounen manga, Kaho thought. Their energy would jump out the squares and eat everyone alive...like giant pacmen.

Miyabi was right to call them the perfect couple; they were stunning together. But did Miyabi really want the part? Was she...aiming for Kaji now that things had gone sour with Yul? And as for Kaji...

"Hino-san," Kaji said happily, "It'll be the perfect reunion. With you, me, Miyabi, Tsukimori and Tsuchiura..."

_There he goes again..._

_But as Miyabi's assistant (and guardian)..._

If Miyabi got the role and worked with Kaji, then she, the assistant, would have to be on set too. That's what an assistant did, right? Assist the star. _That means you Hino Kahoko._

That meant..._well..._

_No, I don't want to think about it._

_It's been nine years Kahoko_. There's no way it'll be the same. You'll look at him and realize you were a silly teenager who was too eager to have her taste of first love.

And what were the odds? It wasn't as if Miyabi would be in the recording studio. She wasn't needed for the soundtrack. Maybe the crew would mention Tsukimori now and then and maybe Kaji would occasionally insist they have their reunion, but if Kaji told her the time and venue, she could collect herself and be the best and most professional version of Hino Kahoko that ever walked Seoul- then she would be able to meet Tsukimori without...without...

_Feelings_.

As long as she knew when he was coming, she would be fine.

"Ah, they're here!" Kaji shouted. "Tsuchiura, Tsukimori! Over here!"

Kaho's heart stopped. _I can't do it_. She wasn't going to look his way.

_Get yourself together Hino. _

Kaji was waving his hands in the air. "I texted them a little while ago to meet me here for a late lunch. I can't believe my luck today. I got all of us together."

_He's here. He really is here._

_Tsukimori-kun._

Nine years later, he was back. The guy who didn't want her, still appearing out of nowhere.


	4. Chapter 3

Tsukimori Len liked to keep to himself; his thoughts, his feelings, most of his opinions and criticism were rarely openly shared with others. When he was occasionally asked to give critiques, he had hurt or upset his peers because he hadn't sandwiched the truth between compliments. Tsuchiura once told him that being talented didn't give him an excuse to be rude; Len had replied that by being truthful, he'd been trying to be kind. Tsuchiura had also said that most people (or at least the ones they'd met) were generous.

Len had raised an eyebrow at that. Tsuchiura had said: "Len Tsukimori is always forgiven, even at his worst."

Len didn't need to analyze why people couldn't take criticism or why he was always pardoned for 'his faults'. He'd been labeled a mystery. People made excuses for him. _So be it. _

As a musician, he wouldn't be judged based on the inner-workings of his mind but on what this machinery produced. He would play as he wanted (the proper way) and people could only speculate on what he was thinking while he was performing. They could project whatever feelings they wanted onto him. It was part of his job as a soloist, anyway.

_They_, the audience, the listeners, could only guess at his feelings while imagining theirs were the same thoughts and feelings he had. It was fortunate that he didn't have to explain; an audience didn't demand context from a piece of music- they knew intuitively what was happy or hopeful or passionate because the performance had awakened these emotions in them. To be able to be true to a composer's intent and to convey 'feelings' per demand required technical skill. He'd taken this truth to heart, had always aimed to give the desired result and be so consistently good that the expectations were always high. He was capable and was praised for it, but he surmised that most listeners, though awed by virtuosity, were more apt to appreciate music which mirrored their experiences.

"The listeners want to feel certain things, remember special people, relive treasured memories," he'd heard one conductor gush.

In his own (less effusive) interpretation, he believed people wanted to hear the soundtrack to their lives and were always sensitive to any piece of music that could be the next song or score. If you could listen to a person's OST– it was as good as a mirror into their soul.

He had a soundtrack, too. But, in his case, no one who knew what he enjoyed playing had any real insight into his character. Yes, the more demanding pieces played to his strengths – he loved the satisfaction of completing a challenge– but not many people knew enough about him or his taste in music to be able to say – _ah, I've seen him_.

He hadn't been open. He hadn't consciously thought about revealing himself – his vulnerabilities and insecurities – through music or more direct means. It was like that for him. To be known or understood seemed to be the be-all-end-all goal for many (and the ideal goal of romantic relationships, he'd been told); but he was a challenge for most people.

And, unfortunately, many were only interested in seeing the side of him that failed.

If he could describe himself as sunny and cheerful, he would also have called himself "optimistic"; he focused on his strengths and was used to dismissing those feelings which he believed wouldn't make his music better or would cause him to flounder and, yes, fail like so many wanted to witness. His doubts and insecurities existed – they intertwined with his confidence and hopes for improvement – but they were fashioned so thin that they were almost invisible to others; he had always been held in check by a tight braid of good habits and well-honed technique.

He was praised for his instinct and for his "good genes" (he resented reviews that brought excessive focus on the latter), but truthfully, he was a product of choices and not mere intuition or heredity. He'd made music that moved an audience; it had been because he knew what he had to do and knew when to hold back. Holding back –this was a good thing. His restraint made him an excellent soloist.

He also exercised restraint when interacting with other people; when he was unsure, it had been a rule of thumb to keep his distance. Although no one seemed to notice.

_That it's a general principle? _

_Or..._

_No one notices when I'm unsure? Or holding back?_

He had been labeled rude and unfriendly, and he hadn't much cared. But...

_There's always an exception..._

There'd been a time when the decision to hold back had led to disappointment: He knew he had disappointed her. But he'd also disappointed himself.

He hadn't consciously thought of opening up...not until...

_Hino Kahoko_

Hino Kahoko, who was sitting right in front of him.

He hadn't gone back in time to their last encounter, and no soundtrack was playing in the background when he and Kahoko had locked eyes for the first time in nine years; but he had felt apprehension, excitement, and other unnamed feelings rush to meet him the moment he saw her.

His chest constricted and he was slightly out of breath.

_Here you are..._

_And here I am._

It was enough. In any other time or place, Len knew it would be the same, just the sight of her would be enough to agitate his emotions.

_Did I make you nervous? Is my presence here unwanted? Will we be speaking to each other?_

_Do you still play the violin?_

These were questions that he carried with him when Kaji had invited everyone to spend the evening together at karaoke. It was dark and noisy, and though they were in a private room meant for twice their number, there wasn't enough space for him to breathe. He sat next to Tsuchiura in their corner of the long leather sofa, while Kaho was stuck between Yunoki's sister and Kaji.

Tsuchiura had laughed at a joke from Kaji or Miyabi. Len hadn't bothered to listen. "Oi, Tsukimori," Tsuchiura said, raising an eyebrow. "Are you with us?"

He had been watching Kaho. "I'm just tired; that's all."

Years of friendship meant Tsuchiura was comfortable with Len's reticence and Len had gotten used to Ryo's bouts of temper and sarcasm. They'd spent a lot of time working together after Len had gone back to Japan and had become close friends as a result (a surprise to them both). But despite their unexpected friendship, they still preferred calling each other by their last names.

"Hey, Miyabi!" Kaji shouted. "Do you know whose song this is?"

"Of course, I do," she said. "It's the song that made you famous."

"It's as recognizable as the national anthem," Kaji told them. He smiled and did a quick demo of one of the steps from the choreography. "Even the North Koreans know about it," he bragged.

Kaji and Miyabi did most of the singing. They banged their glasses and hit all the right notes until the Soju knocked their competency down by a few skill levels.

_At least they're passable even when drunk..._

He didn't mind their singing, but Len had felt crowded. He was itching to leave, but loyal Kaho and indulgent Tsuchiura had tambourines which they played dutifully while Kaji or Miyabi held their mikes like baton twirlers who slowly but surely were leading their small group into Karaoke hell.

Yes, even he, Len Tsukimori, knew what that sounded like. He stood up and excused himself to get some fresh air.

.

.

.

"How are you, Hino?" said a voice next to her.

Kahoko jerked. Tsuchiura looked amused by her distraction; he'd taken Miyabi's seat and was still holding the red tambourine Kaji and Miyabi had assigned him to play. Len had gotten the maracas and had held it like a businessman would wield a harpoon if he was suddenly transported to the coast and ordered to hunt whales.

_It's not that I want to think about him, she told herself. It's just that I can't help it. _

He was in Seoul. And until a few minutes ago, he was also in the same room in Seoul.

"Are you Ok?" Tsuchiura asked.

"I'm sorry Tsuchiura," Kaho apologized. She knew she was a little tipsy. _But actually..._

"I'm just tired, that's all," she said to Tsuchiura.

Tsuchiura smirked at this. "Right, everyone's tired today," he said. "Except, of course, those two."

He motioned his head toward Miyabi and Kaji who were singing an off-key duet.

"What are you up to these days, Tsuchiura?" Kaho asked. She already knew he had projects in Japan and the United States but – what else was he busy with? Was there another movie score in his immediate future?

He smiled at this while preparing two shot glasses for them. "I'm getting married," he said.

"Married! You?"

They downed the liquor. Kaho ignored Tsuchiura's reaction to her disbelief and poured two more glasses.

Kaho's rapid-fire questions followed: "Who is she? Where did you meet? When did you propose?"

Tsuchiura laughed and shook his head. "We met at Seisou," he said, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "You'd remember that she was an accompanist during the Concours."

He winked at Kaho who blurted: "_Mori_? You're marrying Manami Mori?"

"Yeah," he winked. "Amazing, isn't it?"

"Who marries someone they met in high-school," she said without thinking. Realizing her mistake, she shut her eyes briefly and apologized to Tsuchiura.

"You no longer believe in first love?" he asked.

She scoffed and took another shot of liquor. "Ha. If I recall correctly, you confessed to me first."

_Oh, God_. She covered her face with her hands, peeked behind them and faced Tsuchiura who, thankfully, didn't look upset. "I'm so sorry Tsuchiura. I would never have said that out loud. This is the alcohol talking."

Tsuchiura was amused. "But you would have thought the words regardless," he said. A corner of his mouth lifted before he flashed a full grin, "So this is what you sound like when you're less inhibited. I mean, you were already honest before but –"

He chuckled, "I'm sorry I wasn't there for the wild college parties."

Like Len, Tsuchiura had been offered the opportunity to go abroad. They had communicated while they were both studying, but they hadn't talked since Kaho moved to Korea.

"Eh?"

_I've never been to a single wild college party_. Parties, yes. But they'd never been wild. When she was a sophomore at University, she'd done a gig which had involved her dressing up as Hatsune Miku; the guests had wanted to hear Miku's songs in violin. She actually preferred Luka but...

"Maybe I should have convinced Tsukimori to drink some more," Tsuchiura said, interrupting Kaho's thoughts. He eyed the door where Len had exited minutes ago. "Have I mentioned that he's going to be my best man?"

"Len? I mean, Tsukimori-kun, errr... Tsukimori?"

What was she thinking about before this? Luka Megurine? Right. She liked the Pink hair.

"Yeah," Tsuchiura said. "Of course I mean, Tsukimori."

"Wow. How did you get him to do it? Did he have a choice?"

Tsuchiura shot Kaho a puzzled look, "Is it really so strange?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she answered, idly tracing the rim of her empty shot glass with her finger. There were bottles of Soju and Tequila Rose on the table. She reached for the Tequila Rose.

Last time she checked, Tsukimori and Tsuchiura didn't get along.

"This is probably the biggest surprise I've experienced since high school. You didn't like him when we were in Seisou."

Tsuchiura pulled the liquor away from Kaho, "And why do you think that is?"

She shrugged again. "Anyway," she said, tossing her hair. "I think that it's great that you're finally on good terms."

"Weren't you expecting for us to be?"

"I was only hoping you would be," she said. "I wasn't sure Tsukimori-kun wanted to be anyone's friend."

_Stupid Alcohol_. Tsuchiura was right; her filter was gone.

Frown lines appeared on Tsuchiura's forehead. "Wasn't he a friend to you?" he asked.

She could hear the sympathy in his voice; she didn't know how to interpret it. "He was good to me. But I'm not sure he meant to be so..." she hesitated. "Nice."

Tsuchiura sighed. "You can trust Tsukimori Hino. He's serious about everything he does."

"If he's serious about giving his time and energy, then I'm sure he's also serious when he takes it away."

She'd wanted something he couldn't give.

And yes, she hated it, but sometimes all it took was seeing the person and all the complicated things you kept in the dark clambered out to greet you. Or, wave at you from their hiding places. She couldn't identify all of the bothersome things at first glance, but she still had the general impression she'd been treated to an unwelcome surprise party. _Hello, Kaho. We're still here._

"Don't listen to me Tsuchiura," she said with a forced smile. "I embarrassed myself too often in Seisou. If you want to know how I felt back then –well, I'll only say this: I'm glad Tsukimori-kun hardly noticed my feelings."

"I'm sorry Hino," Tsuchiura murmured.

Was he pitying her?

"You shouldn't be. You couldn't have changed him. _Or me,_" Kaho said. "We were both young, and I admired him more than anyone. I acted the way I did because of who I was back then. But it's been nine years, Tsuchiura. I'll respond to him as the person I am now."

She hadn't realized the wisdom of her alcohol-laden words until she'd finished saying them. _That's right..._She was a better version of herself. She had clear aspirations; she had goals, and none of them were connected to being with Len.

_Being with him..._

_Music meant being connected to him..._

"_No matter where we are, we'll always meet. You and I. We'll always go back to each other."_

He'd said that to her in a dream once. Because, yes, she still dreamt of Len Tsukimori.

But what if she'd been wrong? What if _she'd_ said the words to the _dream version_ of him?

There seemed to be a lump in her throat._ I don't want to think about it._

Before the shots, she'd had a cocktail at the bar. Was the cocktail stronger than she'd been led to believe or was it the shots? She'd lost her train of thought. She reminded herself that she didn't like to drink.

Tsuchiura poured her a glass of water. She accepted it gratefully.

"Have I said things I shouldn't have?" she asked in a small voice.

"Hey Kaho!" Miyabi called, slurring her words. "Come sing this next one with me!"

Kaji flung himself next to Kaho and leaned his head on her shoulder. "Ah, my goddess," he said dreamily, "you are a picture of heaven on earth; your beloved face more beautiful than a rose in bloom..."

"Yuck," Tsuchiura grimaced. "He's even worse when he's drunk."

"I should take you all home," Tsuchiura decided. "Tsukimori," he called Len on his cellphone. "Yeah, we're going," Tsuchiura confirmed. "I'll take Kaji back to his dorm. You drive Miyabi and Kahoko," he ordered.

_Wait! No! _

"No, Tsuchiura," Kaho said, "that won't be necessary." When she stood, her legs wobbled underneath her. Kaji's head had slipped from her shoulders, and she landed on her butt on the floor next to Kaji who hadn't noticed he'd slid off the couch.

Ryotaro raised an eyebrow, "Any more protests?"

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_Pretty please review? _

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For those who've read the previous chapters:

"I Want Love" by Kassy is the song I had in mind for the piece Kaho had written for KZ. I don't have plans to make KZ into Kassy (I just wanted to sorta "keep" the artist's real name...though I realize I didn't have to...).

XM is a stand-in for the real company, SM Entertainment, which is one of the actual "big three" (along with JYP and YG) in Korea. Studio Hil, the company that did the animation for Saiki and Ayane's story, is a stand-in for Studio Ghibli.

I considered using the names of real Korean artists and companies in this fic, but I eventually decided against it.


	5. Chapter 4

_Do you want to listen?_

_This'll be the next big hit on the radio!_

Kaho awoke to the sound of snapping fingers and tinkling piano keys. She was face down on her pillow, weighed down by arms and legs that were as heavy as lead. Her head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton.

She groaned and tried to sit up; her head was throbbing from the sounds pushing at her ears: she couldn't miss the stream of loud trumpets, trombones, and singing violins flooding her auditory system. A soulful voice belted a high note that bounced against the insides of her skull.

It was as if she'd woken up in the middle of a dance floor.

In the distance, she could hear the sound of a bell ringing. Someone was calling her. Another bell. Then her name. Another ringing bell.

_Wait ...is that?_

"Miyabi?" she whispered. Kaho had fallen asleep prone, and her back was killing her. "Wait a sec, Miyabi."

"Miyabi, the radio's too loud," she shouted, hoping Miyabi would hear. "The neighbors are going to break down our door."

Kaho dragged herself out of her room while the soulful singing continued. "Kahoko," Miyabi moaned. "I can't turn it off."

_Gahhd. Why does my back hurt so much?_ She placed one hand on her lower back and shuffled to Miyabi's room. The door was open, and Miyabi was on the floor, smiling sheepishly at Kaho. The radio had fallen from its place on the mantlepiece.

"I turned it on so I could wake you up," Miyabi said. "Can you help me to the bed? My ankle is killing me."

"What was that ringing?"

"Bell app," Miyabi said, holding up her phone. "I tried everything to wake you."

Kaho didn't bother to reply. Slowly, very slowly, she lowered herself to a kneeling position next to Miyabi. Her back hurt with every inch of progress. "What happened to your ankle?" she asked.

"I sprained it," Miyabi said, lifting her silk pajama bottoms to reveal a swollen right ankle.

_Why don't I remember this happening? _

A wave of pain gripped her lower back. "I don't think I can lift you, Miyabi," Kaho said, giving up. She sank to the floor and watched the light play on the crystal chandelier above Miyabi's bed. Another ringing from beyond Miyabi's room was heard above the sound of the radio.

"That must be the neighbors," Kaho sighed. She crawled to the radio next to Miyabi and turned it off. "Maybe they can help me carry you back to the bed."

Slowly, Kaho got up and trekked to the living room. When she opened the door, the person who greeted her wasn't their next door neighbor or the family from downstairs. She told herself not to gape at him.

Tsukimori Len was staring back at her dressed casually in a gray v-neck sweater, jeans and …

_Are those sneakers? Converse?_

He was carrying two plastic bags from the local convenience store.

"Tsukimori-kun, what are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you," he answered, entering the apartment. "How is Miyabi?" he asked, leading the way to Miyabi's room.

_Wait, how does he know?_

"Oh, hello," Miyabi greeted Len with surprise. He knelt beside Miyabi and lifted her from the floor in a lover's carry.

After carefully laying Miyabi on the bed, Len left the room and returned with an icepack for her ankle. "I suppose the one from hours ago got misplaced."

Miyabi nodded dumbly. She stared into Len's face with the curiosity of a child. She glanced at Kaho, then returned her attention to Len.

"It hasn't been twenty-four hours since your injury," he said. "You should keep the icepack on your ankle until tomorrow morning."

"Have you eaten breakfast?" he asked both girls. "I bought some pastries from the bakery in the next building. I tried to remember your preferences from last night but if you want something else we can have groceries delivered to your floor. You're running low on some supplies."

"Oh, right, yeah," Miyabi said, wide-eyed with awe rather than embarrassment. "Kaho, can you help him with that? The food and groceries, I mean."

"Sure," Kaho replied. She followed Len (again with the following) to the kitchen where he had left the plastic bags he'd carried. He'd brought with him croissants and blueberry and chocolate rolls. She grabbed one of the chocolate rolls for herself and took a croissant and a blueberry roll for Miyabi. She placed them on a plate which Len took from her hands.

"I'll bring them to her," he said. "You sit here."

"Oh, ok. Thank you, Tsukimori-kun."

She watched his back, tracing his broad shoulders with her eyes. His body was lean; his posture excellent. She wondered when they would have brought up pastries with him.

She massaged her lower back and tried to remember what could have happened that led to both her and Miyabi's injuries.

"I gave Miyabi-san Ibuprofen for her pain," Len said when he returned. "The prescription is on her bedside table."

"Last night..." she trailed off once again after a bolt of pain assaulted her. "Did we...did we take Miyabi to the hospital?"

He nodded. "We were in the Emergency Room at three in the morning. The doctor xrayed her ankle and assured us it was just a sprain. He said that Miyabi-san would be able to walk without assistance after a few days of bed rest."

"Her screen test," Kaho said, remembering Miyabi's schedule. "It's tomorrow."

"I can drive you to the studio," he said, anticipating that she and Miyabi would need a ride. "Tsuchiura and I are scheduled to report there as well. We'll be in different buildings, but I've also borrowed a wheelchair, so Miyabi-san doesn't have to worry about hobbling when she meets the director."

Kaho was impressed. She eyed Len as he buttered a croissant. "You've taken care of everything."

"I had to," he said, placing the croissant on the plate in front of her. "You were agonizing over it when we were in the hospital."

He crossed his arms. "You're more talkative and more jittery when you're drunk."

She placed a hand on her lower back and slid on one of the stools in front of the island in the kitchen. Len continued to stand. "Did I say anything particularly embarrassing?"

"Other than Electronic music is better than Classical music?"

She blinked several times."Did I really say that?"

"No, not really."

She hadn't missed the hint of a smile on his lips. _Wait...Is he teasing me?_

A notch formed between her brows, "Do you even listen to EDM?" _Or Dubstep, Drumstep, Trap, House_...

Instead of answering her question, he asked her another one, "Do you still listen to classical music?"

Her response was limited to rapid blinking.

"There were posters of Kpop groups in your room," he continued, his voice professing his curiosity."I heard the genre inspires fierce devotion from its fans."

He leaned toward her, "Have you converted to Kpop?"

"Len," she said, exasperated."Err...sorry, Tsukimori-kun."

"There isn't anything wrong with liking Kpop," she said quietly.

He sat on the stool next to her."I'm not saying there is. I'm just curious since I don't know much about it. I've been told that the cultural difference becomes obvious when you start to compare the Idols of Korean and Japanese pop. There seems to be much more emphasis in Korea when it comes to being good overall. Japan hasn't pressured its Idols as much, from what I heard."

It amazed her that he knew that much. "Tsukimori-kun, what happened last night?" she asked, steering them toward the more important subject and question.

He sighed but did as she asked and dropped the topic of Kpop vs. Jpop. "We were already in front of your building when Miyabi decided to run to the coffee shop next door," he answered. "You bought her the pastries she wanted, but she ran off again to recite lines while standing on one of the outdoor tables."

"You tried to stop her but couldn't," Len added.

Kaho made a small grimace. She didn't want to think of the impression they'd made after that happened.

"How did she sprain her ankle?" she asked.

"Miyabi lost her balance and fell off the table. You, _predictably_, cushioned her fall."

That's why her back was so painful. "Thank goodness it was just a sprain."

She'd hate it if she'd had to report worse to Yunoki. _Wait...what does he mean by predictable?_

"Were you injured too?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow, "How would I have been injured?"

She blinked. Why had she pictured him suffering cuts or bruises because of them?

_Or maybe...I don't know. You could have tried to catch Miyabi or something? Hmm...he was probably too far away to help._

"Hino?"

"So...I didn't get you into any trouble?"

She figured she should butter a croissant for him too. She placed it on a plate and served it with a cup of the dark roast from the coffee machine. He received both and thanked her.

"The worst you could have done was to get me reprimanded by the police for noise pollution. Or for disturbing random strangers," he said in between sips of his coffee. "It wasn't as bad as you think."

"Noise pollution?"

_Random strangers? _ "What exactly happened last night?" she asked. If he had almost gotten into a fistfight because of her or Miyabi, he was remarkably blasé about it.

"You said the drive home was too quiet," he said.

Len had knelt on the floor and poured treats for Cho who was meowing and rubbing her head on his calf; Len seemed to know where to find things without her help.

"How do you know where the cat food is?" Kaho asked.

"You told me to get it out of the way before Miyabi tripped on it."

"Oh, I did." She couldn't remember that either. "Back to the noise pollution..."

"You wanted to listen to music on the ride home," he began. "You tried the radio but didn't like anything on it."

"And?" she said, urging him to continue. He was remarkably relaxed, not impatient to provide a summary of last night's events or rushing to disclose the details she wanted to hear. He had lifted Cho into his arms and scratched behind her ears. Cho purred contentedly.

"Before I could stop you, you fished a flash drive from your bag and stuck it in a speaker with the volume turned up to 100," he said. "Miyabi had dozed off in the backseat, but you woke her. This was during the ride home from Karaoke. Before Miyabi had sprained her ankle."

_Did Miya even remember that? And...wait..._

_Which USB was it? What did I play?_

_Wait a sec..._

"You thought it was noise?" she squeaked.

"It was noise because of the volume not because of the sound itself," he explained. "You also lowered the windows and asked the car next to us at the stoplight to listen."

"I did?" she felt her cheeks flush. She licked her lower lip and thought about which USB she'd taken out of her purse. "Did they," she stammered, "did they tell me to shut up?"

"The driver wanted to know who sang the song."

"What did I say?"

"You said that you'd ask Shimizu. You also told her that you composed the song and wrote the lyrics. The background violin; that's you too."

She had embarrassed herself in more ways than she could have thought possible. And Len Tsukimori had been the person to witness it. She shut her eyes briefly.

_I suck. _"I'm sorry Tsukimori-kun," she said, biting her lip.

Len said nothing, distracted as he was by Cho who had licked his hand. Len only smiled at Cho. Was it strange? Kaho hadn't pegged him as a cat person.

She wanted his input, but she couldn't ask him what he thought about the song he'd heard by accident.

_I still listen to classical music, Tsukimori-kun. I also make my own compositions. I'm proud of the songs I wrote. _I'm not so proud of what I did last night. But...

"What did the driver say?"

She couldn't help it; she was curious.

"She congratulated you for having a song on the radio."

"I wish it were true," she whispered, letting her eyes fall on the floor.

It had been a demo — one of many she'd saved on multiple flash drives. If one day her song got real airtime, she'd jam to it in her car and let everyone listen with her. Noise pollution or not. Sober or not. Seoul would probably forgive her for basking in the long-awaited victory.

She picked at her food. Her drunken self had wanted to show off the music she'd poured her heart into. She'd written mostly love longs. Most of them were...

She sighed. _No, Kaho_. _There's no completing that thought. _

Most of them were about her dreams. Dreams. Hopes. Fairy tales. They were all the same thing.

"You played Juliet. Or maybe 'Oh My Juliet' Which is it?," Len asked, pulling Kaho out of her thoughts. He was still petting Cho. "The name and that phrase were a constant throughout the song, so I assumed either could be the title."

"I'm not fluent in Korean," he added. "Aside from the English lyrics, I couldn't understand what they were singing."

"The title's 'Juliet'," she told him.

"It's a love song, of course," Len stated.

'Juliet' was one of her earlier attempts. It was an upbeat song in the point of view of someone experiencing new love. It was a confession. A promise. It was her imagination at its best.

_Because sometimes, you can only have things when you imagine them..._

"What does _Areumdaun_ mean?" he asked.

"_Areumdaun_," she repeated because she loved the sound of the word, "means Beautiful."

Cho was swiping at the sleeves of Len's sweater. "Can she finish another bowl of food? Or will I be overfeeding her?"

Before Kaho could answer, they were interrupted by Miyabi's bell.

"Sorry guys," Miyabi said when they both arrived at the entrance to her room."I need help to go to the toilet."

Without hesitating, Len lifted Miyabi from the bed and proceeded to carry her to the bathroom in the hallway. Miyabi had wound her arms around Len's neck and peered into his face. Kaho could only see the back of his head, but Miyabi, based on the expression on her face, must have thought he looked handsome.

_Or dashing...or some other adjective..._

They'd passed a hallway mirror where both Kaho and Miya had pored over their reflections hundreds of times before. Unfortunately for Kaho, there were bags under her eyes, and her hair was sticking out in weird places. Miyabi, on the other hand, looked like she'd woken up in a fairy tale cottage inhabited by dwarves.

_She looks like a princess; therefore she must be one — _no need to place a pea under hundreds of mattresses to test Miyabi's credentials. As for Len, she didn't know how many guys would be dying with jealousy if they knew he'd carried Miyabi in his arms.

Len threw her a look behind his shoulder. Kaho stopped in her tracks.

_Or some other adjective..._

_'Areumdaun. It means beautiful in Korean', _she had told him_. _She was fond of that word.

"Will you open the door?" Len asked.

"Right! Yes," she said, moving forward and turning the knob. She stayed in the bathroom to help Miyabi while Len waited outside for them to finish.

"It's really nice of him to be doing this," Miyabi commented. She leaned partly against the wall and partly against Kaho as she tried to wash her hands. "I was thinking I could make Yul jealous thru Kaji, but if Yul had seen me with Tsukimori..." she trailed off. "Aren't Kaji and Tsukimori both gorgeous?" she said as though announcing the statement. "Hmmm. I'm not sure who I'd pick, but I'll postpone my final verdict until I see Tsukimori smile."

"Who do you think is a better leading man?" Miyabi asked Kaho.

"I can't say," Kaho replied. She adjusted her position so she wouldn't lose her balance while Miyabi leaned on her shoulder.

Miyabi pinched Kaho's cheek. "Really Kaho? No preference at all? I know Kaji likes you. Does that give him an advantage over Tsukimori?"

"Eh?"

"Well," Miyabi said, drying her hands, "would you like someone better if you knew they liked you back?"

Kaho shook her head. "No, Miyabi, I won't." She took the towel from Miyabi and hung it next to the sink. "Anyway, it's just a harmless crush. I don't think Kaji wants a relationship right now."

"How can you be so sure?" Miyabi asked. Her voice was laced with frustration, "Aren't you interested in him at all?"

"I thought you were?"

"A little," she said, "but it's obvious he likes you, Kaho." She took Kaho's hands, "I think you'd be perfect together."

Kaho shook her head violently. "No, Miyabi. No. He's famous. It'd be a pain to date him."

"Ah!" Miyabi said. "So you have thought of dating him!"

"No, I haven't," she denied. Because she was too busy to date anyone. Kaji was busy too.

Miyabi hadn't yet let go of Kaho's hands. "_Waegeurae_? Come on Kahoko. You need to date. You're older than I am..."

Kaho rolled her eyes. "Stop right there, Miyabi..."

"No. You need to have more life experiences Hino Kahoko," Miyabi said firmly. "You need more inspiration for your songs. You need to mess up here and there. How are you going to learn from your mistakes if you don't make any?"

Kaho couldn't believe what she'd just heard.

"I'm saying that experience is the best teacher. Jump headfirst into a relationship. You should give yourself a chance, at least," Miyabi said.

"If I'm right, and I usually am, you're calling Kaji a mistake."

"Or a mistake in the making. We can't really be sure, can we?"

Kaho remembered Yul but hesitated to comment about Miyabi's ill-fated relationship. Miyabi had said that she was trying to make Yul jealous. Had the two really broken up? She'd assumed they had.

"You're joking right?" Kaho asked.

"Disappointments happen, even in the strongest relationships," Miyabi said._ "But listen Kaho,_ you're still at the threshold. You're still trying to meet people."

_No, I'm not._

Miyabi glanced at the door. "What about him then?"

"Len?" she said, her eyes nearly bugging out. "No!No!No! Definitely not!"

Miyabi raised her eyebrows. "He lets you call him Len?" Miyabi asked.

_Only in my head._

"No."

Kaho knew the expression on Miyabi's face. "No, Miyabi. Stop picturing it. He and I can't be a couple."

To Kaho's surprise, Miyabi nodded in agreement. "You're right. We can't introduce you to relationships with him as your first boyfriend. He's not the type for breaking-in."

"What?"

"He's too challenging for level one. You should aim for someone who's more cheerful and outgoing." She paused and pretended to think, "Someone more personable like Kaji."

Len knocked on the door. "Are you two ok in there?"

_Level one? What?_

Miyabi winked at Kaho, opened the door and at smiled up at Len. "Sorry I took so long," she said, lifting her arms eagerly.

_Experiences...mistakes..._

Kaho had met Lili in Highschool. She'd met Len in high school too. What other life experiences could equal meeting a fairy and playing a magic violin against the likes of Tsukimori Len? Her life had been interesting and eventful.

_Had been_. Not present tense.

She watched as Len walked away with Miyabi in his arms. Pausing to glance at her reflection in the hallway mirror, she pushed her fingers through her hair.

_This is the best I can do._

She was disheveled after a rough night, but she didn't allow herself to envy anyone their looks, lives or experiences.

_Least of all a sprained ankle..._

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_Please review?_

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Notes:

More of the Soundtrack:

"Sway" by Lee Hi. This is the song that wakes Kaho. Sway, a popular Jazz standard, was written by Norman Gimbel (who also wrote "The Girl From Ipanema" and "Killing Me Softly With His Song"). The version English language listeners might be familiar with is Michael Buble's.

"Juliet" by EXO-CBX. Juliet's lyrics were written by Kenzie who also composed the song (along with other artists). Kenzie works under SM entertainment; she's an alumnus of Berklee School of Music and has a few number one songs under her belt. I thought about her when I started dreaming up Kaho's life as a composer. (Though I'm sure Kenzie didn't have a Shimizu or Miyabi to manage).

(Kaho, Kassy, KZ, Kenzie...I realize there are a lot of K names featured in this...)

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And for returning readers:

XM is a stand-in for the real company, SM Entertainment, which is one of the actual "big three" (along with JYP and YG) in Korea. Studio Hil, the company that did the animation for Saiki and Ayane's story, is a stand-in for Studio Ghibli.

Cho, Kaho's cat, is female. I called her a "he" in a previous chapter, but I've edited it. Cho is short for Chocolate. Ah, I wish I had a cat.

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Vocabulary:

Waegurae: Korean for "Why are you being like this?"

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_At the end of my endless confession, when our eyes meet_

_The curtain opens on our own stage tonight..._

_\- Juliet, EXO-CBX_


	6. Chapter 5

The insider scoop on television had said that Kaji's upcoming movie was a live-action adaptation and would, therefore, get its share of criticism –there would definitely be purists who would shun it (The animated film is perfect! They don't need to remake it!) – but Kaho had faith that an excellent cast and soundtrack would be enough to win over the most nitpicky fans. Miyabi had agreed with her on that, especially since it was already confirmed to her by phone that she'd snagged the part. They'd squealed and jumped and hugged when they got the news.

Unlike her previous roles, Miyabi would have to show more nerve to act the part of Ayane; she had to bring _spunk, gumption, fire__–_there was a list of synonyms in Korean and Japanese that Kaho's composer's mind had scrolled through –to the role. Becoming Ayane was different from what Miyabi was used to, but it was the opportunity they'd been waiting for and the experience needed to bring in a refreshing change. There'd been too many offers, frequently dramas, where Miyabi was required to play the delicate china-figure-like character (i.e., the friend who needed the support of the stronger heroine, the girl dying of an incurable illness) who had to be bubble-wrapped or placed in a display cabinet to protect her from 'harsh realities'. Miyabi didn't want to just look pretty and helpless; she knew Ayane was a challenge and that playing her in a movie was a sure way to show more range.

Kaho watched excitedly as Miyabi and Kaji read their lines together at the studio. Ayane was in the first stages of her "Aladdin to Prince Ali" transformation- from Street rat to Princess (who happened to play a mean violin).

_Saiki: Are you trying to martyr your listeners? _

Unlike Aladdin's Genie, Saiki didn't do jokes or elaborate Broadway numbers. He was a prickly benefactor who had 'deigned to bestow' the 'lowly' Ayane with his support and connections. Saiki was Ayane's boss, and he was giving her a make-over.

_Ayane: Nanda? Are you saying you don't like this piece?_

_Saiki: Are you deliberately trying to sacrifice my ears to the altar of your horrendous playing?_

_Ayane: You jerk! You try playing it!_

Kahoko remembered this scene from the book: Ayane shoves her violin at Saiki who takes it and begins to play a dizzying rendition that has her heart pounding._ He's amazing, _Ayane thinks_. It exists. The sound I'm looking for...exists. _Ayane grabs Saiki's hands and asks him if she could ever play like that.

_Saiki: I doubt I can turn a terrible player into someone who's marginally capable. But you, you've got potential. If you continue practicing, you can rise up and become a competent violinist._

_Ayane: Wow! An actual complement! And I didn't have to shovel through your hoity-toity language to find it! Maybe I'm not the only one who's capable of improving._

Like book Saiki, Kaji raised an eyebrow. It was something Kaho had never seen him do.

_Ayane: We'll be spending more time together aren't we boss? You said this would be a 'mutually beneficial' partnership. I'd say we can call it that when your rudeness drops by fifty percent._

_Saiki: When my rudeness...What?_

_Ayane: "When" not "If". I can make you my project, too. Unless you can't bear to change. And you know what they say when something can't change..._

_Saiki: Should I even ask?_

_Ayane: It's as dead as your golden age composers._

_Saiki: They aren't dead. They live through their music._

_Ayane: That's true. But they're stuck in the past. You, on the other hand –you have the opportunity to move forward into the future._

_Saiki: And I can do so with your help? Do you think I don't have a place in the future because of my rudeness?_

_Ayane: I think you'd have a better chance of meeting that future if you weren't so rude._

The physical aspect of the acting was still missing from the scene because Kaji and Miyabi were sitting down and reading their lines, but, despite the lack of movement and the absent score, her friends were mesmerizing her. Miyabi had been practicing her Kansai accent, and Kaji was –he was so _different_. It was fun to watch them; they had chemistry.

Once upon a time, she remembered saying that it was '_nice to fall in love_'. She supposed she'd meant that it was nice to _watch_ people falling in love. She had to smile. She enjoyed the banter between Ayane and Saiki. In a way, she hadn't been just watching people fall in love; when she wrote her songs, she'd been having conversations about relationships and sharing her ideas about what it meant to fall in love.

She was one person in a city of unnamed faces –people who had experiences like and unlike hers, but with whom she could connect through music. It was the closest thing to magic that she could think of. Songwriting helped her connect, and through it, she could, like magic, summon emotions both positive and negative and adjust them accordingly. She didn't think she watered-down her feelings, but she knew she could express them as strongly as she wanted: she could be contented; she could be excited; she could be joyful and happy; she could be wistful; she could be mournful; she could be irritated; she could be angry. All of these variations could be called upon through music.

She liked capturing memories and making moments, _but_ she knew her work could also extend to restoring balance or re-imagining experiences. If she wanted a more positive outlook –she could aim for it.

If she wanted a happier ending, she could have one through her songs.

_A happier ending, huh?_

"Kahoko!" Miyabi shouted. "Where'd you go?"

_Back to high school_, Kaho thought.

Miyabi flashed Kaho a huge grin from her wheelchair. "Kaji and I did well, didn't we?"

Kaho nodded and smiled. She was already wheeling Miyabi through the gates of the studio when Miyabi announced: "I've decided we should have a dinner party. I'm inviting Shimizu and Kaji to the apartment to celebrate this new project."

_Oh_, that was convenient. She'd already been planning to meet Shimizu in the evening; she doubted she could focus on talking shop with Shimizu while Miyabi and Kaji were around, but maybe after dinner, they could plan their –

"I've also invited Tsuchiura-san and Tsukimori-san," Miyabi said with a smile.

"_What_? Why?" Kaho blurted. Noticing Miyabi's confusion, she schooled her features and said, "I mean –It'd be nice for Shimizu to meet them again. Yeah..."

Kaho tried to sound pleased. "That's really thoughtful of you."

She felt the stress of another meeting creep up on her; the adrenaline, she was sure, was ready to invade her bloodstream. Thankfully, it was an encounter (should she even call it that and preempt something?) she could prepare for. It was time to take a deep breath and rationalize: _You're not avoiding him –there's no reason why you should be. He was at Miyabi's beck and call for an entire day. Why shouldn't she invite him to dinner?_

"Are you listening Kaho?" Miyabi asked, her brows meeting in the middle. "Shimizu is going to contribute new songs to the film."

Kaho frowned; she hadn't been paying attention and hadn't heard. "Are you sure he knows?"

"Well, if he doesn't or if he's forgotten, you can inform him at dinner," Miyabi responded. "He's better at remembering what he should be doing when you're the one telling him."

It turned out that she didn't have to remind her co-composer. Tsuchiura had done it for her when he'd picked up Shimizu for their gathering. They'd brought pizza and pasta for all them. Because sharing take-out, Miyabi told her, had been the plan. Kaho wondered aloud if Tsukimori had an aversion to informal dinners. Tsuchiura answered her question: "Tsukimori isn't as stuck-up as you think he is."

Kaho tipped her head to the side. "Tsuchiura," she said with awe, "you really have become his best friend."

Shimizu had also brought Red Velvet cake. "Miyabi-san," he said, bowing. "This is for you. Congratulations on playing Ayane."

"Where's Tsukimori-kun?" Kaho asked.

"With Kaji," Ryo answered. "He was ordered to help carry your presents."

"Ordered?"

"Asked without really having a choice in the matter," Ryo clarified. "He was the one standing closest to Kaji."

At the sound of knocking, Shimizu, who was closest to the entrance, opened the door for Miyabi. Kaji came in with a potted plant in his hands. He greeted everyone then approached Miyabi with his pot of red geraniums. "I hope you get well soon, Miyabi-san," he said, flashing a wide smile. "I wanted you to have something that was still growing. I didn't want just a bouquet."

Len entered after him. He carried a simpler, less showy plant. "_Hanakirin_," Len said. He offered them to Kaho, "For you."

"It means 'to withstand adversities'," Shimizu said, moving forward so he could inspect both the Geraniums and the Hanakirin.

"Ah!' That isn't fair Tsukimori-san," Kaji complained. "I wanted to give that to her."

Len appeared unmoved. "_Sumanai_, Kaji-san," he said in a polite tone. "I misunderstood. I thought you wanted to give them immediately."

Kaho translated for him in her head: "_I'm not your manservant. I don't want to stand in the middle of the room carrying a potted plant."_

Still, Kaho was grateful for the gift. She had never received flowers before. "Thank you," she said, her eyes on Len before moving to Kaji. "Thank you for thinking about me."

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At dinner, Kaji had lost his place next to Kaho because of Shimizu. "Do you want cake?" Shimizu had said, distracting Kaji by giving him a plate before taking Kaji's place. Len had casually taken the seat to Kaho's left before Kaji could transfer. For a while, Kaho had decided to eat in silence. Both Shimizu and Len were concentrating on their food. They were listening as Kaji shared a lively story about one of his band's international concerts.

"I love the energy of our fans," Kaji said, his smile always a part of the conversations he led. Kaho knew what he was talking about. Last year, she'd been to an awards ceremony where there were so many fans attending for Kaji's group they had dominated the audience: their bright neon lightsticks and their fan chants made it seem as if she'd gone to an exclusive concert. When Tsuchiura said that he hadn't been to a pop production in a while, Kaji answered that he'd invite everyone to one soon.

"Would you attend the concert, Tsukimori-kun?" Kaho asked out of curiosity.

"If I'm invited," he answered. His eyes met hers, and she had to wonder why her first reaction was to blush. _Would he attend one on his own? _

Briefly, she imagined standing in front of a stage, watching the artists and saying, "You hear that? I wrote the song they're performing."

She bent her head and bit her lip when (unexpectedly) she pictured him smiling at her.

"You weren't just going to stand there and wait for Kaji to give you a go signal, right?" Kaho said to Len when they were about to finish their pizza. When he raised an eyebrow, she added, "About the flowers, I mean."

"I wasn't," Len said, taking a sip of his wine. "I also convinced him it would be unfair to Miyabi if you got more flowers when she was the one who twisted her ankle. He wanted to give you daisies and the Hanakirin, by the way. "

Shimizu and Tsuchiura were busy watching Kaji and Miyabi talk about an upcoming waltz scene from the movie. Miyabi insisted she could practice the dance with Kaji '_at this very moment_' –her ankle was much better, and all she had to do was stand on Kaji's feet. "I'm very light," Miyabi said as she grinned at Kaji, stepping lightly on the tops of his shoes. They'd moved some of the furniture in the living room to give space for their dance.

"Why did he want to give me daisies?" Kaho asked Len as Kaji tried to move Miyabi across the room.

Len shook his head. "Isn't it obvious Hino?"

Kaho blushed. She watched Kaji and Miyabi laugh their way through an awkward waltz. "Kaji's pretty harmless."

Len disagreed. His eyes were on his wineglass before he lifted them to Kaho's. "I think he's going to send you more gifts."

"That doesn't sound so bad..."

"He's going to fill your entire apartment," he said. "Your cat will get lost."

That reply had surprised her. The image of her cat getting lost amidst a pile of presents made her giggle. "_Hontou?_" Kaho said, smiling. "All I have to do to find her is put a bowl of cat food on the floor."

"She wouldn't know how to move past the obstacles," Len predicted.

She giggled again while Len frowned at her. "There'll be too many in her way," he explained, looking serious.

"Are you really concerned about my cat?" Kaho asked. She wanted to know if Len owned a pet cat, too.

"I'm concerned about you," he said, holding her gaze. "How's your back, is it still painful?"

Like he did for Miyabi, Len had given Kaho analgesics for her muscle pain. She couldn't believe he remembered to follow-up on her condition.

"Oh, umm. It's fine," she mumbled. Then in a clearer voice said, "It's not painful at all."

He asked about Miyabi. "Oh, she's definitely better now, look," Kaho said, motioning her hand towards the two actors goofing around. "She still needs my help covering the long distances, but she can manage walking around the apartment."

"If I hadn't been there, you would have attempted to carry her. It would have been bad for your back."

Kaho didn't know what to make of his concern. But in the second she puzzled over that, her mind had diverged quickly and showed her an image of Miyabi lifting her arms up to Len. She sighed then, telling herself she shouldn't be annoyed.

"I might have attempted it," she said. "Or I could have asked one of the neighbors downstairs."

"You should worry about yourself a bit more," Len advised, staring at the empty glass of wine in his hand.

She frowned at his profile, "I'm her assistant. And her guardian. I like taking care of her."

"You take care of Shimizu too," he said.

"Well, you know Shimizu. He misplaces his compositions, and he falls asleep at random moments. I need to check on him from time to time."

He looked over at her and their eyes locked. "Who takes care of you?" Len asked.

She was surprised by the intensity of his gaze; it occurred to her to look away but her pride refused to let her. She had to maintain eye contact when she answered his question.

_Who takes care of me? _

_I do, _her brain told her as her chest constricted. _I have myself_. _I don't need anyone to take care of me_. She was holding on to the memory that had come to her aid: she remembered the night before his departure.

"You said that I should take care of myself," she told him. "You said I could do it on my own."

Hadn't he said she could rely on herself?

"_Even without me, you can still..."_

Yes, she could. _But..._she had hoped. She had hoped he'd wanted her to want him.

"You are capable Hino," Len said, unaware of her turmoil. "But you shouldn't overextend yourself to meet the needs of everyone around you."

She shut her eyes. Heaven help her if she cried. A small, wistful smile played on her lips; she was regretting him again.

"I'm so sentimental," she murmured.

It must be that: a dangerous kind of sentimental connection. She was getting carried away by feelings and memories that should have stayed in the past; she couldn't look at him now and not remember both the lovely moments and the painful realizations. She'd offered her heart to him. But he...

She didn't want to put it into words. She'd been disciplined and had stopped imagining a future with him long ago but–

But here he was again, scolding her about how she should be taking care of herself, making her look back into the past. Back to Seisou.

_Back to you..._

"Shimizu," Kaji said in a voice that was, no doubt, meant to wake up Shimizu from his stupor. "Have you started work on the piece Miyabi and I will be dancing to?"

Shimizu jerked a little, as though a discordant note had just burst above his head. "I have a piece for a string quartet," he replied. He let his eyes roam over everyone in the room and bowed, "Hino-senpai, Tsukimori-senpai, Kaji-senpai, please play in the quartet with me."

Len was fast enough to move the wine glasses before Shimizu's head could knock them down. Kaji's mouth hung slightly open, amazed by Shimizu's unexpected invitation.

"Tomorrow," Shimizu said in his half-there, half-not there voice. "I'd like to hear it in the afternoon." He addressed Tsuchiura, "Please come too, _Senpai_."

"There'll be an orchestral version too, won't there?" Tsuchiura asked though it was evident in his tone that he was sure Shimizu was working on the score. Shimizu nodded.

"Shimizu," Miyabi crooned his name, "I'm coming too, aren't I? Now that I'm going to play Ayane, I need to witness more classical music performances for my research into her character."

It seemed inevitable that she would go. Miyabi smiled at Shimizu and then at Kaho. "And I'll need to learn more about the violin from Tsukimori-san if I want to keep my look accurate."

She'd hate it if the real musicians who'd watch the film made comments like: _"Is that bow even moving?"_, _"It's not supposed to be held that way!"_, _"Did they just thwack their bows at each other?"._

She told everyone about a movie that had a scene where the violinists had used their bows like kids playing with swords.

"It was painful to watch," Kaho said with a grimace. Usually, she let the performance mistakes in movies slide, but she couldn't after that scene with the dueling violinists. She'd also been a little depressed at the time and had to take it out on something. Miyabi had rented the movie on the day Kaho had just learned that one of her projects was getting another "pass"; a company had commissioned a jingle for an advertisement but had decided to go in another direction when the big name actor they had been courting had decided to sign up for their campaign.

"Kaho supplied the commentary while we were watching the film," Miyabi said, grinning. "I'd never heard her make so many objections before. It was my first time to see her like that."

"They'd hired real dancers but not real musicians," Kaho explained, trying for middle ground. "The dancing was Ok," she conceded. "I mean, they wanted to focus on choreography, so, I guess, in that aspect, the movie was Ok."

She wondered why she'd just made lame excuses for a movie she didn't particularly like. Kaji piped in: "Hino-san," he began hopefully, "can you teach me about the violin too? I need a tutor to help me prepare for my role as Saiki."

"_Eh_? Kaji, you play the viola, right?" Kaho said. Kaji had a background with string instruments; they'd played in an ensemble together while they were at Seisou.

_I know he's held a violin before_.

"Yeah, aren't you going to play with Shimizu in the quartet tomorrow?" Tsuchiura added.

"If you want more input about being a violinist, you can ask Tsukimori-kun," Kaho suggested. "He's the most qualified person here."

Len sighed. "I've been officially assigned to help them both," he revealed. "Miyabi will be getting basic violin lessons. And Kaji is free to attend as he wishes. He already knows what he can and can't do with a violin and a bow."

At Len's words, Kaji blushed beet red. Kaho caught the embarrassed expression on Kaji's face. She remembered that, in high school, Kaji had been self-effacing and uncompetitive when it came to his skills as a musician. He was decent, he'd said, but nothing like Kaho and light years away from Tsukimori. Kaho felt a tug of sympathy towards him. Kaji loved classical music but had told himself that he lacked the talent to have a place in "their world".

"Do you think you're a little rusty?" Kaho said to Kaji. Her voice was gentle; an obvious contrast to Tsukimori's straightforward tone. "When we play with Shimizu tomorrow, it'll be like practicing again. The muscle memory will kick in, I'm sure."

"Thank you, Hino-san," Kaji said quietly. She was more comfortable with this side of Kaji compared to the version that fawned over her.

Kaho nodded. She was struck by sudden inspiration. "You'll do great. You're the first classically trained musician I know who's made it into the movie industry as an actor." She gave him her most sincere smile. "No one with a musical background is going to look down on your performance or on this movie. I'm sure of it."

Tsuchiura smiled at Kaho. He hooked an arm around Kaji's shoulder. "That's right Kaji, you'll do us all proud."

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"Isn't she always the ray of sunshine," Tsuchiura commented off-handedly when he and Tsukimori reached their home. If Len had guessed right about who or what Tsuchiura was talking about, he hoped there wasn't a follow-up to that statement.

He strode ahead on the pebbled walkway.

By the time Tsuchiura had entered the house, bright light had illuminated the interiors. They had a view of the unlit garden, which, Tsuchiura had said, looked like shades of blue and black applied by a palette knife – like a painting underneath the spotless glass walls of their shared living room. Pinpricks of white stars shone above the trees. It was a calm night.

The spacious, modern house Len's relatives had lent them boasted a living room encased entirely in glass. He was thankful their neighbors didn't live close enough to peek, but if Len wanted privacy, a mere push of the button would generate a waterfall curtain over the transparent walls. The 'curtain' wasn't as effective as a smokescreen (that could have been an option, he mused) but the rest of the house was solid concrete, and he hadn't complained. He was satisfied with their accommodations. Tsuchiura was especially grateful for the grand piano; they'd placed it so anyone who wanted to play would have a view of the lawn, the deck, and the bridge over the large koi pond.

Len hadn't been facing the entrance, but he'd heard Tsuchiura's steps as his friend walked over to the living room. Tsuchiura made his way to the wicker chair across the coffee table and sat with his legs crossed.

"Tell me if I have it wrong," he said to Len who was leaning against one of the low white couches, "but I distinctly recall you volunteering to help Miyabi and/or Kaji with their violin training."

"I had at first, but the director told me that they'd already planned on giving me the task," Len said, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "I didn't say anything misleading at dinner," he added.

"I guess not," Tsuchiura said. "Are you going to their apartment or are they going to come over here?"

"We haven't discussed an arrangement yet," Len replied, closing his eyes. He was tired; he realized that he should have dimmed the lights– the room was too bright.

"I'll talk about it with Hino tomorrow when we play in Shimizu's quartet," Len said.

"Don't you mean you'll talk about it with Miyabi?" Tsuchiura asked. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Why did you volunteer? Kaho has the chops to give Miyabi a beginner's crash course. They live together, too. It's convenient. I actually thought you would suggest she teach Miyabi."

_And allow Kaji the same privilege? _Len scoffed. He'd rather he be the one to take on that burden. And besides...

"Hino has to concentrate on her work," Len said, looking Tsuchiura in the eye. "She has to focus on composing."

She had to think about herself. _And her ambitions_. If Hino had spare time to teach Miyabi, she should be using it to work on her songs. He'd listened to the compositions she'd saved in the USB she'd left in his car –she should keep at it. She had talent. _Is Shimizu doing enough to help her? Has she met the right people?_

"She deserves to succeed."

"I heard from Shimizu that one of the singers they're working with wants to use her song as the carrier single for her next album," Tsuchiura said. "She's getting there, Tsukimori."

Len hadn't heard this news. He sat up and said, "Whose album is it?"

"Korean artist, of course. Initials...I can't remember her name right now."

Len didn't know why people's names were difficult for Tsuchiura. "That's how it started, right Tsuchiura? You'd forgotten Mori's name."

Tsuchiura smirked and chuckled. "Yeah, and I had to take her out to make up for it."

"I wish it could be that simple," Len said softly.

Tsuchiura sighed. "It is Tsukimori," he insisted. "Look, I know it's impossible for her to ask you out. She wouldn't. Heck, why would she? After the way you rejected her..."

"I didn't reject her," Len said with a glare. He hadn't felt like he had. Tsuchiura called him an idiot.

"Look, we're not analyzing this again," Tsuchiura said. "I told you, didn't I? She confessed to you. You hurt her feelings when you said you didn't want to change your relationship. I don't know how Hino could have understood that to mean something other than a rejection. You told me you didn't tell her you'd wait for her. You didn't explain your feelings either. You didn't even tell her you liked her back." His voice was rising, and his arms were in the air. "How is that not a rejection, Tsukimori?"

It was pointless to explain. They'd been over this before.

"I'm not sure I understood what I was trying to do," Len said, resigning himself to accept that he couldn't revisit the events of that night without causing confusion.

"I think it's clear what she wanted from you," Tsuchiura said.

"I want to know if she still feels the same way," Len said tiredly.

"Do you feel the same?"

"About what exactly?"

Tsuchiura nearly exploded. "About her, of course! Get with the program, Tsukimori!"

He'd been frowning at Len for a while now. While they were in Vienna, Tsuchiura had weighed in on the one-sided romances that Len had unknowingly been part of. _"You were on the receiving end and hadn't noticed,"_ Tsuchiura had said. _"Aren't you interested in anyone?"_

"My feelings for Kaho have stayed the same," Len said, echoing a response from years back. "And my concerns during that time are still the concerns I have now. She still has work to do. There are more important things which deserve her attention."

"She's fully aware of those priorities, Tsukimori," Tsuchiura said, rubbing his temples. "I've talked to Shimizu and to Miyabi. Hino's dedicated to her work and she knows what she wants. You were worried she'd quit the violin, but she hasn't. In fact, she's broadened her horizons. She couldn't have surprised us more if she'd ended up a concertmaster in Vienna."

Tsuchiura rose from his chair. "You've waited long enough. If you don't chase after her now, who knows when you'll see her again. You can't keep waiting for the next moment. Ask yourself, if you're only patiently waiting for her to, I don't know, get a clear grasp of her dreams or achieve whatever she wants to achieve– won't there always be something just out of her reach that she might want? She's at a point in her life where the only way is up. She's got to keep moving forward. Ask yourself, do you want to be with her on that journey? Or do you want to stand on the sidelines, waiting for that perfect moment that might never come?"

Did he even know what the moment looked like? Was he waiting for her or was he waiting for himself?

Len stared at the carpet beneath his feet. He wanted to be sure they were both ready. He'd wanted...

Tsuchiura was right. He'd wanted everything to be perfect. But what if that wasn't going to happen? Was he going to wait another nine years?

He was unsure. "I still don't know what to say to her," he admitted.

"You were never good with words Tsukimori," Tsuchiura observed offhandedly.

"Neither are you," Len returned.

"I'm the one who's in a relationship."

"Which started because you'd forgotten Mori's name."

"Why don't _you_ have a girlfriend?"

"Because I can't be anyone but myself," Len admitted with a sigh. "I can't stop thinking about where she might go, what she might do. I want her to be in the same circles but –"

He sighed. At the moment, he wasn't worried about Kaho's outlook–she was still working hard and trying her best. Instead, he was agonizing over what _he _wanted.

"So what are you going to do? If worrying about where she is and what she's doing has become part of you, what should you do?"

Funny how Tsuchiura made him realize that things weren't going to change whether or not he and Kaho would embark in a relationship together. He'd still be the same: always that person who was waiting for her. Longing for her, even.

"It's not about what I should do," he replied. "It's about what I want to do."

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_Author's rambling/etc_.:

This is it for the updates for April. I thought about doing three chapters per month since I started out posting the first three chapters... but we will see. It might be just one per month. (Not yet sure...)

When I was reading the manga years ago, I thought that Len and Tsuchiura should be friends. I'm firmly in the LenxKaho camp, so I was rooting for (and still am rooting for) Len, but I thought that if Len and Ryo could be friends, they would learn from each other's different perspectives.

I feel like they would have a strong friendship; Tsuchiura would value Len's sincerity and his opinions while Len would appreciate Tsuchiura's directness and would possibly make him his sounding board.

Um...so...please review? :)

:) Thank you so much for reading.

June 4 - I recently came across the WIRED Interview NCT 127 did in 2018 ("NCT 127 answer K-Pop Questions From Twitter")...I think if you're curious about KPop, that video covers some FAQ in a fun, lighthearted way ^^. They have members who are fluent in English and there are also large (pretty huge) subtitles for the Korean Parts. Also, I think their newest song "Superhuman" is an excellent example of the best of Kpop. ^^ Check out the videos if you're curious. ^^

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_Notes_:

Kaho said "(It) must be nice to fall in love..." in Chapter 37, Volume 9.

The movie Miyabi mentions in this chapter is called "High Strung". If you want to watch violinists react to the performance Miyabi mentions, watch TwoSet violin on Youtube (the title of the video is "The Worst Violin Movie Acting We've Ever Seen". (They're fun, and they have loads of videos about classical music.)

…

_In music, you're basically having a conversation. - Hans Zimmer_


	7. Chapter 6

Shimizu had set up a camera to record them. Two violins, a cello, and a viola in a multipurpose room which was frequented by young girls in tutus doing ballet after school, various dance groups practicing hip-hop for an upcoming contest and the occasional music students who wanted to set-up their own studio band. Shimizu had pointed to the stacked backless monobloc chairs for Tsuchiura and Miyabi to sit on.

"Why aren't we using the studio's facilities?" Tsuchiura asked Shimizu. His coat was hanging from his arm; he couldn't fling the garment over a backless chair. Miyabi sat next to him.

Shimizu didn't answer. He was busy moving his cello to the appointed area in the middle of the room."This place is closer to his house," Kaho explained for him, watching their companions as they surveyed the room.

Kaji played with a hi-hat and drumsticks that had been sitting near the door. "Where's the rest of the drumkit?" he wondered.

There was also an upright piano which Tsuchiura used to flex his (still in shape) pianist muscles; he played an etude on the instrument (Chopin, of course), and declared that it was in tune. Kaji said that if he knew how to play drums (and if the drumkit were complete), he would have joined Tsuchiura in a bit of Jazz improvisation.

"I think Kaji should have brought his bodyguards," Tsuchiura whispered to Kaho.

Kaho watched Kaji and tried to determine if the pop star needed reassurance. But Kaji was still playing with the drumsticks and didn't appear concerned about their unconventional practice location.

"It's safe here, Tsuchiura. Don't worry," Kaho said. The place looked a little shabby, but they weren't in any danger of being accosted by fans. "It's the ballerinas' turn after ours," she said. "I don't think the little girls will be interested."

"I don't like the water stains on that ceiling," Tsuchiura commented.

"Since when did you become so particular?" Kaho asked.

"I had expectations that's all," Tsuchiura said. "I have a bad back, did you know that?" he said, shifting in his backless chair as he tried to find a position that suited him. "It needs support."

_Geez_. Kaho turned her attention toward Len who was looking out the windows opposite the wall of glass that had been installed for the dancers. "There's a basketball court in front of this building," Len observed. His arms were crossed in front of his chest, and his eyes bore on the pavement as though willing the area not to fill up with players.

"It's kind of hot here too," Kaji added. He turned on the ceiling fan which caused a bit of rubble to fall to the floor. The group, for Shimizu's sake, ignored it.

"Yeah, it is kinda hot," Miyabi agreed, fanning her face. She had for a short while tried to help Shimizu with the camera. Shimizu declined her help, and Kaho explained that there were some things Shimizu liked to do by himself. This she said after Miyabi had accidentally knocked over the tripod.

"We should get some drinks," Miyabi suggested.

Miyabi stood before Kaho could budge an inch. "Don't worry Kaho, I can get my own. Tsuchiura will accompany me, won't you Tsuchiura-kun?" She favored Tsuchiura with a smile that usually made guys stop in their tracks. Tsuchiura looked at Kaho and shrugged.

"You guys should be warming up," Miyabi said, taking Tsuchiura's proffered arm and walking with him to the exit.

_That leaves the four of us..._

Kaho went to help Len who was frowning as he picked up a trail of sheet music Shimizu had dropped. Kaji was also making his way toward Shimizu, balancing the drumsticks he found over his palms, then shoulders and elbows as he walked; he stopped fooling around when he noticed Kaho watching him. His eyes roamed the room anxiously, "I haven't played in a quartet in years," Kaji said.

"You aren't alone Kaji," Kaho reassured him. She knelt on the ground to pick up Shimizu's papers. "It's been years for me too."

"I'm afraid of what Tsukimori will say if I mess up," he confessed in a conspiratorial whisper.

Kaho giggled. "Tsukimori-kun isn't so scary right now, is he?"

They watched Len hand Shimizu his bow. "I'm almost expecting him to pat Shimizu on the head," Kaho said.

"This place is pretty old, isn't it?" Kaji asked.

"It is," Kaho replied, "Shimizu's been trying to raise money to rehabilitate the building. He wants the little girls and the other musicians to be able to practice somewhere nicer."

"He has? That's a noble goal," Kaji said, looking up at the ceiling. Kaho did the same and found the stains Tsuchiura had noticed. There were also a few cracks. Kaji let his gaze roam over her face. "I think it's so old the plaster on the ceiling is falling off. There's a bit of it on you..."

"Huh, what plaster?"

Kaji's hand reached out at the same time Shimizu moved to occupy the space in front of her. Len was concentrating on the sheet music, but he glanced at Kaji and Kaho briefly before returning to study the notes on the paper.

"There's white stuff on your hair," Len told her. She looked at her reflection in the wide mirrors and remedied the situation. Kaji sighed and followed Shimizu, who, in his own a strange way, had gathered them to the middle of the room.

The first time Kaho played in a quartet was in high school. She, Len, Shimizu, and Ousaki-senpai had played _Eine kleine Nachtmusik_ for a group of elementary school students at an after-school program. _That was years ago_. Eons since she had to rely on the magic violin to get through a performance.

Her heart had beat faster that first time, and it was beating the same way now for a different reason.

_I can sight-read. I know how to read music!_

It was a silly thing to be amazed by, but she was hit by this wave of joy and thankfulness. She knew how to sight-read. She knew how to write songs. She even knew what it was like to finish writing one in fifteen minutes!

She was proud of herself. _I've come far. _

_And I can go further..._

Her eyes sought Len. He had told her once that music was her path. He was right. Music had brought her to Seoul and had led her to different avenues to explore her creativity. Suddenly, in an old, quirky practice room with four of her former schoolmates, she felt a surge of new faith fill her chest. She had made the right decisions.

Kaho held her violin and waited for the signal to begin. She steadied her bow, ready to glide it over the strings of her instrument. No one asked her if she could manage; no one told her to pay close attention and try to avoid mistakes. She wasn't someone who was trying to catch up or trying not to fail. She wasn't thinking of failing. She knew, without a doubt, that she would do well.

It was a wonderful feeling.

"That was beautiful, Shimizu," Tsuchiura said after the last notes had been played.

Miyabi clapped her hands and squealed. "It sounds like falling in love," she said. She turned to Kaho. "That's one of Ayane's lines from the script," she informed everyone. Then she sighed and said, "I wish the writers had made Saiki confess to her after the waltz. That'd be perfect."

"I'm not sure how he could have done," Kaho said. _It's not like that in the book..._

Miyabi pouted and tapped her chin. "He could say: 'Yes, it does sound like falling in love' while gazing meaningfully at Ayane. Or he could have said something like, 'What would being caught sound like?'"

"Being caught?" Tsuchiura asked.

"Yes! Falling isn't the same as having your feelings reciprocated. Right, Shimizu?"

"I want couples to fall in love to this piece" Shimizu answered, blinking at Miyabi.

"Well, that'd be nice," Tsuchiura said. "I can't really imagine the 'falling' as one-sided with this music."

Len added his own input: "But if it is one-sided," he said, "there's still some consolation for the person who fell. Should you regret love when it happened so grandly? This music sweeps you away, just as true love is meant to do."

"I agree," Miyabi said. "If the love isn't returned– that's not something that this piece thinks of yet. It's about living in the moment. Cherishing the feeling."

"What do you think Hino-san?" Kaji asked with a smile.

"I think–" she hesitated. "I think I like the idea of treasuring the feeling of falling in love. If the other person doesn't feel the same, well," she paused and let her gaze drift to her violin, "it's still love even if it isn't returned."

She wanted to ask herself that question: _Is it _really_ love if it isn't reciprocated?_

_Is love's identity complete only when there's a receiver to throw...Or Toss? Give that love back to you?_

"Realizing you're in love is a wonderful feeling," Kaho said, finally.

Tsuchiura crossed his arms behind his head, forgetting for an instant that there was no back to his chair. "It happened to both of them," he said, wincing as he got up from the floor after losing his balance. "Not just Ayane. Right, Shimizu?"

"_Hai_," Shimizu said.

"It'd be lonely otherwise," Kaji added.

"Right?" Tsuchiura said. "I'd prefer a happier, less self-sacrificing ending," he said under his breath.

_Probably because you're getting married_, Kaho thought. Miyabi may have accused her of being cynical at one point or other, and her friend might have misinterpreted her on one occasion when she'd shared that she liked to think that mutual love was a miracle, but, to Kaho, a lot of everyday things were miracles. She would rather believe in that than accept that nothing about life was special.

_People in love should be counting their blessings_.

"When _are_ you going to be Mr. Manami Mori, Tsuchiura?" Kaho asked.

"In eight months," he replied with a grin. "Manami and I haven't decided on the venue, but we'll get there. Hopefully."

"Right," Kaho grinned. "It's the getting there that's important."

If she decided to get married, Kaho thought, she would probably have only a few specifications: The color scheme. The flowers. The number of people who would attend. And yes, the groom. _He just has to show up._

"Are you imagining her leaving me at the altar?" Tsuchiura asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Let's not joke about that," Kaho said, laughing.

Moments later, when Kaho decided that she _could_ joke about getting jilted, a flurry of frothy pink tutus pushed the doors open with shouts and squeals. One tiny tyrant informed their quartet (plus Miyabi and Tsuchiura) that it was 'time's up' and that it was the girls' turn to occupy the room.

"Please forgive the girls," said their harrassed-looking teacher, "their next recital is in a week."

Tsuchiura turned to Shimizu as they moved toward the exit, "Well Shimizu, we've been ejected from the building. Where do we go now?"

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Agatha, Shimizu's parrot, greeted Shimizu's guests as they entered his apartment. _Squawk_. 'Take off your clothes.' _Squawk_. 'Take off your clothes'

"_Please stop,_" Kaho pleaded. She'd nearly tripped over her own feet when she ran to Agatha's cage to silence the bird. She turned to the others and tried to hide her embarrassment. "What she really means is 'take off your shoes'."

"She reminds me to do that before I take a shower," Shimizu added, wedging himself between Tsuchiura and Kaji as he tried to make his way to his pet.

"Does he mean taking off his clothes or taking off his shoes?" Kaji whispered to Kaho. "I can't decide which is weirder if it were true."

"It's the shoes, definitely the shoes," Kaho answered.

Kaho played hostess and led the group to Shimizu's _kotatsu _while Shimizu fed Agatha birdseed_. _Kaho served their guests lemon water. Then she'd checked his fridge. And the kitchen cabinets...

Aside from the lemons, there was nothing. _Absolutely nothing_. The house was clean (thank goodness), but Shimizu hadn't left any edible meals in the kitchen. She couldn't find a single vegetable stalk or slab of meat she could work with to prepare a meal.

"I'd have to get used to the taste of air if I lived around here," Tsuchiura muttered. He and Kaji had helped Kaho in their vain search for crumbs.

"Don't be so mean Tsuchiura," Kaho scolded. She checked behind her shoulder to see if Shimizu had heard. He was leaning against Len who was frowning as he tried to adjust Shimizu's head so Shimizu wouldn't fall backward and hit the floor or forwards and hit the edge of the _kotatsu_. Miyabi, taking pity on Len, moved closer so Shimizu could rest his head on her lap.

"It's been a long day," Tsuchiura answered. "I'm given to complaining when I'm tired and hungry and dehydrated."

"Have more lemon water," Kaho said, offering him another glass. Tsuchiura raised an eyebrow at her overly cheerful delivery.

Kaho laughed. "Since you and Tsukimori-kun became friends, you've taken your eyebrow-raising game to a whole other level."

"I can cover for the food," Kaji volunteered. He wanted Kaho to accompany him to a nearby convenience store. "How does ramen, sound?" he asked, giving her one of his signature smiles.

"Tsukimori," Tsuchiura said, turning toward Len. "You can help them with the groceries, right?"

Kaji grabbed Kaho's hand and pulled her to the door. "We can manage Tsuchiura," he insisted. "Right, Hino-san?"

"It's just ramen," Kaho seconded. "We'll be back quickly."

Len stood up, deftly avoiding Shimizu's sleeping form. "I have no objection to going with you," he said, fixing his eyes on Kaho.

Miyabi petted the sleeping cellist, "Tsuchiura-kun and I will look after Shimizu while you're out. When he's asleep like this, he's easy to take care of,"

"He reminds me of our cat," Miyabi said.

Kaho wouldn't have described taking care of Shimizu as 'easy'. _Even if he is sleeping right now_. As she, Len, and Kaji walked down the stairs of Shimizu's building, she thought about how vigilant she had to be so Shimizu wouldn't misplace important documents. She had to remind him to back-up his files, to not skip meals, and, yes, to try to clean up after himself.

She nearly slipped on a step, but both Kaji and Len grabbed her before she could fall. She had seen their expressions when they caught her: Kaji's mouth was slightly open and his eyes were wide with concern; Len had his eyebrows knit in frustration.

Kaji, she imagined, was glad she hadn't tumbled down the steps. While Len was probably thinking...

_I'm concerned about you..._

_Who takes care of you?_

The words had jumped out at her in her head. _Who indeed_.

For a moment, she wanted to reach out and smooth Len's brow. She didn't want him to frown at her. _Was I a burden to you?_

But she shook her head and made both guys hurry.

"We better get that ramen," she said, pulling them both into the sidewalk.

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The sounds of a city neighborhood at night drifted toward Len's ears: there was dialogue from loud televisions, the sound of some distant cars driving past, and the low cacophony of dogs barking.

He thought the walk could be spent in silence since the convenience store was only a few houses away, but he'd seen Kaji lower his ubiquitous facemask and, almost instinctively, braced himself for small talk.

He was saved by the grumbling of Kaho's stomach.

Kaho opened her mouth and was about to say apologize, but she was interrupted by another even louder grumble. Kaho giggled softly and glanced at Kaji who chuckled. This was followed by another grumble, the loudest of all. It was Kaho, again. There was a short span of silence before laughter broke out like a flood, spilling over the relative quietness of the night; Kaji clutched his side as he and Kaho tried to compose themselves. Slightly perplexed and the only one still holding a straight face, Len fell back as the two led the way to the store. When they were faced with aisles of food, the high from the laughing fit had settled and his two companions began to debate whether _Jjamppong_ was better than the classic Seafood ramen.

"Tsukimori-kun," Kaho called out to him, "do you want the spicy noodles or would you like the milder one?"

"We should get him the spicy one," Kaji said with a grin. "See if Tsukimori can handle it."

Len wasn't fond of spicy food, but that didn't mean he couldn't hold down a bowl of _Jjampong_. He had this image in his head of finishing an entire bowl of ramen before Kaji did; he clamped his mouth shut before he could issue a challenge.

His stomach turned; Kaho had just laughed at something Kaji had said.

"You did more than 'your level best', Kaji-kun," Kaho said, a bit exasperated. "The way you said it makes me think of –"

"Of Tsukimori-san?" Kaji interrupted, his voice playful.

Len raised an eyebrow at this.

"Actually, I think I _am_ trying to sound like him," Kaji said, his eyes darting briefly toward Len. "I think his personality is close to Saiki's," he admitted.

Len didn't know how to respond. He hadn't read the book and was only familiar with the animated film because he had contributed to the OST. But no one had ever told him they reminded him of the main character.

Kaji handed his credit card to the clerk who totaled their items. "I think if Tsukimori-san were allowed, it wouldn't be difficult for him to play Saiki," Kaji said with a small, almost imperceptible, smile.

_Me? Act? _He wasn't the sort of person who was offered acting projects. Len crossed his arms and said, without any false pride, and as though merely stating fact, "I'm not sure I'll be able to meet the director's expectations."

"Ah, I don't think I've ever heard you say the words 'I'm not sure I'll be able'," Kaji said as they exited the store. The comment sounded innocuous and Len hadn't seen Kaji's expression, but he was suddenly suspicious. He was about to change the subject when Kaho, in a thoughtful voice, Kaho said, "No Kaji, I think Tsukimori-kun is honest about what he can and can't do."

"He's very straightforward that way," she added.

He couldn't see her face and couldn't guess her thoughts. His stomach was turning again, but he stopped himself before he could place a comforting hand over his midsection. He had to say something.

"I think, Hino, that you are the most straightforward person I know," Len said.

Kaho stopped walking. She turned to him with her lips parted. "You are," Len said, "I think it's what's most obvious about you."

Their eyes had met. She was a good two feet away, and Kaji had already stood beside her, but he had her full attention.

"It's in the way you play," Len said.

"Yeah, that's true," Kaji piped in. "You were amazing in the quartet a while ago, Hino-san."

Len thought he had the opportunity to tell her that she deserved more than the occasional appreciation for the occasional performance. "I agree with Kaji," he said. "But you have a greater scope, Hino. You're meant to engage more people." He held her eyes with his, "Your compositions shouldn't be confined to just the recording studio."

_Is that enough? _He wondered if he had said it right. Or if he'd chosen the right words. _Engage._ _Captivate?_ It went without saying that she captivated him. _Ah_. He tried the words in his head. _You captivate me_.

"My...my compositions?" she breathed.

"Remember? The flash drive in the car?"

_You've captivated me. _The expression on her face would have matched the words if he'd spoken them.

"You've heard them?" Kaji asked, frowning at Len. "I thought only Shimizu could listen," he said, turning to Kaho and looking as though he was about to press for more details.

Kaho cheeks turned pink. "It was an accident."

"Your work isn't just for Shimizu's ears, Hino," said Len, his voice firm and brooking no argument. Kaho appeared contemplative for a moment.

"Do you even listen to Kpop, Tsukimori-kun?" she asked suddenly. There was no judgment in her voice, only curiosity.

He remembered his visit after Miyabi had injured her ankle. Kaho had asked him if he listened to other genres of music.

"As often as I listen to EDM," he answered. Kaho's eyes suddenly lit with humor. She bit back a laugh and they smiled at each other. That he could joke with her no longer surprised him. No, he didn't listen to EDM habitually (only if it came on the radio), but he would pay attention to anything she made and any music she wanted to share with him.

"I'm sure yours will be the music that will convert me," Len said.

"I should get that flash drive back," Kaho murmured, dropping her gaze to the ground. She looked away, but when she spoke, her tone had brightened. "I want to share – "she hesitated before looking him in the eye, "It's going to happen soon..."

She told them about the song she'd contributed to KZ's upcoming album. Kaji congratulated her immediately, pulling her forward as they walked back to Shimizu's apartment. Len watched as Kaji took Kaho by the hand and twirled her.

"You amaze me every day, Hino-san," Kaji said.

Len had no choice but to stifle his irritation. He could follow-up with more praise, but he didn't want to compete with Kaji in a "compliment battle". To be honest, he knew he'd lose. _You move me_, he wanted to say. Would those words be enough for her? He watched Kaho's face as she told Kaji about how she'd written the song in both Korean and Japanese. KZ had praised her for adding the violin.

"She wants to include a rap part," Kaho said to Kaji, sounding apprehensive about the decision.

She was beautiful when she was confident. He liked seeing her happy. Kaji was telling her that he'd love to perform one of her songs someday. He seemed sincere. And Kaho was obviously thrilled at the idea.

Len wished _he_ could make her excited about something. Kaji was relentless and Kaho was always polite and accommodating, but Len had thought Kaji's approach would cause Kaho to back away. He did his best to keep a straight face. He couldn't ask Kaji to step back, could he? He had no right.

_But..._

Kaho was too unguarded. At dinner yesterday, she said she thought Kaji was harmless. _Harmless!_

A constant flirt, maybe. He narrowed his eyes at Kaji's profile. _Smiles too much.._.

_But if she seriously considered him..._

_If she changed her mind and gave Kaji a chance..._

As they climbed the last few steps to the rooftop, Len tried not to think of Kaho returning Kaji's feelings. In his mind's eye, he saw Kaji taking Kaho on dates; he saw them going on picnics, cloud watching (where did that come from?) and laughing happily together. The idea of it all was enough to give him real physical discomfort; his stomach churned.

"Of course you'll be front row when we perform it!" Len heard Kaji promise.

If the song Kaho wrote for Kaji was going to be a ballad, Kaji imagined violins or a piano accompanying him and the other members. Kaho had pictured an upbeat song with fun choreography. The pair was cheerfully dreaming up the possibilities; adding trappings here and there to an elaborate stage performance and stopped only when they reached the landing. They paused when they heard Shimizu's voice. Shimizu was on his phone and had his back to them. He was apologizing to someone on the other line for the poor signal.

"_Hai_," Shimizu said. "I can hear you."

"_Konbanwa_," Shimizu bowed to the unseen voice as though he or she were present. "Ah, _gomen_. _Annyeong haseyo_."

"I see," he said. "But –" he was cut off. There was a pause before he said, "You aren't using the song anymore?"

He stopped to listen to the person on the other line. "No, I understand KZ-san. I'm sorry, too. _Gomenasai_."

Shimizu gave another bow. It was a few seconds before he ended the call. "I don't know how I should tell Kaho-senpai," he said aloud, looking at the evening sky.

None of them had moved. They watched Shimizu's back, waiting for the inevitable resolution of the moment. When Shimizu finally turned, the world seemed to spin faster. Time sped up. Kaho ran down the stairs. Kaji dropped his groceries and chased after her. Shimizu watched them both before blinking at Len.

Len was still transfixed. One beat. Two beats. By the third beat, he'd broken free of his trance. He exited the building, still carrying the bag from the convenience store. His breath came out in short puffs as he ran. It hurt him that her expectations had been canceled so abruptly.

He hadn't seen her face when they'd heard the news. But it was apparent the quiet pride and anticipation he'd seen moments before they had climbed the stairs had been erased. Len felt helpless. He was sorry for her –as if something essential had been sucked out of him as well. He'd been emptied of warmth and then filled with another feeling that wrapped icy fingers around his heart.

_Your music isn't just for Shimizu's ears..._

_It's still going to happen_...

He wanted to believe in her. She would push forward. What he needed to do was to offer his support, comfort her and... Len halted. The running had caused an annoying stitch in his side, but it hadn't stopped him in his tracks. He hadn't minded the pain, until...

As he tried to control his breathing, he became more conscious of the rise and fall of his chest. His eyes had adjusted to the scene in front of him and, as quickly as they came, he shoved aside the loneliness, disappointment and the anger he felt. It was anger directed toward himself.

He'd forgotten about Kaji. Kaji had run after her first. His brows drew together. Why wouldn't it have happened as he saw it now?

Kaji and Kaho were standing under the glare of a yellow streetlight. Kaji had wound his arms around a sobbing Kaho, covering her from view. Len watched from a distance as Kaji's hand lifted to stroke Kaho's hair.

The sounds of the night he'd enjoyed at the beginning of the evening had been muted. He couldn't move; he felt as if he'd been trapped inside a statue. The light that illuminated Kaji and Kaho was like a blanket and a boundary. He was an outsider here. He had no right...no right at all...

He couldn't go to her.

_Kahoko...who takes care of you?_

He watched as Kaji continued to stroke Kaho's hair.

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I frequently hesitate before posting but, oh well. Please review?

Just a few thoughts: Yes, Kaji is aware that he's competing with Len. He may be insecure when it comes to music – and that may be the reason why he'd tell himself that he doesn't deserve Hino – but I think he won't let Len win if he can help it. Well, at least my version of him won't go down without a fight. He will always try to get Hino's attention.

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Soundtrack:

"Merry-Go-Round of Life" the quartet version from the Vitamin C quartet for Shimizu's piece. It's in 3/4 time and perfect for a waltz. I love the original version from "Howl's Moving Castle"- it's my favorite from Joe Hisaishi's works.

Vocabulary:

_Annyeong haseyo - Hello_


	8. Chapter 7

_One week later..._

_Why does your heart still beat when it's broken? _

_Do the pieces beat by themselves? _

Instead of gluing the shards, did her body wrap the pieces of her heart in sinew to keep them from falling out the spaces of her ribcage? Her heart wasn't held together as it should be –she had imagined rose petals slipping from the spaces between her fingers –but the components were collected in one place- still in her chest, still functioning. That's how valuable a working heart was –anything the body could use to keep it operational, it would. She pondered what "anything" consisted off –strength of will? outside help thru friends or other available resources? She thought about alcohol and how it could numb pain but would never be a real solution. She considered what her response to heartbreak should be: she knew she wasn't a drinker by nature, it wasn't the right temptation for her; and she wasn't a partygoer either, she didn't like the noise. What then were her options?

_Honestly?_

She wanted to have time to herself; she wanted to stare at the ceiling above her bed and watch nothing. Nothing at all. This time around, there would be no turbulence –she would float like a leaf on a calm stream –she would have peace and gentle rocking while the scenery passed her by.

But she was busy. And that helped too. Instead of idle dreaming, she let the busy world she inhabited carry her. She was going with the flow: She was running errands for Miyabi; she was accompanying Miyabi to the studio; she listened to Miyabi and Kaji practice their lines; she was present when Len tried to teach Miyabi the fundamentals of the violin.

_If anyone asks what I'm doing..._

_The answer is:_

_I'm doing my job. The real one._

_._

_._

_Two weeks later..._

_Tempo is a song's pulse_. Fast tempos were supposed to convey happiness, slow tempos evoked sadness; this association wasn't a universal palette for music, and, actually, Kaho enjoyed upbeat songs with stories about heartbreak or disappointment. She'd written songs like that. "I-sound-happy-but-I'm-actually-sad" songs were probably a favorite of hers.

Like the tempo of those songs, she was moving as quickly as her (bruised?) heart would allow. She wasn't manic; she was just trying to fit in as much work as possible into twenty-four hours. If each sleep-wake cycle meant she could be reborn the next day, she'd probably spend all those hours asleep. But sleep wasn't her friend, and it didn't do her bidding either. She'd always envied people who could fall asleep on command. It hadn't been easy for her to plop her head on her pillow and let sleep overtake her. During her insomnia-laden nights, she'd done a lot of organizing, a lot of cleaning, and had also made plans to redecorate Shimizu's apartment. She thought he might like a combination of greens and greys... or maybe...slate blue and grey. The possibilities were as limitless as her imagination.

If she were really limitless (like Bradley Cooper in that movie), she would have probably surprised herself with all that she'd been able to accomplish in the past few days. But, (sadly?) she hadn't overworked herself yet. She placed two fingers to the beat below her thumb – her pulse was in time to her steps. After all, she still had a functioning heart.

She was running again today. _Exercise is supposed to make you feel better, right? Endorphins and all._ It was early yet, and the sun stuttered behind the clouds, reminding her almost diffidently that she only had about an hour left before she had to go home and make the pancake breakfast she had promised Miyabi. She zipped her lightweight jacket and adjusted her earbuds.

The first single from a girl group whose "making of" she'd watched on a reality tv show filled her ears. She adjusted her earbuds as her mind started to translate the song's lyrics in Japanese. She knew the girls would eventually make a debut in Japan.

_I wonder how well they'll do on Oricon..._

Today, she wore jogging pants and a hoodie, not the space age kind of attire worn by the other runners and not like Kaji, who had invited himself to be her "running buddy"; he had a pedometer strapped to him and was more of a match with the girls who'd run by in jackets that had a cooling effect on the skin and which could also block UV rays...

_Hmmm...maybe I should buy one of those after all..._

She tipped her head toward Kaji and thanked him for accompanying her. She was polite when she assured him that he didn't have to go through so much trouble to see if she was OK.

Kaji, in his matching spandex shorts and shirt, face mask and cap, ran ahead and with his back facing the oncoming path. When he adjusted his cap, it reminded her of a knight raising his visor. _He does seem like the type to come to a girl's rescue...kind of like Tsuchiura..._

"I just wanted to spend time with you," Kaji said, his voice slightly muffled because of the face mask. He pulled it down so she could hear him better, "If you need a listening ear –"

"You can keep both ears open Kaji," she said, trying for a not-so-strict sounding response. "You'll have to listen so I can tell you how to avoid a collision."

Kaji grinned and continued to run backwards.

"You'll crash into someone if you don't look where you're going," she said with a frown.

"Tell me if I should go left or right," he said playfully. "C' mon, it'll be fun."

"You don't want to fall into that fountain," she warned him. Yesterday, they had both discovered a new fountain near the edge of the park. They wouldn't have known about it if they hadn't met up.

"I'll pull you in with me so we'll both get wet," he said.

A notch appeared between her brows, it contrasted with the small smile that had lifted the corners of her lips, "Then why make me your eyes?"

"So you can order someone around for a change," he said, grinning.

She considered that for a moment, her face making disapproving lines. Yesterday, Kaji had accompanied her to two grocery stores because she couldn't find the special tea Miyabi had requested.

Regret passed across Kaji's face. He stopped running backwards and took his place beside Kaho. "Sorry," he apologized. "I guess Miyabi's pretty nice for a boss."

"I just –" she hesitated. "I just like being busy, that's all."

If she didn't work for Miyabi, what would she be doing now? _Probably nursing my wounds quietly in the corner of my room..._Except she wouldn't have a place of her own, she would probably be bunking with Shimizu. If she didn't have her assistant job, what would she be doing? Shimizu didn't pay her to clean his apartment, though he'd probably let her do that and stay with him for free –which, of course, she couldn't allow. She acknowledged that she had to set aside a more significant amount for savings while she still had her job.

_Because once Miyabi returns to Japan..._

If she decided not to go with Miyabi...What would she do? She supposed she'd go back to tutoring violin.

She had slowed down, but she still had to stay upbeat. She had to keep busy.

"I have to head back," she informed a disappointed-looking Kaji. He'd opened his mouth as though ready to argue/plead/convince her to stay, but he'd changed his mind and said nothing. She tried to give him a smile. "_Mata ne_," she said, turning to go in the opposite direction.

Softly she added, "Miyabi's breakfast won't make itself..."

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_Three weeks later..._

"_The bridge must be parallel. No, hold it like this. No,"_ she said only to herself.

In the privacy of her mind, Kaho echoed the advice Len gave to Miyabi. Len held Miyabi by the shoulder and adjusted her arm. He was instructing Miyabi to exert more pressure on the strings. Miyabi smiled at him and tried to do as he asked.

"Again,"Len ordered. Kaho sighed along with him.

"There are missing notes," he said."You should pay more attention."

He was still strict, but he had tried to praise Miyabi when she was able to go through a section without destroying their ears. Kaho shut her eyes briefly.

_Exhale Kaho_. _You were a beginner once, too...and unlike you, Miyabi hadn't been given training wheels, aka a magic violin, to help her get a head start. _

"Be fair, Kaho," she said to herself, dismissing her annoyance. She tried to keep her face appear composed and mildly curious. Self-control was important, hadn't she also learned that from Len?

A vague feeling of unease settled in her stomach as Kaho watched Miyabi flutter her lashes at her new tutor; Miyabi was all smiles as she promised him she would "do her best".

When Len had helped Kaho with her violin lessons in high school, Kaho had made faithful notes of his reminders, tips, and pointers. She'd told him too that she would do her best, hadn't she?

She'd said she would look forward to seeing his performances abroad; she was going to _"anticipate the wonderful and dazzling performances to come"_ –she'd expected to watch him on television or through recordings available online but...

_Oh_, his face when he'd opened the door to the practice room –she'd been struck dumb. When her feelings had been most intense, she had imagined what it would be like to meet him backstage after a performance.

_She wanted him to be welcoming. I wanted him to greet me with a smile... _

_She wanted him to go and make the future he'd been preparing for all his life, but..._

_I also wanted to close my arms around him, gather all the things that made him Len and..._

_She wanted to carry a part of him with her._

She dug her fingers into her palms and bit her lip. She had to stop, rewind, edit. "I haven't had these thoughts in a long, long time," she said to herself. When she lifted her eyes, she saw Len shake his head at Miyabi who smiled sheepishly at him.

It was familiar...

So familiar she had to shut her eyes and pinch herself...

She couldn't go back there again. _Just stop it Kahoko._

Her heart was thudding in her chest. She wasn't going to let the past make her feel anxious. It wasn't likely that leaving for five minutes would lead to missing a milestone, right? She stretched her arms and rose from the sofa. Besides, the house had an open floor plan; Miyabi could still see her from Len's kitchen. She wouldn't be missed.

Kaho leaned tiredly against the marble countertop and let herself focus on the view the transparent walls of the living room had offered: there were rows of green trees and vibrant green grass. She wasn't sure she would be comfortable with a look-through house (even if it was just a portion of it), but the scenery in front was enough reason to justify the glass walls. She wasn't surprised Len and Ryo lived in such a house; they likely had their pick of the best.

Len hadn't minded when Miyabi said she wanted to have lessons at his place. Miyabi had been curious to see the house where he and Tsuchiura lived, and Len had obliged her request. Kaho, who had to chaperone Miyabi by default, had another reason to go. She had to keep an eye on her precious instrument, which Miyabi had borrowed. (Not that Miyabi couldn't have bought a violin for herself...and there wasn't a need to cost-cut but...)

Kaho sighed, poured herself a glass of water, and prepared ice tea for Miyabi and Len. Tsuchiura came in from another room and walked up to her. "Should I remind you that you're a guest in this house?" he said with amusement.

"Old habits, I guess," Kaho answered. She blushed and started to defend herself in earnest, "I mean, I didn't have to squeeze the lemons. See," she held up the packet of instant tea for Tsuchiura's eyes. "Little or no effort."

During a previous visit, he'd shown Kaho where the drinks and other food (mostly instant, she noticed) were stored.

"It may be a small task Hino, but neither Tsukimori or I would want you to play housemaid," Tsuchiura said.

She was tempted to roll her eyes. It wasn't a big deal. She took a spoon and started to stir the ice tea. "You can carry the tray to the living room if you like."

"Will you play something for us?" she heard Miyabi ask Len.

A mischievous part of Kaho wanted to hear him say: '_I doubt a demonstration would help at your level._' And then maybe Miyabi would snap: '_At least I'd know what it should sound like. Why are you so stingy?_'

_Ah...I don't think I'll hear him say things like that anymore..._

Len might have done when they'd first met, but after nine years, he seemed more aware of the effect his words had on people and was more willing to inconvenience himself for the sake of others.

Kaho watched Len's face as Miyabi tried to sweetly coerce him to play something for them. In high school, Kaho had asked Len to play duets.

_I just wanted that feeling...I just wanted him to say yes. _

She couldn't deny it; she knew she would love to hear him play.

"Do you have any suggestions, Kaho?" Miyabi shouted in her direction.

_Hmm?_ She removed the spoon that was still in her mouth. _I don't know..._

She walked back to the living room with empty hands as Tsuchiura had agreed to carry the tray. Len turned to her and, despite being successful for the past hour or so, this time she couldn't avoid making eye contact.

It was inconvenient to have him so near; every time their eyes met, she felt herself filling up. There were restless, fizzing bubbles of champagne that made her tingle or energetic sparks colliding inside her chest. _And yet..._it was also as if she was getting drained of energy.

How could she manage both at the same time?

It wasn't him (since he wasn't contributing on purpose), but it was her reaction to him, and it mattered. _Nine years. _What had changed and what hadn't?

She could still hang his picture in a gallery, whether or not she could explain what she felt when she looked at him. _Eyes. Lips. Nose. Mouth. Lips_. Did the arrangement of his features make a difference? If he was a painting, was she, the viewer, looking at him through her own made-up context?

He'd stared at her as if he also wanted to know what she wanted him to play. _What do you want, Kaho?_

"I'd like a new beginning," she said firmly. "An '_opening up_'"

As their gazes locked, she knew she wanted to be swept away by some powerful feeling. Something that would carry her into a thrilling world.

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_Beginnings are also endings. Endings are also beginnings._

'_Polonaise brillante_', was the piece Len had played during the first selection; it had represented a 'grand opening' and had established him as an early frontrunner in the competition. When he had stepped on Seisou's stage and played in front of the audience and the judges, he had envisioned showing them what it meant to forge a path. He had wanted to make an impression.

He had wanted to impress.

Today, this piece wasn't about asserting himself; he wanted to remind Kaho of the force of her own will: She could do anything. She could go anywhere. Anywhere. And if she wanted it – if she told him to go with her, he would.

This piece marked an ending for him too. It was an end to second-guessing, to hesitating, to wondering what she'd think if he pursued her after what happened nine years ago.

_This is for you, Kahoko. _

He turned to Tsuchiura and quietly communicated which piece he wanted to play. With a brisk nod indicating his agreement, Tsuchiura plucked _Wieniawski_ from the shelf and sat on the bench in front of the _Steinway_ in the living room.

Len knew Kaho was independent; she could make her own choices, and she might even choose someone other than him, but he couldn't allow her to move away from what she wanted. For the past weeks, he'd seen her try her best to appear unaffected; she could pull a smile out of thin air, but he had caught her drop the mask a few times and stare into space, looking lost. He had asked Shimizu if she was working on other songs, but Shimizu had told him that Kaho hadn't talked about their projects since the incident with KZ. Shimizu had offered to collaborate on new material, but she had refused.

Len told himself that he couldn't let her go. If he did now, would every path still lead to her? He wasn't about to let her stray.

_If she doesn't choose me...I'll still appear at every beginning. I'll always extend my hand towards her. _

_She won't forget where she belongs._

As the last strains of the violin filled the room, he exchanged a lingering look with Kaho. Music could bring back lost memories; it could trigger the emotions it had inspired long ago. He'd wanted to able to do that for her. He wanted to remind her of her courage.

He wanted her to believe in herself again...

At that moment, he was struck by the urge to play another piece. And Tsuchiura, recognizing one of his own favorites, proceeded to accompany Len.

The first time he'd heard Kaho play _Tristesse_, she had been barefoot on Seisou's stage. She'd trembled because she had to face down the judges, but it had been a brave and dashing performance.

Points had been deducted for her manner (the judges couldn't ignore the missing shoes), and the performance wasn't perfect, but he'd felt as though he'd witnessed something important. He caught a glimpse of her character: Hino Kahoko was someone who wouldn't back down.

_Music is your path, Kahoko. _

_You are meant for this._

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Kaho was speechless. Miyabi clapped her hands and gushed, praising Len's performance and assuring him she would do her best to mirror his confidence when she played Ayane in the movie. "You must have practiced every day to get that right!" Miyabi said. "You too, Tsuchiura-san! You're both A-listers!"

Tsuchiura smiled at that. "I'm sure I'd fit in that group," he joked, "if I were a movie star."

"Practice is part of the deal," Len said. "You should also practice every day if you want to play the violin correctly."

Miyabi winced. "I think your version of correct actually means _flawless_, perfect," she complained. She stretched her back and turned to Kaho. "Ok, so I keep forgetting to curve my pinky, etc. I'm sorry, but the posture thing is giving me aches and pains in places I didn't know I could have aches and pains. I'm too distracted by that."

Kaho hadn't heard half of what Miyabi had said. She was still a little shaken, still a little caught up in memories. _I asked for it, right? I wanted to be swept away... _

Unnamed emotions curled and stretched inside her like a cat impatient for attention; she tried to focus instead on encouraging Miyabi.

"The muscle pain takes a bit of getting used to," Kaho sympathized. "When I started playing the violin, I made the local drugstore double their stock of menthol patches."

Miyabi slipped her hand over Kaho's and said, "My brother told me you were still a beginner when you entered that concours in Seisou. He never was interested in telling me about his performances or how high he placed himself in the ranking, but he did say that your participation attracted more students from Gen. Ed." She smiled at Len, "He told me Tsukimori-san here was a favorite, too."

"I think Tsuchiura-kun did more to attract the Gen. Ed. students," Kaho said. "And Tsukimori-kun was amazing, even from the start."

Listening to Len play the violin had always been a different experience. There was an unmistakable certainty in his _Polonaise brillante_. She loved that about his performance –there was conviction there; a sense of rightness and belonging.

She wanted that confidence for herself. _And when he played Tristesse..._

_It was as if we were the only people in the room..._

"Don't be so modest, Hino," Tsuchiura said, pulling Kaho out of her thoughts. "Don't forget you were the one who got me in the concours in the first place."

Kaho smiled. "Ok, Tsuchiura. I guess Japan and Korea have me to thank for your reunion with music."

She looked at both Tsuchiura and Tsukimori. "I know I–" she paused and took a breath. "I was glad I was able to take part in the concours and that I got to know you both."

She owed Lili a million thanks for giving her the magic violin. When she looked back at everything that had happened at Seisou... If it hadn't been for the people she'd met, she wouldn't have pursued music.

"It wasn't just Tsuchiura who had made an impression, Hino," Len said, making her blink rapidly. "The audience, our schoolmates, thought you were accessible – relatable."

Kaho's eyes widened. She was about to disagree but –

"Your presence was important," Len persisted. "You were appreciated in more ways than you allowed yourself to notice, and you were as much a part of the competition's success as the rest of us." There was a pause before he said, quite gently, "I'm glad you were there. I'm glad it was you and not someone else."

_There he goes again_. He could hold her together with just his words; as if no one had praised her before; as if other people hadn't said prettier things. She had to stop thinking like this!She had to resist!

"Well...I wasn't very good." she said, fighting to keep her expression neutral. Then she tried for something light-hearted; she tried to tease him: "You told me I should practice more so I don't decrease the quality of the concours," she said with a grin. It was a pretend grin, but she still had to try. "If it had been someone more talented, like Tsuchiura..."

She wondered about that, didn't Len think about how he'd fare if his competition had the skill to beat him...?

_Do you think I'm quality Tsukimori-kun?_

Len's gaze held hers."It wouldn't have been the same without you."

There was an intensity in his eyes that was unnerving –it made her heart stop and restart in triple speed. She had to ask herself again how she could manage to respond to him like that. It was frustrating. It made her want to tug the ends of her hair.

_Whenever he looks at me...whenever he speaks... whenever he's around..._

Whenever she listened to him play; it was as if it was her first time to hear the violin.

When Len had gone back to tutoring Miyabi, Kaho had time to sort through her muddled thoughts.

He had overwhelmed her. And it was clear nothing had changed – her admiration for him was constant.

_But!_ She _wanted_ to resist and she was going to! _Just give me some time..._But there was something else she had to acknowledge, an instinct about his reaction to her that she couldn't shake off. She'd started to think that he was consistent, too.

Years ago, when he'd said that he didn't want to change their relationship, what exactly had he meant when she felt that he cared for her still? She was trying to analyze him again: when she looked at him and got her fill of him, did she make up things that weren't really there?

Did he look back at her and wait for her to understand him?

_I want to know... _

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_That evening..._

Kaho lay in bed and twisted the covers in her hands. The lights were off, but there was a glow from the moon that stole through her window.

_Thinking. Not thinking. _There was no in between was there? Either he occupied her thoughts or he didn't. She was circling around her feelings, unable to say what they were and unwilling to fall into what she couldn't explain. She circled and circled, but at least the circling meant she could still control her responses.

There were times during Miyabi's lessons when she wished she could be alone with him...

She blushed and slapped her cheeks. _Just to talk...of course..._

She wanted to ask which concerts he'd been to and if he'd been able to watch a few where his mother was soloist. She wanted more conversation...She wanted to feel close to him. And she wanted him to feel close to her.

_I can't explain it. _

_Except..._

Except she had to keep her emotions hidden. The lid over that volatile stuff was still secured, and she wasn't about to remove it and let herself go. She wasn't. She couldn't. There was no way she was going to be impulsive again.

_He has to ..._

_He has to what? What? _What was she going to wait for him to do?

Cho, her cat, had chosen that time to sit on Kaho's chest. Kaho picked up the tabby and placed her on the mattress. "You're getting fatter, you know," she said to the cat. "Is there someone else feeding you?"

Kaho wiggled to a sitting postion and leaned against the headboard. She stroked Cho's fur. "Am I going to wait for him to have 'more' feelings for me?" she asked aloud, not really directing her question to the feline beside her.

_Can he equal mine for him?_

After all these years, she still felt a pull towards him and his music.

_What am I going to do?_

Before they'd gone home, Len had asked Kaho if Miyabi was practicing during her free time. _Not religiously_, she had told him. _Not every day, if that's what you mean_. And then he had asked Kaho about her work. Was she still composing? She'd replied that she was taking a break and, not wanting to worry him, she'd also said:

"_I'm trying to find my way again, I'm trying to find inspiration."_

At the doorway, he'd said: _"I want you to remember that you can open up that path. You can get what you want –because it's you, Hino." _

"_I...we can believe in you, right?" he asked._

"_Yes," she said. Yes._

Her blush could have lit up the room. She buried her head under her blankets and tried to calm down. _Stop it Kaho, just...stop. _Cho lounged atop the covers, oblivious to her agony.

His other words from earlier in the day played in her head: _"I'm glad it was you and not someone else."_

"_It wouldn't have been the same without you."_

She asked herself if she needed an explanation for what was going on inside her chest – it was that fizzing champagne feeling again. She wanted to tell him and not tell him, she wanted to be inspired and not be inspired, to be closer and not be closer.

_Honestly, I..._

She wanted to be as close as possible until she was satisfied. She turned on the lamp at her bedside and started to get up, she wanted to write a song...

"Kahoko!" Miyabi said, flipping the light switch and storming into Kaho's room. "I need to show you something," she said urgently. Without a word from Kaho, Miyabi launched into the news she planned to share: "This site uploads pictures and updates about Kpop Idols," Miyabi said, adding her weight to the bed. "I thought I'd turned off the subscription but–," she paused, placing her tablet in front of Kaho, "There are pictures, Kaho."

Kaho's forehead furrowed as she studied her friend. She remembered that she still hadn't asked Miyabi about Yul. Did Miyabi subscribe to the site because of Yul? Was Miyabi still keeping tabs on her ex? Or had she been tempted to check-in on him and...

When her eyes had focused on the tablet, Kaho realized what she was looking at.

"That's not...that's not me, is it?"

"Your face isn't seen in the first two pictures, and it's blurred in the last one, but it's definitely you," Miyabi said. "And, of course, I can recognize my co-star when I see him."

"Does it mention us?" Kaho asked in a panicked voice. She scrolled down and started to read comments. People were speculating about the identities of the people in the picture.

The caption had said 'Kaji with his new girlfriend'. Kaho groaned.

_Is that Kaji? It's him, right? Wait...has he gone back to blonde?_

_The guy is about the right height. I think it really is him._

_Who is he with?_

_It can't be Kaji. Why would he hug someone in public like that?_

_No! Kaji-oppa. How could you! _

_Un-stanning _

_Are we even sure it's him?_

_WHO IS THAT GIRL AND HOW DARE SHE?! _

New comments kept popping up by the second. The messages were a mixture of the following types a.) moaning over the loss of Kaji to an unidentified stranger b.)complaining about Kaji being unavailable c.) angry at Kaji because of his 'betrayal' d.) still doubtful about the identity of the people in the picture e.) sensible messages by rational fans: 'Oh, he has a girlfriend? I hope they can be happy; when will we hear the official announcement?' e.) fruitless attempts to convince outraged fans to chill out and wait for confirmation.

She was glad that there were at least a few of those...

_Calm down, guys, if it is Kaji...he's a grown ass man. He should be free to experience a loving and supportive relationship. If he has a girlfriend, I wish them both well._

More comments popped up:

_The height matches...he's blonde too. But are we really sure it's him, OP?_

_I want to see a shot of their faces. I mean this could have been a random couple on the street..._

_Yeah, why would Kaji go to a neighborhood like that?_

If someone had taken a photo that clearly showed their faces, Kaji would have to address the issue via social media. But, thankfully, the pictures only showed the back of his head and the top of hers. His company could ignore this gossip. _Right?_

"We're safe Miyabi," Kaho told her. "This will blow over," she said, trying to sound confident. "The fans can't ask Kaji directly if it's really him in the picture. And if he's interviewed, of course he'll deny it."

"I'm not sure they'll ask him but – I'm worried they might try to find you," Miyabi said. "Who knows if they'll start following Kaji and looking for the mysterious redhead."

Kaho turned towards the hallway mirror and stared at her reflection. "They won't," she denied.

_They can't really...can they?_

The next comment was: _ARGH! That is Kaji! Urggh! Who is that girl?! I swear I'm going to find out!_

The next one said:

_No way...do you need help?_

Kaho gripped the tablet. _They can't be serious. _

Kaji's bodyguards hadn't been with him when they rehearsed with Shimizu. Would they had been able to prevent this from happening?

This was the situation: They'd visited an ordinary neighborhood where Kaji had been recognized. While Kaji had been comforting her, their pictures had been taken without their knowledge.

Miyabi hadn't been accompanied by a bodyguard either –it had always just been Kaho (and the doorman of their building).

"I'm not sure why Yunoki didn't assign bodyguards for you," Kaho said, trying to change the subject. As Miyabi's manager, Azuma should be around. Instead, Yunoki was making her his proxy while micromanaging from Japan.

"Oh! No, no, no," Miyabi said. "Besides I'm not as famous as Kaji. I can still get away with walking around just as long as I have you and our driver."

Kaho continued to study her reflection in the mirror. In the future, if someone were to follow Kaji and see him with her and take their picture, it would be easy to assume that she'd been the girl.

"I know what you're thinking," Miyabi said. She went beside Kaho and looped her arms around Kaho's shoulders. "You think you should dye your hair."

"Eh?"

"Yes, Kaho," Miyabi said excitedly. "If you dye your hair, no one will able to say it's you."

Miyabi gave a short account of what might happen if Kaho kept her red hair: "Think about it. What if someone takes a picture of Kaji while we're filming? Since he and I will be around each other a lot, I might be in that photo –and since you are always near me, you might be in it too. And what if there will be random pictures of him talking to you? You know he's always eager to be near when you're around. What if another picture with you and him surfaces? One with him grinning at you like it's the first time he's seen a field of flowers..."

Kaho raised an eyebrow, "A field of flowers?"

"He'd say something like that, I think," Miyabi chuckled. "He'll say, '_whenever I see you, there's something captivating- always; you're as beautiful as a garden after rain_'"

"Is that a line from the movie?" Kaho asked.

"It might be," Miyabi said. And without missing a beat, she said, "Do you want me to dye your hair?"

_Errr... _"I'm not sure..."

Miyabi flashed a brilliant smile. "Don't worry Kaho-chan," she said playfully. "I've done this before. I may not be an excellent violinist, but I'm a fabulous hairdresser."

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Vocabulary:

_Oppa_ – in the Korean language, females use this term to refer to their older brother, a close older male friend, or, in the context of this story, an older male Kpop star whom the female fan has a crush on...

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_Author's drabble:_

_Kaho reminisces a lot in this Chapter and so does Len. In Chapter 58 of the manga, after resolving to focus on congratulating Len instead of feeling sad because he's leaving her to go abroad, Kaho runs to his practice room and tells him that she plans to cheer him on; it required her best effort because –__even though she hadn't realized the depth of her attachment –she couldn't help feeling lonely. The "wonderful and dazzling performances" I borrowed comes from the fan scanlation of that moment; In Viz's version, she says: "I'll be rooting for you. I look forward to hearing about all the great things you'll do over there."_

_I love that chapter. They have beautiful expressions._

_Len's "I can believe in you, right?" is borrowed from the last chapter of La Corda. In it, Lili appears and complains because Kaho and Len don't kiss._

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_ahh...please review? _

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_Tempo is a song's pulse. - Daniel J. Levitin_


	9. Chapter 8

"Now we really look like sisters," Miyabi said triumphantly. She fluffed Kaho's hair with both hands as she evaluated their reflections in the mirror. Kaho doubted that a change in hair color would make her look like a superstar, but Miyabi disagreed. The color was like Miyabi's and, according to Miyabi, was therefore a good start for whoever wanted to make an "unforgettable impression". Kaho rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her newly styled locks. _It is pretty, though_.

Would it confuse the people looking for her (if there were people looking for her) if she and Miyabi had the same hair color? Was that the plan? She didn't want Miyabi involved in this. Except maybe, with Azuma's help, it'd be easier to stay unharmed. If anyone had it in their mind to stalk them or...send them threats...

"Do you want me to curl your hair?" Miyabi asked. "We can do pin curls or big wavy ones, whichever you like."

"Did you want to be a beautician when you were younger?" Kaho asked playfully.

"C'mon, this is fun," Miyabi said. "I haven't done girl stuff like this in a long time. We can paint each others' nails, too."

There was a false brightness in Miyabi's tone. "Miyabi," Kaho began, "is there something wrong?"

She wanted to ask her friend about Yul. Had she broken up with him? Was she still 'keeping tabs' on him? Would she have seen the photos if she hadn't been on that site...possibly waiting on news about her ex? Was she still speaking to him? These were questions Kaho should have asked weeks ago.

"I'm fine, Kaho," Miyabi assured her. "Since the pictures came out–" she hesitated. "Are _you_ ok?" she asked, her face scrunching up. "We haven't talked about what happened at Shimizu's. I...I'm sorry I didn't say anything when you came back with Kaji."

"You seemed fine at first," Miyabi said. "I said to myself, 'Kaho won't let this bring her down'. Even if I'd noticed you were more determined to busy yourself for me and for Shimizu, I convinced myself that maybe you were better focused on your music when you were at his house." She chuckled softly, "That was before I found out you arranged all his CDs alphabetically and by year..."

Yes, she had done that. And it had been oddly satisfying.

Miyabi had averted her gaze. "I wasn't sure what to do. Tsukimori-san said that a change in your routine, maybe a little change of scenery –even if it's just Tsukimori-san's house – might be good for you."

Kaho was amazed by Miyabi's admission. "Tsukimori-kun?"

Miyabi told Kaho about a conversation she'd had with Len. They'd talked about what they could do to help her, and Miyabi had agreed that it was a good idea to let Kaho be around Tsukimori and Tsuchiura. They were her "music friends" she said. They knew more about what she was going through and would probably be better at boosting Kaho's confidence.

"The guys, Tsuki and Tsuchi, (Can I call them that?) wanted to see you more often."

Miyabi's ears turned pink and her next sentences spilled out rapidly; she was embarrassed by her "god awful" violin skills and thought she'd embarrassed Kaho.

"I was expecting you to jump in and make me stop," Miyabi said, biting her lip. Kaho raised both eyebrows. She hadn't guessed that Miyabi was aware of how terrible she was. "Yes, I know I'm that bad," Miyabi confessed. "Growing up, my brother was a top tier player – amazing at both the flute and the piano, but I barely made it through the Grade I piano book."

Miyabi continued to ramble about lessons (how patient everyone tried to be; how fun it was when Tsuchiura did his Chopin Jazz improvisations when they visited). It was all part of Len's plan to keep Kaho in a music atmosphere. "Tsukimori-san said he didn't want to see you shut down or separate yourself from what you wanted. He wanted to hear you play the violin too, but I wasn't sure you'd –"

"I was heartbroken," Kaho cut in. She had to interrupt or else she'd a.) start dissecting what Miyabi had said about Len's plan and b.) be overtaken by what it meant to her when Len showed he cared. Her voice was soft but clear, "I was excited, caught up in the dream. I thought I was so close."

Once she had a song on the radio, she thought that maybe the CEO of XM would notice and want to meet her personally.

"I wanted that. I wanted more opportunities. I thought I'd finally cleared the hurdle."

Miyabi hugged her. "When you got the news about KZ, Shimizu said he wanted to throw you a party to celebrate."

"He did? That doesn't sound like him."

Miyabi flung her hand in the air, "Well, _I_ did. And he agreed. I told him I'd help him plan it and that I wasn't going to let him sleep through most of that planning."

"If you're up for the challenge, I'm sure Shimizu can match you."

"We're still going to have that party Kaho," Miyabi said, still holding Kaho in a fierce hug. "When you release your first song under XM, we're going to have a party that's so big and loud, it'll keep Shimizu awake long enough to celebrate with us."

"I don't know about that Miyabi," Kaho said, keeping up her effort to sound amused, "I wouldn't bet against Shimizu. He can fall asleep standing up." She placed her hands on Miyabi's shoulders and tried to get out of the hug.

"Can he? Oh well," Miyabi said, "Tsukimori can help prop him up. Or, he can let Tsuchiura do it –if Tsuchiura's willing. But I think I'd leave it up to Tsukimori; he said we'd throw a bigger celebration when you release another hit in Japan –so, since it's his idea, he should probably be responsible for handling Shimizu."

"Wait...He thinks I can make it there?"

Miyabi smiled. "He said your songs would make the singers a household name –if they weren't already famous." She released Kaho and made a 'picture-this' motion with her hands. "Imagine having Utada Hikaru at your party."

Kaho had tried to dampen her emotions with humor but Miyabi, despite being amusing, had still said too much. It was almost as if her friends had promised her success. _And Len... _He'd told her, mere hours ago, that she had the ability to get what she wanted.

_Because it's you, Hino._

He believed she could make her mark in their native country..._In Japan_. _In Korea_. Going international seemed unlikely after her recent failure but...

_Unlikely, huh? _She had to make a choice not to be negative. Kaho wondered: How had she, in the years following Seisou, convinced herself that she could think of Len or hear his name without attaching some emotion to it? The feelings he'd brought out weren't always pleasant: he made her anxious more than anyone she'd ever met (worse than some of her instructors at University). But, she realized, he comforted her better than most. _He knew her_. He knew what she needed. After what she'd learned from Miyabi, she felt as if he had watched over her.

_You can believe in me, Len._

If they have those parties...If she could celebrate in Japan...

It would be a wonderful dream come true.

"Thank you, Miyabi," Kaho finally said, her eyes filling with unshed tears. "I guess...if it has to happen, watching the guys try to prop up Shimizu will be worth the trouble."

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_The Next Day_

Kaho declined Kaji's invitation to lunch. Yes, her hair was no longer red, and Miyabi even changed the style by adding layers (Miyabi wasn't bragging when she said she had skill with the scissors), but Kaho wasn't ready to be seen with him even if Miyabi were to tag along. But Kaji insisted, and she did want to discuss the photos in person so...

"We can have lunch at the apartment," Kaho offered over the phone.

"You're going to cook?" Kaji asked excitedly.

"I can make pasta. Pesto isn't that difficult."

She wasn't an accomplished cook, but Kaji's enthusiasm was obvious. She could imagine his face lighting up as they talked.

"Great! I'll see you in a few minutes," he promised.

"Minutes?" Kaho said, wide-eyed. "Wait, are you going to watch me cook?"

"Kaji?" she asked. _He hung up..._

Miyabi padded into the living room in pajamas decorated with pink bunnies. She flung herself on the couch and tied her hair into a bun. The mantle clock chimed eleven but neither she nor Kaho paid attention. This was an official rest day for both her and Miyabi, and Kaho had planned to use her time off to hole up in the apartment and go through a few old pieces she'd written.

Kaho walked to the couch and sat on one of the armrests. Miyabi had turned on the tv and was watching a girl group dance to a song about guys who were sweet like chocolate. "Look at their legs," Miyabi said with awe. "How often do they have to practice to synchronize their steps like that?"

"Many many hours," Kaho answered. She wasn't a dancer but she could relate to the amount of practice it required to get something just right. _Or near perfect_

"I wonder if Kaji isn't already preparing for the next album," Miyabi said.

"Their comeback hasn't been confirmed; it's probably going to be months from now," Kaho answered.

The next music video that came on screen featured a few celebrities who were playing the part of thieves getting ready to stage a heist. Miyabi had met two of them and started to talk about the movie those actors had starred in and where she had played an extra. She ended up musing about the time it took to finish a short film (essentially the video they were watching) vs a major production. After listening to Miyabi, it seemed to Kaho that timelines were variable, depended on what type of project you were doing and were affected by multiple factors (the producers' input, the director's satisfaction or dissatisfaction, etc). If the studio had money, re-shoots were not unheard of.

Would they wrap up their current movie within six months as promised? And how about Kaji? How would a re-shoot affect him when he was part of band?

"I think it's the post-production that will take longer," Miyabi guessed. "_Hmmm_...I'm sure Kaji's company factored in the timeline for filming before they set a comeback date. But if they had to, I think their managers could probably sneak in more solo work and other collaborations for his bandmates while waiting for Kaji. Or they've probably worked everything out and are already talking about the location of their next music video."

Kaho hadn't expected her to say: "Yul once went to America just so they could film at some rundown gas station. It wasn't even in a lonely stretch of desert or someplace interesting. It was just them dancing in front of a gas pumps. Honestly, who would have cared about the difference between a gas station in Hawaii and one in Gangnam?"

While Miyabi and Yul had been dating, Miyabi had never openly contemplated how cramped Yul's schedule was –she had mentioned that Yul had things to do, appearances to make, etc. but she'd never talked at length (whined or complained) about what those obligations were. If Yul canceled on her, and if Kaho had asked about it, Miyabi would shrug her shoulders and say: "Something came up."

_I hope the stylists give him a bowl cut. Or super kinky broom hair. _As much as Kaho wanted to be a loyal friend and tell Miyabi that she'd love to see Yul sporting one of "worst of" styles for the next comeback, she still couldn't bring herself to ask if Miyabi had been researching Yul. Had Miyabi discovered the photos because she was checking that Kpop site for updates on her ex-boyfriend?

"Kaji is coming over," Kaho announced plainly.

Miyabi straightened in her seat. "Is he?" After a short pause, she added, "Are you going to mention the rumors?"

She nodded. "I know I have to ask him about it and I'm sure he knows he doesn't have to confirm or deny anything to the public but –" she cut herself off, sighed and said, "We don't even know if he's aware they exist."

Miyabi pursed her lips. "If he isn't, I think you'll have to show him the website," she said.

"I think so," Kaho agreed.

"Which is why I should disappear and let you two have your privacy." Miyabi said. She rose from the couch and was smiling in a way that made Kaho instantly suspicious.

Kaho's brows rose. "You're leaving me here...Alone?"

Miyabi nodded. "I'm going shopping. I'll probably buy a few classical music CDs. Maybe more _Wieniawski..._"

"I can make you a playlist," Kaho offered a little too quickly. Miyabi crossed to Kaho's side. "Nope. I'm going out," she said, winking. "You should allow yourself to spend more time with Kaji."

Kaho rolled her eyes. Her boss/friend wasn't at all subtle. "I can't see myself in a romantic relationship with him, Miyabi," Kaho complained. "It just won't work."

Miyabi tipped her head to the side, "Why not?"

_Why not?_ Why was Miyabi asking when she was the one who'd shown her the website filled with outraged comments from Kaji's fans?

"They can't force him not to like or pursue you," Miyabi reasoned. She looked at Kaho intently, "So, Ms. Hino Kahoko, why not Kaji? Is it because you don't want to attract the attention of his fans?"

Kaho's chin dipped to her chest. Yes, she could claim that reasoning. As far as she was concerned, it was a valid –_no one wants to be bulldozed by a mob of angry girls_. But, in all honesty, if she felt strongly enough about someone, she doubted she would let anyone get in the way of her happiness. She was stubborn. And she was –she blushed at the word –_consistent. _Kaji was nice to her. _But..._

"Because I –" she stopped herself from continuing, or rather, from mentioning someone else. "Because I'm not interested in him."

"Oh, Kaho," Miyabi sighed, waving a hand in the air. "Give him a chance. Try to get to know the guy," she urged. "He has a lot of things going for him. I can even make a list: number one; he's handsome; number two, he's talented; number three, he's cheerful; number 4– "

Kaho remembered the last time she'd listed a guy's best attributes. "I don't think that's necessary," she interrupted. "It's obvious Kaji's a great guy." She'd tried to inject the words with conviction if not interest since she was a little sorry for lacking eagerness. _I can relate to unrequited feelings. _

She rubbed her arm. Miyabi was staring at her. "It's just that, well – "

"There's no spark?" Miyabi concluded, her forehead wrinkling in what may have been confusion.

"I won't be flattered into liking him," Kaho said, her eye's meeting Miyabi's.

"Well, maybe once you accept that he's into you, you can be more receptive," Miyabi said.

"Accept that he's into me?"

"Sometimes I think you don't believe that anyone can find you attractive," Miyabi confessed.

The look of concern on Miyabi's face made Kaho blush. "You're going to end up a _mossol_ if you don't put yourself out there."

"I'm not sure how to reply to that," Kaho answered honestly.

She wasn't ugly – she knew she wasn't. She hadn't expected Kaji's admiration or attention, which meant she just hadn't known how to react. Truthfully, if anyone else showered her with the same compliments Kaji liked to give she would still be a little apprehensive. His infatuation with her defied logic.

_But_...if she thought Kaji's feelings for her were illogical, her traitorous mind told her, why then hadn't she thought that a return of affection from Len nine years ago was undeserved, weird or even out-of-place? If she thought Kaji should court someone just as "sparkling" as he was– why hadn't she thought the same towards Len when he was excellent too? Why had she _expected_ something from Len?

She covered her face with her hands, "Why am I thinking of this now?"

People had the right to be with the person of their choosing (if the feelings were mutual), but why had she _believed_ Len was hers? Why had she let her imagination cross a line that it shouldn't have? Why –

And even now, a part of her thought Len belonged to her still.

"Kahoko, are you ok?" Miyabi asked. Kaho nodded lamely. "I'm still going to go out, ok?" Miyabi declared as she patted Kaho on the back. "You stay here and entertain Kaji."

"Right," Kaho said, "I can receive guests."

"And, you know, be more open to possibilities," Miyabi encouraged. She grabbed Kaho by the shoulders. "You can do this Kaho-chan. _Ganbatte ne_!"

"Pretend you're _moi_," Miyabi added, fluffing Kaho's hair. "Let this new do help you."

"You flirt indiscriminately," Kaho said.

Miyabi wagged her finger. "I'm not indiscriminate. I choose well and I flirt purposefully. I have a goal in mind, always."

"Crazy..."

"All the best people are," Miyabi quoted. "Seriously though, don't make a decision just yet. Try to be interested in him. Be curious and maybe you'll realize, 'hey, he and I could work after all'.

"You're telling me to fake it til' I make it, aren't you?"

"I'm asking you to be open to possibilities, Hino Kahoko."

Miyabi reminded Kaho of Lili when he'd given her the magic violin. Kaho had "faked it" then all right but the results had been life-changing. Was she going to follow Miyabi's advice? Was it possible to like a person better if she tried? Could she eventually become more attracted to Kaji?

And if that wasn't going to happen...would she (in her despair –or in some fit of melodrama) eventually pour out her feelings and tell Miyabi about Len?

.

.

.

Miyabi fulfilled her promise to leave Kaho and Kaji to themselves. She waved goodbye, said she'd be back for dinner, and blew kisses in their direction before shutting the front door.

"She's in a good mood," Kaji commented, following Kaho into the kitchen.

Kaho opened a container and dropped the contents into a pot of boiling water. She had changed her mind about the Pesto and decided to prepare _Gimmari_ after she'd found glass noodles next to the basil in the cupboard. When they noodles were done, she added them to the soy sauce, sesame and sugar mixture she'd prepared in a separate bowl.

"Would you care to taste?" she asked Kaji in an overly bright voice. She offered the bowl of noodles in an attempt to get him to move away from her.

Since she'd started preparing their food, Kaji had resolved to hover around her. Occasionally, he would lean over her shoulder so his face was only a few inches away from her ear. And everytime he leaned, she froze. She didn't know what to do and despite hoping with all her might, he hadn't budged when she thrust the noodles under his nose. He stayed in his spot, his face so near that she could feel the warmth radiating from his body.

Or maybe the heat she felt was just her blush. She honestly wasn't sure.

Kaji seemed not to notice her effort to add more space between them. With Kaho standing between him and the kitchen counter, Kaji stretched his arm forward to grab a pair of chopsticks in front and to the right of Kaho. Using the chopsticks, he picked up the glass noodles and grinned at her before dropping the slippery noodles into his mouth.

"It's a little bland," he said after a moment of chewing.

"It is, isn't it!" Kaho said a little too loudly. She sidestepped him and went for the soy sauce as if it were her lifeline. "Here you go," she said, offering Kaji the bottle. "Adjust the taste to your preference. I really don't mind."

_Just stop standing so close to me. _If Kaho had appeared nervous and flustered, Kaji, on the other hand, was the picture of innocence. The combination of his aquamarine eyes and his shiny golden hair made him look almost angelic.

_Are you, Kaji? Really? _

Kaho cleared her throat. She was charitable, if anything, so she eagerly explained away his behavior: It wasn't at all new. She remembered the first time they'd met: When Kaji had arrived at Seisou as a new transfer student, he had marched to her seat, taken her hand, and kissed it in front of the entire classroom.

"_I came just to meet you," he said. His announcement made the class erupt in squeals and gasps._

She cleared her throat again. "When you're done with the noodles, we'll wrap them in rice paper and seaweed," she instructed. She followed it up with a smile that made her face hurt. "Ah, I would use a flour wrap, but I forgot to restock, so I hope you don't mind rice paper."

"I'm sure anything you make will taste delicious," Kaji said.

Kaho shook her head. He was never without compliments. "It's just _Gimmari, _Kaji_._"

"I'll fry the rolls and you can wait over at the dining table," she said, directing Kaji to an area that was a suitable distance away from her person. He smiled and reminded her that they had to make the rolls before she could fry them.

"Yes, yes, we do," Kaho said, trying not to grimace. She'd sounded dumb and she knew it. If she made her rolls at the counter while he did his share in a separate section of the room, she'd only succeed in making her discomfort more obvious. So, of course they had to sit next to each other. She didn't want to make it look as if she'd "banished" him from her presence.

When they were already seated at the kitchen table, she was glad Kaji had managed to behave. He didn't invade her space and put enough care into his work while talking about the scenes he and Miyabi were scheduled to film. He shared that the bosses were arranging a trip to Nami Island and that they would go in the near future. This news excited Kaho instantly; she looked forward to seeing the trees and the scenery in another season.

"It's almost Autumn," Kaji said in a wistful voice. He smiled at Kaho before leaning in close and whispering in her ear, "_Namiseom_ is bound to be more romantic with you around."

Kaho held up her hands near her chest and tilted her head in the opposite direction. "Um, I think the island is romantic no matter what the season," she said, launching into a story of her trip last winter. When Kaho had visited Nami Island, it had been blanketed with soft snow. At the time, she'd thought there was something special about going alone. Solitude was also enjoyable and she'd found that she wouldn't trade it for a relationship unless that relationship could make her happier. _I guess I was contented to be by myself. _She hadn't been bitter and could appreciate the idea of romance and the places that inspired it even when she was alone.

Kaji liked to tour the island with friends during Springtime. "Spring is my favorite season," he said cheerfully."The cherry blossoms remind me of home."

_Japan. It's been a year since I visited. _She had decided to leave for Korea because of the thriving Kpop music scene and the international recognition it attracted. She had wanted to work with various artists, including producers from abroad and had decided Kpop was the way to go. After struggling with rent a few times, she had wondered if she should go back to Yokohama where her job had been stable. She had been successful at teaching music to elementary students. Kids liked her. Their parents had said she was good with children. She could go back there...

"Kaho?" Kaji said, "you were spacing out."

"I was? Sorry, Kaji."

"What were you thinking of?"

"Just...that –" she halted. She didn't want to ruin the easy mood and talk about her "stuttering" life plans or the possibility that she might alter her decisions. _I told him –_

She stopped her train of thought and went over the promise she'd made recently: Her _friends, _sheemphasized the plural_ – _could believe in her. _You can believe in me_. _I didn't mean it just for one person, _she insisted_. I didn't_, she repeated to herself.

"It's nothing, Kaji," she had ended up blurting. "I don't think I'm getting enough sleep, that's all."

"I'm the same," he said in a commiserating tone. "It's kind of sad, I think."

"That we're both insomniacs?"

"That I don't spend enough time with you in my dreams."

The laughter Kaho tried to suppress morphed into a snort. "I doubt you'd remember dreaming about me," she said.

He tapped the side of his head. "My subconscious won't," he assured her. "I like to think I always give special attention when you're concerned."

She sighed audibly. There was no helping him. "I'll heat up the frying pan."

Before getting up from her chair, she'd predicted that Kaji would follow her to the stove. She was right. He hovered near her elbow as she poured the oil and placed the _Gimmari_ in the pan.

"Where did you learn how to cook Hino-san?" Kaji asked. She felt him move behind her. "Kaji-kun!" she exclaimed, wide-eyed. Kaji had bracketed her waist with his arms. It lasted less than five seconds, but her shock had been enough for him to take his hands off her.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I only wanted to try it once."

"Huh?"

"Hug a woman from behind while she cooks."

"I...I don't really cook," Kaho stammered. "I mean, not very well."

She'd wanted to smile with her eyes, but she did little more than pull the corners of her mouth upward. Her heart was like a bird trapped in her ribcage. The smile she'd tried to give was supposed to brush off the awkwardness, but she'd failed to make it real.

She had averted her gaze and studied Kaji through her peripheral vision: he didn't look contrite. _Well, not exactly_. He had his arms up in a placating gesture so she hoped he'd realized that being hugged from behind was too intimate. Speaking of uncomfortable, they'd both end up feeling worse than awkward if the scene she'd cut short had been caught on camera. _Photo and/or Video_.

_Ack_. She reminded herself to talk to him about the _actual_ photos that were already circulating online.

She shooed him with her hand (playfully, because she was still trying to act casual) and bid him to wait for the food in the dining area or in the living room, whichever area he preferred to sit in while they ate their lunch.

.

.

"Will you help me practice my lines?" Kaji asked, not needing to recover from the sort-of incident in the kitchen. Kaho blinked, placed the_ Gimmari _(along with some _Beef bulgogi_ that she had re-heated) on the coffee table, and considered what to do. She'd been sidestepping him too often today that she hadn't been able to mention the photos. _It's been a while since the pictures were taken, and it's not like I've been accosted or anything, so... _She supposed she could wait; she would broach the topic after they were done with his practice.

"Ok, so where do we start?" she said after she'd grabbed a script from Miyabi's room.

Kaji smiled. "You would have made a great leading lady, you know," he said out of the blue. A smile and a compliment, that was the way with him.

Kaho avoided his stare but hadn't been ready when he took her arm and pulled her down to sit beside him on the sofa; she had been headed to the armchair opposite it, and hadn't expected him to make them sit together. At first, she thought he'd wanted to eat in the living room so he could sit on the carpet but..._Is this his plan?_

She aimed another weak smile in his direction and made a show of fixing the pillows before sliding to end of the couch near the armrest. She promised herself she would try harder not to look panicked. It was easier said than done.

"We'll do this scene here," Kaji said, turning Kaho's pages for her. She scanned the dialogue; it was a conversation between Saiki and Ayane. Naturally, Kaji would read Saiki's lines.

SAIKI

If I never fall in love, well –

.

AYANE

You'd be relieved.

Kaji, who was in character, raised an eyebrow.

.

SAIKI

I might even prefer it.

.

AYANE

I knew you'd do something like that...

I meant the same thing but you had to have the last word.

You had to say it your own way.

.

SAIKI

What?

.

AYANE

You've decided to opt out when what you need is courage –

you need it to face something you're scared of...

Something you think can have power over you or

make you change your mind...

.

_Maybe change you for the better_, she added under her breath.

The script said that Saiki would touch Ayane's cheek. But before she could wonder if Kaji would follow the script's instructions, Kaho felt the warmth of his hand on her face. _What the...how can_ _he move so fast? _

SAIKI

Do you think courage can be contagious?

You seem to fall into everything without fear.

Kaho swallowed and read her lines.

.

AYANE

It's not 'falling', ok? I step into it.

I'm not careless or passive.

I don't just let things happen to me –

I think about the consequences of my actions.

The thing about courage is that you have to know the risks.

.

SAIKI

I agree.

You can't be brave or courageous without knowledge

of what's at stake.

.

Kaji's face was close. He wore a look of mild amusement which would have been out-of-place on the face of the _real_ Kaji. Kaho stammered her next line.

.

AYANE

Yes, of course.

.

SAIKI

What would be at stake if I were to fall in love?

.

AYANE

Your selfishness, your arrogance –

Kaji had moved his hand to Kaho's chin. She froze. He tipped her face up, and Kaho's heart raced in response. Kaji looked into her eyes while his long fingers brushed the side of her jaw. She swallowed.

Kaho wasn't an actress but she was still a professional who had been trained to remain calm when nervous. She told herself the fictional Ayane would still be able to say her lines while Saiki teased her. Ayane would wear an expression of defiance... Or _anger_, she said to herself. _Therefore, Kaho, you should do the s__ame_.

The order didn't work.

She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut and vanish. Or run. But she'd resigned herself to staring at an area behind Kaji's head while refusing to look at his face. She was bad at situations like this. Her brain was frantically shouting at her to move, flail, or just_ act_. But she'd transformed into a statue.

Her saving grace came a second later.

It was a miracle she'd heard the sound of the doorbell over the thudding of her heart. She dropped the script in her hands, thanked heaven for bringing whoever the unknown person was at the other side of the door, and jumped from the couch.

"I'll get that!" she shouted. Her inner voice congratulated her for un-freezing.

Cho, her cat, accompanied her as she bolted to the entrance. She opened the door to the smiling face of their elderly doorman, Mr. Jung. He greeted Kaho and held up the box in his hands; the white cake box was decorated with the gold crown and pink ribbon logo of one of Miyabi's favorite bakeries.

"Good morning Ms. Hino," he said. "I was asked to bring this up for you."

"Did Miyabi send this?" Kaho asked, taking the box. The cake was probably Miyabi's way of encouraging her to bond with Kaji.

"It does have her name on the card Ma'am."

_Miyabi and her scheming. Oh well, what harm is there in cake?  
_

She was about to ask after Mr. Jung's grandchildren when she felt a tickle on her right arm. She ignored it and waited for Mr. Jung to reply.

_There it is again. _She moved her head, and there was no mistaking what she'd seen: a cockroach...no, two cockroaches were climbing up her shoulder. Mr. Jung adjusted his glasses, "Are those..."

But Kaho had already dropped the box. She yelped when more roaches crawled out and scattered on the ground; a few had zipped past her. Intrigued, Cho chased after the vermin.

"Cho!"

"I'll catch her, Ms. Hino!" Mr. Jung said, eagerly running after the tabby.

"Hino?" Kaji said, finally joining her at the entrance. "What's this?" he bent on his knee and opened the lid of the cake box.

"Don't!"

Inside was a white cake decorated with blood-red icing. It read: "_Kaji is ours! Stay away!_"

Kaho had seen Kaji's expression darken; she wasn't used to the change; she'd never seen a similar look cross his face. How often did he have to deal with things like this? She would have to talk to him about it...If he let her, she seemed to remind herself. When he urged her to go look for Cho, Kaho felt she had to leave so Kaji could be alone with his thoughts.

"I'll clean this up," Kaji said, meeting her gaze. "I promise I'll take care of this."

She nodded and ran down the stairs to look for Cho.

"Cho, where are you?"

They lived on the tenth floor, which meant she had nine levels to search. _W__here did she go? _

If Mr. Jung (despite being spry for his age) hadn't been able to catch her, maybe the other tenants would find Cho and return her cat.

_Maybe..._

She called Cho's name from the stairs. Mr. Jung had appeared and told her Cho had given him the slip. They searched corners and looked behind behind potted plants. When they reached the ground floor, the elevator doors opened with a ping. She jerked her head toward the sound and saw Kaji cross the lobby to join them. Mr. Jung decided to check again upstairs.

"I got rid of the cake and the roaches," Kaji said as they exited through the building's revolving doors.

"Cho!" Kaho shouted in the street. She tried again but the cat didn't appear.

"I'm sorry, Kaho," Kaji said, coming up from behind her. They told each other about how they'd each come across the photos online. "Yul showed them to me, but I didn't think anyone would track you down and harass you like this."

"I didn't think so either."

"I'm sorry for their behavior," he said, moving forward until she could see his face. There was no need for him to explain who 'they' were. His fans, the most out-of-touch and obsessive of them, the _sasaeng_, had done it.

"I'm really sorry, Kaho," Kaji apologized again.

Kaho gave Kaji a sympathetic look. She knew he had no control over them. Fans could be extreme: they were incredibly giving when they bought mountains of albums or sent their idols the most expensive gifts, but they could be extremely jealous and possessive –the worst were stalkers who had no notion of other peoples' (not just their idols') privacy.

How did they find her? What resources did they use? Did they have access to CCTV footage from Shimizu's neighborhood?

Kaji continued to explain, "The company and I agreed to ignore the pictures. We didn't think anyone could use them against you or me. I – "he hesitated. "I wished I could have prevented something like this from happening."

"We'll find who did this, Kaho," he promised.

Kaho was curious about what that would entail. Her mind went to the speech she'd thought she would give about the photos: it had consisted of warning Kaji to be careful in public and –_It had also been about my (now non-existent) confidence (or possibly misplaced faith) that no one would find out who we are. _

"This was an empty threat, Kaji," she said, hoping the declaration was true. "I'll be more careful from now on."

She looked at him meaningfully. "We'll both be more careful. I'm just glad Miya wasn't at home when this happened."

By "We" she had meant "You and I". Not her and Miya. She hoped he knew. Kaji had comforted her when she was down, and she'd been grateful to him, but now she had to make sure he'd stop himself from being even the slightest bit touchy-feely in public. She told him that he shouldn't give the impression that they were a couple.

"I don't want anyone to frighten you or make you feel unsafe," Kaji said, his voice filled with concern. "What if looking after you and keeping you safe means being close?" He said, reaching out to touch her.

"It's probably just a one-time thing," she persisted, moving back before his fingertips could brush her cheek. She couldn't yet think about how close Kaji wanted to be. "They'll realize soon enough that you aren't dating anyone."

"They'll realize we aren't in a relationship, you mean."

"Yes."

Kaji shook his head. "I don't think anyone in their right mind would dare harm _my_ girlfriend."

Kaji seemed unusually stubborn today. He took a determined step forward and then another. Kaho took a nervous step back.

"Kaji?"

"I want it to be real, Kaho. I want you to be my girlfriend."

* * *

_Vocabulary_

_Mo-ssol_ – short for _motae solo_, meaning solo since birth; as in, a person whose never been in a relationship.

* * *

_Author's note_

To write is human, to edit divine (I remember reading that somewhere)...

Well, I try. Punctuation makes me weep...But I hope my tenses are in order.

Sorry if there are mistakes.

Also, the formatting of the script part wasn't preserved. Sigh. It's still readable but it's just too bad I can't make it look like it did on my laptop.


	10. Chapter 9

"Did you just buy a pet?" Tsuchiura asked, entering the living room.

"This is Kaho's cat," Len answered, stroking Cho's fur as she slept on his lap. "I found her outside their apartment."

"Why did you bring her home?" Tsuchiura asked, puzzled.

Len didn't look up. "Because Kaji was busy confessing to Kaho," he replied in a cool voice. To his ears, it sounded almost detached.

He'd been about to round a corner near Kaho's building when he spotted them. He'd seen the surprise on her face. She probably had been anxious to get away.

At least he had hoped she was.

Len wished he'd seen Kaji's expression. He wanted to know if Kaji had looked nervous or unsure of himself.

"They didn't notice me," Len said. It wasn't that Tsuchiura's confusion prompted him to explain, but he felt on the verge of a long conversation. He wanted to talk to his friend, though he wasn't sure where to begin. He continued to stroke Cho's fur.

"I didn't think I could interrupt," Len said.

Tsuchiura sat beside Len and raised his hand to pet Cho. The feline screeched at him. "Hello to you, too," Tsuchiura said, giving Cho a mock glare. "Chubby cat..." he murmured.

"Kaji told Kaho that he wanted her to be his girlfriend," Len revealed. He had gone to Kaho's apartment to give her a recording of the _concours_ from their year. His mother had sent a copy from Japan. He'd also planned on asking Kaho out to lunch and was looking forward to finding out if she had a favorite restaurant. If she didn't, they could try one they both hadn't been to before. He wasn't sure she'd agree to go out with him without Miyabi, but if she'd asked, he'd let Miyabi join them. He knew he also had to make a good impression on her friend.

What he hadn't expected was Cho jumping into his arms. And, of course, witnessing Kaji's seemingly abrupt confession had been unsettling. He'd almost wanted to hear Kaji recite poetry and hoped the pop star's bad verse would turn off Kaho and strike out Kaji's name from her list of potential suitors (were there more he wasn't aware of?). He hadn't stayed long enough to find out if she'd given him a positive reply.

"Do you want me to listen or do you want me to give advice?" Tsuchiura asked, interrupting Len's thoughts. Len hadn't noticed how long he'd stayed silent. Tsuchiura said, "In case it wasn't obvious before...my listening skills are unrivaled."

Len sighed and told Ryo that he had never thought of himself as proprietary. He was never the jealous type; he thought that jealousy was a result of a faulty perspective. First of all, did he have a right to be jealous? No, he didn't. She wasn't his girlfriend.

"But you can't help what you feel at the moment," Tsuchiura guessed correctly.

"Yes," Len admitted. Cho was fast asleep on his lap. "I don't know what she thinks of me, and I don't know what she thinks of Kaji either."

Len hated that Kaji was a rival for Kaho's affections. When he'd decided to pursue Kaho, he hadn't had a clear picture of what he would do if there was someone else who was also courting her. It was stupid not to have stayed to see how Kaho had replied to Kaji; it hadn't seemed like she would give him a definite response but..._ did she give him hope?_

If Len could still win her...did it matter?

He wanted Kaho to be happy; he wanted to be one of the reasons she smiled. If he and Kaho could be together, he would make her feel content and secure. No, he'd do more than that –_I want her to feel cherished_. Most of all, he wanted her to have her dreams. He had been thinking about how he could help her achieve them.

He still had the flash drive she'd left in his car.

"Have you told her you love her?" Tsuchiura asked.

"It's forthcoming..." Len said a little hesitantly. "But I've already told her, more or less, about the way I feel."

He had hadn't he? Except, he realized, he shouldn't expect her to read between the lines. She wasn't the type to assume someone had feelings for her if they respected her, were nice to her or encouraged her.

Tsuchiura shrugged and said, "I'd like to give my two cents."

Len waited for him to speak.

"Kaho admires you Tsukimori," Tsuchiura said. His tone made Len feel as though he were being informed of something he should have already known. "Do you realize that? Or, let's rephrase– do you know _the_ _extent_ of her admiration for you?" Tsuchiura considered Len's frown as a signal to continue. "In high school, she said she wanted to chase after you."

"Chase after me?" Len echoed. No, he didn't know how much Kaho admired him. He had some idea when she'd told him she wanted to learn under Saotome-sensei, the teacher he'd had in grade school, but he thought that she was mostly self-motivated. Like him.

Tsuchiura drew out a long breath. "I don't think she had any idea what it sounded like. She wanted to aspire to the heights you were chasing. She wanted to be part of something bigger than herself," Tsuchiura explained. "She probably hadn't expected it, but she saw brand new dreams reflected in you and your music."

"If I had been the reason, I..." He was suddenly at a loss for words. "I'm not sure why..."

"I know you don't understand," Tsuchiura said with a slight shake of his head. "When you praise her, she doesn't seem to get it either. You both like and admire each other, but when someone talks to her about what _you_ could feel for _her_ and vice versa, she looks confused. And you...if I'd told you another person considered you their inspiration, you wouldn't look the way you do now." Tsuchiura gestured to the indentation between Len's brows. "You wouldn't think too deeply about it to question why. With her, you seem to second guess yourself." Tsuchiura paused and gave him a look of concern. "Regardless of how slow you are...I think you've approached her through the right door. Your music reached her. She doesn't realize it, but that's how she got to you, too. It's hard to compete with a connection like that..."

Len knew Tsuchiura had more to say. There was a secret "But" at the end of that sentence.

"You're telling me, she admired me and made me her inspiration, but she's confused by how I respond to her?"

He asked Tsuchiura if Kaho doubted him.

"She just finds it difficult to believe that you would change your mind when you er, rejected her years ago," Tsuchiura explained. "You need to tell her the words, Tsukimori."

"I can't just tell her 'I love you'," Len said. It wasn't easy. He didn't want to spring that on her all of a sudden.

"She can handle it," Tsuchiura said, trying his best to convince Len. "I of all people should know. And besides, if you tell her, she'll start understand...No, she'll _know_ why you helped Miyabi when she injured her ankle; she'll know why you said the things you said yesterday about her contribution to the_ concours._ And she'll know why you played _Polonaise Brillante_ and _Tristesse_ for her."

"It's not enough," Len said quietly. He can't tell her yet. He needed to try harder to show her.

Tsuchiura mumbled something under his breath. He lifted his arms in the air and said, "Do you have any idea how persistent Kaji is?" When Len didn't respond, he added, "Proximity, Len. That's how he'll find a way to get her. Think about it, if you don't give Kaho a clear message –if you don't tell her you're actually available, Kaji's persistence might reward him after all."

"_Where would you be then?"_ Tsuchiura's face seemed to say.

"_Patience obtains all things,"_ Len was almost prompted to quote. Was he talking about Kaji or himself? At this point, he didn't know whose effort would give whom the outcome he desired.

Tsuchiura grunted and made another impatient gesture with his hands. Len was probably giving him a headache. The same one that was also creeping near Len's temples.

Len said, "I saw Kaho's face when Kaji confessed to her. She looked surprised and perplexed. She didn't break out into a grin, and she didn't throw herself into his embrace." And she didn't shout that she had the same feelings for Kaji. She also didn't say that she had feelings for someone else...

He hadn't stayed long enough to find out, but he was hoping Kaho had delayed her reply. She'd done the same when Tsuchiura had confessed to her so, Len hoped the past was a good reference point for her responses.

Tsuchiura had his arms crossed in front of his chest. He'd been about to say something when realization spread briskly across his features. "Do you think –" he cut himself off. "You aren't –" He stopped again. "Wow," he whistled. "You of all people..."

Tsuchiura hadn't said the words, but Len suspected his friend had figured it out. Len had reservations; he hadn't given himself much chance of success. _Or, perhaps, not success on the first try..._

"I have to prove to her that I'm serious," Len said. He had plans. He was going to follow through with them before making any declaration. "I went to her apartment today to ask her out to lunch. I want to spend more time with her."

He'd _intended_ to spend more time with her.

"It's the quality of the experience that makes a difference," Tsuchiura said sagely.

_The number of encounters doesn't necessarily increase the likelihood of success_. Yes, Len knew that. He told Tsuchiura as much.

"I think you already make up a good chunk of the memories she'd call 'quality time'," Tsuchiura continued.

"I wouldn't know," Len said. Tsuchiura sounded as if he was referring to the past.

"_Tsukimori_," Tsuchiura said in a voice that held tightly controlled irritation, "you know I'm glad you're taking the initiative. But, like I said, Kaji's persistence might've already rewarded him. It's likely Kaho said no this time around...But," he paused. "Declaring your feelings might be to your advantage."

Len narrowed his eyes at Tsuchiura, "You seem to think that just telling her how I feel would increase my chances."

"If you were listening a while back, you'd know that I've already stated my case. But, I guess there's no exhausting the point with you. Or with Kaho, for that matter." Len knew Tsuchiura's '_but-I'll-keep-trying-to-persuade-you'_ expression well; it was probably reserved for their one-on-one talks.

"It's hard to compete, especially with the history you guys have," Tsuchiura continued, rubbing his temple. "But I'm not omniscient..." he trailed off. He muttered that both Kaho and Len were a challenge to convince or to attain.

"I can't rely on the past, Tsuchiura," Len said in a decisive tone. "Not when things ended on a sour note the last time." It had been years since that night in the park, but if Tsuchiura was right and Kaho found his feelings for her hard to believe, then – he had his work cut out for him. "If Kaji is as persistent as you say he is, then I'll have to be even more persistent. I won't let him monopolize her time like he has before."

"That is your plan," Tsuchiura stated. He sighed and lifted his eyes to the ceiling. "I know you're aware you can't completely prevent their interactions," he said. "Kaji's presence is already a given."

For a moment, Len thought their conversation had ended, but Tsuchiura still had more to say: "There might come a time when you'll need to tell Kaho exactly how you feel. Not just so she knows, but also to avoid confusion." Tsuchiura said. He looked at his friend intently, "Honestly, you should just let it all out," he said, making a sweeping motion with his arm. "Let her sort out her feelings for you on her own. She'll probably come to a conclusion sooner than you think."

_What if it's not the decision I want?_

It seemed Tsuchiura had read his mind: "With the way Kaho is, it's more than necessary that you make your intentions clear." He shook his head and sighed. "_Vocalize your feelings, Len_," he said the words with emphasis. "That's my advice to you. Plain and simple."

"I should have brought drinks," Len heard Tsuchiura mutter.

In the silence that followed, Tsuchiura opted to check the messages he'd received while he and Len had their discussion. "Do you plan to return the cat tonight?" Tsuchiura asked as he scrolled through his phone.

_Necessity_, Len thought. It was a perfect excuse to go to her. "Why do you ask?"

"Kaho sent me a text message," Tsuchiura replied, still on his phone. "She says she needs my help."

Len raised an eyebrow. "To find her cat?"

Tsuchiura smirked. "I don't think she'd ever consider bothering you to look for it. I don't think she can imagine you saying, 'Here kitty kitty kitty... _kochi ni oide, koneko-chan..._"

Aside from being annoyed at the high-pitched voice Tsuchiura had used, Len bristled at the idea of Kaho not asking for his help because "pet searching" wasn't something he could be bothered with. He hated that that wounded him.

In fact, he hated the assumption that he wouldn't do something because he didn't look the type to do it.

He already committed himself (outside of Kaho's knowledge) to help Kaho. He'd also thought about who he knew that could help her if he wasn't able...

_If she gets around to asking...and if I think I can improve the situation..._

He wished he knew when the next opportunity would come.

"I'm willing to search whole buildings and find whatever it is she's lost if it comes to it," Len said. It sounded like an exaggeration, yes. But he was willing and willingness was a good start to any endeavor.

"Sure," Tsuchiura said. "If she loses her cat again, you'll be sure to join the search party."

Len ignored Tsuchiura and lifted Cho from his lap. "You and I get along, don't we?" he asked Cho who had already woken up. In response, she yawned and confirmed their friendship with a slow blink.

"She likes me more than you," Len said.

Tsuchiura chuckled as he scrolled through a few more messages. "Anyway, just bring the cat with you tonight and..." Tsuchiura trailed off. "We need to get over there, Len," he said, his tone losing some of its levity. Len lifted an eyebrow.

"It's not the cat."

.

.

.

Kaho was overjoyed when she saw Cho. "How did you find her?" she asked Len who had already decided not to tell Kaho he'd witnessed Kaji's confession.

"She walked up to me on our way here," Len said, exchanging a glance with Tsuchiura.

Tsuchiura nodded imperceptibly.

"You changed your hair," Len observed. He almost reached out to touch the new cocoa tresses. Under a halo of light, her hair had hints of caramel. _She looks beautiful_.

It probably shouldn't have surprised him that the descriptions he'd thought of conjured images of food. He was probably hungry. But with _cocoa_ and _caramel_, he'd imagined ice cream could have been the dessert he'd had if he'd gone to her apartment earlier and invited her to lunch before Kaji could interfere. Still, she was lovely.

Tsuchiura cleared his throat and smiled. There must have been something of Len's thoughts in his expression because Tsuchiura shot him a look that signaled he should expect some teasing later on. Kaho had blushed before tucking a new brunette strand behind her ear. "Oh, yes, um, I'll explain that later," she said shyly.

"I figured out what this apartment reminds me of," Tsuchiura whispered to Len as he stared at the chandelier in the hallway. The gold and crystal glass decorations, the blush pink couches, and the white shabby-chic end tables reminded Tsuchiura of the refined femininity of the bridal shops he'd visited with his fiancee.

"Why are you looking for Miyabi?" Tsuchiura asked Kaho once they were seated. Len appreciated that Ryo was quick to get down to business. "It's only nine pm," Tsuchiura said after glancing at the wall clock. It was probably too early to call the cavalry.

"Yes, but she usually texts and –," Kaho paused to chew on her lip, "after what happened this afternoon, I'm starting to think I should be worried."

Kaho told them about the pictures and the package she'd received from Kaji's loyal fans. The prank angered both Len and Tsuchiura, though Tsuchiura's expression had been more obvious and was enough to express their mutual distaste for what had happened.

"I'm fine, Tsuchiura-kun," she said. "Kaji already made inquiries with the shop that made the cake. Apparently, it was one of their employees who did it."

"Have they fired her?" Len asked.

"The cake was her last transaction," Kaho answered. "She quit before the delivery was made."

"They should find her and make her do community service," Tsuchiura said.

Kaho nodded. "Kaji assured me his company would take care of it."

"I hope she doesn't attempt another stunt like that in the future," Len said.

Kaho told him she didn't think so. Both Tsuchiura and Len were concerned that Kaji's fans would give Kaho a difficult time, but she was confident it wouldn't happen again. She didn't think anyone would try to harm her a second time if there was no new evidence that pointed to a romantic relationship with Kaji. Hearing Kaho say so relieved Len. Kaji was not Kaho's boyfriend.

"Miyabi dyed my hair after the photos were leaked so no one would suspect it was me in those pictures. I'm just hoping people will lose interest soon."

"They might," Tsuchiura mused, "if another scandal breaks out or if Kaji decides to come out with news that he's dating someone else."

"I'm not even sure if they know it's really him. The pictures aren't very clear. I think they assumed the worst, and the cake was probably just a move to cover the bases." Kaho said.

"Do you mean they did it because they assumed it was true?" Len asked.

"Uh," Kaho looked down, "I think so."

"I think you'll agree that that's pretty extreme," Len said. He told Kaho he didn't want to see her suffer because of other people's misconceptions. She blushed.

"I honestly don't think it'll happen again," she said. "I wasn't harmed, I mean, not really."

"What if they had tried to grab Cho?" Tsuchiura asked.

Len frowned at him. "Hey, if Len hadn't rescued your cat," Tsuchiura said, giving his friend a 'let-me-build-this-up' look, "who knows if they could've used her to bargain with you."

Len noticed that Tsuchiura had opted for the word "rescued" and not "found"; Tsuchiura probably forgot that Len had already told Kaho that Cho had come up to him on their way to the apartment. _Was the way to a woman's heart through her cat? _Sometimes he wished he knew a little more about these things.

Kaho said to Tsuchiura that he shouldn't try to worry her. Len began to brainstorm. Kaji, after he'd told Kaho that he wanted their relationship to be real, couldn't be counted on to deny a relationship with Kaho if it came to it. If the incident with the cake was an isolated one and Kaji's name hadn't been linked conclusively –Kaji had nothing to deny or explain.

Len didn't want to think that someone else was going to look for Kaho and 'warn' her. "I hope you'll be more careful, Hino," he said.

Kaho blushed. "I will be. I'm not sure if the prank has anything to do with Miyabi being late, but we have to look for her. Her brother will be worried."

Tsuchiura had been trying to call Miyabi on her cell. "It's ringing but she's not picking up."

"It's either that or the network says she's 'out of coverage'," Kaho said. "Oh wait, I have a call. It's Eun hye – she's Miyabi's agent."

"Hey, have you heard from Miyabi?" Kaho asked over the phone. She put Eun Hye on loudspeaker.

_Kaho, I didn't expect to see her here of all places. My friends are having this bridal shower at a club and well … I saw Miyabi._

"What? What club? What's she doing there by herself?"

_I don't know. I'm sure it was her, but she went inside the VIP section and –_

"Is she with anyone?"

_I don't know. I don't have passes. The bouncer wouldn't let me in._

Kaho worried her lip. Len sighed. He had an idea –one he didn't particularly like. He had told himself he'd keep in mind who could help her, right? He scowled and then evened out his features just as quickly. He turned to Tsuchiura, "I think I know who can help."

.

.

.

Tsuchiura, Kahoko and Len agreed to meet Kaji inside the club. Kaji was already waiting at VIP and would have parted the curtain if there had been one, but –instead of a mysterious tasseled curtain –VIP was set apart by two iron and brass staircases, each manned by a pair of muscled bouncers. The second floor was the appointed gathering place where the elite club-goers met and watched the dancers below and the DJ at his booth.

It was more spacious inside the club than they'd originally guessed. Two large floor to ceiling aquariums illuminated by bright neon lights stood on opposite ends of the floor. In the tanks swum yellow and blue fish that glowed in the darkness. Dancers in neon war paint bounced, bumped, lurched and rocked wildly from side to side. Strangely, Len imagined the floor littered with potholes.

"I love this drop!" one of the other guests shouted as she lifted her hands and bounced her head to the music. Like the glowing fish in their tanks, the compressed, distorted and filtered sounds of the DJ's remix swum in their heads and mixed with the club's electric atmosphere.

"This beat's really cool," Tsuchiura said over the noise. They showed the bouncers the passes that Kaji's driver had given them and climbed up the stairs to VIP. A new song began to play. It was a remix of a popular song Len had heard on the radio.

"Huh, it's mostly English," Tsuchiura commented.

"The artist's name is Dua Lipa," Kaho informed him. "The song's called _Kiss And Make Up_. It's a collab she did with BLACKPINK."

"Ah, they're a popular Kpop group, aren't they?" Tsuchiura asked.

Kaho nodded. Len glanced at Kaho. He imagined she would be thrilled if she could actively bring together artists from different parts of the world. She had always been the type who was excited about her friends' music as much as her own and Len concluded that she would love the fact that collaborations could bring different people together. _She'd be ecstatic... _

Kaji called them over to a corner table. "Are you by yourself?" Tsuchiura asked.

"Ah," Kaji rubbed his neck, "yes and no."

"Have you found Miyabi?" Kaho asked.

Kaji replied that he hadn't. "I asked Yul if he'd seen her but –"

"Wait," Kaho said, interrupting Kaji. "Yul's here too?"

"Yeah," Kaji said. "He was here before I was. I didn't expect to see him. He really isn't the club type, but he said this place belongs to his friend so –"

"Was he with anyone?" Kaho asked suddenly, trying to keep the volume of her voice above the sound of the music.

Kaji's forehead furrowed. "I saw him talking to someone I hadn't met before," Kaji replied.

Len glanced over at Tsuchiura who had a similar look of confusion on his face. They were wondering about the significance of Kaho's questions and their connection to Miyabi.

Len asked, "Who is Yul?"

"Oh," Kaji said, "he's my bandmate."

Len watched Kaho; she looked more worried now than she'd been when they were at the apartment. "Is there something we should know?" Len asked her.

"Mm, _nandemonai_," Kaho said.

"Eun Hye said Miyabi was wearing a bright pink peacoat," Kaji said, scanning the crowd. Just by looking at the patrons, Len knew it wasn't going to be easy to find Miyabi. "I asked the bartender if he noticed anyone who fit that description, but he wasn't very helpful. They scheduled another party at VIP, and as you can see, pink is tonight's designated color."

"I noticed," Tsuchiura said, eyeing the groups of strangers around him. "I feel like we're at a conference for flamingos," he'd told Len. Tsuchiura inspected Kaji's gray and blue jacket and jeans, "How'd you get in?"

Kaji looked almost offended. "You asked me to help," he said. "My company's got –"

He was interrupted by Eun Hye's entrance. "Kahoko! You're finally here!" The shorter girl grabbed Kaho's hands and asked, "Has Miyabi called you?"

Kaho replied in the negative. "Has anyone tried checking the restroom?" Tsuchiura asked.

Eun Hye answered in the affirmative. "She wasn't there."

"Check again," Len suggested. "Also, VIP should have a separate restroom, right?"

"Len and I will check downstairs," Tsuchiura said to Kaji. "You keep an eye out for Miyabi at the balcony."

.

.

"I hope she hasn't left," Eun Hye said to Kaho. She and Kaho were left to scour the restrooms.

As soon as the guys were out of sight, Kaho pulled Eun Hye to an alcove close to the back of the room. "Do you think Miyabi came here to see Yul?"

"You mean if she followed him?" Eun Hye said, pushing her glasses up her nose. "Yul said he hadn't seen her."

Eun Hye began to wring her hands. "Do you think Yul's lying?" she asked. "What if he got into a fight with Miyabi!"

"I don't think he'd lie," Kaho said.

Miyabi might have followed Yul, Kaho surmised. She might have wanted to follow him in secret. Kaho opened the door to the restroom and called Miyabi's name. Eun Hye followed her in. Like the main floor, the restroom was also a surprise. It had a high ceiling, and there was yet another fish tank that served as a wall between the powder room and the stalls.

"I left a friend at the exit to check for Miyabi," Eun Hye said. "I didn't think it would be hard to find her but –" she cut herself off. "Her brother! Oh no! Have you told Yunoki-san?"

Kaho avoided thinking about Azuma. _As a rule_. Sometimes. Most of the time. She didn't want to discuss the need to tell Azuma Yunoki what had happened. She hoped she wouldn't have to report to him.

"Miyabi! It's Kahoko. Are you here?" she shouted at the end of a long line of stalls. There were girls, all covered in pink, checking their reflections in the mirror. One of them said, "It does fit perfectly, doesn't it?"

"Thank God, you're the same size," her friend said. "I'd be in trouble at the store if I had to return it with that stain."

"I know right," the first girl said.

"Miyabi!" Eun Hye called again.

They snapped to attention when the door to the restroom flung wide open. Miyabi marched in, her high heels clicking against the black and white tile. In her right hand was the pink peacoat Eun Hye had mentioned. It had a large red stain on the sleeve.

"Excuse me," Miyabi said to the girls in front of the mirror. "Can you please take off my coat?" she said, her voice laced with acid.

"Miyabi-san!" Eun Hye said, her eyes darting from Kaho to Miyabi. Miyabi swayed to the side; she grabbed one of the pewter sinks to keep her balance.

"Gah, if I twist my ankle again –" Miyabi threatened.

_Crap. _Kaho moved to stand between Miyabi and the two girls in front of the mirror. "Miyabi!" Kaho shouted. "Why did you come here all alone?"

"Are you drunk?" Kaho asked.

Miyabi bit her lip, her sad eyes asking for sympathy. "I'm not intoxicated, Kahoko," Miyabi denied. "I just...I shouldn't have worn these heels," she said, pointing to her shoes.

"We saw Yul, Miyabi," Kaho said.

"It was a coincidence," Miyabi claimed. She leaned against the tile, and meeting Kaho's disappointed look, added, "I only had one or two drinks. And they," she said, pointing to the girls, "gave it to me."

"You did this to her?" Kaho said, allowing Eun Hye to support Miyabi while confronting the girls.

"Excuse me," the taller of the two said. The tag from her sequined dress peeked from behind her neck. "We didn't do anything. She sat next to us and complained about her idiot boyfriend."

"We tried to comfort her," said the second girl.

"We even paid for her drinks," said the first girl. "And this is the thanks she shows us? Please, I have no time for this."

She strode past Kaho but whipped around when Kaho grabbed her firmly by the arm. "I heard you talking," Kaho said, eyeing the girl from head to foot. "You're right, you are the same size. And," she said, fishing the tag from the girl's dress, "it'd be a shame if you had to return this one damaged, too."

"_Jugullae (do you want to die)_?" the girl spit out. "Do you know who I am?"

"I don't care," Kaho said. "You stole my friend's jacket. Now hand it over," she said, showing her open palm.

"Not a chance!" She pushed Kaho to the side, yanked her friend, and ran out of the bathroom. Kaho grit her teeth and held onto the door for balance.

Eun Hye moaned, "Is this really the VIP section?"

"I'm going to go after them," Kaho said, leaving Miyabi in Eun Hye's care.

"You expect them to be more civilized?" Miyabi said to Eun Hye. She'd hit her head on the wall after Eun Hye had failed to keep her upright. Blood trickled from a small cut above her eyebrow. Miyabi didn't notice.

It was Eun Hye who liked like she was pained. She took out a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped off the blood on Miyabi's forehead.

"We'll wait for Kaho here" Eun Hye decided. She'd already shouted after Kaho that she and Miyabi would stay in the restroom.

"No, no!" Miyabi said, snatching the handkerchief from Eun Hye. "We're going after them."

.

.

.

Kaho's head jerked from left to right as she tried to find Miyabi's attackers among the VIP guests. Fishing her phone from her purse, she called Kaji. She nearly jumped a foot in the air when he materialized next to her. Very quickly she told him about how, instead of finding Miyabi, they'd run into her.

"Good thing she wasn't wasted or unconscious," Kaji said.

"But they might have drugged her!" Kaho shouted.

"It could have been a really strong drink," he said. "Or she might have over-exerted herself when she was trying to look for them. If she was wearing skyscraper heels..."

"They still stole her coat," Kaho said, looking down at the first floor with a determination. "We have to find them."

"I'll call the others," Kaji said, dialing Tsuchiura's number on his phone.

The neon lights threw a speckled pattern of colors over the partygoers gyrating on the floor. Kaho tried to pick apart the scene as the music thrummed in her ears relentlessly. Her eyes went over bodies sculpted with splashes of light and color.

She spied a flash of pink near one of the large aquariums. "Is that them?"

Kaji squinted in the direction Kaho was looking. "It might be."

"I think we should get down there," she told Kaji.

Tsuchiura met them by the stairs. "We didn't notice," he'd said when asked about the delinquents who'd tried to escape Kaho.

"I'll tell the bouncers to keep an eye out," Kaji said.

"Tsuchiura already informed them," Len said. He'd joined their group after coming from the first-floor bar. "Do you think that you could ask the owner to help us find them?" he asked Kaji.

"Yul's friend? Yeah, I suppose we could look at the security cameras."

"Guys, we're notgoing to like what's coming next," Tsuchiura said, pointing to the crowd.

Len, Kahoko, and Kaji turned towards the direction Tsuchiura was facing. Eun Hye stood in between Miyabi and a six-foot-tall man in a black muscle shirt and too-tight red leather pants.

"You ruined my girl's dress," the tall guy snarled at Eun Hye.

"It –it was an accident," Eun Hye stammered, holding her position between Miyabi and the irate man.

Two other men flanked their tall friend.

"It wasn't me!" Miyabi shouted, glaring at him. "Look, it must have been that other girl. We were wearing the same coat."

Both Miyabi and Eun Hye walked backward as the men advanced. When Miyabi's sharp heel dug into the foot of one the servers behind her, he yelped and sent a tray with flutes of champagne and fruity cocktails flying into the air. The tray landed on the tall guy's head; his shirt soaked up the alcohol. Glass crashed on the floor. Eun Hye covered her face and squeaked.

"C'mon!" Miyabi shouted. She grabbed Eun Hye's hand and dodged a bouncer or two before running to the back.

"Gah! My feet are killing me!" Miyabi said. She threw off her heels and ran as fast as she could.

Kaho's stomach was in knots. They'd been too far away to do anything but the moment the champagne went airborne, she, Tsuchiura, Len, and Kaji hurried to intercept Miyabi before the three men could catch up to her. They wove through the spaces between the dancers, careful not to step on toes or knock people down. Kaji was on the phone with the owner when he collided with someone rushing forward.

His phone dropped from his hand and, to his surprise, the person he'd bumped into caught it before it fell to the floor. A tiny girl with pink hair and blue highlights presented it to him with a huge grin on her face.

"You're Kaji Aoi," she said, her eyes sparkling with admiration.

"Umm, yeah," Kaji grinned. He thanked her and was about to excuse himself when he noticed that the girl was wearing a shirt with his face on it. "You're a fan," he said, grinning more broadly, "thank you for –"

He was cut off by her squealing. "Girls! Girls! I'm right! It is him!"

"Wait a sec!" Kaji panicked. Several girls turned their heads in his direction.

"Kaji _Oppa_!" they shouted in unison.

The girls gathered in front of him, and before Kaji knew it, he'd been backed up against a wall. "Take a picture with us, _Oppa_!" one fan said. She moved to Kaji's right while another girl approached him to the left. "Me too, let's take a selfie!"

"Will you sign my shirt?"

"_Oppa_! You're so handsome!"

"Yeesh," Tsuchiura said over his shoulder.

"What now?" Len asked.

"Kaji's been cornered," Tsuchiura replied, referring to Kaji and the bevy of females adoring him.

"He looks like he needs help," Len said, crossing his arms and glancing meaningfully at Tsuchiura.

He glared at Len. "Why me?"

"Girls have called you scary and intimidating," Len replied. "You're also much more persuasive than I am in these situations."

"Then I should be... wait, where'd he go?"

Len had left Tsuchiura to handle Kaji and his fans. He'd lost Miyabi and Eun Hye and wasn't even sure if Kaho had managed to locate them unharmed. Had they tried to hide? He surveyed the crowd. The dancers seemed to move in unison, the music enveloping them in their own world.

_Could they have gone back to VIP?_

He heard loud crash on his left. It was another restroom.

"There you are!" Miyabi shouted.

"Miyabi, can we not do this?" an exhausted Eun Hye begged.

"Get out of my way, you," the girl with the sequined dress said. "How are you so sure that this is your coat?"

"Because mine doesn't have this huge stain on it!" Miyabi yelled. She ran to the girl and started pulling the coat off her shoulders. "Give it back!"

Eun Hye grabbed Miyabi by the waist and tried to pull her away.

Len watched from the door as Kaho jumped into the scuffle. She separated the girls and with Eun Hye's help pushed the delinquents into the stalls. Miyabi, Kaho, and Eun Hye rushed out, hardly noticing Len come up from behind them.

"Kaji Oppa!" Len heard someone shout in the distance.

Tsuchiura appeared by Len's side. He pulled Len into a corner of the restroom behind a large aquarium filled with jellyfish. (It could have been a projected image, Len wasn't entirely sure.) Next to Ryo was Kaji who was bent forward, his hands resting on his thighs.

"Were those photographers?" Tsuchiura asked.

"I'm not sure," Kaji answered in between breaths, "a lot of our fans are pretty good with a lens."

_Photographers? _

Miyabi and Kaho were running from hooligans. With photographers and fans chasing Kaji around, there was a chance they'd take a picture of Miyabi getting into trouble. And if whoever caught the photos thought that Miyabi's face headlining this escapade was just as media-worthy as a picture of Kaji, then this was sure to catch Yunoki's attention. Yunoki finding out would not be good for Kahoko.

"How do we get out of this maze?" Len asked. First, they had to leave the ladies room, but where could they go to escape notice?

"There's a basement," Kaji said in between breaths. "There's an exit behind the bar that leads to the karaoke rooms and after that is another exit for deliveries."

"Stay with Kaji," Len said to Tsuchiura who quirked an eyebrow. "He shouldn't draw attention to Miyabi or Kaho."

"Where do we go?" Tsuchiura asked.

"Anywhere away from Miyabi and Kahoko."

.

.

.

Kaho had managed to make it to the stairwell near the back of the building. The door in front of them was locked, so she peered through the glass and saw stairs leading to the second and third floors. To their right, unobstructed by the presence of a closed door, was more stairs leading down. _Probably an employee entrance..._

A rough, angry face materialized from the steps. Two more faces came into view. Eun Hye groaned. Miyabi exchanged looks with Eun Hye as they backed up in unison and ran back the way they came. Kaho swallowed and planted her feet firmly on the ground. She waited as the guy with red leather pants came up the stairs. They stood facing each other in the long hallway.

"Sir," she said in her most placating voice, "it was an accident. I hope you'll allow us to make up for what's happened."

He approached Kaho and dragged her towards him. "Who're you?"

"I'm the owner of this club," she lied. He'd narrowed his eyes, but his hold on her arm had loosened. "I'd really like it if we could settle the matter with the other patrons peacefully," Kaho said. "I'll buy drinks for all of you."

He cocked his head to the side and peered into Kaho's face. Kaho swallowed.

"How about access to VIP?" Kaho offered.

"Done," pants guy said. _Please come through on this Kaji_, Kaho prayed. She would ask him to give them passes later. _Hopefully, he'll show up when I text him._

To her surprise, the door behind her had opened and the men of the hour, Kaji and Tsuchiura, came down from the second floor.

"We were going to get the cars ready," Tsuchiura said, giving Kaho a concerned look. "Is everything Ok?" he asked in a steady voice, sending a warning look to the men surrounding Kaho. Pants guy raised his arms and stepped back.

"Can we go up to VIP now?" pants guy asked.

"Kaji," Kaho said, turning to her friend, "please give them your passes."

Her voice was serene, but she'd pleaded with her eyes. Kaji stepped forward and took out the passes from his jacket pocket.

"Yes! free drinks!" pants guy's lackeys said, tugging the passes from Kaji's hands. "See you up there, bro."

The lackeys ran up at the stairs, taking two steps at a time, leaving pants guy who still had his hand stretched toward Kaji. He shot another glance at Kaho, "I'll need another pass for my girlfriend."

As soon as they were gone, Kaji heaved a sigh of relief.

"That's one down," Kaho said under her breath. "Where's Len?" she asked Tsuchiura.

Tsuchiura looked at Kaji who was fishing for his keys in his jacket pocket. "I should have asked our driver to wait in the parking lot," Kaji mumbled.

Kaho was about to ask why they'd decided to get their cars ready when her cellphone started to ring. She read the name on the screen and put Eun Hye on speaker.

_Kahoko, come to the main floor quickly! _

"Oh no, what's Miyabi done now?"

_Kahoko, she's shoeless and she's about to go after those girls again. _

"Wait, why?" Kaho asked. "She got her coat back, right?"

_They have her phone. She dropped it in one of the restrooms._

"We should call security," Kaho said, tired of all the running and evading. "We'll have them get her phone back for her."

_No, we've already attracted enough attention. If Yunoki finds out this happened, we'll be jobless. They just want the coat; I told her she should just exchange it for her phone. But she won't._

"_Wae? _Why not?"

Eun Hye sighed on the other end.

"Well, why not?"

_Yul gave it to her._

The instant she heard Eun Hye's reply, Kaho regretted putting her phone on speaker. Kaji asked the obvious question, "Yul gave it to her?"

"He's her ex," Kaho finally revealed.

But was he her ex? Was she sure about that? Kaho hadn't asked, had she? She'd just assumed that Miyabi had broken up with Yul. She should have confirmed Miyabi's relationship status with Miyabi herself, but after watching her famous friend risk her reputation to fight tooth and nail for a coat, there was no reason to think Miyabi's heart had changed.

EunHye's voice pierced through her thoughts:_ Kaho, are you there? I can't find them._

"I'll go back up and meet with my driver at VIP," Kaji said.

"You aren't going to help us get her?" Kaho asked, confused.

Kaji rubbed his neck; he explained to Kaho that there were fans and possibly photographers chasing after him. "Tsukimori-san said I attract the wrong attention. If someone takes a photo of me or of Miyabi while this is going on, well..."

"Right," Kaho said, nodding tiredly. "He's right," she conceded.

Tsuchiura handed Kaji his car keys. "Kaji will get his car and his driver will ready mine," Tsuchiura said."We'll be out of here before anyone ends up in the tabloids."

When Kaho, Eun Hye, and Tsuchiura returned to the main floor, they checked the other bathrooms and circled back to the bar. Eun Hye had found Miyabi's shoes.

"I told my friend I'd be back for the cocktails," Eun Hye complained. "How do I make up for missing her bridal shower?"

"Tell her you got her those shoes," Tsuchiura said.

.

.

.

Len found himself at the stairwell with Miyabi and Kaji. Minutes ago, he'd been able to negotiate Miyabi's phone by offering to pay for the ruined coat. Miyabi got her coat back, and the girls no longer had to worry about money they didn't have. After the girls' obvious ploy to return clothes they'd only worn once and couldn't afford, and after that stumbling and running around the club, he'd told them he suspected they had somehow snuck into VIP with false passes.

"_We didn't!" They denied._

_Len raised an eyebrow. "We won't report you if you don't mention any of this to your friends, family or anyone who might ask about tonight."_

_They snuck a peek at Kaji."Ok, let us take pictures with him and it's a deal."_

"_We'll say we met Kaji Aoi and that's it," the tall girl said, her ears turning pink._

_Len resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Having Kaji around was equal part convenience and inconvenience; unfortunately, there was no telling which he'd be at any given moment._

"_All in a day's work," Kaji said, smiling for his fans._

_Len snuck a peek at Miyabi. "Are you ok?" he asked. _

_After spending the evening running shoeless and getting into catfights, she was dishelved and appeared more upset rather than angry or irritated._

_Miyabi hugged her coat."I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused."_

"_Why did you come here by yourself?"_

"_I just thought I'd confirm something, that's all."_

"_Were you able to do that?" Len asked._

"_No, not really," she replied. She had been avoiding eye contact, but after that last question, she'd lifted her face to look at Len. "I confirmed something else," she said to him._

"_What?"_

"_I have good friends," she said with a tired smile."Thank you for rescuing me, Tsukimori-san."_

Len tried to steady his breathing as his heart slammed against his ribs. They'd climbed back up the stairs to escape a bevy of Kaji's fans.

"Why were they waiting for you at the back entrance?"

"I don't know," Kaji answered.

"Someone must have told them you were already on your way out."

Kaji ran his fingers through his hair, "I really don't know."

"Some of them shouted Miyabi's name," Len said. "They think you're here with her."

Kaji and Len were glad they hadn't let Miyabi go down to the exit ahead of them. The cut on Miyabi's forehead had stopped bleeding but the skin around it was an ugly purple. If Kaji's fans had snapped a picture of that...

"Yunoki's wrath would come down on Kaho," Kaji supplied.

Len thought Kaji's thoughts were probably on the melodramatic side, but he also didn't want Kaho to be scolded.

"We can't let her go out like this," Kaji said, referring to Miyabi. "Should we cover her face?"

"It would seem more suspicious. Especially since she isn't wearing any shoes."

"Will you have to deny being in a relationship with her?" Len asked suddenly. If pictures of a wild-looking Miyabi next to Kaji at a club were to spread online...

"It depends," Kaji said. "We're doing a movie together, so – "

"They might have planned to take pictures of you with your new co-star," Len said.

Len remembered the "warning gift" Kaho had received from Kaji's fans. Were they going to send more threats? Was Kaho going to open more surprises at Miyabi's apartment after this incident? He decided he had to divert the fans' interest from speculating about Kaji's possible relationship with either Miyabi or Kahoko. _The rumors shouldn't link him to either..._

Len sighed. "We'll have to go back up to VIP."

"I should have brought the bodyguards," Kaji said when they reached the hallway.

"There you are!" Kaho shouted. She ran forward and hugged Miyabi; Eun Hye and Tsuchiura brought up the rear end. "I'll hold the coat for you, ok Miyabi?" Kaho said, taking the infamous pink peacoat. Len had seen her "mother" Miyabi before, but the lengths Kaho had gone to protect Miyabi today had worried him. Miyabi should've tried to be more responsible.

"We're going home Miyabi," Kaho said. "You've been through a lot tonight."

Miyabi nodded, too tired to respond. Eun Hye was about to say something when another pair of footsteps, ostensibly from VIP, came down the stairs to join them.

"_Oppa_," a girl with silver hair said, "that's her! That's the girl who ruined my dress!"

Len groaned. _Not another one..._

Her boyfriend, at least Len assumed he was her boyfriend, threw an apologetic look towards Kaho. "Yoona, we got free VIP," he said pleadingly.

Silver-haired Yoona pointed to a tear near the hem of her dress. "You can't let her get away with this! I saved up for this outfit!"

Len held back a groan. This was his first time to go clubbing, and it had turned him off the experience completely. He vowed never to go to try it again.

Yoona started to poke Miyabi's shoulder. Miyabi backed up and reached the edge of the steps that led to the exit.

"Hey!" Tsuchiura said, grabbing Yoona's arm. Miyabi had held on the railing in time to stop herself from falling down the stairs.

Len held Kaho's wrist, holding her in place before she could interfere. "Let Tsuchiura handle this," he said. Yoona had chased Miyabi down the stairs.

Yoona cornered Miyabi near the back entrance. Her boyfriend was trying to calm her down. Tsuchiura shielded Miyabi while Eun Hye stood in a corner still clutching Miyabi's shoes.

"I hope she doesn't run," Kaji said. "If she does that again –"

"Go to the exit, Kaji," Len said, turning to face him. The sudden order had caught Kaji by surprise. "It's better if it's just you so you can distract your fans," Len continued. And Kaji, despite his surprise, listened well. Len explained that they had to protect Miyabi's reputation. As well as Kaho's. "You have to move them away from the door, so we can take Miyabi to the car without them noticing."

If there was any reluctance to do as Len asked, Kaji didn't show it. He obeyed Len and ran down the stairs.

Eun Hye stood next to Len. "Please let this night be over," she moaned. "I'll do whatever's necessary...I just want to go home."

"Whatever's necessary," Len repeated as voices came toward them from the main floor. _Kaji's fans_. They only had to walk the rest of the hallway and turn a corner before they would spot him, Kaho and Eun Hye; they only had to go down the stairs to witness Miyabi and her foolishness. He looked up at the stairs leading to VIP, turned to glance at Kaho's profile, and knew what he had to do.

"You in the leather pants," Len shouted. "Don't let go of your girlfriend."

"What's going on?" Yoona said, trying to break free while pants guy held her.

Miyabi was behind Tsuchiura. She lifted her chin haughtily, "The VIP passes are worth more than your cheap dress," she muttered.

"I heard that!" Yoona shouted.

"They're coming closer," Len announced. He couldn't yet see them but their voices had carried. He had to distract them before they went down the stairs and saw Miyabi's scratched face.

He glanced at the tableau below him. Yoona was beating her boyfriend's chest and shouting at Miyabi. "Go up the stairs," he ordered Eun Hye. "When I give the signal, shout Kaji's name as loud as you can. Squeal. Shout. Just make sure you're heard."

"What?"

"Make sure to keep your eyes on Kaho and me," he instructed. "You'll know the signal when you see it."

Eun Hye blinked and nodded. "Ok, if you say so..."

"Yes," Len heard a girl respond mid-conversation, "Kaji was with Yunoki Miyabi, she was wearing this pink coat."

Len grabbed Kaho and turned her around so her back faced the approaching gaggle of fans. He took the coat from her arms and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"You have the same height and hair color," Len said, looking into Kaho's eyes. His heart was racing; he'd never held her so close before.

Kaho's eyes widened. "I'm not sure it'll fool everyone," he said, securing Kaho's position with a hand over her lower back, "but I hope it works."

Kaho's lashes fluttered as she blinked. "Tsukimori -kun? What are you doing?"

"This," Len answered. He held her head with his other hand and closed the distance between their lips.

He couldn't predict what reaction he'd get from her, but the moment he felt her lips beneath his, he wished he could take her breath away. Tsuchiura's advice echoed in his head:_ Tell her exactly how you feel. To. Avoid. Confusion._

In this instance, confusion could be their ally. _It would be today..._

_Whatever's necessary, Kaho, _he thought as he pulled her closer_. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you away from Kaji._

He prayed Kaho would recognize there was greater truth in his actions. And he hoped she'd seen his real feelings reflected in his eyes.

* * *

_Author's note_

_To write is human, to edit divine (and I'm not even a demigod)._

* * *

_Shout-out_:

To DragonDamsel, thank you for your messages. I hope you continue to enjoy this story :)


	11. Chapter 10

To Azraa and memyselfandI98, thank you for finding this story and for choosing to review. :)

To everyone who reviewed previously, thank you. I tried so I hope you all find the second half of this story to your liking :) I hope I'll be forgiven for any errors and I hope, even if my prose isn't perfect, you'll still find moments to appreciate.

\\\\\

Kaho knew that people assigned certain feelings to certain pieces and vice versa. As a composer, this was fascinating to her.

_Why are most happy songs in Major? Why does Minor make things complex? _

_Composers use chords to set a mood. _

She liked to predict where the notes would go to reach 'home' –that satisfying resolution that was so pleasant to the ears. When a song surprised her by going against her predictions, it excited her.

_This though..._

Miyabi squealed with delight as she scrolled through her tablet and zoomed in on the pictures from last night. There had been more witnesses, hence more uploads. She guessed this group of fans had been more eager to share online. "I'm not saying it's an ideal situation," Miyabi began, grinning, "but it's an ideal situation."

Kaho tried to ignore Miyabi while calmly sipping her tea. Miyabi had decided to make breakfast that day; she prepared Chia pudding, which was as happy as the day's weather –cheerful blue skies and bright sun. Slices of banana sat on top of the pudding and overlapped each other like petals. This banana sunflower had a blueberry center.

"You were able to copy the recipe," Kaho commented. She'd made the same pudding for Miyabi a few weeks ago. They liked to have it for breakfast during their "I'm-so-ecstatic-mornings" –the days when both Miyabi and Kaho were, well, ecstatic.

Unfortunately for Kaho, Miyabi hadn't guessed that today wasn't one of those carefree occasions.

She watched Miyabi smile and giggle and laugh and –

"Ok, I'll just crop this, and voila!" Miyabi said. "Which filter looks best?" Miyabi asked in between spoonfuls of pudding. "I edited a picture of Len in his tux and one of me in a ballgown. Don't you think we'd make the perfect red carpet couple? "

She showed Kaho more edits. Miyabi had edited a few solo pictures of Len, so it looked like they'd gone to events together. Kaho stifled a groan.

_The wonders of modern apps_.

"Hardly anyone would notice they're fake," Kaho said flatly. It was a shame sarcasm didn't apply to such believable pictures. "You did a good job."

"What's with the tone, Kaho?" Miyabi asked.

Kaho shrugged. "What tone?"

"You seem annoyed. And you look unhappy." Miyabi observed. She waited for a few moments, but Kaho said nothing.

"Everything worked out, right?" Miyabi said. "Nobody saw me with this ugly bruise on my head, and we all survived the night. Plus, I've got an insta-boyfriend."

Kaho hesitated to respond. She hadn't been annoyed when, during Miyabi's lessons, Miyabi had _seemed to _flirt with Len. Since Miyabi had admitted to it, she knew Miyabi hadn't faked her god-awful violin skills just to get Len's attention. Annoyance was an emotion she could handle but was getting hard not to say something.

"Miyabi, have you and Yul broken up?" Kaho blurted.

The happy, almost jittery expression on Miyabi's face vanished. "Why do you ask that?"

"I want to know why you went to the club last night. Eun Hye and Kaji told me that Yul was also there. Eun Hye told me you went to VIP." She paused and gave Miyabi time to respond. Miyabi stayed silent.

Kaho swallowed and tried again. "If you broke up with him, why do you still care? Why did you fight to get back the coat he gave you?"

To her credit, Miyabi hadn't looked away. She put down the spoon she was holding and sighed. "I haven't broken up with him."

Kaho nearly stood from her seat. She was going to throttle her friend. Miyabi winced, "Ugh, I hate it when you look so disappointed."

"_Yes_, I am disappointed," Kaho said, her eyes large and full of fire. "Why did you –"

_Wait, Kaho. Just – stop._

Kaho sat back down. Miyabi hadn't lied to her; the break-up was just an assumption she'd made. "Please explain this to me, Miyabi," she said.

Miyabi rolled her shoulders and tented her fingers. She hid her face behind her joined hands. "After Kaji told me about Paris, I wanted to tell Yul off," she said, taking her hands away from her face. "When I found out about the movie, I changed my mind about confronting him. I decided to wait it out. He's been aloof, but I thought he was just busy with work. I didn't want to accuse him of anything."

Miyabi stopped and checked if Kaho was paying attention. "I'm not going to interrupt," Kaho said.

"I told him we were both so busy; I hoped he would latch on to that if he needed an excuse. So, when I asked if he wanted to end our relationship and he said he didn't, I was surprised. He said he missed me and that we'd talk soon. I gave him an out without really asking him if he cheated on me." She looked Kaho in the eye. "I know you follow his group Kaho and that you're familiar with his public persona," Miyabi said, "he's not a flirt, well, not like I am, and I trust him more than I trust myself sometimes, but then, I was also annoyed and disappointed. Why was he making me wait? Did he want to string me along while he was out with someone else? I didn't like that he wasn't paying enough attention to our relationship–part of me wanted to make him jealous."

"With Kaji or with Len?" Kaho asked. She wanted to bite her tongue.

"Either," Miyabi shrugged. "Anyway, Yul said he didn't want to break up."

Last night, the girls at the bar said Miyabi had been complaining about a cheating boyfriend. Kaji had seen Yul talking to someone. Had it been a woman? Was Yul sneaking behind Miyabi's back after all?

"He didn't cheat on me," Miyabi said.

Kaho took a deep breath. She rubbed a sore spot on her neck. "Did you get to see Yul last night?"

"Yeah."

"Did you talk to him?"

Miyabi shook her head. "He was in a serious conversation with someone."

"Oh. Did they look –" she hesitated. "Did they look friendly?"

"Not really, no."

Kaho clenched her hands then set them atop her temples. "So, you and Yul are still in an item?"

"Yes, but the pictures online say otherwise," Miyabi said casually.

Anger flared in Kaho's chest. "Miyabi, you can't use Len to make Yul jealous. If you want to know what's going on, ask him who that girl was. Ask him why he won't break up with you."

She had started off calm, but her voice had risen in the end. "I thought you were single!"Kaho said, glad she was making Miyabi wince._"_What if Yul finds Len and...and..."

Miyabi laughed. "Yul's not that kind of guy. If he does come rushing over, I'll tell him the simple truth: It was you that Tsukimori kissed and not me." She added, "Why are you calling him Len, by the way?"

Kaho ignored her question. "I don't want Tsukimori-kun to get into trouble. You have to contact Yul as soon as possible and tell him it wasn't you." Again, Miyabi said nothing.

_You minx_.

"You aren't going to tell him?" Kaho asked. "You want him to confront you? Confront Len?"

"I haven't seen Yul in months," Miyabi admitted.

"Miyabi! This is no way to get your absentee boyfriend to notice you!" Kaho scolded. "How could you do this!" she shouted.

"How could I...?" Miyabi frowned. "I didn't tell Len to orchestrate this whole thing!" She flung her hand in the air. "Your Len decided to do this on his own. I'm just going to benefit from his decision."

"He was trying to distract the fans," Kaho said.

_Don't call him 'My Len'..._

"I know that," Miyabi said. "Better a photo of me kissing a guy than a picture of me looking like I got beat up."

"He did it to protect you," Kaho said, defeated.

Her first kiss. It was the right guy but not the right circumstances.

Kaho studied the face of her beautiful friend. Miyabi had symmetrical features, clear skin, and a mona lisa smile. If Miyabi opted to make Len her next conquest...If it had been Miyabi's agenda to go after Len, Kaho wouldn't have known know how to deal. But Miyabi was still stuck on Yul, and Kaho was, despite her frustration with Miyabi, a little relieved that her friend hadn't plotted to snare Len.

_I wouldn't know how to bear it..._

_It'll hurt...It can't not hurt..._

"I don't want you to make him your rebound," Kaho admitted.

Miyabi raised her hands and sighed. "How long do I have to be single for it not to be called a rebound?"

A spark of irritation flashed in Kaho's eyes. "You aren't single, Miyabi. Why do you act as if you are?"

"Relax, Kaho," Miyabi said, holding up her hands. "I'm not going to hurt Tsukimori. It's not like he and I are in a real relationship. Other people can speculate and explore the possibilities for us. I don't have to do the work."

"And Yul will come running..." Kaho said, her tone skirting between irritated and angry.

"Exactly."

Kaho's anger and frustration mixed into a heady cocktail. Miyabi had zero feelings for Len, but Kaho had no idea if Len's actions last night had been rooted in motives outside of friendship and general goodwill. Did Len even consider Miyabi a friend? Was he just being a good guy? She wondered what was worse, to watch Miyabi go after Len or to find out that Len was interested in Miyabi.

She touched her lips. _My first kiss_... It had taken her by surprise. It had shocked her, thrilled her, and made her want more. She had felt the pressure of his lips over hers, had felt the palms of his hands on her cheeks. She wanted to cry.

_Oh no_. Her cheeks were wet.

"Kaho!" Miyabi exclaimed. "What's wrong?"

Miyabi went over to Kaho's side of the table. "What's with you, why are you crying?"

"That was my first kiss," Kaho said, wiping the tears with the back of her hand. "My first kiss..."

Miyabi threw her arms around Kaho's shoulders. "Cmon' Kaho, was he that bad of a kisser?"

Kaho groaned. She grabbed Miyabi's arms. "Stop this, please," she begged. _Stop joking. Stop making fun of the situation._

"What?" Miyabi said, releasing herself from Kaho's grip. "It was just a kiss," she said, sitting beside Kaho so they could be eye level. "Granted, it was your first one –but the first isn't always the best. Honestly, you could have done worse."

"It wasn't just a kiss," Kaho confessed. She closed her eyes and wiped away more tears. This was it. Someone other than herself would know about her secret affection for Len.

"You'll kiss other guys," Miyabi said, missing the point. "Anyway, it didn't look like you hated it," she said, starting to analyze. "You didn't push him away. I saw you move clo –" Miyabi cut herself off, her eyes filling with the long-awaited realization.

"You like him!"

It sounded like an accusation.

"You, Hino Kahoko, like Tsukimori Len!"

Kaho nodded. Miyabi covered her mouth with her hands and jumped out of her seat. She ranted about the first time she'd met Len. She'd noticed Kaho's reaction to him and assumed it was surprise at seeing an old classmate and not a reaction to seeing an "old flame".

Kaho shook her head at the words. "He wasn't an old flame."

Could she call him that if he'd never been her boyfriend?

"Still!" Miyabi shouted.

She'd seen Kaho's face when Len played his violin. Miyabi hadn't thought Kaho's "twinkle eyes" had meant anything deeper than honest appreciation for Len's talent; she paced on the floor as she re-examined every encounter they'd had with Len.

"You didn't tell me," Miyabi grumbled. Kaho wanted to say: _You don't tell me everything, either_.

"It's not an easy confession to make," Kaho said.

"Yes, it is!" Miyabi insisted. "Aren't I your friend? Why didn't you say anything? You just let me flirt with him!"

_I thought you said you weren't flirting with him..._

"He's probably immune," Kaho decided. Or maybe she _wished_ he was immune. Honestly, she didn't know.

Miyabi went to Kaho's side and hugged her. "How long has it been? He went abroad before graduation, right?"

She supposed she might as well be honest. She answered Miyabi's questions.

"And then, years pass and he was still on your mind," Miyabi said. "You haven't forgotten him."

Kaho confirmed with another nod. Yes, it had been that long. Yes, he wasn't physically present for many years, and she thought she had gotten over him but –

"Turns out your feelings were hibernating," Miyabi concluded for her. "Does he know?" Miyabi asked.

"I can't tell him again," Kaho said.

"So, he does know..."

"His sixteen-year-old self knew," Kaho clarified.

"Ahhh..."

Miyabi grew silent. She propped her hand on her chin and narrowed her eyes at Kaho. "What about Kaji?"

"What do you mean, 'What about Kaji?'"

"Does he know you like Len?" Miyabi asked. "We can call him Len now, right? At least when it's just the two of us?"

"I don't think Kaji knows," Kaho said. "And yes, we can call him Len when no one's around."

Miyabi's eyes were still narrowed. Kaho could see the gears turning in her head. "I'm going to help you," Miyabi announced.

"Miyabi! You can't I –" Kaho protested. "I can't flirt with him. Plus, everyone else thinks you two are an item."

Miyabi waved her hand in the air dismissively. "He may be my boyfriend to some. Or he may be just a guy I kissed. No one will know for sure unless he and I comment on it. I only have one person to explain to, anyway."

_Yul._

"I can't flirt with him," Kaho said again.

"I'll still help you," Miyabi said with a wink. "You'll see."

Was Miyabi going to do something unwise (something that'd get them both into trouble?), and was she, Kahoko, only going to find out before it was too late?

"I think I should be afraid," Kaho said.

Miyabi took Kaho's hand and patted it. "Don't worry, Kahoko. I won't tell Tsukimori-kun anything," she promised. "I won't flirt with the guy during lessons, and this will be the last time I involve him in anything that concerns Yul."

"You promise not to involve Kaji?"

Miyabi laughed at that. "He's too wrapped up in you," she said dismissively. She tipped her head to the side and asked, "Are you really not going to give him a chance?"

"I don't know," Kaho said.

Miyabi made a _Hmmmm_ sound. "I guess this depends on whether or not Len does something."

_If he does do something, I hope you aren't his motivation._

"I'll let Len down easy," Miyabi said with a grin. Kaho glared at her. "I'm kidding, ok?" Miyabi said. She yelped when Kaho pinched her. "One more thing," she said, leaning toward Kaho.

Kaho raised both brows. "What?"

Miyabi smiled deviously. "Is he a good kisser?"

.

.

.

In retrospect, it might not have been the best idea. Len knew he could have just pretended to kiss Kaho, but he had worried about the camera angles in case someone was brave enough to get a close-up shot. Or at least he'd told himself that was the reason.

He liked to be thorough.

"Thorough," Tsuchiura said, smirking, "Right."

Len knew he had to explain himself. He had to make Kaho understand. Kaho, of course, would have intuited that it had been a distraction. _But..._For him, the kiss wasn't meaningless. If anything, it increased his conviction that they should be together. One kiss...and he knew he had to have more.

"I guess, whatever people find out about who kissed who, neither Kaho or Miyabi would be linked with Kaji," Tsuchiura said, sneaking a glance at Kaji, who was standing to his left. When they'd decided to meet up and go to Kaho, Tsuchiura had done the sensible thing and placed himself between Len and Kaji. Len was thankful for this, based on his observations, Kaji's antipathy bothered Tsuchiura more than it did him. Tsuchiura sighed and watched the numbers light up as the elevator went up to Kaho's floor.

"Aren't you going to inconvenience that radio show?" Tsuchiura asked Kaji. Kaji, who was currently sour-faced and untalkative, had opted out of an interview so he could be present.

"They only wanted a representative from our band and not me specifically," Kaji explained. "Our manager talked about the schedule with us and decided one of the other guys should go since he's much more diplomatic. The hosts on that show can be abrasive, so the company wanted someone who's more graceful."

"_You're_ diplomatic and graceful," Tsuchiura said to Kaji. "You can dodge those bullets."

Kaji glanced at Len. "Not today, I'm not."

When the doors opened, the three of them had gone out at the same time. Tsuchiura said, "Me first guys, let's keep this friendly."

"Are you going to apologize to Kaho?" Kaji asked Len when they were already at the door of the apartment.

Len had been silent throughout the drive to Kaho's building. He could sense there was a storm cloud above Kaji's head and that he was the reason for Kaji's uncharacteristic surliness. Still, he'd opted not to comment on last night. As to Kaji's question, apologizing meant he regretted what he'd done when regret was nowhere near his thoughts. However, it was necessary to keep appearances.

"She understood the situation," Len replied.

Tsuchiura sighed. "Aren't you guys going to knock? Or ring the doorbell? No? Ok, I'll do it."

There was no answer.

"Hino," Tsuchiura called out, "are you in there?"

He knocked once more before Miyabi came into full view. "Oh, hi guys!" she chirped as she closed the door behind her. "Why the sudden visit?"

The trio exchanged glances. _Have you forgotten about last night?_

"Is Hino-san ok?" Kaji asked.

Miyabi released a breath. "She's talking to Azuma," she replied, her eyes shifting towards Len. "Hey, yesterday's boyfriend," she greeted. "Perhaps you should meet my older brother."

She grabbed Len's hand, opened the door, and pushed him inside. Len blinked back surprise and, after a moment, walked into the living room where Kaho was focused on a laptop on the coffee table. Tsuchiura and Kaji, he assumed, were left to wait outside under Miyabi's supervision.

"Yes, I'm sure," Kaho said. "I don't think this will hurt her. Well yeah –I mean, I wouldn't call it a scandal."

He wasn't close enough to hear the reply.

"Yes, definitely not a scandal," Kaho repeated.

"Is that Tsukimori-san?" Azuma Yunoki said on the screen.

Kaho turned to face Len. "Tsukimori-kun," she said, blinking up at him, "how did you get in here?"

"Miyabi let me in," Len answered.

"Have a seat Tsukimori-san," Yunoki invited.

Len did as he was told and sat next to Kaho. "How have you been?" Yunoki asked. "I heard you're part of the movie Miyabi is filming."

Len replied that, along with Tsuchiura, he'd been asked contribute to the film's live-action OST; he'd performed some of the solos from the animated movie, and the director and producers wanted him back for the live-action. Yunoki looked pleased and praised Len for having accomplished so much at such a young age. He told Len he was impressed by the diversity of his projects.

"You're already one of Seisou's most distinguished alumni," Yunoki said with a smile. "As a member of the school board, I'd like to let you know that both you and Tsuchiura-san are on our list of notable graduates. Our Alma Mater is very proud of you." He then addressed Kaho: "I also heard Kaji is doing well in Korea. There must be something about their batch, right Kahoko? Not everyone can boast of similar accomplishments."

Len concealed his irritation. He felt as though Yunoki had excluded Kaho. "Hino was also in our year," Len said to Yunoki. "Tsuchiura, Hino, and I were all sophomores during the _Concours_."

Yunoki chuckled. "Of course," Yunoki said, his benign smile a permanent fixture on his face. "We've all made our contributions, past and present, haven't we? Some of us have achieved more than others, but we've made our choices and reaped the results. We can't undo the past, can we Kahoko?"

"What is it like to be a member of the school board?" Len asked, trying to change the topic.

"I enjoy it," Yunoki said, still smiling. "I can't deny it's a privilege that I've gained partly due to my family name, but –" he cut himself off. "You do understand what that's like, right Tsukimori-san?"

Len nodded. Yes, they were both from prominent families; he understood the advantages of knowing certain people.

"There are definite benefits, aren't there?" Yunoki said, smiling. "Our names take away obstacles that others might find difficult to handle." He turned that smile toward Kaho.

"In your music career, you mean?" Len said, lifting an eyebrow. "How is that working out for you?"

"I'm no longer a musician," Yunoki said placidly.

Len caught the change in Yunoki's smile. Yunoki had smirked, though the expression disappeared as soon as Len noticed it.

After a beat, Yunoki said, "Regardless of the results I've reaped, whether or not I'm enjoying the best outcome is a matter of perspective." He chuckled and then pierced them with a look that was meant to hold Kaho and Len captive: "Like any person, I can say that I'm ultimately to blame for what I get –good or bad, unexpected or not – but it has always been clear to me that, for the better parts of my life, I am deeply indebted to the generosity of others. I remind myself to be grateful to those who have given me their trust. I may have a few personal regrets but I have none where other people are concerned."

"Do you have any regrets, Tsukimori-san?" Yunoki asked after a moment. His gaze was steady, assessing.

Len glanced at Kaho. "None."

"Do you have any regrets Kahoko?" Yunoki asked.

"No, senpai," she said. "I don't."

Len's heart skipped a beat. A bit of relief broke its way through his anxiety.

"I believe you're right," Yunoki said agreeably. The contrast between his tone moments ago and the lighter tone he'd started with and had now gone back to surprised Len. "In the future," Yunoki said, "if you encounter any unpleasantness, I hope you'll continue to handle the consequences of your choices maturely. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to contact me."

"I'd like to be kept in the loop," he added. "Especially if it's news that concerns my sister."

"Yes, Azuma," Kaho said obediently.

"Thank you, Kahoko," Azuma said. He turned his attention to Len: "Has it really been nine years since we last saw each other, Tsukimori-san? I hope Kahoko's helped you catch up. If I'm right, there still's so much you need to know."

Len saw Kaho's eyes widen. _Is she blushing?_

"What did he mean by that?" Len asked after Kaho had closed her laptop.

"I'm sure it's nothing. Azuma just likes to tease."

Len assumed that, for the time being, they were alone. Miyabi was probably chatting up Tsuchiura and Kaji. He cleared his throat.

"I'd like to –".

"Tsukimori-kun," Kaho said, "about last night–"

They had spoken at the same time. He noticed she'd placed her hand on his sleeve. She looked away and swallowed nervously. "I'm not sure what I should say to you."

"I meant what I said to Yunoki-senpai. I have no regrets, Hino," he said, finding her hand once again. "None."

Her response was a short '_Oh_'. In the silence that followed, Kaho looked as if she was caught up in organizing her thoughts. Len opted to study her features. He cataloged the change in hair color, the shorter hair (just past her shoulders). She was wearing lipstick: the shade was russet. She wore eyeliner, too. Her brows were finely arched. Her eyelids half-closed. His gaze dropped to her mouth again. Yesterday, her lips had been painted a brighter shade of red.

"This color suits you," he said.

"What?"

"This shade of lipstick, it flatters your skin tone."

"Oh," she said, blinking. Blushing. Suddenly licking her lip. "I like it too," she said.

"Yesterday's color was different. Bolder. But still you."

"I didn't get any of it on you, did I?" she asked, her eyes bright and innocent. Her question was followed by a small gasp. "Please, _please_ forget I said that! I mean, I should have been able to notice if I'd smeared lipstick on you or anything. But –"

"You didn't get it on me," he answered. He hadn't had to wipe lipstick off his lips. Also, she hadn't tried to kiss his cheek (so there was no mark there), and a lipstick stain on his collar definitely wouldn't have happened. But if her lipstick had smeared on his lips, would she have wiped it off with her fingers?

"I don't think I'd mind it if you had," he said.

"You wouldn't?"

He wanted to touch her face. Her lips. "Does this color come off easily?" he asked.

"It's matte," she said, licking her lip a second time. "I'm not sure, but I think it'll take a few tries."

How many kisses was "a few tries"? _Do you want to find out?_

"_Are you guys done?" _Kaji shouted.

Kaho jumped at the sound of Kaji's voice. She was already at the opposite end of the couch before Kaji's brisk strides could take him to his destination.

"Was it a success?" Miyabi asked, trailing after Kaji. "Did you convince Azuma not to worry?"

"Um," Kaho looked at Len, "Your brother wants you to make good choices, I think."

Miyabi dropped gracefully to the seat across the couch. "I think I've done that, right Tsukimori-kun?" She turned to Tsuchiura and Kaji, who were both standing. Tsuchiura looked mildly curious, Kaji had his arms crossed over his chest, looking belligerent.

"Don't you guys agree that Tsukimori is an ideal beau?" Miyabi asked. "He's already on my Top 10 list of boyfriends."

"_Miya_, can't you be serious for once?" Kaho pleaded.

Miyabi grinned and replied that she couldn't if she tried.

.

.

.

It was too early to toss and turn in bed.

Kaho buried her face in her pillow: _Was this tossing and turning happening too often?_

She raised her head and looked up at the ceiling while drumming her fingers on the mattress. After she had calmed down, she started to contemplate her situation like a piece of music. First: If her thoughts had a song for the moment, it would be in major chord.

She was happy. Nervous. But happy.

If the way the chords were strung created the mood of the song, then the rhythm told her what to anticipate. Rhythm spoke of pattern and regularity, it could tell her what to look for and was central to forward movement.

_Moving forward._

What should she expect after all that had happened?

During the call with Yunoki, Len had been on her side. His reaction when Azuma had excluded her only meant that Len truly believed that she could someday be in his and Tsuchiura's league. She could be just as successful as their peers. He had looked at her with_ certainty _and he'dtold her he had no regrets. Her response had been mono-syllabic "Ohs" and "Oks" since those were the only words her scrambled brain could come up with when they'd been sitting so close to each other, but –

_He doesn't regret kissing me_. She shut her eyes and sighed. He had looked at her in ways which made her anticipate. If she had tapped her foot to the music, and if she believed she could predict where the next beat would fall correctly...

If they had been alone...

_He would have kissed me again._

Yes, it _was_ too early to be sighing and wriggling in bed and sighing again... but...

_I can't be imagining this, right?_

The very thought of Len made tingles spread through her arms and up her neck. He was wonderful and he made her feel wonderful. She squealed into her pillow.

She could no longer pretend that she wanted to avoid the feeling. She wanted to collect the looks he gave her, the secret smiles. _Everything._ She was looking forward to it all. Anticipation had made her day the best and the most frustrating at the same time.

_I want everything._

Yes, she knew she could be clueless, but she had enough knowledge about recognizing patterns in music and in life to be able to sense a natural flow. _Some things just sound right. Feel right_. Were inevitable.

It was up to you to recognize (and appreciate) the pattern.

_I can't believe I'm thinking this..._

If she believed him when he said that he cared and that he wanted her songs to reach a wider audience...

If she believed in what he had told her...

_He really would have kissed me_.

She touched her lips. They were bare; there was no lipstick to remove. If she were with Len and if she kissed him now, she wouldn't be staining his lips. Another squeal and Kaho blushed like she'd never blushed before.

"Kaho! Kaho! What are you thinking!"

"Why are you shouting Kaho?" Miyabi said, opening the door to Kaho's room. Miyabi's face was covered with a bright yellow product.

"Are you ok?" Miyabi asked.

"It's nothing, and yes, I am Ok," Kaho replied, trying to keep the anxious excitement out of her voice. "I haven't seen you with that color mask on before. Are you trying a new beauty routine?"

"It's Turmeric. From _Etude_," Miyabi said, patting her bright yellow face mask. She eyed Kaho suspiciously, "What were you doing? Why were you so loud?"

"I was writing a song," Kaho lied. "It didn't turn out like I expected."

_Or, maybe it did..._

She was thrumming with energy; she needed to get out, go for a walk, exercise, maybe? _Exercise...endorphins..._

"Were you writing in your head?" Miyabi asked, looking for the absent sheet music, pencils, and pens.

"Yeah, it's all in my head."

_I could be imagining things..._

_And I could go for a run, but..._

She was already (close to) ecstatic. She didn't need the endorphins she'd get from exercise. She was happy because it felt right – she believed, with everything that was inside her, that she was going to get another kiss.

"Ok, then," Miyabi said, shrugging, "let's eat out before going to the studio tomorrow."

Kaho replied that she would love to eat out, and waited impatiently for Miyabi to leave her to her thoughts. She sighed with relief when Miyabi (after a final 'you're-being-weird' look at Kaho) said good night and shut the door.

Hours ago, Tsuchiura had invited them to listen to the new compositions they were going to record. They were going to go tomorrow. _Music and a kiss_. She was eager for the morning to come and greet her...

Of course Len wouldn't kiss her in front of Tsuchiura, Miyabi, Shimizu or Kaji or in front of an audience but...She wanted –and she'd felt like she'd been waiting for a promise. She pictured colorful autumn leaves and a blanket to lie on while she stared into his eyes...She squealed again. "Why am I like this!"

She bounced on the bed. She was probably _too happy_. She was speeding like a lunatic in her head, whereas Len was probably still cruising at..._Turtle speed? He hasn't told me about his feelings..._

What would be too slow if she already felt like a kiss was in her immediate future?

_Watch your tempo, Kaho_. She had to work off all this nervous energy. She wanted to see Len, to hold him, so she was hugging one of her pillows again. It was already late; heading out of the apartment and finding him was probably not the right thing to do.

_I really might scare him off..._

But they were moving forward, weren't they?

She smiled and hugged her pillow tighter.

_Len..._

There was so much more to anticipate.

.

.

.

…

Author rambles:

I like it when Kaho gushes over Len. In the first Chapter of Daigakuisei-hen, she's all "gyaa" , "I can't contain my happiness!" after receiving snail mail from him. I was so happy to see that so...I felt like I should write something that had her gushing.


	12. Chapter 11

In composition, the desire to resolve tension was an inkling that came to composers naturally. When the right note was played, it gave a sensation of reaching "home". Many recognizable favorites gave that satisfying "tension-release". (A famous example was _Beethoven's fifth._) However, not every piece was constructed like that; not all compositions were about being pulled toward one direction –toward an inevitable fix. Some made you feel as though you were floating; some pieces were about the moment, not the resolution.

Shimizu's score was about the impression of a moment. In the pieces he had written, it was as if he had taken his hand, reached out into a vast sky of experiences, and caught wisps of ineffable sensations to bring back to the listeners. His new compositions reminded Kaho of _Debussy_ –of being "suspended in time". She was swimming in the music, taking snapshots, collecting fireflies, capturing scenes on a canvass...

At Tsuchiura's command, the orchestra moved seamlessly into their version of the quartet piece Kaho had performed with Len, Kaji, and Shimizu not long ago. Tsuchiura raised his baton, and he and Len exchanged glances as notes spilled into the room.

Butterflies appeared instantly in Kaho's stomach. She was carried by emotions that excited her and filled her to bursting.

Her heart warmed when her eyes met Len's from across the room, and it danced when they'd exchanged almost secret smiles. If her tempo was too fast...well, she was just going to enjoy the feeling.

_I'll worry about it later..._

As the orchestra concluded its performance, the anticipation she'd secretly nurtured grew bigger. More extravagant.

Love was present not only in the spectacular moments but also in the spaces between the notes, the places of respite. Her feelings burned just as brightly when in between the crescendoes of their shared looks and smiles.

_Maybe..._

_Maybe in the end..._

The music would not only wrap her in the thrill of the moment but also lead her lovingly to 'home' by his side.

.

.

.

She wanted to play her violin. At the end of the performance, after the necessary praise had been given and received, she had the sudden urge to play her violin.

"_You can tell if a person is in love through their music," _Len had told her years ago. He'd made that comment on their way home from the amusement park after Kaho had shared her surprise over Tsuchiura having an "ex". Len's response led to a conversation about how the way a person played could reveal his or her emotions. At his words, and at the notion that love could be heard, she'd wanted to play her violin.

It was the same feeling she had now, she wanted to understand –to hear the love in the notes and to gain insight into her own feelings.

In the past, when she felt stressed or confused, she would take her cherry red violin and play the first song that came to mind. It turned out that practice hadn't only been about understanding her emotions – she had to admit that playing had sometimes been about secreting her feelings to herself.

_But today..._

Today was about accepting, about being secure in herself and her feelings. She wanted to play a specific piece, one she loved and had performed countless times before –

She wanted to play the music that had drawn her to Len. After years of keeping the piece out of her playlist, after years of avoiding it, she was finally going to play _Ave Maria_...

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.

.

Len had been lured back to the stage; he could recognize her sound anywhere and couldn't resist being pulled toward it. The notes had been faint, almost a whisper, but they called to him like the shore called to the waves. It was like going back...

Back to the night of their first duet...

_Back to you..._

He joined her playing as he had that night at the Fuyumi Villa when he had stood on a balcony above her. That night, she had turned and stared up at him. Now, she looked behind her shoulder and saw him come closer. She faced him, closed her eyes, and continued to play.

It was a moment meant for the two of them. Ave Maria was _their_ piece. He couldn't listen to it, hear it, play it, and not think of her. That was impossible.

"Kahoko," he said her name softly as their performance drew to a close. She had bridged the distance between them and looked at him with anticipation in her eyes. "I have so much I need to say," Len said.

The notes had gone, but their feelings were bridged by them. Kaho swallowed, her eyes dropped to Len's lips as she moistened her own. It was the same shade she had worn yesterday. His shade of "no regrets". He wanted to feel her lips under his, but he had to talk to her first. She had to understand him, understand how she made him feel and what it was like to be with her, to be close to her.

_Tell her exactly how you feel._

"I like it when you're near," he said, looking into her eyes. _You're the only one. You, only you._

She hadn't replied. If he bent his head a little, they would be touching foreheads. Still, he had to tell her first...

"I was there when Kaji confessed to you."

He knew it wasn't the admission she had expected to hear from him, but he wasn't finished yet.

"You were?" she asked, prompting him to explain.

"I was there to ask you out to lunch," he said, reaching for her hand as though he needed it to gain strength or courage. "Do you know there was a time when I thought our hands searched for each other?"

Kaho's eyes widened in confusion. Len knew he sounded like he was going off tangent.

"We've held hands an inordinate number of times," he said, beginning to explain. "I remember, years ago, when I was sick, you were there to hold my hand. Now, whenever I need support, I feel like reaching out to you."

"Do...do you need support right now?" she asked tentatively, threading her fingers through his.

"Yes, I do. Because it's happened again, Kaho" he said, locking their fingers together. "When I heard Kaji confess to you, I felt heartsick."

Kaji had held her hand too often and had beat him to a declaration of feelings. Len hadn't known if his words had meant anything to Kaho, but Kaji insisted on calling Kaho his muse, his swan, his goddess. It annoyed him and he didn't want to think Kaho would respond to Kaji's flowery praise.

"I want to be clear about something," he said, his tone almost hard-edged. "I'm not very good with words...I'm not poetic. I don't want to call you a swan or a goddess. I think that if I do call you a "goddess", I wouldn't know where to go from there. I'd be putting you on a pedestal I couldn't reach. You'd be too far away from me."

He didn't want to think she couldn't be by his side. He touched his forehead to hers and took a moment to collect himself. In a soft voice, he added, "You aren't unreachable, Kaho. If anything, you bring people closer to you." He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, "Do you remember when we first played Ave Maria? That night, I felt inexplicably drawn to you. I've never forgotten that moment. Your music was warm and sweet..."

_It captured me._

He had been pulled toward her music, toward her. But he realized he'd been passive; now he wanted to reach her, to feel the warmth and sweetness of her lips. He lifted her face to his and ran a finger across her cheek. "I've always looked for that warmth," he admitted. "Wherever I go, I find myself looking for you, wondering about you, wishing for you."

"Even when you're in the same room," he continued, "I want to be closer."

.

.

.

Kaho's mouth opened, but no sound came out. Len had just told her he wanted to be closer to her. He wanted her to be near. He'd thought of her when he was abroad. He'd wanted to see her.

_I want to be closer..._

She'd read at University that if a word or group of words were repeated several times, it would gain a musical quality; the words "I want to be closer" were on repeat in her head.

_He looked for me. He wanted to see me..._

_He wants me. _

Were the words "I want you" going to be the next sentence she'd turn to music?

She clutched at his coat. He was so close. But not close enough.

"Len, I..."

Suddenly the door to the concert hall burst open. Len pulled her towards the curtains as the first of two figures stomped towards the center of the aisle.

"Why did you follow me?" a familiar voice demanded. "Or were you looking for your bandmate? Kaji isn't here, he has an appointment somewhere."

Kaho carefully pulled back the edge of the curtain and surveyed the scene in front of her. Miyabi was facing her direction but unaware she had an audience. Yul, Miyabi's errant boyfriend, stood behind Miyabi.

"I knew it wasn't you," Yul said calmly.

Kaho remembered how Miyabi had once described Yul's appearance. When Miyabi had first met Yul, he was wearing a hoodie and a cap; she hadn't been able to really see the color of his hair, but his eyes were like an ocean. When Miyabi and Yul had locked gazes, Miyabi had an urge to jump into his arms.

"It wasn't you," Yul repeated. "I was there that night. I saw Hino. Her hairstyle and hair color was almost identical to yours."

Miyabi huffed. "I can kiss whoever I want," she said, giving Yul an 'are-you-jealous-look'? "He's an amazing kisser, too. I have it on good authority."

Kaho's jaw dropped. Len, who stood behind her and to her right, appeared unmoved.

"Don't you mean you know by personal experience?" said Yul.

"I _am_ that authority," Miyabi insisted, her ears turning pink. If Yul knew Miyabi as well as Kaho did, he'd recognize the blush as a sign Miyabi was lying. _That, however, isn't the issue. _Kaho almost wanted Miyabi to feel her glare. Annoyance throbbed in her chest.

"She said she wouldn't involve you," Kaho whispered to Len.

"I'm already involved," Len said in his usual nonchalant way.

"But she said she wouldn't flirt with you or –" she peered at Len's face, her brows had drawn together. "I told her not to get you into trouble."

Kaho's frustration had caused her annoyance to intensify. _A minute ago, we'd been about to –_

"I'm sure Hino would mind if you'd kiss that guy just to prove a point," Yul said. "Most of the pictures you saw online were of your back, but my sister was curious and got close enough to take a picture that was more accurate. Possibly more truthful if I'm right about how honest Hino is. I saw their faces, Miya. And I don't believe you'd ever cheat on me."

Miyabi crossed her arms and turned to face Yul. She had her back to Kaho and Len, who were still peeking behind a curtain.

"Wasn't the issue about _you_ cheating on me?" Miyabi asked, her hands on her hips. "Wait...," Miyabi said, lifting her hands. "Your sister took photos of Kaho and... er..."

Yul smirked and advanced. "I thought it was because you wanted your space. I've never cheated on you."

Kaho had watched interviews of Yul's band. In them, Kaji was the happy, cheerful one who was enthusiastic about everything. Yul could be just as playful but, unlike Kaji, he could silence his bandmates with a glare. She'd never actually spoken to Yul, but, having watched those interviews, she knew that he liked girls with a sense of humor. He wanted someone who could make him laugh. She remembered thinking that that was the reason he liked Miyabi.

Kaho wished she could see Miyabi's face.

"Who was she then?" Miyabi asked. "Who was the girl you were talking to at the club?"

Yul answered without hesitation. "My sister's friend. They both auditioned for the company."

"Your sister wants to become an Idol, too? Wait, aren't you an only child?"

"Is he an only child?" Len asked Kaho.

"His online profile says so," Kaho said. Out of all the group's members, the least was known about Yul's family. "Though, if he admits to having a sister, I think we can take his word for it."

"Ah," Len said, "I knew you were a fan of Kaji's group."

"Oh?"

"You seem to be confident in your assessment of his character," Len said, referring to Yul. "I also saw a poster of them in your room."

He told Kaho he'd be worried if it was just Kaji's face on the poster. Kaho felt a shimmer at the admission. Could Len be jealous of Kaji? Her gaze lingered on his lips.

Kaho shook herself and re-entered her eavesdropping in the middle of Yul's story: Yul had been separated from his sister when they were kids; he and his mother had lost her at an amusement park. "My mother wasn't around often, so I tried my best to look after Ha Seul," he said. "She was four when we got separated. I was nine. I wasn't sure if she'd remember me, but I hoped that if I got famous, I would be able to find her."

Miyabi moved closer to Yul. "So, you've found her then, you've found your sister?"

A strange, apprehensive look lingered on Yul's face. He looked away then sighed. "Yes, I have," he confirmed. "But it wasn't my fame that brought us together. It's almost as if she'd been the one to find me. I have Kaji to thank for that."

"That's right, she was one of those fans who tried to chase after him and tried to take Kaho's ...er..." Miyabi sighed; it wasn't if she hadn't already slipped earlier. "That's how you found her?"

"No," Yul answered. "I found her in Paris. She was an extra in a music video for another company."

Miyabi had been making a lot of vowel sounds since Yul started his explanation. "Oh," she said. "So you were with your sister..." she trailed off.

"Yes," Yul answered.

"I guess you and Kaji aren't very close," Miyabi concluded.

"We're not. He's closer to his roommate," Yul said. The other main vocal, Kaho thought absently.

Another vowel sound from Miyabi. "Why didn't you tell me this?" she asked.

"Why didn't you tell me you thought I was cheating?" he said.

Kaho imagined Miyabi frowning at him. She could see though that Miyabi had crossed her arms.

"You seemed distracted all the time," Miyabi said.

"I'm sorry," Yul said. "I am...I was..." He looked down briefly, then met her gaze, "I have been distracted. But I've been trying to fix things."

"What's he been trying to fix?" Kaho asked quietly.

"He's hesitating," Len observed. "I'm not sure this is something he'd want other people to overhear," he said to Kaho.

But they both knew they couldn't leave. Moving to an exit meant Yul and Miyabi would find out they were there.

"My sister wants to become an idol," Yul said. "But it's not because she wanted to find her brother and possibly not because she wants to be famous."

Miyabi quirked a brow. "Well, you like performing, don't you?"

"I do," he said. "But I'm not sure it's the same with her. When she found out that I'm her brother, her first response had been to ask about Kaji."

"That must have stung," Miyabi said. It was precisely what Kaho was thinking.

"It did, but I gave her leeway for it. She barely remembers me, after all."

"Yul," Miyabi said, "I don't mean to sound impatient, but you were never one to beat around the bush...What does your sister have to do with whatever it is you have to fix? What does it have to do with our relationship?"

"Wait," Miyabi said, putting a hand up. "Since she's Kaji's fan, does she hate me because I'm Kaji's new co-star? If that's it, tell her I won't be kissing him in the movie. She shouldn't be unreasonable, I don't even give him a peck on the cheek. The script says the story ends with the sunrise behind us as our foreheads touch and our hands clasp –it's a period piece and we –"

"She doesn't disapprove of you," Yul said. "At least, I thought not."

"Ok, so it's not because she dislikes me?"

"It's not you," Yul insisted. He stared at her for a moment before looking away. "But if she finds out you're my girlfriend and that you and Hino live in the same apartment –"

"Yul, what did you come here to tell me?" Miyabi asked, trying to cut to the chase.

"She doesn't know she's his girlfriend?" Kaho asked, keeping her voice low. She bit a knuckle and exchanged glances with Len. Yul was about to tread dangerous waters.

"I was going to introduce you to her, but after everything that's happened..." Yul hesitated. "I was relieved you hadn't met. If you had known each other, then she might not have confided in me. She's been stalking Kaji. I've tried to dissuade her, and I warned her against sneaking into our dorm. She hasn't demanded anything of Kaji's, but..." He paused then looked directly into Miyabi's eyes. "Miyabi, I know about the cockroaches."

Kaho gripped the curtain. From the corner of her eye, she caught Len frown. _It was her! Yul's sister! Yul's sister had sent the cake!_

"She and her friends had other "gifts" delivered to your apartment, but I had people intercept them," Yul said.

"Is she still doing it?" Miyabi asked. "Is she still sending us threats?"

Yul sighed in response. "Can't you stop her?" Miyabi said, grabbing Yul by the forearms. "Tell her to stop. If she keeps being a brat like this, XM won't allow her to be part of the company."

Yul didn't speak. Miyabi continued in a softer calmer voice: "Couldn't you have used your influence?" Miyabi asked. "Couldn't you have asked Ha Seul to be good so she would have a better chance at joining XM?"

It seemed simple. As simple as that.

"Getting a contract under XM doesn't work that way," Yul told her. "I can't promise her they'd take her in as a trainee just because she's my sister."

Miyabi asked him more questions. She spoke them softly, almost as if she didn't want Yul to hear. They were questions she didn't want to ask, with answers she knew she had the right to fear; if she acknowledged that fear, it would confirm the state she was in –she had let her questions slip through the cracks of a breaking heart.

"Didn't you think that if you said that I was your girlfriend, she'd stop? Aren't I someone you care about, too? If she respects you, wouldn't she stop with the harassment?"

"Yes, I thought about it, but I didn't want her out of my sight," he said. "There was a chance she'd disappear again if I told her about you. To keep monitoring her, she has to think I'm on her side." Yul's face was full of regret. "I don't want her near Kaji. I'm not encouraging her."

"Right," Miyabi said, releasing her hold on him and stepping back. "The cockroaches were terrible. Imagine if Kaho and I had received those other presents."

"So, you understand now?"

Miyabi gave him a sad smile. "Yul, let's break up."

Yul looked shocked. Kaho thought he shouldn't be.

"Miyabi, why –"

"You've protected me from afar," Miyabi said, interrupting him. "I think that's enough. And, I guess, after seeing Kaho kiss someone else, your sister won't be bothering us anymore."

Uncertainty passed across Yul's face. He wound his arms around Miyabi, closing the space between them with an embrace. "Miyabi, I'm sorry. Ha Seul's been a handful. I can't leave her alone just yet."

"I know," Miyabi said, "you have to look out for her." She wriggled out from his arms. "Have you bailed her out of prison for breaking into your dorm? Have you stopped her from trying to get a lock of Kaji's hair? What else have you had to do?"

Yul swallowed. "I just don't want anyone to find out."

"The same way you didn't want your bandmates to find out about us?"

"That was different. Kaji and I aren't close."

"Are you embarrassed of me?"

"What? Of course I'm not embarrassed of you."

"If Ha Seul got caught and she tells the media that you're her brother..."

"My situation with you is different."

"You want to keep your private life private, I guess?"

"Yes."

"Then you'll get what you want."

"That's how it'll be from now on," Miyabi declared in a business-like tone. "You'll hear about my movie with Kaji in the news, and you'll know how well my career is going through the magazines and the internet. If the gossip mill says I'm dating someone, you'll have to wonder if that's true." She lifted her chin. "From now on, Yul, you'll have to speculate like everyone else. You aren't getting any real-time updates...at least not from me. It's fair, I think. You'll have your private life, and I'll have mine."

Yul's face fell. He grabbed Miyabi's arm as she brushed past him. She merely looked at his hand on her sleeve before gently pushing his hand away. With perfect calm, Miyabi walked through the open door.

She didn't look back.

.

.

.


	13. Chapter 12

It took a few minutes before Kaho and Len emerged from their hiding places. They watched Yul, who had been motionless and had moved only after Yul had made his exit. The call Yul had received seemed urgent. "I'm on my way," he had said to the person on the other line.

"He still cared..." Kaho said, turning to Len. "I thought he didn't."

"His sister thinks he's on her side," Len commented.

Kaho weighed her options silently. Should she go after Miyabi? It wasn't as if she was planning to intervene, she just wanted to know if her friend was ok. She glanced at Len. "I want to talk to Miyabi about Yul, but ...I know I can't mention that we overheard them, do you think the break-up's final?"

Len shook his head. "I can't guess how deeply Miyabi has been hurt. From what I saw, I think she's understood that he's chosen his sister over her."

Kaho bit her lip. "Someone needs to talk to his sister..."

Len raised an eyebrow. "I suppose you've seen enough of the fan culture to know how it's influenced her," Len said. "What would you tell her?"

She contemplated that. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "The cake that she sent to the apartment said that Kaji was "theirs". Not just hers. She needs to get away from that toxicity."

Ha Seul probably needed to be separated from friends who weren't a good influence on her.

"Are you the eldest in your family?" Len asked.

"Oh, no," Kaho answered. "I'm the baby. The youngest. Why do you ask?"

"That's one more thing I didn't know about you," Len said.

She was surprised by the disappointment she heard in his tone. She reviewed what she knew about him and his family: He was the only child of a famous pianist and the CEO of a musical instrument company. Back when they were in Yokohama, she remembered thinking that he was very much an "_obochama_".

"I think –" she hesitated for a beat. "I think whatever we need to know about each other, we'll learn on the way. Actually...I feel like I already know what's important. Or, I..." she blushed. "I think ..."

They had a long way to go, but she would enjoy every step and every milestone. Truthfully, there was no need to hurry. She knew they would be discovering new things about each other as they grew together and in their relationship.

_But maybe I am getting ahead of myself..._

She grabbed the front of his coat. "Len," she said softly. "I think we..."

"Tsukimori!" a voice said behind them. Kaho dropped her hands and stepped back. A girl, ostensibly a member of the orchestra, approached them. She carried a violin case with her. Len introduced the newcomer as one of the second violins.

"I just wanted to follow-up on those tickets you promised," new girl said with a wide smile. Her name was So Min. "I can't tell you how excited my friend is to see Hamai Misa in concert."

Len's mother was coming to Korea? _When is this concert?_

Len managed to smile a little. "I haven't forgotten. I'm looking forward to seeing her too."

"Great!" she said. She eyed Kaho for a second before turning her attention back to Len. "Will you be coming to dinner later?"

"What dinner?"

"Remember, it's Jae Soek's birthday. He invited everyone in the chat group."

"Right," Len said. "I haven't forgotten."

"I hope you haven't," So Min said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Tsuchiura will drive us to his house. He has to pick up his fiancee from the airport, and then we'll go."

"Mori? Mori's coming to Korea?" Kaho asked.

Len nodded. Tomorrow, Miyabi and Kaji were scheduled to shoot on location at Nami Island. Tsuchiura was going to be there with Nami, who wanted to pay a visit to the tourist spot.

"Have you bought Jae Soek a present?" So Min asked. She gave Len a cheeky look, guessing correctly that he hadn't. "We still have time to shop together, since I haven't had time to buy him one too. We can split the cost, say the gift came from both of us." She stole a brief glance at Kaho. "Is it ok if I steal him from you?"

Instinctively, the answer was: _"No, it's not ok."_. But Kaho reminded herself that while she didn't know everything about Len, she knew him in essentials. He wouldn't be swayed.

"Will you be going home?" he asked Kaho.

"Yes," Kaho answered. "You don't have to worry."

_I don't have to worry about you either, right?_

"Maybe we can drop you off," Len said.

"Ah, if it's far from Myeong-dong..." So Min hedged.

"It's fine," Kaho said. "I'll call Miyabi." She should have done that earlier. When she checked her phone, Miyabi had sent her a message.

"Great, now that's settled," So Min said, "we can go shopping."

They parted ways. Len with So Min, who led him by the arm and Kaho by herself; she turned and took a peek behind her shoulder in time to see Len place some distance between himself and So Min.

Her phone rang.

"Hello?"

_Hino-san, it's Kaji. I missed the performance, haven't I?_

"Kaji-kun," she said. "Yeah, sorry. Are you in the building?"

She met him at the entrance. "I'm late," Kaji said. "I wish I hadn't taken that alternate route. I thought it would be faster, but it turns out there was construction."

"Are you with anyone?" he asked her.

Kaho shook her head. She was with Len a moment ago, but he'd gone to the parking lot with one of the other orchestra members, she told Kaji.

"What about Miyabi?" Kaji asked.

"She texted me a while ago," Kaho said. She realized the text she'd received had been sent before she had witnessed the confrontation between Miyabi and Yul. "I'm trying to call her."

"Do you have any plans?" Kaji asked. She studied him for a moment. She knew she couldn't mention Ha Seul to Kaji, not when even Yul had avoided telling him. As for Miyabi...Should she give her some space? Miyabi hadn't called after walking out on Yul. She decided she'd have to wait for Miyabi to open up about what had happened.

Just then, she received a text. It was Miyabi. _Give Kaji a chance_, the message said.

Kaho furrowed her brow in confusion. "What?"

_I was going to call you but after I met him at the parking lot...well...I think you should give him a chance...you should be with someone who's more open about his feelings for you. It's hard to guess, Kaho. You might be wrong about most things._

The implications behind Miyabi's text message hadn't escaped Kaho. Miyabi hadn't known what Yul was going through; she hadn't known about Ha Seul. The break-up was probably for the best but –

_I asked him if he could give you a ride home._

Kaho pursed her lips. She didn't know what to think. It was clear Miyabi thought Kaji was the better option. Of course, Miyabi hadn't known about what had happened before she stormed in the concert hall with Yul, but she couldn't yet tell her friend. She wanted to keep that moment to herself. It felt too new, too personal.

"I...I have to go to the restroom," she said to Kaji.

She needed a few minutes to herself. _No_, she wasn't guessing Len's feelings. He had told her he wanted to be closer._ Tempo, Kaho_. They were on their way to becoming a couple; she wasn't going to allow Miyabi to influence her decision or meddle in her personal affairs.

"Oh, sorry," Kaho said. In her distraction, she had bumped into someone, another musician from the orchestra. The girl smiled, not sparing Kaho even the slightest glance, and continued to talk on the phone. Kaho followed her into the restrooms.

"No, I didn't meet the guests they invited," the girl said to the person on the other line. "You're right, he would have introduced her. I guess she wasn't that girl I saw in the pictures. Oh, Yunoki Miyabi? No! Was it really them? But yeah...yeah. He's never had a girlfriend. And besides, with Tsukimori's standards..." she was interrupted. "Oh. Ok, fine, So Min. Maybe you _can_ do the impossible," she said with an eye-roll. "Oh, she was the assistant? Ok then, maybe you do have a chance," another eye roll. "Fine. Fine. Bye."

The girl looked in the mirror and started to re-apply her make-up. "As if flirting with Tsukimori has ever worked for anyone. So Min and Mr. Unattainable...yeah right," She turned her head towards Kaho. "Is there something you need?" she asked, her annoyance apparent.

Kaho shook her head and placed her hands under the automatic faucet. The girl ignored Kaho, finished up by dabbing a tissue on her lips, and started to hum the tune of Shimizu's piece before leaving. Alone, Kaho observed her reflection in the mirror. Yes, she was Miyabi's assistant, but that didn't mean she didn't have a chance.

She hated thinking about that.

So, maybe Len did seem unattainable...

She knew where that assumption had come from. Even she had thought that until he'd kissed her. Should she care about their assessment of her? _So what if I'm the assistant?_

Her relationship..._Or soon to be relationship_, she corrected herself, was between her and Len. She wasn't going to let other people make her question whether or not they should be together.

"What they think of me is none of my business," she said aloud, narrowing her eyes at her own reflection in the mirror.

_I sounded like Len just now_. Len was great at ignoring things that weren't important.

"I shouldn't take things too personally, either," she sighed.

When finally she joined Kaji, he smiled and said, "I thought I should take you somewhere." His smile stayed glued to his face as he helped Kaho into the car before going over to the driver's seat. Kaho fastened her seatbelt and wished Kaji had brought his driver so it wouldn't be just the two of them on this side-trip.

_It feels like a side-trip. Should I even be here with him?_

But he was still her friend after all, and this trip, she said to herself, was platonic. If he had plans to shift it in a different direction, as her friend, she would have to let him down gently.

As they drove by buildings and parks, Kaho wondered how Kaji could be allowed so much freedom when it was in the company's best interest to watch over him like a hawk. She asked about that, and Kaji answered: "I'm the most well-behaved," he said with a wink. "And besides, it's only three pm."

"I can protect you, too," Kaji said.

_Too?_ She was about to protest, but Kaji placed his hand over hers. "I won't keep you long, even if I wish I could."

Kaho didn't reply. Kaji's confession was still fresh in her mind. She hadn't answered him yet, and she almost wished she wouldn't disappoint him.

_Is it as simple as saying, "I can't."?_

It took an hour before they got to their destination, but Kaho had been too pre-occupied with her thoughts to notice. They spent most of the drive in silence.

Kaji had brought her to a park with newly planted trees. After parking the car, he got out and opened her door. He pulled her out of the car eagerly and led her to a large slab of black marble that identified the place. The park was named after Kaji.

"This is your park?" she asked, blinking up at him.

"Yeah," he said, "one of three, actually."

Kaho's brows met in confusion. Kaji held up his hands. "I'm not bragging or anything...I just wanted to show you some of the good things the fandom has accomplished."

Kaho read the engraved text on the marble. Groups of fans had donated money to make this "mini forest" possible. They had planted the trees themselves.

"Two years ago," Kaji began to explain, "I announced that I would stop receiving gifts for my birthday."

"So...instead of sending you presents, they planted a forest?"

"Yeah. Some of them do blood drives, too."

"That's pretty impressive."

"Yeah," he said, leading her to a bench. "They met up here during my last birthday. They brought cake and even exchanged plushies." He smiled at her. "I couldn't go," he said, " but the company arranged a separate celebration. Yul was there, too."

"Oh."

"He and I might not be close, but we respect each other. He's the type to always try to be there during a movie debut or a birthday party. He's a reliable guy, Yul."

_But secretive_, Kaho thought. She hoped Yul would be able to control his sister, and that maybe the break-up with Miyabi would convince him to be more strict.

"Kaji, I know not all the fans are obsessive," Kaho felt compelled to say. "I'm a fan too," she admitted. "I've voted for you guys on the countdowns."

"You have?" he asked, the surprise apparent on his face. In that instant, his expression morphed into one of clear determination: "Kahoko, will you come to my birthday party?" he asked.

That was no problem at all. They were friends, weren't they? _(I keep repeating this to myself, ugh.)_

"Of course I'll go. It's in a few weeks, right?"

Kaji nodded as he and Kaho sat on the nearest bench. "You know, if I could have my wish, I'd make the announcement that you and I are together. Ah..." he paused when he saw her reaction, "but I can't do that, right? You aren't over Tsukimori yet."

Kaho pressed her lips together. She didn't want her mouth hanging open like a fish.

"Yes, I know," Kaji said. "I like you well enough to notice," he admitted. "And I guess I wasn't that drunk when you and Tsuchiura had your conversation during Karaoke."

Again, part of her wanted to apologize to him. He knew she couldn't return his feelings. "Kaji...I..."

"I said to you that no one would dare harm my girlfriend, right?" he said, still fighting. "I still think that's true. I know a lot of my fans wouldn't react favorably but," he moved closer. "I wouldn't be pressured to let you go."

"Even if it costs you a forest?" She asked, attempting to lighten the mood. But he'd moved close enough that their knees touched.

"I already have three," he said, leaning forward and cupping her cheek. "Kahoko, I'd really like it if you chose me instead."

"Kaji-kun..." He'd taken her hands in his.

"I wish you would choose me," he said, correcting himself and putting more space between them. He still sat close, but his legs no longer brushed against hers. He smiled then, a touch of regret making him look older. "I'm glad I didn't see him kiss you. When I found out about it, I wanted to call you. I wanted to know what you were thinking. Tsukimori said it was necessary and that you'd understand. I just...I just wish he hadn't kissed you. I don't know about Tsukimori, but did the kiss mean something to you?"

She knew Len had done it to protect Miyabi's reputation, and after the call with Yunoki, Len had told her that he had no regrets. He'd kissed her, not Miyabi, and he hadn't regretted it. It wasn't just about Miyabi. Len hadn't apologized for the kiss, and there lay her defense against anyone who might doubt his feelings for her.

_Because he does...he does have feelings for me. _

"I don't think that's something I can share right now," she said to Kaji.

She hadn't imagined it –she knew Len had wanted to kiss her. She knew... _He said he missed me_. _He wished for me. _Did that mean that he just wanted to hear her play the violin?

_No_. She wasn't going to doubt him. She asked herself: What did it mean when he'd said he wanted to be closer to her?

_What does "close" mean to him?_

"I know you care," she said. "I just..."

_It's different with Len_. "I can't help who I like," she said, closing her eyes as she said the words.

"I know," Kaji said. "I'm not forcing you to look my way. I just hope you know where you stand with him."

She didn't think she had any false hopes. _Or maybe..._she just couldn't help it with Len.

"Tsukimori-kun would never pretend to feel anything for me," she insisted. He would never lie or feign emotions he didn't feel. It wasn't like him to do that.

"What about your feelings?" Kaji asked.

This conversation was confusing her. Or maybe it was Kaji who was confused. Hadn't she already implied that she liked Len?

_Still_, she had to ask: "What about them?"

"I don't want him to hurt you like he did before."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Kaho said, getting more confused by the moment. How much did Kaji actually know?

"I was there at the park, I saw you two the night before he left for Vienna."

Kaho felt her chest tighten. Unconsciously, she lifted her hand to her heart. Kaji frowned, almost hesitated, but he continued, "Tsukimori told you he hadn't wanted to change your relationship." Kaji said, unable to look Kaho in the eye. "I'm sorry, Kaho. But I heard your conversation, and I saw how he reacted."

That moment. That painful moment wasn't hers alone after all. Embarrassment made Kaho's throat tighten. She didn't know what to say.

"I don't think he notices when he hurts you," Kaji said.

Kaho's fingers gripped the bench; she felt as if she could lash out at Kaji.

"That was in the past," she told him. She remained composed. Len wouldn't hurt her on purpose. He hadn't even known how much he would hurt her (or could), but there was a difference between now and then. Wasn't there?

"All of it. Everything. You should let it stay in the past," Kaji said."He shouldn't haunt you."

Kaji thought Len _haunted _her. Did Kaji think Len was some idea (or ideal?) she couldn't let go of? She said nothing, only rose from the bench. She pictured running until her knees gave out from under her. Instead, she took a step forward and started to walk away from Kaji. She couldn't run...not yet. Kaji shouted her name, but she ignored him.

"Kaho!"

He shouted her name again, and when he'd finally caught her arm and turned her to face him, she said, "Will you give me time, please, Kaji. I don't want to regret anything I say to you."

_No one's allowed to assume anything about my relationship with Len..._

_No one's going to make me feel unworthy..._

_No one's allowed to interfere..._

_Not anyone..._

She was still trying to be nice. To be polite. "I don't want to regret my words," she repeated.

Kaji held her by the shoulders. "I just want you to know, I don't mind if you regret me."

"Eh?"

"I mean, I suppose I'll be ok if you end up changing your mind about me... But..." He sighed. "This isn't coming out right. I just wanted to say that I want us to try. You might change your mind, but please give me a chance."

_Don't let Len haunt you_, he seemed to say with his eyes.

At that moment, Kaho took a page from Miyabi's book and walked out on Kaji. She hailed a passing cab which took her to the nearest train station. Kaji's words...Len's words...played like a weird mix-tape in her head.

_Haunting me... _

Were her own expectations haunting her?

_I don't think he notices when he hurts you... _

_He's haunting you..._

She didn't want to believe that. She went over the conversations she had had with Len: Len had told her he'd been heartsick because of Kaji's confession –she had expectations now, and it'd crush her if he didn't follow through. She hadn't told him her feelings, but would he suddenly _decide_ that he didn't want their relationship?

_No, that was the past. He couldn't...not again._

What would make him change his mind? She wasn't as accomplished or as beautiful as the other girls he'd met. She'd chosen another career path and was still working toward her goals. She wasn't _there_ yet, but Len had still praised her. He could easily find another relationship that would look better on paper, but he hadn't dated other girls. She knew this. He wouldn't admit to having feelings for her and yet choose someone else.

_He can't do that to me_.

"We have to talk," she said aloud when she opened the door to her apartment.

"Oh, of course we do, isn't that why I'm here?"

When Kaho lifted her eyes, she saw Mori carrying a cocktail.

"Mai Tai?" Mori offered. "You look like you need it."

"Manami!" Kaho shouted, simultaneously giving Mori a hug. "You're here," Kaho said, checking for a tall figure ambling behind them. "Where's Tsuchiura?"

"He's off to a birthday celebration with Len," Manami Mori replied. "Are you still a guy magnet, Kaho?" she said in that joking way of hers. "If you need help distributing them..."

"Huh?"

"_Nanchate_," Mori said. "I've helped enough, I think, since I already relieved you of one suitor," she said under her breath.

"How can you joke about that?" Kaho complained. It was classic Mori: She'd surprise you with a slightly off-color comment and then say "just kidding". _Nanchate_ was one of Mori's favorite expressions.

"Um, where's Miyabi?" Kaho asked.

"Right here," Miyabi's voice came from the kitchen. She narrowed her eyes as if to focus on Kaho's face and lifted the glass in her hand. "I got another Mai Tai if you want one Kaho."

Kaho declined. The three ladies gathered in the living room and sat cross-legged on the shaggy white rug.

"I was hoping to see you," Kaho said to Mori. "It's been so long."

Manami grinned. "How's everything, Kaho? Tsuchiura told me you compose Kpop songs now."

"Ah, that's mainly Shimizu. I haven't really had the chance to have my songs interpreted and umm... I'm basically Miyabi's assistant while she's in Korea."

"I'm extending the offer, though," Miyabi announced. Miyabi took a sip of her own Mai Tai and said, "When I leave for Japan, Kaho can come with me. That's if she wants to. I only really stayed here for my boyfriend but that hasn't worked out, so...I guess after I shoot my movie, I go back to Japan."

Kaho hadn't expected Miyabi to share the end of her relationship with Yul so casually.

"Oh," Mori said, "I'm sorry you broke up."

Miyabi waved her hand. "He's got family issues. It's best if I stay out of it."

"What if he fixes those issues?" Kaho asked. "Would you stay in Korea?"

"I'm not sure. Eun Hye has been great though, I owe her," Miyabi said. "Eun Hye is my agent," Miyabi clarified for Mori, "thanks to her, I got to do another web series, and I got to audition for the movie I'm currently working on, but..." Her eyes drifted away. "I guess I miss Japan. I'd like to go back. My real life is there."

_Her real life?_ Kaho considered her own "real life" in Korea. Would she allow herself to stay at Shimizu's place once Miyabi was back in Japan? Was she going to teach the violin again? She knew how to speak Korean and Japanese...she could probably offer her services as a Nihongo instructor for cheap.

"Kahoko?" Mori broke Kaho's train of thought. "Are you all right?"

"Hmm, yeah," Kaho said. "Len...er...Tsukimori-kun told me you're going to Nami Island with us tomorrow?"

"Oh! You're coming to the shoot!" Miyabi exclaimed.

"Yeah," Mori said. "Tsuchiura and I were allowed to hitch. Tsukimori is coming too."

Miyabi glanced at Kaho. "Oh, Tsuchi and...Am I allowed to call him Tsuki in this situation?"

"Why are you asking Kaho permission?" Mori asked. "Oh! Has it finally happened, are you guys an item?"

"Finally happened?" Miyabi asked.

"Tsuchiura and I were hoping," Mori said, hesitantly. "Well, we were hoping Tsukimori would...umm...well...how are the two of you?" she asked Kaho.

_How are we?_ Kaho hadn't forgotten her recent conversation with Kaji. His_ "I don't think he notices when he hurts you..." _had been a barb to the chest.

"I'm all right, still working hard," Kaho said with what she'd hoped was a straight face. "Tsukimori-kun is great. He's excellent, as always."

"You know what she means, Kahoko," Miyabi said impatiently.

It wasn't fair. Why were they talking about _her_ love life? She frowned at Miyabi, the other person whose romantic entanglements needed a closer examination. But Since Miyabi hadn't opened up about her problem with Yul, it was off-limits for this session of girl talk.

"I'll answer Mori's question properly," Miyabi offered, lifting her Mai Tai as though about to make a toast. "No, Kaho and Tsukimori aren't an item. She wishes they were, though."

Kaho pried Miyabi's glass away from her hands. "How many have you had?" she asked Miyabi. They weren't going to have another alcohol-related incident. She wasn't going to let that happen again.

"That's the second one," Mori said apologetically, taking the glass from Kaho. "She wanted a demonstration after I told her I used to do bartending to help pay for college." She threw Kaho a speaking glance, as in: _sorry, I didn't know she gets tipsy easily_.

"I'm just loosening up," Miyabi said, adjusting her position on the rug so she could lean against the couch behind her. "I don't want to get drunk and injure myself like I did last time." She shifted, tucking her legs underneath her. "At least we made good use of the bar," she said, idly touching her warm cheeks. "We don't really venture to that corner unless Azuma's around," she added, satisfying herself that that was the reason she'd jumped on the opportunity to have cocktails.

"How is Yunoki-senpai?" Mori asked.

"He's been placated, I guess," Miyabi said. "Kaho and her beau got me out of a possible punishment. I'm really grateful, aren't I Kahoko?" She winked.

Kaho and Len had been alone in the apartment during that video call. It was embarrassing, but all she could think of at the moment was when she would next see Len. It couldn't be avoided: she still thought about the (inevitable?) kiss...

"You're blushing, Kaho," Mori observed.

"It's just," Kaho sighed, giving up, "things with Len are complicated."

"I know," Mori said. There was understanding in her eyes, and yes, a little sympathy. It reminded her of Tsuchiura's expression when they'd gone to karaoke. _Right, first Tsuchiura and now you_. Kaho wanted to groan and maybe bury her head in a hole somewhere. Len wasn't being intentionally difficult and..._He doesn't hurt anyone on purpose. _

"I don't think Len meant –"she stopped. She tried to taste the words in her mouth before she spoke them. _If Len means to do something, he does it with the results in mind. _

_So if he is thinking of the results, what do his actions mean? What does he want? _

She tried to answer those questions:_ He wants me to write lyrics, to compose. He wants me to continue being a musician..._

He wanted to encourage her, and she wanted to know if he dreaded the emotions that he could have stirred. Did he dread_ her _feelings?

_It doesn't feel that way, though. _She didn't want to think of "hurt feelings" as a consequence of him trying to..._to..._make her feel special. He wasn't just "encouraging her". He'd said he wanted to be closer, and for a moment, when their foreheads had touched, he had been.

He'd told her he had no regrets. Did that mean that he'd enjoyed kissing her and..._was that it?_

If she was honest, and she was the most honest she'd been last night, he'd looked at her in ways that made her want to... She sighed. "I'm not going to throw myself at him."

Miyabi snorted. "Of course you aren't."

Had she said the words aloud? Kaho touched her flaming cheeks. "Len can do what he wants," she said. "I'll just..."

"Enjoy his company, maybe?" Mori suggested. "I know he's a bit slow..."

Miyabi snorted again. "Slow. Difficult to read. The list goes on..."

"But," Mori continued, ignoring Miyabi. "I think he understands now."

"Understands what?" Kaho asked.

"A lot of things, I think," Mori said. "Ryo is a good influence on him."

Kaho let Mori be cryptic. She couldn't ask more questions knowing there was a possibility she would have to reveal more about where she thought she stood with Len.

Miyabi changed the topic and told them about what they'd expect when they'd visit Nami Island. Gingko trees, she said. Golden leaves. Red and golds from the other trees, too. A Perfect Autumn.

"You've been waiting for him, right?" Mori whispered in Kaho's ear before she left. "Ryo and I, we think...well, we want to see you and Len finally become a couple."

"We want you both to be happy," Mori said, hugging her. "And if Tsukimori doesn't find a way to make that happen, that's on him."

Kaho agreed. Tomorrow, she and Len would talk.

Everything would be on him.

.

.

.

Author's notes:

That thing about the forests and blood drives is real. Some of the more famous Kpop stars do have forests that were planted in their name.


	14. Chapter 13

Nami Island was a popular tourist destination that featured beautiful tree lanes and woodlands. It was spectacular in every season, but for Len, whose favorite season was Autumn, the falling red and gold leaves held a special appeal.

Invariably, Autumn reminded him of her.

The three of them –Tsuchiura, Mori, and himself – had disembarked from the ferry with groups of tourists. Unlike the tourists, however, they had a section of the island which had been reserved for the movie shoot. The director, who was a close friend of Mori's, had allowed Len, Tsuchiura, and Mori to watch as she filmed Kaji and Miyabi under a shower of golden ginkgo leaves. Kaji and Miyabi's expressions were identical: wholly absorbed in the other person. Dazzled, Dazed, or something to that effect.

Mori leaned forward and whispered, "Don't they kiss?"

Mori's friend said, "Ah, no. It's not in the script."

Noticing Mori's confused expression, Mori's friend then explained that since scriptwriters don't tell directors where to point the camera, she, as the director, wouldn't meddle in the script just so she could have it fit her ideas or moods. In the first place, she wouldn't agree to be part of a project with a script she didn't like.

Since she could live with either outcome, Mori took her friend's side. "I'm not too disappointed," she said. "It's still romantic without the kiss, isn't it Ryo?"

"Some of the audience members might be expecting it," Tsuchiura said, catching on on the possible issue of a lack of lip-locking. He glanced at Kaji and Miyabi, who were holding still for a 360-degree shot.

"Are they allowed to improvise?" Tsuchiura asked.

"Not in this case, no," the director said. "Anyway, there's no kiss in the book."

When they had gone to explore other scenery, Tsuchiura said: "I guess your friend wants to be true to the source medium."

"She's done adaptations before..." Mori said. "Not all of them are 100% true to the book, but I guess she just prefers the story as it is." She slipped her arm through Tsuchiura's and asked, "Do you think Miyabi would be the type to suggest what her character might say or do?"

Tsuchiura considered that for a moment. "What do you think, Tsukimori?" Tsuchiura asked.

Len shrugged. He'd been silent since they landed. "A little frustration can be acceptable," he said. He explained that each member of the audience had enough imagination to invent a kiss scene that would satisfy her.

"_Or him_," Mori added.

"They might come up with something better," Len said.

"Will you watch the movie with me, Ryo?" Mori asked, moving closer to Tsuchiura. Though they all wore long-sleeved shirts and light jackets, Mori wanted to hold on to Tsuchiura for a bit of warmth.

"I'd help you imagine that kiss scene if you like," he said. He and Mori exchanged twinkling smiles.

Len, who knew he was the third wheel, concentrated on the scenery. He truly loved Autumn. It was a springtime for leaves. He remembered saying something similar to Kaho back at Seisou. He hadn't gotten around to finding where he'd read the description or who had said it. He watched a red maple leaf fall to the ground.

He couldn't forget the person this season reminded him of, and though the leaves fell from their branches, and their show of beauty was temporary, he liked that they inspired him to live in the now. Winter would come soon...

_Tomorrow would have its own delights._

He was quietly happy, he realized. He still hadn't seen her, and Miyabi had been too busy to tell him where Kaho had gone, but being surrounded by rows of trees and watching the play of light and shade through the firey leaves had given him a feeling of quiet contentment. Yes, he was thankful he was here. Not frustrated that he hadn't seen her, but anticipating the moment their eyes would meet.

And meet they did.

"Tsukimori-kun," Kaho said when their group had run into her. She carried yellow and red leaves in her hands. Her lips were parted in surprise. Upon seeing her, Len suddenly wished her hair still matched the season.

"Kahoko," he said, taking her in with his eyes. She wore a navy scarf around her neck, a red jacket, and blue jeans. He'd changed his mind: even with a different hair color, she was still breathtaking.

"Tsuchiura," Mori said, tugging on Ryo's sleeve, "why don't we talk a walk over to the riverside."

"We'll catch up with you guys later," Tsuchiura said, nodding to both Len and Kaho. And just like that, Len had Kaho to himself. _Or...not yet..._

They were alone,_ almost_; they were surrounded by tourists, who were, of course, minding their own business. He noticed that Kaho had her violin case with her.

"You were planning to play?" he asked.

"Yeah," she answered. The leaves were still in her hands. She dropped them abruptly. "It's really beautiful here," she said, a blush covering her cheeks.

"Beautiful, warm and glowing," Len said. "Autumn is my favorite season."

"Mine, too," she answered. Kaho was playing with the edge of her scarf, her eyes watched the leaves fall from the trees. Len was taking in the scenery with her in it. He'd been to Nami Island in Spring when the cherry trees were blossoming, but now, in Autumn, with Kaho's presence making the view more special – he felt an ache inside his chest. He suddenly realized how much he missed her.

He'd been longing for her for so long now.

A couple riding a two-person bike sped by to his left, giving Len the opportunity to step closer to Kaho. The silence, which he hadn't minded a while ago, seemed to stretch and engulf them. Kaho continued to play with her scarf.

He watched her profile.

An interminable amount of time passed. When he finally heard her voice, she said, "I bought this scarf for you ages ago." Then realizing the need to explain, she added, "Not for me to wear so I'd look nice. Err...I meant to give it to you as a gift before your departure."

"My departure?" he asked, perplexed.

Her cheeks had grown pink. "Nine years ago, in high school. Before you left for Vienna."

They'd stopped walking. "I was constantly bothering you and pestering you," she said, stealing a glance at him. "I was always inconveniencing you, so I wanted to give you a gift. Not to say sorry, I've never regretted spending time with you," she clarified. "Um, I just...I'm not doing a very good job of saying this stuff, am I?" She sighed. "At the time, I just wanted to show how thankful I was."

If she had taken off the scarf and wound it around his neck, he wouldn't have minded, but she kept fiddling with the edge as she avoided looking at him. Her right hand gripped her violin case. Slowly, she lifted her gaze. "I'm not sure why I told you that," she said, sounding frustrated.

It could have happened differently, he realized. If she'd given him the scarf before he'd left, he would have gladly accepted it. He likely would have also told her to pay attention to her competition instead of bothering with him, and he'd have told himself that they would be fine; they would both turn out all right. He wouldn't tell her he was leaving.

He might have hurt her then, too.

If he could hit his past self, he would have.

"I would treasure anything you give me, Kaho," he said after another pause. He took her free hand and said, "Don't ever think you pester me or inconvenience me. I've never regretted the time I spent with you, either."

_Past or present_. "I want to think of the here and now," he said suddenly, raising her hand to his lips. _Now or never_. "Do you want to do that?"

Because he didn't want to do this if she didn't.

"I do," she said softly. He kissed her hand, and they continued to walk together on a path carpeted with red leaves. Surprise flashed on his face when she stopped in her tracks.

"Tsukimori-kun," she said seriously. "When you said here and now, you meant, um..." she hesitated. "Does this mean...do you...uh, do you want to be with me?"

.

.

.

Kaho wanted to enjoy this moment with him. He wanted that too, right? It felt as if they'd never be separated, but she wanted to hear more. She felt like she had a right to it –to more from him.

Sometimes when she was on the brink of something – like a melody for a song or lyrics that fit perfectly for the piece she was writing, she felt a mix of nervousness and happiness. These feelings together made her want to jump out of her skin. If it could, her skin would shimmer with those colliding emotions.

His brow furrowed. "Yes, I do want to be with you."

"Okay," she said. Blinking and blushing. "And?"

"And what?" he frowned.

She sighed, exasperated. "Tsukimori-kun," she said, her frustration gnawing at her every nerve, "what are we doing?"

.

.

.

_Tell her how you feel. To. Avoid. Confusion_, Tsuchiura had said. Should he kiss her first before confessing? Hadn't he kissed her hand?

"Out of the way you two!" another bike-rider said as he zipped past them.

He'd bumped into Kaho and she instinctively grabbed his arms to keep her balance. He grabbed her shoulders. They blinked at each other. She swallowed and moistened her lip.

"This is what we're doing," he said, capturing her mouth with his.

.

.

.

She was kissing him again. Or rather, he was kissing her. It was still surprising, and because she was surprised, her lips parted. The most surprising thing came next when his tongue touched the tip of hers. She almost pulled away in surprise. But no, she couldn't step back, he held her close and she...

_I want this_.

She closed her eyes and let her tongue caress his. She was kissing him. Properly.

_So wonderful... Like heaven_. His scent was heavenly, too. It was a mix of clean linen and something else...something uniquely him. It was all she could do to stop from melting.

Moments later, they had to break apart for air. They exchanged surprised looks before Kaho grabbed the front of his jacket and lifted herself on her tiptoes to kiss him again. A vague thought crossed her mind: had she ever wanted to kiss someone like this? _No, never. _But kissing him made her realize she wanted to do it over and over again.

.

.

.

Kaho didn't want to break away. His kiss was sweet. His eagerness made it sweeter. This was the longest kiss they'd shared. When at last they'd come up for air, she realized he could have moved his hands to cup her face or wrapped them around her waist. He'd held her by the shoulders while she had grasped his jacket; it wasn't graceful, but since they'd been concentrating on each other's mouths...

"What are you thinking?" she asked. Her curious eyes willing him to answer.

"We could have adjusted our hands a little," he said. "You were gripping my jacket, and I was holding you down by the shoulders." He tilted his head, "Were you comfortable?"

She bit back a laugh. "Uh, I don't think comfortable is the word I would've used to describe the moment."She blushed and asked, "Were you surprised that I pulled you closer?"

"Yes," he answered. "But that didn't last long."

Yes, it didn't last because he'd been too distracted by other feelings. She pressed her lips together tightly.

"If we were to practice this –" he began.

"Practice?"

" –I'd like to try holding you by the waist. Maybe you could wrap your arms around my neck."

A bubble of laughter burst from her lips. He wanted to practice kissing? _Wow_. It made her think of what practice was meant to do: _Make you better. Make you more skilled._

"I really –" she stopped herself before she could say she really, _really_, couldn't have enjoyed herself more if they had practiced or planned it. How do you plan these things, anyway? In movies and tv series, the making of the kiss probably was as complicated as military strategy. She made a mental note to ask Miyabi about what it was like to talk about which way the heads would go so the noses wouldn't bump together. Her nose hadn't collided with Len's, but she'd felt the scrape of his teeth over her lower lip. She touched her lips then, wondering what it had felt like for him. He cupped her cheek.

"I want to kiss you again," he whispered. He tucked a strand of her newly-dyed hair behind her ear. "I want to know if it's different every time."

His candidness was making her tingly; she felt like she was going to tip over and faint, drunk on nervous delight. She wanted to know what "practice" could mean for them. The idea that popped into her head increased her embarrassment: she wanted to kiss him on the neck, to explore, to find his pulse point with her lips...It was all she could do to drive the thought away. _Never. I can't. Not ever._ _It's not possible. We're in public! _

_He should have worn a scarf..._

She settled for kissing him on the cheek. "There," she said shyly. She took a step away from him and said, "Um, we needed a change of pace."

The corners of his mouth tipped up as he gave her a half-lidded gaze. He looked so appealing she knew that if he kissed her again, she might explode. Her eyes held his, hadn't left his face.

"Len...um, are you enjoying this?" she asked. _Gahhh...Why did I just ask that?_

No, she wasn't looking for reassurance. It was just that everything was so surprising, it made her want to ask questions. She didn't care if the answers were obvious. How did they get here anyway? How were they both here looking at each other like –

_Oh_. The air was cool, but she felt so warm. He smiled at her and said, "Yes, Kaho, I am. You're here, I want you, and I'm having the time of my life."

.

.

.

Embarrassment should've been the stronger emotion.

Yes, it was fluttering in her stomach, but she didn't feel it as strongly as her happiness. She was ecstatic. She wanted to jump. To run. To fly. She wanted to throw the autumn leaves over her head and shout. She was _deliriously_ happy. _But..._she was jumpy and also a bit nervous. Part of her thought she should tilt towards caution; ask him more questions; have him explain himself more clearly. Another side of her wanted to cling to him and just be. It was as if she were on a ship stuck in a storm, slipping from starboard to port every few seconds.

"Tsukimori-kun," she said, "are you sure?" She was on the port side, still nervous, still wondering if he had secret doubts. "I mean, why me?"

Yes, she hadn't dwelt on whether she was "worthy" before, but now that he had held her and kissed her, she wanted to know why. It wasn't as if she had no confidence in her self or in him. She knew he wouldn't change his mind so easily, but...

She took back her question. "I'm sorry, forget I asked that."

They were strolling hand in hand in _Lover's Woods_. He led her toward a bench, and instead of her leaning her head on his shoulder, they angled themselves so that they sat face to face.

"I think people might wonder why we're together," she said.

It was a general observation, she told him. Other people's opinions wouldn't bother her, but since he was so unattainable...

"I'm unattainable?" he asked.

It boggled her that he looked genuinely confused. She didn't know where to begin. It was clear he didn't know he'd been called "Mr. Unattainable" and that he'd been viewed as some sort of impossible romantic challenge (Max impregnable). It was awkward to tell him what other girls thought of him. _Does he even notice the attention?_

"Um, Tsukimori-kun," she began cautiously, deciding she would go with a real-life example, "the girl you went shopping with yesterday –" But should she even ask? She was hesitating again. "Do you think she likes you?"

"I'm not sure," he replied with a frown. "If she does, will it matter? I already have you."

_Oh_. Her heart did a flip. She imagined it was glowing underneath her shirt. "Right," she said. "And I have you."

"You do," he assured her. "I hope you never think –" He sighed. "I thought –" He hesitated and let out a short calming breath. "I was also afraid that you'd be someone that I couldn't reach, that I'd never see you again." He ran a hand through his hair, closed his eyes, and opened them again. "I once thought that it would be enough to be around you, but it isn't. I can't just watch you or listen to you, or stand next to you. I can't have you near and not love you."

Kaho's voice had left her. Her mouth hung slightly open. She said nothing even when he placed his hand at the junction between her neck and jaw. His cheek brushed hers.

"I told you that I want to be closer to you," Len said.

She nodded because she still hadn't found her voice. She blinked like she was going to cry, then she lifted her face a little so she could see him through her lashes. Yes, she told herself she was secure in her feelings, but there was still so much she had to consider. She was still struggling with work; she had a long way to go before she'd achieve what she'd set out to do. She shared these thoughts with him.

She told him that if Miyabi left for Japan, she would be jobless. "I could teach the violin, and I know Shimizu would let me stay at his place, but I –I don't want you to worry about me."

"It'd be natural for me to worry about you," he countered. "I know you're still working toward what you want. And I know it might take time, but I believe in you."

_Starboard_. She wanted him to witness her triumphs. She wanted to be with him. Even if the situation wasn't perfect...

"When you achieve your dreams, I want to be there when it happens," he continued, as though agreeing with the thoughts she hadn't yet voiced.

"I hope I don't let you down," she said. He believed in her. And she didn't want to take that away. Didn't want his faith in her to diminish.

He told her he didn't want to disappoint her either. "I realize that you have priorities, and the situation isn't ideal, but life rarely is perfect," he said, echoing her thoughts without knowing it. "I think I'd rather try my best with you here with me now. I know I have to acknowledge that our commitments may take us to different places, but I have this feeling that if we both continue pursuing what we want, there'd always be opportunities for us to be together. To be honest, I imagined seeing the world with you."

Travel with him? Is that what he meant? If she had those opportunities he spoke of, she could. He'd have his projects, and she'd have hers, and maybe they'd be able to arrange their schedules so they could somehow meet in the middle.

"Would you stay in Korea for me?" she blurted. Yes, they would go places together. But if they were to settle...

_Tempo, Kaho. Watch your Tempo! _"I'm sorry,"she apologized. "I know what you mean."

She hesitated before admitting she wanted to see him backstage after his performances. "I wonder if we'll ever really live together in one place."

"I can't predict our future, but I want to think that we'll tackle whatever unforeseen challenge comes our way. And yes, Kaho. If there comes a time I'll stay in Korea, it will be because of you. You'll always be part of my plans."

"Really?" She couldn't help it. Her eyes were wet with tears. _Really, truly, really? _

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it," he said, finally exasperated. "I'm not sure which you prefer –is it words or actions? I've tried bo–"

"Right now," she said, interrupting him with a finger to his lips, "I want actions."

She felt his lips curl into a smile. She bit her lip. Was she trying to restrain herself? _Why should I hesitate?_ Her happiness threatened to spill out of her like the bubbles from a newly opened bottle of champagne. _He's mine_, she told herself. _Mine_.

The way he looked at her made her giddy inside. She grinned and lifted her face to receive his kiss.

_..._

Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower. - Albert Camus

…

Author rambles:

It's a universal truth that actions should be backed up by words. You can't say you love someone and have your actions express the opposite. But! Sometimes, we forget how powerful affirmation can be. Even simple words can make a person feel so loved. It's probably hard to find the perfect balance; I think it's a struggle to express ourselves and have our words be received as the compliments they are, as the loving reminders that they are...because what the other person thinks and feels factors a lot. Anyway, another universal truth: Relationships take hard work.

...


	15. Chapter 14

_Bliss. Absolute Bliss_. Why hadn't this happened sooner?

It was going to be another day of bliss...

_Well_...at least in her head it was going to be. In the privacy of her thoughts, she was with Len, but in real life...she was driving Miyabi to another shoot (it was their driver's day off) and was reliving her moments with Len at Nami Island during the drive. Yesterday, she and Len had taken a brief bike ride together before leaving separately (she had to go back to Miyabi, after all, and Len had another engagement with Tsuchiura, who was going to take Mori back to her hotel).

"_I hope I don't fall off," Kaho said, glancing at the two-person bike._

"_We might both topple to the ground if you do," Len replied, placing the helmet over her head and securing it._

"_Oh, right," she said, suddenly embarrassed because they'd both, in a way, acknowledged her clumsiness."I'd hate it if I'd get us both injured."_

"_I was only drawing a conclusion," Len explained. She could hear the frustration in his voice. "This is also a new experience for me." _

_Len admitted that he might have trouble keeping his balance. Kaho smiled a little and placed a hand over his forehead; she wanted to smooth the frown lines that had appeared because of her. _

"_I'll tell you again, Kaho," Len said, taking her hand, "you aren't an inconvenience."_

_Kaho nodded. If she, God forbid, were to fall off the bike and gain a few cuts or bruises, would he carry her like he did Miyabi? _

_She let her gaze wander over his eyes, his face, his shoulders..._

_If she wanted to be in his arms...she could just..._

_Reach out..._

_If she were to do that, he would welcome it..._

_Shimmers of delight made their way through her bloodstream; she was giddy again, and she had to tamp down on the excitement. She had to control herself. _

_She was worried her enthusiasm would scare him. Plus, there was a question she'd wanted to ask for a while now..._

"_That time when Miyabi sprained her ankle...did you help her because of me?"_

_He'd been so attentive and hadn't complained about carrying Miyabi or about fetching things for her when Miyabi had asked. Kaho had thought he was just acting gentlemanly, but..._

_She just had to know: Had he done it because of her?_

_He said her name in that warm tone he seemed to reserve only for her. "I want you to know that if I can help you out in any way, I will. I didn't want you to have a hard time."_

"_I think I could have managed..." she trailed off as she tried to control her excitement._

"_If that means you wouldn't have accepted my help if I'd offered it, I guess I'd made the right decision," he said. "If I'd called before going to your apartment, you probably would have denied needing help. You couldn't have thought about your comfort while helping Miyabi."_

"_My back wasn't that painful..." she said softly._

_He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You're so stubborn."_

_She was unable to resist. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek._

He'd given her a (longer) kiss on the lips in exchange and reminded her gently that she could go to him if she needed anything. She adored gazing up at him, at his beloved face. He'd filled her heart with emotions as vivid as the autumn leaves.

"You keep sighing Kahoko," Miyabi said from the passenger's seat. Miyabi had stopped texting on her phone to give Kaho a quizzical look.

"The GPRS says we're close," Kaho said, ignoring Miyabi's comment. She wouldn't talk about her feelings yet; she wanted to take them out and admire them like precious jewels – secretly – in the privacy of her thoughts.

Filming was scheduled to begin bright and early at a newly built mansion, which, even though it was less than a year old, appeared as if it belonged in a vintage fairytale book with illustrations that had been painstakingly drawn and colored.

"I feel like this house should've been built in Europe," Kaho said, unbuckling her seatbelt. Miyabi had already climbed out of the car. The windows were round and had been lined up as if the owner had decided he wanted to live in an antique birdhouse. _One that has turrets and red brick and ivy climbing up its walls...Something from Hans Christian Andersen. _

Trees had blocked her view, but now that she could see the wide two-story home in its entirety, she saw that all the doors of the house were arched. Nothing about the mansion's appearance was square or rectangular. They'd passed a rose garden during the short drive from the iron gates to the main house.

"I think the European look was what they were going for," Miyabi said. "This is going to be Saiki's country house. Well, the outside of it, at least. And, maybe one or two rooms?"

Saiki's vacation home was actually two houses made to look as if they were one and the same. One house provided the facade, and the other provided the interiors.

"I got to do a horror movie once where they used this abandoned hotel for the exterior and did the actual fright and chase scenes in a set they built in the studio," Miyabi said. Kaho followed behind her as they walked up to the front door.

"This place reminds me of the homes in _Colmar, France_," Miyabi said. She turned to Kaho. "Do you know that if we had filmed there with a French crew, we'd have had wine at every meal?" Kaho raised both brows in inquiry. "It's in their union rules," Miyabi explained.

The door opened before Miyabi could turn the knob.

"Good Morning," a sunny-looking Mori greeted Miyabi and Kahoko. Mori explained that her friend, the director, had given them access to the house. They could tour the rooms if they wanted.

Kaho peered behind Mori surreptitiously. If Mori was here, would her fiance and his friend also be present?

Mori gave Kaho a knowing look. "Ryotaro," she called out. "Look who's already here!"

.

.

.

Kaho and Miyabi had entered the house and let Mori, Tsuchiura, and Len show them all of the quirks they'd discovered. Kaho wasn't wrong about thinking the owner had wanted to live in a birdhouse. He or she was extremely fond of the avian variety of animal: The walls of the living room and dining area had been decorated with illustrations of birds that looked as though they'd been taken out of "The Origin of Species".

Mori had looped her arm with Miyabi's as she took charge of the tour. Tsuchiura flanked Miyabi on her left. The threesome walked ahead into the library, while Len and Kaho fell behind.

"Did you sleep well?" Len asked Kaho.

She confirmed that she had. Last night, she'd slept on cloud nine. It was the most restful sleep she'd had in weeks. Was it strange that she was amazed that he'd ask her a question like this? Questions like 'how are you?', how was your day?', 'are feeling all right?', were mundane, but they made her feel that he cared. _He does. He told me. _

_Several times. In different ways._

She watched his face as they passed the shelves of books_._ She loved the way his bangs fell over his forehead; his lashes threw shadows over his cheeks. He was so handsome. _And he's all mine_. She wanted to sigh with happiness.

"I can feel you staring at me," Len said.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Sorry...I..."

He looked almost amused. Then, she realized, he was gazing at her fondly. "Don't apologize, Kaho," Len said with a small smile. In her head, Kaho added,_ I like it when your eyes are on me_.

They walked in silence, but, compared to moments before, there was less space separating them. The sleeves of her light sweater brushed against his jacket.

Mori's voice had already faded into the rows of shelves ahead. Kaho let her eyes take in the floor to ceiling shelves and the faded spines of the books. The library had been made to match the storybook feel.

"Am I really in a house or a house that's part of an amusement park?" she asked. Was the next door going to feature a ride that could take them through the rest of the house where pots and pans floated in the air and furniture could move on its own?

Len called Kaho to one of the large round windows to admire the view of the rose garden; together, they sat on the wide cushioned sill at the bottom of the window frame.

"It looks like it's going to rain," he said. Gray clouds were covering the blue sky and only a bit of sunlight escaped between panels of clouds.

"Maybe it'll be sunnier in the midday," Kaho said optimistically. It was still early, they could give the sun a chance to come out. She smiled then and said, "I wouldn't mind a bit of rain, though."

She pictured sitting with him while watching the rain fall. They would drink tea while waiting for the sky to clear. _Maybe we'll play our instruments..._

_Maybe we'll cuddle..._

Her fantasy felt so domestic, it made her blush. She wanted to believe they'd have more time to spend together one day. _But..._

_I'm with him right now..._

They were quiet again but there was an intimacy to their silence that she was reluctant to break. She wanted to stay in the moment and study his profile.

He'd taken her breath away before. During his performances, whenever he looked at her with that half-lidded gaze, and whenever they performed Ave Maria, he'd written his name on her heart. As she watched his face contemplating the scenery, she was convinced the letters would be etched there permanently.

_Certain. Sure. There's no doubt. _It felt wonderful to be sure of her own feelings.

"I said yesterday that if you need help, you can ask me, right?" he said, unexpectedly filling the quiet with his words. He turned to look at her, "Do you remember?"

"Oh. Of course I do," she said.

"I hope you know that I meant it. I said before that I believe you're capable of doing things on your own," he paused, hesitating. "I also know you enjoy looking after the people you care about, and I love that about you, but..."

Before Len could continue, Miyabi's voice sliced through their private bubble. "There you are Kahoko!" Miyabi said. She stepped closer to the window and peered out into the Rose garden. "That's a lot of roses –" she turned to Mori and Ryo, who were approaching behind her, "How do we get down there?"

"Manami, do we have permission from Director Kim?" Miyabi asked.

"Yeah," Mori replied, appearing with Tsuchiura next to her. She whispered to Ryo, "It looks romantic, doesn't it? We should take pictures."

They'd all agreed to go to the rose garden.

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The tour of the semi-secluded rose garden had been brief as Miyabi had to go to hair and make-up.

When they walked up to the front of the house, they were greeted by Kaji, who had just finished his turn with the make-up artists. Kaji had already made amends for what had happened at the park and had apologized to Kaho by sending flowers to their apartment. Kaho, who hadn't wanted to hold any negative feelings, had called Kaji to tell him she wasn't angry and she wasn't going to avoid him. Kaji hadn't renewed his confession, but Kaho planned to tell him about her and Len as soon as they were done with today's filming. He would have to know –she had to make things clear to him first.

Kaji and Miyabi had an animated conversation while Miyabi's hair was being curled. Tsuchiura, Mori, and Len talked with the director about the film's soundtrack.

Kaho had read a bit of the script while Miyabi's face was being painted; the scene Miyabi and Kaji were going to film reminded Kaho of the first time Lili had tried to dress her for the Concours. Miyabi, as Ayane, would be changing into several dresses, and Kaji, as Saiki, would be picking out her "perfect outfit". It was going to be a bit tiring for Miyabi as her make-up had to be changed a few times to match each new more-fantastic-than-the-last dress. When Azuma called Miyabi on the phone, Kaho had been allowed to wander off by herself. Miyabi's grandmother, the matriarch of the Yunoki clan, wanted to talk to Miyabi through video call.

After walking through a maze, Kaho found her way back to the rose garden. She sat in the gazebo for a few minutes, thinking about Len and trying to guess what he'd been about to say before Miyabi had interrupted them.

"_I know you enjoy looking after the people you care about...I love that about you but..."_

_But..._

_But what?_

She wanted to know where he was, what he was doing. She wanted to get to know him better, to be beside him and hear his _voice_, hear it in his words and in his music. She wanted him to respond to her –

to make her feel secure again. She –

She'd pondered the rain coming to meet them, but instead, there was – _music_. A violin. _Len_. It was his violin she was hearing. Her pulse quickened as she stood and followed the sound.

Long ago, she'd asked herself, 'why him?'; she'd wanted to understand why it seemed he called out to her and she had to answer. Because that's how it felt inside when he played. That's how it felt when she looked at him.

The notes grew louder, more vibrant; they were as sure as her heartbeat. Her feet knew where to go; they led her to him...

_Always...back to him..._

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"Kaho?" Len said. He'd stopped playing the moment Kaho's arms wrapped around him. She'd hugged him from behind. "Kahoko," he said again, looking into her face. Her eyes were closed. She hugged him tighter.

When she finally released him, she said, "I'll always love you, you know."

He turned to face her fully and she gazed up at him with tears in her eyes. A look of alarm passed across his face. "Did something happen?" he asked.

"Nothing," she answered. "I just missed you."

"You did?"

_Yes. And you knew exactly when to appear._

"Len, I think I've never stopped loving you," she said. "It's been nine years and all the while I thought I...I..." she stammered. No, she wasn't going to say she thought she had gotten over him. "The truth is...I think I've always been searching for you." She sighed.

Did it make sense that hearing him made her run to look for him? Was there anything that would stop her? She wanted to be with him, to be near him, to be in the same world as him. It had been that way for a long time. Searching for him was a habit she couldn't unlearn.

"I missed you too, Kaho," he said softly. He took a step closer and let his forehead rest on hers. She noticed that he liked doing that. She loved it too...Liked it when he rubbed his cheek over hers and...

"You could be so close and yet I'd miss you still," Len said. "I've waited for you too. I thought about you whenever I played in front of an audience, I wondered if I'd ever see you in the crowd." She could see the emotion in his eyes, hear it in his voice. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to her cheek, "Even when we were apart, I didn't want to forget you. I imagined you were there with me."

The more time she spent with him, the happier she was. The happier his words made her. She wanted to believe that whenever she'd thought about wanting to see him play, he'd actually been on stage, thinking of her too.

_Only you_, she thought. Only Len could make her believe in something so magical. It was wonderful...it was more than –

"Hino?" a voice said from behind them.

It was a voice she recognized. She turned and made eye contact with a bewildered-looking Kaji. She blinked at him with her mouth open. Kaji shifted his gaze from Kaho to Len, the surprise on his face quickly melted into a hardness around his eyes. "I'd like to talk to Tsukimori-san," he said in a determined voice, "if you don't mind."

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Len and Kaho exchanged looks in silent consultation. Kaho puckered her brow, and Len communicated with a nod that she shouldn't be worried. She gave his arm a squeeze and looked back twice before exiting the garden to give Kaji and Len time to talk in private.

He was probably going to be scolded, Len thought; he'd probably have to endure disbelief or disapproval, and he'd probably have to listen to Kaji's declaration that he won't give up on Kaho. Maybe he'll have all of the above dumped on him quickly in the next five minutes or perhaps slowly and painfully, in the next twenty minutes...

Len didn't know Kaji well enough to predict which reaction he was going to have to face or how long he would have to stand there taking it. But Kaji appeared assessing rather than angry. He looked disgruntled...unhappy...but not in a way that made Len think that he was in danger of being pummelled.

_Ah.._._speaking of that..._

He'd never been good at predicting whether an opponent (someone he'd inadvertently insulted) was going to knock him to the ground, shove him against the wall or ignore him completely (the third hadn't seemed an option to whoever he'd angered). Once, in high school, Kaho had intervened and prevented further violence when she'd splashed water on him and some upperclassmen who'd cornered him. Before Kaho had appeared, Len had been coolly explaining to his seniors that their chances of being selected to participate in the Concours wouldn't increase with Len's backing out.

He hoped he wasn't to go through a similar scenario with Kaji. With or without someone to prevent Kaji from slamming his fists into Len's face.

"What do you want to tell me?" Len asked.

He was prepared to hear things like: _you're not worthy of her, she deserves better, I'm the better choice, why you?_ and other statements that would reflect the range of Kaji's frustration and dismay. If he were going to be on the receiving end of Kaji's complaints, he'd take the shots like a willing target.

It was probably funny, but he no longer thought it was unnatural to confide in the person who had thwarted your plans...Tsuchiura had gotten him used to that scenario years ago when he'd told Len that he had feelings for Kahoko. Thanks to that prior experience, Len knew it was best to keep his reactions at a minimum.

"Are you serious about Kahoko?" Kaji asked.

He should probably tell Kaji that it was none of his concern, but...

"Yes, I am," Len answered. He watched as Kaji's hands balled into fists. Maybe he was going to get a black eye, after all.

"You're going to make her quit, aren't you? You're going to make her quit Kpop and go back to classical," Kaji accused. "_You_ don't really care what she wants..."

In the past, Len would have opened with: _I don't care about a lot of things. _He was used to brushing off any nuisance that got in his way. Kaji had started with a wrong assumption, but was it up to Len to correct him? Did he have to defend himself? Or was Kaji going to realize his mistake on his own?

_You're wrong..._

Len did care about what Kaho wanted. But he hadn't denied Kaji's accusation and merely stood still while keeping eye contact. Seconds passed and the lack of response made Kaji more tense; a muscle worked in his jaw. The silence seeped into Kaji until it had made him itch to break it; he resisted a few more seconds and was relieved when Len finally spoke.

"What makes you think that?" Len asked.

Bottling his irritation, Kaji moved forward and prepared to tell Len everything that was on his mind. "You don't understand her."

His 'You' contained all the fire-and-brimstone he wanted to hurl at Len. Len asked, "And you do?"

"Of course! You, on the other hand, don't know what it's like to try and make it here. You've never struggled, never had to keep trying and not have what you want," he said, his breath coming out uneven. "You're not who she needs."

Len eyed Kaji carefully. "You're a part of a well-known group. While you're enjoying your popularity, it might be hard to remember what it was like to climb to get to where you are now." He paused. "Or is there some other struggle you're talking about?"

Kaji advanced, hesitated. If Kaji had struggled, it was when he'd tried to win over Kaho. Len stared him down. "You've assumed that I haven't worked hard to get where I am. So I'm going to assume that since you _are_ a sought after performer, you can't claim to understand Kaho completely. Maybe only those who aren't as lucky as you or I have the right to say they can relate to her."

Kaji's brows gnashed together. "Are you deliberately trying to misunderstand? You're not like the rest of us! You've always been good at what you do! With the violin, with...everything...Why should you have her?"

"Why should you have everything when you obviously hurt her without knowing it?" His gaze bore down on Len. "I know you're going to do it again," he accused.

"What are you talking about?" Len asked. His irritation was rising, but he kept calm and told himself he would exert the self-control he was known for.

Kaji scoffed. "You don't know, do you?" he said, eyeing Len with an arrogance that Len thought was unlike Kaji. "I was there that evening in the park. I saw you reject Kaho."

"That was nearly ten years ago," Len said with a sigh. He wasn't going to make excuses and he wasn't going to argue with Kaji about what he should or shouldn't have done that night. _We've moved on_. "It's really none of your –"

"It's none of my business, huh?" Kaji said with a harsh laugh. "I wonder if Kaho knows what you're thinking or if she understands you at all."

Len frowned. So now it was Kaho who didn't understand him.

"I'm not going to claim that Kaho and I know everything about each other," Len said.

"I doubt you know how to get to know someone..." Kaji whispered.

Len knew that he'd been insulted (a few times now), but he wasn't stewing in anger or indignation. He was only a little annoyed, and it was with some awe that he picked up on the fact that he pitied Kaji. How did that happen?

"I didn't realize you were watching us that closely," Len said in a calm voice. He steeled himself for what he was about to say; it wasn't something he could easily admit to someone he hardly knew. "I may not be as sociable as you are and I know I'm not good at making others comfortable enough to open up to me and vice versa, but if Kahoand I are going to make something of our relationship, understanding each other is something she and I will have to practice doing every day."

_Everyday...Over and over again..._They would have to get used to it.

He didn't expect to just wake up and know what she wanted or needed when she thought it. His relationship with her was a work in progress. _And, like I said, it's none of your business._

It occurred to Len that he was more patient with Kaji than he'd been with Tsuchiura in high school.

"I won't claim to know everything about her," Len said again. "I won't know what she feels the moment she feels it. And I think it's reasonable to accept that I could disappoint her." It could happen despite his best efforts. He wasn't perfect and neither was Kaho; there was equal opportunity to hurt each other. "But I will learn to do what's necessary to protect our relationship. You aren't going to make me change my mind."

"So, you're going to stay together?"

"I haven't expressed that there was a plan to do otherwise," Len said formally.

Kaji smirked and said nothing. Len closed his eyes in relief. It was over, wasn't it? Kaji had let loose all his prejudices against him.

Kaji sunk on a nearby bench."Why you?" he complained in a soft voice. It was probably the question Kaji had wanted to ask since the beginning. He seemed contemplative, possibly less upset.

"I'm not sure either," Len answered. As they had both been Kaho's suitors, he could almost commiserate with Kaji. They had both tried to earn Kaho's love and, whether or not their efforts had been judged wanting, it was Kaho's prerogative to choose who she wanted to be by her side.

Len's eyes moved to watch gray clouds scudding past an imperfectly blue sky; the sun was a circle behind a curtain of smoke. He wasn't going to let another person bully him into letting Kaho go – even if it seemed as if they knew more about her, could be more open or sensitive or could offer her more than he could. He snuck a peek at Kaji: What was something Kaji could offer that he couldn't?

Kaji shook his head. "I'm sorry," he apologized suddenly. "I guess...even if it's not me...I..." He was staring off into the distance. "I think you do deserve her," he said with a wistful smile.

_Do I? I think I'm only lucky she feels the same way... _

"Love is given freely," Len said. "I've realized that when you choose someone, there shouldn't be a question of whether or not the person is deserving of your love."

Len moved to sit next to Kaji on the bench. Kaji had told him he wasn't the person Kaho needed. Maybe there was some truth to that statement.

"I don't really know if Kaho needs me–" Len began. She could rely on him, but he was also sure she wouldn't turn to him to fulfill all her dreams or all her wants. She could depend on herself, and, most of the time, he might not be the best or only ally she could go to.

"–and I don't think I'm the only person she values," he continued, hoping Kaji was listening.

Kaji leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, his face was hidden behind steepled fingers.

After a moment, Len asked, "Were you really going to confront me or did you originally plan to talk to Kaho?"

"It was an impulse," Kaji admitted. "I only made up my mind to– to confront you after seeing you together." He'd followed Kaho to the rose garden because he'd wanted to give an official VIP pass to his upcoming birthday party. He showed it to Len. It looked like a golden ticket.

"Your birthday, huh?"

"It's in a few weeks. I'll be meeting with the fans, but I thought I could still see Kaho during and after the party."

_A fan meeting..._

"A lot of people will be looking forward to your birthday," Len observed. "Are you going to handle the program?"

"It's going to be a surprise," Kaji said, shrugging his shoulders. "Well, kind of a surprise. My roommate's volunteered to be the MC."

"Will you allow a few more guests?"

Kaji looked confused. "Are you trying to score an invite to my birthday?"

_Was that all right by him?_

Len hoped Kaji would listen. "I have an idea..."

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Author's note:

I think Len's social awkwardness actually helps during confrontations...well, sometimes it does.

Kaji's birthday is actually the 12th of November (Belated HBD, Kaji). Len's is April 24th.

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This story will conclude soon (five chapters left to edit). I promised myself I would finish everything before the end of the year, so it really won't be long before all the chapters are uploaded. ^^ Happy Holidays to you.


	16. Chapter 15

Here they are, the final five chapters. As per usual, thank you for reading. I apologize for any errors (or any writing related mishaps, really) and I truly hope you enjoy the conclusion of this story. :)

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"What are you doing here by yourself?" Tsuchiura asked. "Doesn't Tsukimori know the basics of being in a relationship? He should have grabbed this opportunity to get some alone time with you."

It had only been a few minutes since Kaho had left Kaji and Len to their conversation. Tsuchiura had found her sitting on a bench near a fountain. "This place is pretty amazing, isn't it?" Kaho said offhandedly.

Tsuchiura took the spot next to her. "You didn't contradict me."

She smiled at that. "I imagine Len would have already told you..."

"It's not as if I needed to ask, Hino," Tsuchiura said. "I've got eyes, haven't I?" He stretched his arms sideways and gave Kaho a concerned look. "Why the worried face?"

"Kaji wanted to talk to Len alone," Kaho replied. "Should I be worried? Maybe I should've hidden in a bush somewhere and –"

Tsuchiura's loud laugh cut her off. He looked at her with an amused expression and said, "Len's gotten better at handling confrontations. I wouldn't worry so much if I were you."

"But Tsuchiura..."

Tsuchiura shook his head, "Then again, if I'd been there with you, I would have probably guided you to a better hiding place...Len does say the most incredible things sometimes."

"That's why I'm worried," Kaho said. "He might be adding fuel to the fire, and..Hey!"

She hit Tsuchiura on the arm. "I wouldn't be so obvious that they'd know I was still there, Tsuchiura."

"You shouldn't be worried," Tsuchiura said firmly. He appeared more serious than he was moments ago.

Kaho swallowed her uncertainty. "Has he...has he gotten a lot of practice?" she asked. She elaborated after Tsuchiura raised an eyebrow: "With confrontation, I mean?"

"To an extent," Tsuchiura said after a sigh. "Nowadays, he rarely gets the type of comments that irritate him. When we were still studying in Vienna, I once overheard someone say to his face how different he is from his mother. He is kinda touchy about that –he hates it when people compare him to her, and he hates being judged based on his "music genes". I'd asked once if he was hurt by the comparison," Tsuchiura paused, "do you want to know what he said?"

Kaho didn't need to encourage him, Tsuchiura repeated Len's words without delay: "'_When I forget it, it won't matter_.'"

"He's probably more sensitive than he lets on," Tsuchiura added.

"But he's always known how to ignore what shouldn't matter," Kaho said.

"I guess that is one of Len's many talents," Tsuchiura said. He smirked at Kaho and said, "Which makes me curious...Confessing isn't his strong suit. He's never liked anyone other than you – so I'm kind of interested in how he managed to tell you about his feelings..."

Kaho blushed. Tsuchiura seemed to think Len had said I love you/_Aishiteru_/_Saranghe_ out of the blue. But she was happy to hear Len that had never looked at another girl.

"I told him he should just be direct," Tsuchiura shared. "And to try not to confuse you. Except, now that I think about it, I can easily imagine how confused you would have been."

_Wait...what?_

"_I wasn't confused_," Kaho denied. "I..."

Tsuchiura started to laugh. "Yeah, I bet you weren't."

Kaho's brows drew together. "No, I wasn't."

Tsuchiura still didn't believe her. "Ok, sure. Maybe not as your current self. But if he had said something years ago, this is what you would have said:"

_Len: I like you._

_Kaho: I don't understand..._

_Len: Do you have to?_

"That's not as funny as you think, Tsuchiura."

"It isn't?" Tsuchiura didn't mind Kaho's glare. "You have to admit, it does sound like you two. You would have been perplexed by the attention, and Len would probably just go on thinking that was Ok. I don't think he'd have minded if you didn't reciprocate."

"_Wha_...what makes you think that?"

Kaho's brows drew together. If Len had realized his feelings for her _before_ she had done –he would have shocked her if he'd decided to confess. Yes, she realized, he would have rendered her speechless. Tsuchiura was probably trying to read her mind, but she wasn't going to give anything away; he didn't need to hear her admit he was right.

"What makes me think that," Tsuchiura repeated, drumming his fingers on the bench. "Well, first of all, he was a teenager leaving for Vienna. Len at sixteen wasn't the type who could wrap his head around a long-distance relationship. Second of all, the present Len, like the old one, despite being a good catch – yes, I'm secure enough to mention this and compliment him– wouldn't think your affection his due. If we start with the assumption that he believes what other people think of him isn't his problem, then your reciprocating wouldn't be something he'd have stressed over. His feelings are his problems. Even if you didn't feel the same, he'd still like you, despite what you may or may not think of him."

Tsuchiura peered into Kaho's face. "Do you get it?"

"You really _are_ his best friend."

It wasn't the first time she'd said that to him.

"I can tell you what he would have stressed about." Tsuchiura offered, smirking. "Everyone has stresses now and then..."

To Kaho, it seemed like a secret smile. He smiled again, but a little wistfully this time, "He'd stress over distracting you from your goals."

_Oh_. _Yes, that. _

_It's fair, I think. _

_I'm sure he feels my dreams are just as important as his are for him._

"He...he isn't secondary to them," Kaho said, looking away and reliving her own memories. _He just –he didn't know that I wanted him, too._

She remembered what she was like at sixteen. Energetic, passionate, but still a bit insecure. She wanted it all and wasn't sure she'd ever come close. "I...I wanted him to try harder," she admitted. "I just wanted him to give me his best –like he does everything."

"He probably wasn't ready then," Tsuchiura said. "Though I'm sure he hasn't defended himself for hurting you. Recently, he's promised to do just that."

"What? He promised _you _that?"

Tsuchiura chuckled. "He kept saying he should show you how he feels, and I kept trying to convince him that a bit of verbal explanation was necessary. Neither the words nor the actions are the footnotes in a relationship."

"He has tried_,"_ Kaho said. She suspected that Tsuchiura was getting a bit of his wisdom from Mori's research; she knew Manami was googling relationship advice for the upcoming nuptials.

"And?" Tsuchiura said expectantly. "What do you think?"

"I'm pretty sure I'll follow him anywhere..."

"So now you understand what chasing after him means."

Kaho hid her face between her hands. "Was I really that dense?"

Tsuchiura grinned. "You were loved for it. And Len was just as dense, anyway."

Kaho smiled back. It was Tsuchiura's way of saying she and Len were perfect for each other.

"Thanks, Tsuchiura."

"No problem, Hino."

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_A few days later..._

They were riding on the elevator when Miyabi first asked for verbal confirmation of a different nature: "So...you and Tsuki, huh?" Miyabi said.

Her tone made Kaho wary. Wasn't it only days ago when Miyabi had said she'd help with Len?

After the debacle with Yul, Miyabi had placed Len in the same boat as her ex. "He's difficult to read," Miyabi said to Kaho. "Are you sure you love him or just the idea of him?"

Kaho wondered if that had been a question Miyabi had asked herself about Yul.

"I want him. I can't be around him and not love him," Kaho replied, borrowing Len's words.

"Are you sure, Kaho?" Miyabi asked with her brows raised. "Are you sure you want a guessing game for a relationship? Do you want to ask yourself what he's thinking or feeling all the time?" she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "One day he's going to surprise you with some weird –"

"It's not fair for you to judge him," Kaho said, keeping her voice at a reasonable pitch. "I don't have to guess what he's thinking, Miya. If I want to know what he feels, I can just ask him." Kaho's fingernails dug into her palms. She fought hard not to reveal what she knew about Yul.

Miyabi was still skeptical. She raised an elegant eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes," Kaho said, her faith in Len unshakable. "He'll tell me the truth."

If Miyabi had been holding a fan, she'd have opened it in a single fluid movement and fanned herself energetically. Instead, she marched out of the elevator.

"If he does tell you the truth, it'll come out like darts, "Miyabi said, making a dart-like motion with her arm.

_Truth hurts sometimes_, Kaho thought. "I don't think his intention will be to hurt me."

"He might not be able to help it. Besides, your Tsuki might not know how to phrase it so it won't sting so much."

Kaho took a fortifying breath. _Were_ they talking about Len? "Miyabi, this isn't fair to Len or to me." They were still standing in the hallway. Kaho outstripped Miyabi and stood in front of the door of their apartment.

"I overheard you," Kaho admitted. "When the orchestra did their version of Shimizu's piece. I was there when you argued with Yul."

Miyabi's face flitted between surprise and embarrassment. With knitted brows, she asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, Miyabi," Kaho replied, approaching her. "I didn't mean to hear any of it."

She wouldn't mention Len; it'd hurt Miyabi even more if she found out more than one person had witnessed her break-up with Yul.

Miyabi must have seen the truth on Kaho's face; she lifted her hands in surrender. "It's not like you can unhear it," she said, resigned. Kaho waited patiently for her to say more, to open up.

Slow seconds passed before Miyabi finally spoke. "I'm sorry I compared them," Miyabi said, leaning heavily against the door to their apartment. "Albeit indirectly."

Kaho suggested they talk inside; she reached for the doorknob, but Miyabi shook her head.

"I didn't know what else to say to him, Kaho," Miyabi confessed, not budging. "Ha Seul's his sister. She's his only family. If I were as crazy, I know Azuma would do his best to protect me, too. Breaking up with Yul–that was the best choice."

"What would you do, Kaho?" Miyabi asked, sliding down to the floor.

Kaho lowered to the ground and sat next to Miyabi. When she and Len had talked about it, Kaho said they had to get to the root of the problem: They had to speak to Ha Seul. However, if Miyabi attempted to do that alone, Miyabi would probably end up regretting it. She thought that Yul should be there to support her. Except, Yul had already kept the problem to himself – he'd wanted to protect his sister and ended up losing his girlfriend.

"I don't think it should be a choice between you or her," Kaho told Miyabi. She looked up at the ceiling and watched a flickering fluorescent light. "I wish we could meet his sister."

Miyabi straightened. "You want to meet his sister? You want to confront her?"

"I don't want to corner her or tell her all the things she's done wrong," Kaho said. It was clear Miyabi thought she was out of her mind. "I think we can still appeal to her, make her realize how she's hurt her brother...and you."

"She's still going to think we're ganging up on her and accusing her."

Kaho shrugged. "We don't know that for sure. We don't know what she's feeling, and we can't know if she's in a condition to feel any remorse. But I still think it's important to keep reaching out. There's a chance that all of this isn't just her – this could be the result of other people's influence on her. She might need rescuing."

"Ah, Kaho," Miyabi said, hugging her friend. "You're so generous. I'm completely and utterly amazed."

Kaho was about to dismiss the praise as a joke, but Miyabi spoke first: "No, seriously, I am."

"Will you be talking to Yul?"

"Will I tell him that it hurts me to see him like that...worrying over his deranged sister – maybe not." Miyabi gave Kaho a tired look. "Sorry I wasn't fair to you," she said, looking remorseful. Kaho squeezed Miyabi's hand, silently communicating that she had already forgiven her friend.

"Yul said he wanted to talk to me tonight," Miyabi said. "I don't think I'm in the mood for chit chat, but...I feel like I should give him a chance. I don't want to go into the apartment just yet...If I do, I might just lounge around and keep him waiting. Waiting for nothing. But if I stay out here in this dress," she said, gesturing to her smart black knee-length dress and green coat, "I might still meet him."

Kaho adjusted Miyabi's beret. "Go," she encouraged.

"Does talking really resolve all the issues?" Miyabi asked.

"Communication does," Kaho answered. "I think you'll have to be honest about your expectations. He can't always be mysterious, and you can't always be guessing. He can't keep thinking you'll go with whatever he does." She shrugged. "He's not the only person in the relationship."

Miyabi smiled at this, "I'll be sure to inform him that he isn't always right."

"Or," Kaho advised soberly, "instead of telling him what he did wrong or what he should have done or said, explain how he made you feel when he made his decisions without consulting you. Try not to make him feel cornered."

Miyabi leaned forward and pinched Kaho on the cheek. "How are you so wise all of a sudden?"

_Eh?_

Miyabi gave hera pat on the back. "It's great hearing you sound so grown up. I guess I was wrong about your first relationship, huh?"

Kaho narrowed her eyes. "Please explain..."

"You know, about Tsukimori not being the right person to play your first boyfriend," Miyabi said.

"I didn't _cast_ Len as my boyfriend,"Kaho said. It wasn't as if she'd picked him because he'd been 'vying for the role' or because he had the 'best credentials'. They'd chosen each other, their relationship was something they both wanted.

"Seriously, though," Miyabi said, "if you make each other happy and can uh, communicate that you are 'blissfully happy'! So 'blissfully happy!', then any outside forces don't stand a chance, do they?"

_Gahhh_. Kaho wanted to disappear thru the door. "You heard me?!"

Miyabi lifted her brows and smirked. Kaho had been squealing in her room every night; she'd said things like: '_Gah! I can't believe this is happening!_' or '_I'm so so so happy..._'.

She didn't think her happiness was loud enough to have gone through the walls.

"I should go then," Miyabi said, getting up and entering the elevator. "I'll be a bit late so you can squeal and shout in complete privacy." She grinned at a blushing Kaho and threw fingerhearts before closing the elevator doors.

_I can't believe it. _"Was I really that loud?"

.

.

.

A few minutes after entering their apartment, Kaho heard a knock. Thinking Miyabi had forgotten her keys, she opened the door. She was greeted by a stranger wearing a yellow crop top and jumper. This person, who was probably new to the building, was holding Cho in her arms. It surprised Kaho that the usually prickly Cho allowed the girl to carry her. Even Miyabi complained that her cat was unfriendly.

"Hi! I'm err...apartment sitting for your neighbor downstairs," said the girl. "Apparently, this is your cat."

Kaho took Cho in her arms and asked, "Who are you house-sitting for? And how did you end up with my cat?"

The girl, who looked to be about twenty, said she was Bok Nam's friend and that the errant Bok Nam was away on a dance competition. "He's supposed to be watching the apartment while his parents are on a trip to _Daejeon_, but this Hip Hop dance competition came up, and he wanted to join, kinda fatten his resume, so it's more attractive once he auditions for XM..." she said, jabbering away while making expressive hand movements. "So, I've been here for a few days, watching his place."

She smiled at Kaho and continued her story. "I told Bok Nam I was feeding his cats, plural, but apparently this one isn't his..." she said, petting Cho. "So fluffy you are!" she said, smiling at Cho and then at Kaho. "I found out about Cho when I called him after I got locked out of the apartment. He did say that he liked feeding her when she visits his cats. She's been with me for a few hours now so...I thought I'd drop her off."

Kaho didn't know Bok Nam had cats or that Cho had been a regular at his apartment.

The girl booped Cho on the nose. "Also, before I found out that she wasn't his cat... I did mention that I got locked out of the apartment, right? It was my fault because I chased after her." She looked at Kaho with a doe-like expression. "Is it ok if I stay here with you until Bok Nam returns? I did tell you that I called him, right? He's actually on his way home. My stuff is in the apartment, so I have to wait for him. And he did say he was going to grab some essentials before heading off to another contest so..." She looked at Kaho expectantly while holding up a plastic bag. "I have icecream! I was supposed to give it to Bok Nam as a tentative sorry because I thought I'd lost his cat...but...well, here we are."

"The ice cream's melting," the voluble girl added with an ingratiating smile. The girl fished for the phone in her pocket. She showed the screen to Kaho. "Here, these are the messages I sent to Boknam and his replies. I swear I really am house sitting."

_Umm..._Kaho looked behind her shoulder then at Cho. The apartment was neat, and Miyabi was out. She had planned on calling Len but...

"Yeah, sure," Kaho agreed. "Come right in."

"Thanks!" crop-top girl said. Cho jumped from Kaho's arms and ambled her way to the kitchen. The girls followed the cat and seated themselves on the stools in front of the island.

"Your apartment looks way different from Bok Nam's" the girl said. She got up from her seat, took Cho in her arms, and walked to the window to admire the view. "I love looking at the city lights."

Kaho started scooping up pistachio ice cream into glass bowls. One for her and one for...

_Hmm, what was her name?_ Kaho thought, swallowing a spoonful of ice cream.

"Have I met you before?" Kaho asked. Bok Nam had random friends visiting the apartment downstairs, but she couldn't remember their faces.

The girl turned and shook her head. "No, Bok Nam and I met only recently. About a few weeks ago. We're aspiring trainees," she explained. "XM is the dream, you know."

"Oh, I see," Kaho replied. "You don't want any ice cream? Uhhh..." Kaho said, drawing a blank. "Sorry, ah–what should I call you? I didn't catch your name..."

"The view of this building is awesome. I wish I lived here," she said. "Is it hard working for a movie star?"

Bok Nam must have mentioned Miyabi. "Miyabi's nice. She's not really a handful." The girl gave her a disbelieving look. Kaho added: "It's not that bad. I promise."

"Really, she isn't spoiled? Do you warn her against scandals and that kind of stuff?" the girl said, turning her back again. "I heard she's had a lot of short-lived relationships. Does it stress you out? Covering for her?" She hadn't moved from her spot in front of the window.

"Yeah, Miyabi has had a lot of relationships, but she was discreet every time." Hardly anyone had known about her relationship with Yul.

"I saw a picture of her kissing this guy. It was only what, a few days ago? Why would she do that when she already has a boyfriend? I wondered if she thought about him...She's pretty careless, I think."

Kaho put down her spoon and bowl of ice cream. It occurred to her that defending Miyabi would entail giving away some embarrassing details. _But first... _How did this girl know?

"You know about her boyfriend?" Kaho asked.

"Mmm...I know about her ex if that's what you mean. They've been going out for about a year; they've gone abroad together, stuff like that."

Kaho scoffed. "I guess nothing's private anymore."

The girl shook her head."No, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the select few who are aware. My brother didn't think I knew, but I'm a naturally curious person." She flashed a sly smile. "I heard Ms. Miyabi was a flirt, so I thought I had to do the right thing and check if she was faithful to him. Oh well... Turns out they've already broken up. And thanks to me, too. Who would have known." She turned away from the window and smiled innocently. "Your conversation in the hallway was pretty loud, Kahoko-san."

"You're..." Kaho looked again at the icecream, her eyes went from the tub to the girl carrying her cat.

"What? Are you surprised? You said you wanted to meet me, didn't you?"

"It wasn't Miyabi," Kaho said. It felt necessary that she tell Ha Seul. She had to clear things up. "The person in the photo was me."

Ha Seul seemed to digest this new information. "Ah, you have the same hair..." she said. "You're not lying to me, are you? I already congratulated myself for separating my brother from a cheater who didn't deserve him." She narrowed her eyes at Kaho. "How's your stomach?"

Kaho placed her hand over her midsection. There was no pain. She wasn't vomiting, and she wasn't sweating or palpitating..._Will it be a while before I feel pain or dizziness?_ She steadied herself and sat on the stool behind her. Again she looked at Cho. The girl, Ha Seul, lifted her cat and was making faces at it.

"Don't worry, Kahoko-san, pretty little Cho is safe with me," she said. "It's yourself you should be worried about."

_Oh no_. "You put something in the ice cream! Like the time with the cockroaches and the cake!"

Ha Seul stared at Kaho, her face unreadable. In an instant, Ha Seul's poker face dissolved as a suppressed giggle escaped her; she started to laugh uncontrollably. She tried to speak but failed after another laugh burst out of her. When she finally was able to collect herself enough to speak, her voice didn't have the vaguely threatening tone she'd adopted minutes ago: "Oh My God! You should have seen your face!" she said, trying not to choke on her laughter. "You...you...really thought I was going to hurt you or poison you! Or..."

"I also thought you were going to harm my cat," Kaho answered, not at all amused.

Ha Seul took a deep breath. When she'd recovered from her the left-over bursts of hilarity, she brought Cho to the sofa and approached Kaho. "I don't hurt animals," she clarified. "Also, the ice cream is safe. I shouldn't have made you think it wasn't...I guess I just wanted to see you squirm a little."

Not since Yunoki had Kaho been subjected to something so devious. Kaho's face was beet red. Acting like you'd poisoned someone wasn't funny. "Why did you do that?"

Ha Seul placed an index finger on her chin. "To punish you in case you lied to me about the photo?Hmm...maybe it's cause Kaji likes you." She sighed and reached for her own bowl of ice cream before sitting next to Kaho. She ate a bit and said, "See, it's not unsafe. I didn't plan to hurt you or anything."

"I didn't lie about the photo," Kaho said in a mixture of annoyance, anger, and anxiety. "That really was me."

"Yeah," Ha Seul said, "I didn't think you were dishonest. That was all me, sorry. I kinda have a mean streak."

"Why are you here?" Kaho demanded. Did this girl just want to torment her?

"Like I said, I got locked out of Bok Nam's apartment," she said, finishing her ice cream. "That part is true, Ms. Hino." She got another scoop of icecream. "I love this flavor. You should continue eating your share," she suggested.

Cho jumped onto the counter and rubbed her head on Kaho's arm. Kaho faced the disloyal feline. "So, this is why you've been gaining weight."

"Don't blame the cat or Bok Nam," Ha Seul said in a casual tone as if the fright she'd given Kaho was some negligible _faux pas_ or a fading dream –some trick that hadn't really happened. "That cat eats everything."

Kaho had thought Cho was a picky eater. What exactly had Bok Nam and Ha Seul fed her cat?

"You overheard my conversation with Miyabi," Kaho said.

"You weren't exactly quiet," Ha Seul said, looking down at the floor. "I didn't appreciate her calling me deranged by the way. But –" she paused and met Kaho's gaze. "I'd like to thank you for trying to look at things in a positive light. Even Yul has a hard time doing that."

After what Kaho had just experienced, it was clear why.

"I'm sorry," Ha Seul said, lifting her face. To another person, she might have looked contrite, but Kaho had sensed something more...Ha Seul looked ..._lonely_. "I'm sorry I made you nervous. And I'm sorry about the cockroaches."

"You're not going to try something like that again, are you?" Kaho asked.

Ha Seul didn't answer. "Those were hissing cockroaches," she said. "They're clean. Na Ra got them from the pet store where she works. She has a lot of jobs, aside from the one at the cake store, which she wasn't really serious about. If you met her, she's actually scarier than the cockroaches..." Ha Seul shook her head, "I'm sorry, I just made an excuse, right? Sorry for frightening you."

"You don't look as uncomfortable now. Is my apology accepted?" Ha Seul asked. She stood and brought her face close to Kaho's. "I don't scare you anymore, do I? Do you adapt on the run?"

Kaho refused to move. "I'm not scared of you."

Ha Seul drew back. A full minute passed before she spoke again, "I like that song you wrote, by the way." she said.

"What?"

"When you were in that car with that guy," she said. "He's the one in the photo, am I right? Anyway, you said you'd written that song. I was trying to look for it, but I didn't realize it hasn't been released. Your lyrics would sound great in my brother's voice, I think."

Kaho groaned. Ha Seul was also one of the unknown people she had boasted to while she'd been drunk in Len's car. She groaned again. A mental image of what she'd looked like that night passed through her memory.

"I'm sure you get compliments all the time," she said. Then suddenly: "Have you ever been told that what you like is stupid or not worth it? You like Kpop, and you're not even Korean."

"All international fans are judged once in a while," Kaho said.

_About that_...So far, no one in her immediate sphere had judged her for Kpop. In contrast, when she was still a high schooler in Japan, it had taken a bit of convincing for Kaho's mother to support her taking violin lessons. However, Mrs. Hino had never said playing the violin was stupid. Usually, people encouraged Kaho to keep at it; it was herself she had to remind that what she was doing _was_ worth it and that she had to keep going.

"I like my friends," Ha Seul said, again out of the blue. "They don't look down on me or tell me I'm going to regret Kpop. I like the music, and I want to be a performer, too. My adoptive parents, who I thought were my real parents, think I'm wasting my time. I practice dancing and singing, and I even took English classes so I could be valuable to the group I'm going to be in if we end up touring abroad. My parents don't approve of my becoming a trainee, but, yeah...that's a story for another day," she said, ending with a weak smile. "I know you're about to ask so, the answer is 'no', mom and dad don't know about the 'gifts' my friends and I sent. They don't know anything."

"But Yul does," Kaho reminded her. "He made sure we wouldn't receive the other presents you sent to this apartment."

"I wonder what he did to the cake with the hair in it," Ha Seul said casually. They'd copied the idea from an Ed Sheeran fan. Ha Seul murmured, "The things we sent...they weren't that bad..."

"Sending people cockroaches and other horrors isn't exactly something you can be proud of..."

Cho had gone to sit on Ha Seul's lap. Ha Seul almost smiled. She let Cho lick her fingers. "Have you ever adored someone?" she asked.

"Have I ever...?"

"Adored them. Loved them...even when you knew they would never return your feelings?"

_Adoration. That's such a strong word._

After Len had left for Vienna, there had been a part of Kaho that had quietly accepted her "one-sided preference" for him. Another part had been so hurt she'd vowed never to play Ave Maria again. She had, on occasion (when her friends in college talked about him, and she couldn't help but be informed), looked up his performances, but on most days, she'd succeeded in resisting the urge to google Len. She had reminded herself that being in love by herself didn't make sense. Instead of dwelling on and feeding her emotions, she told herself it was pointless to love someone when the other person didn't feel the same.

"I know what it feels like," Kaho said. She knew and could now admit that she had been completely infatuated with Len.

"It isn't fair," Ha Seul said.

"You're right, it isn't. But it shouldn't be something to agonize about," Kaho advised. She had learned this the hard way, and remembering her experiences, she saw an opportunity to get through Ha Seul. It was then that she gathered her courage and gave herself an inner pep-talk. _This is probably going to be very unpredictable...but I have to give it a try._

"I know what it feels like, Ha Seul. I know what it's like to have feelings for someone and not have them returned. I –" she hesitated. "When this person and I first met –actually, it wasn't great. Not the kind of fireworks you'd expect..." She chuckled at Haseul's bewildered face. It was a clumsy intro. "I got on his nerves a few times but eventually I –"

Memories lined up in her head: Len crossing his arms over his chest; Len falling asleep on her shoulder; Len playing alone on a dark stage; Len playing Ave Maria...

She closed her eyes. _It seemed impossible to see him, hear him, and not feel something..._

"Whenever I saw him, I lit up, I was happy. I admired him a lot. Maybe more than anyone who praised him or looked up to him. But, around the same time I became sure of my feelings, I realized he and I weren't in a place where we could reach each other. He was going to leave. Physically, he and I would be apart. Emotionally, it was the same. I had to accept that even if my feelings were strong and sincere, they didn't give me license to be with him." She looked at Ha Seul meaningfully.

"He and I...we both play the violin," Kaho revealed. "My skills were lacking, but he was excellent, and he'd offered to help me. We were still high school kids, so he tutored me after class. I listened to him play, and he would patiently correct my mistakes. He and I started to play duets together..." She sighed and couldn't help but reminisce. "The feelings came unexpectedly; I didn't realize they were building up. I just knew that I wanted to emulate him and learn from him. I wanted to be with him."

_In your world..._

She remembered being ecstatic when he'd promised to attend one of her performances; she remembered asking him over and over again if he meant it; she remembered the pinky swear. If she'd seen her reflection in the glass behind them that day, she would have realized the hold he had on her. Her heart knew the way to happiness, and like a compass, it had pointed to Len.

"But what I didn't want was to be a burden," she said, swallowing the emotion in her throat.

If she had insisted that her feelings should be rewarded, wouldn't that have been a weight on Len's shoulders, too?

"I had to accept that he didn't belong to me," Kaho said.

_That was then..._she thought. _It was impossible then..._She remembered kissing Len on Nami Island and blushed.

Ha Seul chewed on her lower lip. "I know Kaji doesn't belong to me," she said as if to clarify. "I still have sense ok, even if my brother thinks I'm crazy."

To Kaho's surprise, a tear fell down Ha Seul's face. "If he'd just stay the way he is...If he'd stay single, then I wouldn't feel this way. It's stupid, I know. I don't want to be stupid anymore. I don't want to feel ashamed or guilty for liking someone..."

If Kaji were to stay available, did Ha Seul think she'd have a chance?

"When I fell in love, I had to remind myself that my wants aren't justified by the strength of my emotions. I can't control what he feels or thinks or does. If the person I love eventually finds someone he loves and who loves him in return, what he'll do about it will be his choice. I can only control how _I_ respond to whatever _I_ feel."

Ha Seul shook her head. "I don't want to pretend he's mine," she insisted.

Kaho wanted to point out that Ha Seul was contradicting herself. Wasn't she behaving as if Kaji was hers? Wasn't she secretly exerting her wishes on him? She wanted Kaji to act only in ways she approved; she acted as if she could control him. Hadn't she threatened Kaho because she thought Kaji was interested in her?

Ha Seul's mouth quivered. "Is it too much too wish he'd think of my feelings, our feelings, too?"

_Our feelings?_ Did she mean the feelings of his other fans?

Ha Seul spoke defiantly: "I get it now," she said, gulping in air. Tears had started to pool in her eyes. "I'm a burden. It's wrong to like him."

"It's not wrong," Kaho said plainly.

"I wanted someone to understand what I felt."

Despite what had happened earlier, Kaho wanted to help Ha Seul. "I know it's lonely when you think no one understands," Kaho said. "I know you and your friends relate to each other better than anyone, and I can see that's been a real comfort to you. But I think Kaji has tried to understand, too. That's why he's kind to his fans. But if he can't fulfill every expectation –if he doesn't always act the way you want –you'll have to accept it. He's human, not a robot. It's a sad life if he forces himself to follow every demand."

Ha Seul scrubbed her face with the edge of her sleeve. She said she didn't want to make Kaji unhappy.

Kaho wanted Ha Seul to remember that.

"Think of your brother, Ha Seul. He's been trying to protect you."

"I'm sorry."

"About your friends..."

"I'm trying, ok. I don't want them to get into trouble," Ha Seul said, wiping away the last tears.

"If you think you'll have a hard time doing that, you can tell me," Kaho offered. "I want you to know you can give me your trust. If you need anyone to talk to...I'm here for you."

Ha Seul gave her a teary smile. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

.

.

It was as if Kaho was comforting a friend after a painful break-up.

After their fifth bowl of ice cream, Ha Seul asked Kaho, "Why didn't my brother like you instead?"

_Eh?_ "Yul...well..." Kaho dipped her spoon into more pistachio. She didn't like Yul that way either. "To each his own?"

Ha Seul placed her hands on Kaho's shoulders. "I don't think I mind Kaji picking you after all."

Kaho knew she'd just been given a stamp of approval. She laughed awkwardly. "I don't have feelings for him."

"Really? Well...you did say to each his own." Ha Seul returned her attention to her Pistachio icecream. "So," she said, tipping her head to the side, "is it the guy in the photo? Is he the one you like?"

"Yes," Kaho answered.

"And he likes you too?"

"Very very much," she said with a grin.

"I'm glad," Ha Seul said, smiling. "I'm really happy for you."

.

.

.

_The next day..._

"I think his fans do have some power over him," Len said to Kaho over lunch.

"You do?" Kaho asked. She added two plates of _Kim Bap_ and two small bowls of _Kimchee_ on the coffee table and squatted beside Len on the shaggy white rug of the living room.

"His popularity is a gift they gave him," he said. "Those girls expect Kaji to show his gratitude by thinking of their wants before his own."

"He can't stay single forever..."

'_Do you want to help with that?', _Len's eyes seemed to say.

"He wanted to be in a relationship with you," Len reminded her."However, the outcome of his effort to win you didn't depend on him. Deep down, he may have known that he didn't have a chance. It's the same with his fans. As much as they would like to have him to themselves, most of them realize that the choice isn't theirs to make, even if their wants and preferences can influence his career decisions."

They were going to go off-topic, but Kaho couldn't let that comment about Kaji "not having a chance" slide. She asked Len if he'd been really confident he'd win her.

"Not really, I only said that because I thought it was likely that you would hold back, and he would be discouraged. I wanted him to back down, and I wanted to believe you didn't like him. I tried not to lose hope." His golden eyes focused on hers, "Would you have gone out with him so he wouldn't stay single forever?"

Kaho laughed. "Are you asking me if I would have given Kaji a chance, eventually?"

"I guess I am."

"If I thought you didn't have feelings for me..." She began, watching him for a reaction. If she'd had no hope of being with Len, she doubted she would test the waters with anyone. She would probably wait to meet another person who could make her feel the way he did.

He waited for her reply. "And?" he said, prodding her.

"Even if I wasn't sure about the way you felt, I was –well...did you know Miyabi kept telling me to try and go out with him?"

"She did?"

"Yeah, but I told her I didn't want to be flattered into a relationship."

"I was right," he said, "you didn't like his style."

_Tsk. Tsk._ She reached out to brush the bangs away from his eyes. "Would you say _you _have a style, Tsukimori-kun?" She hadn't called him Len, maybe because she wanted to tease him a little.

Without breaking eye contact, he took her hand and kissed her fingers. The soft kisses turned her insides to mush. Yes, maybe he didn't have a style – _just instinct_. He looked at her as if he was deliberating something significant.

"To be honest," Len started to confess, "I'm not sure what you liked. I wasn't sure what worked. I wondered at one point if you questioned everything I said or did."

Did this mean he lacked confidence when it came to her? _She_ had a lot of faith in _him_. Tsuchiura had said she could trust Len's actions. And she had. Because of those actions, she had believed they were at the brink of well..._this_ –she had anticipated being with him even if she'd kept reminding herself to watch her tempo. But even when the anticipation had been bubbling up inside her, she had to ask over and over again if he was sure. Did he really mean what he'd said? Did he really want her? Would he really stay with her?

"I overthink sometimes," she said. "When you first told me about your feelings, I thought I'd died." _Oh, Crap. Why did I just say that?_

"I mean," she said, "I thought I'd die because I was so excited, I felt like I was going to combust. You have no idea, Len, how happy you made me just by telling me how you feel." she said. "Except I...I couldn't respond that first time when we were in the concert hall and before that when you told me you didn't regret kissing me that first time...well...I didn't know what to do with myself. And when we were on Nami Island, I was almost glad you swooped in and kissed me."

"Almost?"

"I was nervous. I wanted...well, more," she admitted. "I didn't know how to begin. I just wanted you."

She had told herself she'd be happy with anything he was willing to give: his time, his music, his kisses, his smiles. She groaned inwardly. No, actually, she'd be happy with everything. _And nothing but_.

"If there's something you want, will you tell me?" he asked.

_Really? _

She had done a lot of asking in Seisou – when she remembered high school, it made her want to confirm if she had been a nuisance. Kaho returned his question instead of answering it: "Is there anything you'd like me to do, Len?"

She was earnest. He'd done a lot for her with or without her asking, and she wanted to know if there was something he wanted from her specifically. "Is there anything you want?"

"Other than you, yourself?"

Was he teasing? "Really, there's nothing you want?"

"You," he answered. She flicked her eyes to his lips. She couldn't just fall into him, right? But...

_Areumdaun_. He was beautiful to her.

She wanted him to kiss her. Now. _Please, now_. But it seemed Len hadn't picked up on Kaho's mood. It was his turn to be reassured, so he said, "If I'm being honest, I wondered why you chose me. I hope you won't get tired of this – of us."

"You really thought I would get tired of you?" she asked. He obviously had no idea what she was thinking. Should she tilt her head this way or that ...what did a girl have to do to be kissed. _Oh, wait, Kaho...ask. You could as–_

"I hurt you before," he said. "If you'd tried to avoid me, I would have accepted it."

She had, at first, tried to avoid him, but she hadn't wanted to snub him, and it had been hard to not see or talk to him. She didn't want to believe he would have given up on her.

"You would?"

"Yes," he said, taking her hands in his. "I would have accepted any coldness from you as a consequence of what had happened between us years ago, but I don't think I would have let myself sit on the sidelines. I still would have tried to win you over." His fingers trailed the side of her face. "Thank you for forgiving me."

"It was nine years ago, Len," she said, leaning into his hand as he cupped her cheek. _Water under the bridge._

"Len, will you kiss me?" she asked. He said he loved her in words and actions – but she could use with a little action after the surfeit of words.

"Will you kiss me now, like you mean it?" she asked again. He had to kiss her now, before they touched their food.

He smiled and brushed his lips over hers, "I always mean it."

.

.

.

Len loved kissing Kaho. He liked looking into her eyes and tasting her lips before his tongue played with hers. Sometimes they smiled between kisses. He was thankful for those short pauses; he knew the smiles meant they were both happy to be together.

"On second thought," Kaho said after a lovely round of kissing, "I do have a request."

She stood, ran to her room, and fetched her laptop. "Here," she said, scooting close to Len as she played a video. "This is Shimizu's project for his neighborhood. Remember that practice hall we went to? He wants to raise money to renovate the place."

"How does he plan to do that?"

"See," she said, pointing at the screen, "this is the advertisement. We'll be performing in a concert to collect funds."

Len nodded. Kaho rested her head on his shoulder, "Will you come and play a duet with me? And maybe perform a solo too?" she asked.

"Of course," he said. He would go because she had asked. If something was important to Kaho, he'd make sure he wouldn't miss it. He told her they should invite Tsuchiura and Mori. They would enjoy helping Shimizu.

"Yes, definitely!"

"When is the concert?" he asked.

"Next week, Tuesday. Is it ok? Will you be free?"

"I'll make time," he said. "What do you want us to play?"

Her eyes lit up in a way that made him want to kiss her again. She opened a new folder and played another video. It was a live performance of a Kpop song. One from Kaji's group. Len stared incredulously at her.

"We can do a violin cover of this song!" Kaho said, starry-eyed.

"I can't say I've had experience with that," Len answered. He didn't know how else to react. He swallowed, remembering that he'd promised himself he'd give Kpop a chance since it was Kaho's genre.

He played the video again. "I like the intro. It's promising."

She squealed and hugged him. "You're the most amazing boyfriend."

"Am I?" he said, holding her by the waist. "I think you made that happen."

She looked at him curiously. "I'm my best self when I'm with you," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "I'd like to invite you to something as well."

She smiled expectantly and squeezed his hands.

"My mother's concert is in a few days."

Excitement lit up her eyes once more. "Will you be playing a duet?"

"Yes," he answered.

She kissed him again. "Of course I'm going, I wouldn't miss it for the world."


	17. Chapter 16

Kaho knelt on the carpet and reached for a rectangular box in the bottom row of shelves. She lifted the lid carefully and smiled at a pair of heels with bows at the back. She hadn't worn these shoes in years.

"It's time to make another appearance."

"Ooh," Miyabi said, popping up from behind Kaho's shoulder. "I've never seen that pair before."

"It's because I've been saving them for a special occasion," Kaho replied.

"Meeting your future mother-in-law?" Miyabi asked. "Don't blush so hard, Kaho. I'm sure Tsukimori is thinking the same thing."

"Do you really think so?" Kaho asked, unable to resist.

Miyabi chuckled. "It's likely. You are highschool sweethearts."

"I don't think you can call us that if we weren't together in high school."

"It applies," Miyabi insisted, waving a hand in the air.

Kaho stood up and faced Miyabi, "How are you and Yul?"

Miyabi's lips thinned. "Our relationship is still on hold. He and I have talked about Ha Seul. I've considered meeting her, but...I don't think I'm ready yet."

Kaho looked away. She hadn't been ready when she had met Ha Seul, either. She belatedly realized she could have asked Ha Seul to try and get to know Miyabi. Miyabi tended to flirt, but she wasn't the type to cheat on someone.

"Is your darling boyfriend going to pick you up?" Miyabi teased.

_My darling boyfriend... _

"Thanks for giving me time off, Miyabi," Kaho said.

Miyabi flipped her hair. "Don't mention it. At least one of us should have a thrilling love life," she said. When Len arrived, Miyabi waved goodbye to them and said, "I've got lines to practice. Maybe I can live vicariously through Ayane and Saiki's romance."

.

.

.

It was as if Kaho had been the one performing on stage –in front of a panel of judges who would determine her fate. Would she go through the next round or not? Would she get a golden buzzer? Golden ticket? Would she get a chair to turn for her, or would a gong signal the end of the line?

_Gah. Enough reality tv contests..._

_I want her to like me._

They were backstage and Len had walked up to Kaho and taken both her hands in his. The theme for his mother's concert was "A Night At The Movies" and Len had played a version of the theme from "Only You" by Rachel Portman. The instant their eyes met, she wanted to wrap her arms around him.

"I love hearing you play," she said, trying not to sound too breathless. She'd always wanted this, to be the first to greet him after a performance.

Hamai Misa walked up to them and stood beside her tall son. She still wore her hair in a pixie cut and was effortlessly elegant in her long, midnight blue gown. Len's mother's eyes lit up when she saw Kaho. She seemed as kind as Kaho remembered.

"_Okaasan_," Len said, "this is Hino Kahoko."

"Good evening, Mrs. Tsukimori," Kaho said. The voice in her congratulated her for being able to keep words steady. Her nerves were making her throat dry.

To Kaho's surprise, Len's mother claimed to already know her. "I've met her before Len, do you remember? You were also a participant in the Seisou concours. Ryotaro told me about you as well."

Based on Hamai Misa's fond account, Tsuchiura had become a close friend of the family. Hamai Misa smiled at her son. "Ms. Hino and I have a secret concerning you."

Both Len's and Kaho's eyes widened. "What secret is that?"

"Don't you remember?" Hamai Misa asked Kaho, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

It could only be that one time, Kaho thought. She and Hamai Misa had seen Len perform alone on a dark stage during the second selection. It was one of many memories that stood out in her history with Len.

"Shall we keep him in suspense until dinner?" Hamai Misa asked.

"How about until we get in the car?" Len bargained.

Hamai Misa looped her arm around Kaho's. "What do you say, dear?"

"Dinner," Kaho answered.

Len's mother's casual playfulness had surprised Kaho. She glanced at Len who was puzzling over the two of them. Len sighed and let his mother lead them out of the building.

"Dinner then," he complied reluctantly.

Dinner was at the five star hotel where Len's mother stayed. The restaurant his mother had chosen served Korean and Japanese dishes. It was delightful really, Kaho couldn't remember the last time she had sushi as perfect as the pieces on her plate.

They talked about Len's family. His grandparents, his father, and an upcoming family reunion. They talked at length about their friends - Miyabi and Kaji and the movie they were going to headline, Shimizu who had done a first-rate job with his new compositions, and Tsuchiura, who was getting married soon.

Hamai Misa wiped her mouth on her napkin. "You will be attending the wedding won't you?"

Kaho nodded. "Manami wants me to be one of bridesmaids."

"That's perfect, don't you think, Len?"

Based on his expression, Len was just as curious about why his mother thought Kaho being a bridesmaid was perfect. Len said, "Kaho and I have known our friends since high school, _okaasan_. It's not unexpected. We've become a close knit group."

Hamai Misa patted her son's hand. "I meant that it'd be nice if she caught the bouquet." Then, without missing a beat, she added, "These modern weddings do have some fun games. I recently went to one abroad where the bridesmaids were blindfolded and had to search for safety pins on the lucky groomsman's clothes. It was a race – if you couldn't find a pin, you'd have to participate in another game."

_Blindfolded? _Kaho imagined blindfolded women in color-coordinated silk dresses giving a guy in a three piece suit a friendzied pat down in the name of finding a thin safety pin.

"I think Tsuchiura and Mori will be a little more traditional," Len commented. He exchanged a glance with Kaho. "I'm sure they won't be adding games like that."

"But it's quite entertaining," Hamai Misa said, grinning at her son. "Perhaps someone should suggest it to them."

"What was the punishment for losing?" Kaho asked.

"Ah well, the bridesmaid who lost and that same groomsman had to play a "mirror game" with the bride and groom."

"Mirror game?" Len echoed.

"Whatever the MC told the bride and groom to do, the groomsman and the bridesmaid had to imitate it. If he told the bride to kiss her groom on the forehead, well, the other couple had to copy them."

"The only purpose of these games is to push unwilling singles to interact." Len concluded correctly.

"Weddings are supposed to bring people together, Len," his mother said. "It would be remiss not to take advantage of the opportunity."

Kaho hid a smile behind her napkin. Her amused eyes studied Len's scowling face. Kaho imagined Tsuchiura kissing Mori on the cheek. And the losing couple, now given the identity of herself and Len, copying them.

"_Okaasan_, do you plan to tell me the secret you and Kaho shared?" Len said, not forgetting the pair had promised to enlighten him during dinner. "Was this during the _concours_?"

Hamai Misa smiled and said, "Would you like to tell him the story or shall I?"

Kaho bit her lip. She remembered the last time she'd shared what it had been like to see Len on that dark stage: she was in one of the music rooms in Seisou and her confidant had been Tsuchiura who had asked her, more or less, if she not only liked Len's music but Len as well. Her eyes crept towards Len. It was as if the more she examined her high school years through the lens of someone who was now fully aware of what she felt, the more she thought she had been on a long journey to accepting the strength and permanence of her feelings.

_I love you, Len_. Those words stood still on her tongue. She wanted to whisper them in his ear while he held her.

She realized she'd been staring at him. "Ah, well...I'm not sure where I should begin..."

Should she start with what he'd made her feel?

_Ah._

"It was almost as if I was in a dream," Kaho said. "I felt..."

She'd been drawn to him. Drawn to his world. "There were so many things that went through my mind." Feelings that she couldn't adequately define. "It was like I'd witnessed something important, something that would change me. I felt new, like I didn't have any more excuses or alibis. For an instant, I was sure of what I wanted. I wanted to face music head on...I realized there was so much more that I wanted to give of myself."

Len had been an example for her. He still was. He made her want to give more, be more. She wanted to be fully part of the world he inhabited.

And yes...she wanted him, too. He was part of the dream.

She blushed at her candidness. _I guess that goes to show how impressionable I am_, she almost said. But no, she would in no way dampen her feelings. Len's expression when she lifted her eyes had shifted from surprise to one of steady concentration. His mind was busy, she could tell.

Hamai Misa smiled at them both.

When dinner was over, Len's mother took her leave in a round of hugs. She looked at both Len and Kaho with pride in her eyes and encouraged them to have a fun night. Having fun, she told them, was the thing to do when you were young.

"It's the hallmark of youth," Hamai Misa said grandly.

After she left, Len and Kaho strolled through the city. Kaho had linked her arm with Len's but eventually he'd slid his hand in hers and entwined their fingers. They'd ended up in sitting on the swings in a nearby children's park.

"I don't think your mother had this in mind when she'd said we should claim our youth," Kaho said.

Len sat on her right. He leaned towards her and brushed his lips over hers. She parted her lips and met his gaze. The look in his half-lidded eyes made her want to draw him closer.

"I wish you'd told me sooner," he said.

"Hm?"

"About that night."

"Oh..."

He cupped her cheek and her face felt instantly warm. "I want to tell you something too," he said.

"Oh..."

She was an inarticulate mess whose vocabulary had melted into nothing. Why did he have to look at her that way? Why couldn't she reduce him to monosyllables? The world was unfair.

"Do you remember the training camp during the concours?" he asked.

Len waited for Kaho to speak. Her response had been a nervous nod.

He had been forced to go to the camp because Kanazawa-sensei threatened not to tell him the theme of the second selection if he didn't participate. They'd stayed at the Fuyumi family villa, which had several sound proof rooms for their use; and he'd spent a total of one night as Tsuchiura's roommate before he and Tsuchiura had gone from civil enmity to an almost full-on throw down. He remembered studying Kaho when she wasn't looking and, unable to resist, he'd asked her if she was "real or not" –if she was or wasn't serious about music.

His encounters with Kaho had always been somewhat...distracting. Something would happen that would take him aback, and the following hours would be spent reliving the memory of what she'd said or done. _Or something she'd done that made me react differently than I normally do..._

"I thought about you often," he admitted. "I didn't realize that soon enough. Do you remember our duet that night?"

That duet –their first –held a special place in his heart. He wanted to explain to her why.

"My earliest memory of when I was a child was of my parents performing together. When they were both home, they would play duets all the time. My father would play his violin and my mother would accompany him. That night, when you were on the lawn in front of the Fuyumi villa, your violin awakened me from a dream. It was a dream about my parents...I was seven or eight and I was watching them play. Their music had always affected me. To me, their sound had always been heartwarming." He took both her hands, "That dream had been a subconscious reminder that performing with skill wasn't as all-encompassing as I'd made it out to be."

He touched her fingertips, which were as callused as his own. Skill wasn't everything and becoming the best wasn't the only dream that mattered. "I could tell that my parents loved music. They're passionate about it. When I heard your Ave Maria that night I recognized something of them in you. You had what I'd tried to look for in myself. I'd wanted...I wanted what you had."

_I wanted what my parents had with each other as well..._

He'd told her that while he was abroad he'd started looking for her. Whenever he got off a plane, whenever he was in a new country, he dreamt that would be the place where he'd see her. "It's always been this way, even before I met you, you were someone I'd been waiting to find."

_Even before I knew it, you were the person I wanted to meet._

He'd been captivated by her longer than he'd realized. "I was serious when I said you bring out the best version of me that I know. When I perform and I think about you, I feel free. I like that there are things about myself that I've discovered because of you. I can do more. I can be more than what I'd previously imagined."

_My music isn't just about skill..._

_._

_._

_._

She saw it in his eyes: _You are the most important person..._

_You, Kaho, only you. _

Kaho thought her heart had stopped. She didn't know what to say. She knew he loved her; she knew he did.

She was secure in their relationship because she felt his affection each moment they were together. But to hear him say that she'd also influenced him...her heart swelled with emotion; a wave of tenderness swept through her.

_He feels the same about me..._

It took mere seconds to decide; but in those short seconds, she had worried she'd lose her balance and fall off the swing if she tried to kiss him.

_Nevermind_. She had to go for it. She wanted to pour out her love, so the only course of action was to press her lips to his.

He helped her up and they stood from the swings with lips still locked. She grabbed him by the front of his shirt and he placed his hands on her waist. She then lifted her arms and laced them around his shoulders. His lips were warm and soft, his breath minty and his scent...it made her want to live in his sheets.

_Gah..._she felt warmth rise from her neck and broke the kiss.

"What's wrong?" Len asked.

Kaho's ears were warm and red. "I just...I think I...I like the way you kiss."

Yes, that's the explanation she used. It didn't make sense to say she enjoyed his kiss when she'd just separated herself from him, but it was the first excuse that came to mind.

She was a more than a little flustered and she couldn't admit she'd imagined burrowing into his warmth and thinking of his sheets...and lying next to him...

"You smell good," she blurted. _Yes, stick to facts Kaho. Just go ahead and say whatever observation comes to mind –just don't fantasize._

He smiled and brushed his nose over her hairline. When he lifted his head, his eyes were half-lidded still. "You smell good, too."

Kaho's hands trembled and she clenched them at her side before she could pull him to her and kiss him impulsively again. Did he notice she was trying to restrain herself? When she met his gaze, he looked amused instead of...

Kaho blushed harder. She wanted to hold him and never let go. "I think I should go home."

They promised to arrange their schedules and rehearse their duet for Shimizu's charity effort.

When they arrived at the door of Miyabi's apartment, Len said: "I look forward to the day when we won't have to go to home to separate living spaces."

She blinked rapidly. That sounded...wonderful...ideal...exciting. She wanted to grab him again but refrained. Taking a shy peek at him, she bit her lip, stood on her tip toes and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

_You don't know how much I want that._

"Good night, Len," she said.

Tonight, there would only be dreams of their shared future.

.

.

.

_The day of Shimizu's Event_

The basketball court next to the building was their slated venue. Shimizu, together with his sister Tomomi, who was visiting from Japan, had organized the event together in a few short weeks. It was mostly Shimizu's sister, of course, but Shimizu's supervision wasn't lax. He'd personally reminded all the performers to come on time and be prepared. They'd sold tickets to friends, friends of friends, and the local neighborhood.

Even Kaji had said he would contribute; he couldn't perform due to restrictions inked in his contract, he had asked his bandmates to buy tickets. They, Kaji's bandmates, had gone above and beyond and donated a substantial sum via cheque. Yul was the representative (since Kaji couldn't make it) and had given the cheque personally to Shimizu. The generous donation was met with profuse thanks from both Kaho and Tomomi since Shimizu's perpetually sleepy state wouldn't allow for his gratitude to come out full force.

"I heard Miyabi is going to perform," Yul said to Kaho. They were backstage, watching Tomomi arrange the skirts of an outfit she'd made for one of the other performers. Kaho hadn't seen Miyabi since after the stage had been set-up.

"I know it's none of my business, but have you and Miyabi patched things up?"

"I was hoping you'd give me the inside scoop," Yul said, leaning against the wall behind them. Kaho pursed her lips together and admitted that she didn't know much about Miyabi's thought process. Was Miyabi still making up her mind or had she already decided to move on?

"Is she going to sing?" Yul asked.

"Yes, she is," Kaho said. She'd been surprised when Miyabi had decided to volunteer when one of the other acts had backed out. She'd said she wanted to join in on the fun.

"That's new for her," Yul said. "I know she likes karaoke but she's not used to performing in front of people she doesn't know. I told her that she shouldn't be nervous because she's actually very good but –" Yul cut himself off and shrugged. "I wonder what changed her mind."

"This is for a good cause," Kaho said, attempting to explain. "She probably just needed extra motivation to sing in front of a crowd."

"Are she and Shimizu close?" Yul asked.

Kaho glanced over at Tomomi who was now helping her brother into a bright red coat. "As close as Shimizu is to me," Kaho said, smiling at Yul. He met her gaze and said, "So it's platonic?"

"Definitely," Kaho answered, amused.

They shared small talk after that. Yul had come from a photoshoot for the cover of magazine and had to leave soon for another appointment.

"Will you be watching Miyabi?" Kaho asked.

"I want to," he answered.

She'd got the impression that Miyabi wasn't at all expecting Yul. Kaji, maybe. But not Yul.

"It's not like she'll be looking for you in the audience, you know," Kaho said.

He smirked. "You're right, why would she?"

"She's going to sing after the opening dance number," Kaho informed him encouragingly.

Yul smiled and re-affixed his face mask. He fished a pair of aviator glasses from his jacket and said, "I'm going to go try and blend in with the crowd."

When it was Miyabi's turn to perform, Kaho scanned the audience for Yul. He was sitting near the back in his dark clothes and ballcap. The aviator glasses and facemask obscured his face effectively.

Miyabi greeted the crowd with enthusiasm. She grinned and waved as the the previous performers made their exit. "Weren't they awesome?" she asked the audience. They welcomed Miyabi onto the stage with loud cheers.

"As you know, this concert-for-a-cause is the brainchild of Shimizu Keiichi," Miyabi said. "That's him over there – the cute, sleepy looking one in red. Say 'hi' Shimizu. See what I mean guys, cute, right?" She laughed. "This show wouldn't be possible without him and his sister." Tomomi grinned.

Miyabi waved at Tomomi then gave a short intro about the song she was about to peform; there was a special mention to the couples who were going through a rough patch. "This song is dedicated to you," Miyabi had said.

Kaho glanced back at Yul in the audience. No, she was sure Miyabi wasn't aware her ex was in the crowd. She was about to approach Yul when the music bounced out of the speakers and made her halt. She recognized the song in an instant. She was hearing _her violin_ in the intro.

"It's 'I Want Your Love'," she said, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

Miyabi sang like she'd done in the recording studio, with complete conviction in her abilities. She was confident. She had stage presence. Kaho's eyes darted back to Yul; she wished she could see his face. She wanted to know what was going through his head.

The lyrics could have mirrored a complaint Miyabi had aired to him months ago:

_You weren't like that before_

_You were busy looking at me_

_Your eyes were filled with me_

_Now you don't even smile_

_Only silence fills the room_

_Do you even love me?_

And now, Yul could also find something to relate to...

_I wanna be loved_

_Like before_

_When I used to overflow in your eyes_

_I long for those times_

_I'm trying to turn away from our break up_

Applause greeted Miyabi when she finished. "That song is called 'I Want Love'. It was written by my friend, Hino Kahoko who's an amazing multilingual lyricist and composer. Look out for songs, ok?" She waved again and Kaho half expected the audience to throw long-stemmed roses at Miyabi's feet.

Kaho met Miyabi backstage. "You sang it. You sang 'I Want Love'..."

"Well, I did record it originally. Anyway, I sounded great, right?"

"Yeah, you did." Kaho said. She snuck a peek at Yul but he was no longer in his spot.

She almost wanted to make Miyabi find and talk to her ex.

"I just can't believe it," Kaho said, chewing her lip. "Those people...the audience, they heard my song."

"Your beau suggested I sing one of your songs, by the way."

That caught her attention. Her beau. _Len?_

Kaho raised her brows, "He told you to sing my song?"

"I was the singer on the demo wasn't I? Shimizu agreed it was a good idea."

"But...why my song?"

Miyabi grabbed her by the shoulders. "Kahoko, the audience liked it. This is what you want, isn't it? For more people to hear your compostions? This is just the first step, you'll see."

Kaho's brows pulled together. _What do you mean by first step?_

Miyabi brought her in for a hug, "I'm not sure how I should begin, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry I got you into trouble before. I'm sorry I was a handful. I just hope I can make up for it by being a better friend. I'm sorry I was selfish."

"You're not selfish," Kaho said automatically.

Miyabi held Kaho at arm's length. "I know I can be," she said. "You're just too nice and too patient to admit it."

Kaho huffed. "I'm not _that _nice. If I were then I would have –" she paused.

Maybe she would have let herself believe it was Ok for Miyabi to go after Len. Thankfully, Miyabi hadn't decided to "make it real" and dive into a possible relationship with Len after the incident at the club. Just the thought of Miyabi with Len caused her stomach to twist into painful knots.

"No," Kaho said, "I definitely wouldn't have let you do your worst with Len."

Miyabi laughed. "I would have been gentle," she said. "Oh no, Kaho, don't give me that face. Len is off-limits. Actually, I've decided all your guy friends are off limits."

"Have you ever considered Shimizu?" she asked, remembering Yul and his question from earlier.

Miyabi pouted and made a face that said, 'I-may-have.'

"Geez Miyabi," Kaho sighed.

"I'm kidding," Miyabi said. But her expression turned serious in seconds, "I'm going to work on myself for a while," she said, looking a little pensive. "I guess...be my lonesome for a , maybe that's what I should do."

Kaho wanted to know Yul's opinion on Miyabi's statement. Miyabi gave her a small smile. "Anyway, I think you'd better go find Len," she said.

Kaho ran into Len as he entered backstage. When she asked him about Miyabi's song choice, Len said, "Your songs deserve an audience."

He told her that she needed more exposure and Kaho went back to the moment when the she'd recognized the music. She'd been nervous and her heart had stuttered, but that hadn't stopped her from looking at the faces of the people in the audience. There were quite a few who were instantly taken by the intro. Towards the middle of the song, some audience members looked thoughtful, some grinned, while others wore wistful smiles. There were a variety of reactions. It was bound to be that way, she thought, since she'd written an upbeat song with a sad theme. If the audience had liked her song, then maybe they'd like to hear it again. Download a copy of their own...

"She added her own rap part," Kaho said. "That was new." Kaho wondered if KZ had inspired Miyabi.

"Is rap something Miyabi's interested in?" Len asked.

"I'm not sure. Miyabi's always been a good singer though."

"She could pursue singing if she wants to, I think. She's quite good at it."

Kaho knew there were many actors and actresses who were given albums by virtue of their popularity.

But Miyabi was more than competent.

"I think that album would be deserved," Kaho said.

Len agreed. "You could write songs for her," he said. "That's an option for you too."

"If Azuma allows it...that would be..." she trailed off. _A miracle?_

"Has Yunoki-senpai ever heard one of your songs?"

"No," Kaho answered quickly. She'd never considered sharing her songs with Yunoki. She'd be too nervous to even attempt it.

"He has a good ear. I think you can also rely on his opinion."

If Miyabi were to get a record deal, it'd be huge. Len was right, a singing career could be an option for Miyabi. It wouldn't replace Miyabi's acting career but it could be another creative outlet.

_Could I actually write her songs?_

"We're allowed to do more than one thing," Len said. "We can explore all we want."

"Speaking of exploring...what do you think of your journey into Kpop?"

He smiled. "Since it's a journey I'm taking with you, it's almost like a dream."

"Is it?" _Not a nightmare, then. Good._

"Yes," Len answered. "I'm going to perform a violin cover of Kpop song aren't I?"

She bumped his shoulder. "A duet to boot."

"My solo is also a Kpop song."

"_Daebak_!" Kaho shouted. "That's great!"

"You haven't heard me play yet," he said.

Was it premature to praise him? The glint in his eye made Kaho blush.

"All right lovebirds," Miyabi shouted, clapping them both on the shoulders. "It's your turn to face hair and make-up. She saw the soft looks Kaho and Len exchanged and said, "I ought to find my next boyfriend."

Kaho sighed. _She's joking right? Didn't she just say...Well, she doesn't have to be single to work on her self..._

Miyabi caught Kaho's eye and grinned. "Don't worry, Kaho, if I get used to being a party of one, I might realize that it's not so bad after all. I'm still waiting on what Yul plans to do about my being single, but I'm content not to hurry anymore. Though, I gotta' say, I'm not waiting nine years for –"

Kaho placed a hand over Miyabi's mouth. "That's enough"

Miyabi took Kaho's other hand and joined it with Len's. "I'm happy for you two," she said. "You guys have my blessing, even if you don't need my permission. And no, Len," she gave him an eye-roll, "that isn't the same thing."

.

.

Len had arrived wearing a suit; he hadn't expected to be told he'd have to change but he complied nonetheless and let himself be dressed up in an outfit worthy of _Alice in Wonderland_. Kaho supressed a laugh as she surveyed his reflection in the mirror.

"I can't believe you agreed to this!" Kaho said.

She was wearing a red dress with a mass of ruffles and rosettes for the skirt. Her sleeves were puffy and left the shoulders bare. The dress's bodice was black. Len said, "Are you supposed to be the Red Queen?"

She giggled."Yeah, and I think you're supposed to be Alice."

The style of his outfit was more reminiscent of the Mad Hatter: he had long coat tails, a frilly shirt and he even had a top hat. However, the colors reminded him of Alice from the animated movie. Blue and white with a checkered black and white bow tie.

"I'm Alice _and_ the Mad Hatter," Len said, tugging on his new bow tie; it was askew and he wanted to fix it. Kaho took a few steps closer and assigned herself the task of righting it for him. She looked into his eyes while performing her task.

"I think you look good whatever you wear," she said.

Len was used to compliments. He was often told he was good-looking and prodigiously talented. Still, hearing Kaho comment on his appearance, and knowing the way she felt about his music, it made his palms tingle and his chest tighten, though not in an uncomfortable way. He wanted to pull her to him.

She was lovely and he wanted to soak up all that loveliness. "You look beautiful today," he said. Then he amended, "You're beautiful everyday."

He wasn't the most charming guy around, but he no longer believed he was the clumsiest. He was straightforward and sincere, that counted for something, right? He was sometimes unsure of himself when it came to her and he almost wanted to ask her if he was doing a good job of making her feel special...

But he had told himself –_no_, he'd _promised_ himself that she would be secure in his feelings for her. For Kaho, he would push himself to be kinder, more considerate, more..._relaxed_.

"You look tense," Kaho said.

So much for being relaxed. Len placed his hands on Kaho's shoulders and said, "It must be performance anxiety," he lied. Or maybe he wasn't lying...

He was going to do something that was out of his comfort zone...while dressed as a lunatic.

_We're all mad here..._

But he had prepared himself for this (_not the outfit, but I digress..._). He'd wanted to show her that the things that were important to her, mattered to him too.

Kaho laced her fingers behind Len's head and placed a kiss near his jaw. "Does that help?"

"Yes, it does," he answered. The loving look in her eyes made his heart leap. He wanted to be alone with her. After Shimizu's event, they were going on a date. He asked her if there was a specific place she wanted to go.

"In these outfits?"

"Hmmm..."

"I'm kidding," she said. "Relax."

_Relax. Right._

Kaho grinned. "On second thought, it might be fun. I think Shimizu's sister wouldn't mind if we borrowed them," she said.

Another voice joined their conversation: "My sister likes to sew," Shimizu said.

Len and Kaho jumped apart. Shimizu turned to Len, "_Onesan_ saw your picture, _Senpai_. She said she had to design an outfit for you so I promised her that you would wear it."

Shimizu spoke in his usual sleepy cadence, but Len imagined that he'd just been told that he was obligated to wear the Mad Hatter ensemble Shimizu's sister had made. Well, no convincing was necessary. He was going to wear the outfit no matter what his feelings about it.

"How long have you been standing there, Shimizu?" Kaho asked.

Shimizu checked the pocket watch that dangled from his coat. His White Rabbit costume was completed by a pair of bunny ears that flopped in whatever direction Shimizu tipped his head. At Kaho's question, Shimizu cocked his head to the left; the bunny ears pointed in the same direction. "Ah," Shimizu began groggily. "I didn't know what time it was when I came up to you..."

Kaho gave Shimizu an indulgent half smile. "You've been standing there for a while now, haven't you?"

He nodded. "It's your turn to perform, _Senpai_," Shimizu said.

She and Len would follow after Mori and Tsuchiura who were, to Len's confusion, dressed up in normal clothing. Kaho shook her head and corrected him: the pair were cosplaying a couple from a popular manga.

"Mori peformed _Rhapsody in Blue_ on a Pianika," Kaho said. She looked hopefully at Len whose face was devoid of recognition. "They also did a piano duet," she added.

Len simply blinked. His face remained blank.

"You don't recognize them?" Kaho asked.

Len raised an eyebrow. "Should I know who they are?"

_Do you expect me to know?_

Kaho caught the fist of one hand in the palm of the other; her eyes widened with the birth of an idea,"We should watch the anime...or the live action version. Ah, maybe the live action version first, it's only twelve episodes."

"Only twelve episodes?"

"You'll enjoy it," Kaho promised, tucking herself next to him.

Their performance, like Mori's and Tsuchiura's, was also well-received. He'd heard a few of the audience members name Kaji's band and a few more who sang along to the songs they'd chosen for the medley they performed.

Len had covered another group for his solo. With Tsuchiura and Mori's help, he had picked a song that was surprising even for him – the piece he'd performed was lively and had some interesting chord changes. He could admit that he had fun, even if he thought he looked ridiculous.

That evening, Kaho and Len started the first episode of the live action music-themed Jdrama she promised to share with Len.

"So, they're both pianists," Len said.

"At the beginning, yes," Kaho answered. She swatted his arm. "Hey, don't make me give spoilers."

They were at his house this time. Kaho snuggled next to him while they ate popcorn on his couch. It was comfortable and yes, it was _domestic_ (like their previous house-bound dates) and, of course, it was nearly perfect. He'd told her last night that he looked forward to going home with her to the same place and he'd meant it. He didn't want to be separated from her. And,he knew, she didn't want to part from him either. It made him happy that he had the freedom to think of their future together.

_We want the same things..._

After finishing the first two episodes of the series, Len asked Kaho: "If I were a brilliant but eccentric musician would you have tolerated me?"

Kaho tried to suppress a giggle but failed. "What?" Len asked, his brows drawing together.

Kaho shook her head vigorously and tried to swallow another laugh. "Tell me," Len said. He'd leaned further into the couch to get a better look at Kaho.

"It's just," Kaho said, catching her breath, "you are kind of...well...um..." She gave him a half-amused, half-apologetic look and said, "You're not exactly eccentric like Shimizu is...and I was able to take care of him pretty well so..." She placed her hand over his thigh,"I'm not going to 'tolerate' you, Len. I'll let you know if you upset me and if you're making a mess of things and," she paused to give him a mischievous smile, "I'll take care of you. Better than anyone."

He felt that she had, to a certain degree, evaded his question. In the end, however, it didn't matter. He was satisfied with how she'd concluded her response.

"Yes, you will take care of me," he said.

She draped her arms around his neck and he smiled as he leaned forward. He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and then lingered over her lips.

"You're so warm," he said, dropping a kiss between her collarbones.

Their knees bumped as Kaho tried to embrace him more closely. "I want to stay here forever," she breathed, cradling his head to her chest.

Caught up as they were in adjusting their limbs, neither of them noticed that they had an audience. Tsuchiura cleared his throat and said, "Yeah, this is awkward."

For the second time that day, Kaho and Len broke apart abruptly.

"I guess you guys forgot that I live here, too," Tsuchiura said. He waved a hand in the air, sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was with a mildly chastising look that he said, "I should have gone to the movies..."

"Uh...And I guess should go back to the apartment," Kaho said, averting her gaze.

Len helped Kaho off the couch. "I'll take you home," he said, threading his fingers through hers. Kaho chewed on her lower lip and threw a sidelong glance at Tsuchiura. Len tried not to look at her too fondly and told himself he probably shouldn't be too pleased to see the blush on her cheeks.

Tsuchiura held up his hand to signal a goodbye. Kaho nodded in response before Len walked her to the door.

"Well, are you going to kick me out?" Tsuchiura prodded when Len had returned. He sat on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table. "How was the drive back to her apartment?"

"You didn't have to wait up," Len answered, ignoring Tsuchiura's knowing smile. He dropped his keys in a bowl near the door and joined Tsuchiura in the living room.

"Tell me if I have to move out," Tsuchiura said, determined to have this conversation with Len.

Len sighed. "I'm not kicking you out."

"Maybe you should," Tsuchiura suggested.

"Not yet," Len said.

Tsuchiura smirked. "Hey, if you do evict me, there'll be no hard feelings on my part." He poured Len a drink and said, "To Kaho."

Len clinked glasses with Tsuchiura. "I think you should toast yourself and Mori first."

"I like to pass the good vibes."

_Good vibes, huh?_

"For the future," Tsuchiura said, lifting his glass again.

"For the future," Len repeated. He thought about Kaho, about the hopes he had for their relationship, and prayed everything would turn out for the best.

.

.

.

_Recommended listening_:

When EXO's "Love Shot" was released back in 2018, I thought to myself: "Hmmm...I think this chorus would sound awesome on violin...hmmm..." Although piano covers are more common, I was so happy when, lo and behold, someone posted their violin cover on YT. Jenny Yun's cover of EXO's "Love Shot" has gained a lot of views since then and is actually the first result that appears when you search "kpop violin cover" on Youtube.


	18. Chapter 17

#HappyAoiDay was trending on Twitter.

Thanks to their hard work and coordination, Kaji's fans had collected enough money to buy a birthday advertisement for Kaji in New York's famous Times Square; they'd also bought local ads that decorated the train stations in Korea, and they had even considered petitioning Google for a Google doodle featuring Kaji. They didn't push through with the Doodle, but the power of their votes had won a contest in a famous magazine that promised to run a full-page greeting for the month's "favorite celebrity birthday celebrant". They'd planned several gatherings and other activities to celebrate Kaji's birth: there were karaoke competitions, streaming parties to stream and increase views of Kaji's songs, and even a fireworks display over Yokohama thanks to the Japanese fanbase. _And_! Thanks to the earnest efforts of the more philanthropic of the fandom, they'd donated a hefty sum to a global organization whose mission was to bring clean water to poor, underdeveloped areas in third world countries.

Yes, the fans were incredibly powerful.

Birthday Fan art was, of course, a staple. Social media was bursting with it (with or without re-posting restrictions) and included submissions to the company's Fan art platform. The top three entries for #Kaji'sDay, based on number of votes and the assessment of the website's editors, would win special prizes. (Kaho remembered Starbucks certificates were given during a previous competition to celebrate the release of the solo album of one of the senior artists under XM.)

Fans had eagerly awaited the announcement of their admission to Kaji's birthday party (it was lottery based). Those who hadn't joined or couldn't make it had arranged their own parties. They'd prepared cakes, plushies, and other fan merchandise, which included stickers and shiny key chains as prizes for Kpop-themed versions of games like Cards against Humanity and Mafia.

Amidst all the celebrating and preparations during his birth month, Kaji was still busy filming. He had especially looked forward to his parents coming to see him and the promised stress-free days off during their visit. They'd gone to Busan as they'd agreed to do and he'd missed the charity concert Shimizu had organized because of it. He'd wanted to see his family, and it had taken some scheduling acrobatics for his parents to be able to spend time with him. Still, Kaji had also regretted not being able to watch Kaho's performance.

He expressed this regret to Kaho hours before the party at the spa where he had invited her, Mori, Tsuchiura, Miyabi, and, yes, even Len to spend a relaxing morning and afternoon. They were going to have a rejuvenating spa day together and would be chauffeured with him to the party in the evening.

They sipped lemongrass tea while waiting at the reception area. Mori looked over at the shelves of natural shampoos, soaps, body scrubs, and massage oils. Some of the products were displayed with small spoons beside them that you could use for testing. She'd tried the strawberry body scrub.

"You should also check out their shampoo and conditioner," Kaji said, beaming. "I swear your hair will feel the softest it's been in years."

They were led to a hallway decorated with surrealist paintings that Kaho thought would swirl from one canvass to the next. The locker rooms were to her left, but before she could turn the corner, she noticed one of the staff arranging flowers in a vase. She'd made eye contact with the girl, who very hastily took off. Kaho chased after her.

"What're you doing here?" Kaho asked Ha Seul when she finally caught up with her.

Ha Seul tilted her head to the right and smiled sheepishly. "I work here?"

"What's with the question mark?" _And running away is totally not suspicious..._Kaho thought sarcastically. Possibilities and explanations for Ha Seul's presence made waves in Kaho's head.

"Are you here by yourself?" Kaho asked Ha Seul. They'd found a corner where they could speak without being seen.

With the stargazers and vase still in Ha Seul's hands, Ha Seul looked like a page out of a magazine. If Ha Seul straightened out her friendships, Kaho thought Yul's sister might get what she wanted and end up working for a company like XM. _Or...she could try modeling._

She was suddenly curious if Ha Seul could sing as well as her brother.

Ha Seul's eyes darted behind Kaho, there was no one following them. Her friends probably thought she went to the restroom.

"Yeah, well, I do work here," Ha Seul said. "It's my first week. Na Ra's the one who got me in," she explained.

Ha Seul had mentioned Na Ra before. She was the friend who got the cockroaches from the pet store where she worked. The scary friend, if Kaho remembered correctly.

"Oh..." Kaho said.

"I promise I'm not lying. I'm not stalking Kaji today..."

"Or any other day?"

"This is a process," Ha Seul answered. "But it's not meaningless when I say I really am trying."

"I guess I'll leave you to your flower arrangement then."

Abruptly, Ha Seul grabbed Kaho's wrist. "Wait," she said in an uncertain voice. "There's something I have to tell you."

.

.

.

Len didn't like being touched. He was probably just going to sit in a room and let the aromatherapy "work wonders" on him like the spa's brochure had claimed. He browsed the other services they offered: ear wax candling... hair removal...

After a few minutes, he'd leafed through the entire contents of the brochure, which also advertised the spa building next to it. This other spa had state of the art water jets that could target specific muscle groups, and a giant pool you could float in while listening to music. Had they gone to that "water spa", Len could have just stood under an "Amazon Waterfall" or "Rainforest Shower" to relax his tired muscles. That spa even had the added benefit of being co-ed.

Tsuchiura walked over to him, wearing a towel slung low on his hips. "Are you going to have a massage, or aren't you?" Tsuchiura asked, grabbing his own robe off the hanger.

Len was glued to the bench where he sat. He already had his robe on but had decided not to opt for the full body massage both Kaji and Tsuchiura had chosen.

"I think I'll go to the jacuzzi," Len said, finally deciding on what to do. He'd read there were also mint and lavender baths. He might try those after the Jacuzzi.

"It'll be just you, me and Kaji," Tsuchiura said patiently. "It's just a massage."

Len shook his head. Even if he was going to be in a room by himself, he wasn't going to do it.

_I'm keeping myself to myself, thanks._

Seeing that Len wasn't going to change his mind, Tsuchiura made his exit. "Suit yourself then. Probably see you at the saunas if you don't mind those."

"Probably," Len said.

Thankfully, the Jacuzzi room gave him the quiet he'd been looking for. It boasted a view of a wide river covered with boulders. To his right, a tiled wall with smooth glass beads glittered under a row of lights.

As he expected, there was nothing overly stimulating in the room. There was only the sound of water and soft piano music in the background. It was apparent he was probably the only person among their group experiencing and enjoying peaceful solitude. Kaho, Mori, and Miyabi were probably chatting animatedly while having their nails manicured or were perhaps in another jacuzzi somewhere talking about Mori's upcoming wedding. He wondered if Kaho would have convinced him to do the couple's massage –basically, they would be side by side in the same room –had they been alone.

He'd probably still vote to transfer to the Water Spa next door; he'd decided he and Kaho should try it out on their next date when no one else was allowed to tag along. The idea put a smile on his lips as he closed his eyes and imagined having Kaho all to himself. He spent a restful thirty minutes in the Jacuzzi with nothing but the view and thoughts of Kaho to occupy him.

He should have known that it was only a matter of time before Kaji and Tsuchiura decided he needed company.

.

.

.

Ha Seul's eyes were glued to the floor. She hadn't dared to look at Kaho after sharing her admission.

Kaho, on the other hand, had eyes that were bugging out of their sockets.

"I can't believe you!" Kaho shouted. Even the sound of her own voice had surprised her. "What if Yul had come with us," she whispered, hoping her previous outburst hadn't gotten them unwanted attention. "Would you want something like that to happen to your brother?"

"Well...most of my friends are solo stans, so..."

"That's not an excuse!" Kaho said, still trying to control the volume of her voice. "Did you help with this? Did you set up those cameras?"

"Yes and no... well, yeah...I think I shouldn't have but –"

"But what?" Kaho interrupted her.

If Ha Seul kept ignoring her conscience, she'd get used to making the same mistakes. It would only be a matter of time before she and her friends were caught. _Where will you be then?_

Ha Seul bit her lip and stared out the window. "At least I didn't shave my head to get into the men's room."

Kaho almost didn't want to ask. "Have your friends done that?"

"Some of them."

Kaho sighed heavily. "Is that something you're willing to do? What if it was your brother, Yul, they're spying on?"

Ha Seul winced. She crossed her arms over her chest in a self-comforting gesture. "I won't be forced into it."

Kaho moved forward and held Ha Seul by her upper arms. She summoned all the bravado she had and, in her most authoritative voice, said, "Help me remove the cameras."

Kaho stared at Ha Seul, willing her to cooperate. From her peripheral vision, she noted Ha Seul's hands were gripping the vase more closely to her chest.

For a second, Kaho thought Ha Seul was going to smash the thing over her head.

"Once the coast is clear, we'll fix this," Ha Seul said.

_Good_, Kaho thought. She had no intention of letting Ha Seul choose differently.

.

.

.

Tsuchiura told Len there were three things he had to remember: first – it was Kaji's birthday, Kaji would be paying the spa, so he, Len, should at least be thankful he wouldn't have to contribute; second – it was Kaji's birthday, why shouldn't Kaji be allowed to go where he wanted go even if it was in a jacuzzi with two other guys?; third – there was no reason for Len to complain if Kaji wanted to sing in the aforementioned Jacuzzi, it was his birthday and Len should give him all the leeway to talk at length about whatever topic or sing whatever song he wanted to share with his listeners, which now he was one. Len told Tsuchiura that he wasn't complaining. At least Kaji had a good singing voice. People actually paid to watch him belt the high notes.

Kaji's signing steered them towards different music-related topics. Tsuchiura asked if Kaji or his bandmates were allowed to include songs they'd written in their albums. Ryo asked, "Do you or your bandmates try to get your own material out there?"

Kaji looked off to the side. "One of our members co-wrote a song that's going to be in the Re-packaged version of our next album," he revealed. It wasn't often they got to participate as lyricists, so it was good news for his band member.

"I'm bad at the lyrics game," Kaji said with some embarrassment, "I think I'd just be happy to sing a song my friend worked on."

Len then reminded Kaji that singing, Kaji's skill set, was something he did enviably well. It was his best contribution to the group. "You do your job to the best of your ability," Len said. "You have a stable voice and your high notes are a highlight of your songs."

It was about teamwork, and Kaji was an essential member of his band. Len didn't think Kaji and his bandmates would have secured their place in Kpop history if they didn't offer something beyond good looks and synchronized dance steps. Kaji was a great singer, he didn't have to be a jack-of-all-trades.

"How do you know about Kaji's singing prowess?" Tsuchiura asked.

"I based my opinion off the DVDs Kaho and I watched," Len explained. "She wanted to show me some of the concerts his band had performed at the Tokyo Dome."

Kaji actually blushed. Whether it was at Len's unexpected compliments or the fact that Kaho had made Len watch their concerts, Len didn't know. Kaji laughed nervously. "I...I think I'm pretty good at dancing, too," he said, trying to deflect attention away from his singing. Len shook his head; he thought Kaji was supposed to be good at handling compliments.

"Don't try to skirt around it, Kaji," Tsuchiura said with a smirk. "Tsukimori's praise is as rare as they come. It means he doesn't dole out meaningless platitudes."

"I'm aware of that," Kaji mumbled.

Tsuchiura crossed his arms as he shifted in the tub. "I'm curious," he said to Kaji, "are you really as poor as you think you are? You like spouting all that 'flowery stuff', doesn't that make it easier to pen some lyrics?"

That "Flowery stuff", Len thought, had been directed at Kaho.

Kaji twitched and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I don't know how to use them in a song," he admitted. "The words sort of come out only when Kahoko's around."

Kaji seemed to regret what he'd said the instant he said it; he shot a nervous glance in Len's direction. Len shrugged. For some strange reason, Len wasn't ill at ease. He didn't feel awkward. He had been the first person Tsuchiura had confided in regarding his feelings for Kaho in high school, and Kaji had already talked to (argued with?) Len about his misgivings regarding Len and Kaho's relationship.

_What else is new? _His nonchalant expression seemed to say.

Tsuchiura chuckled. Len said, "Kaho told me she likes to start with the melody. That's how most of her compositions begin."

If Kaji wanted advice or if he changed his mind and suddenly became interested in another attempt at songwriting, he should go to Kaho. She would be excited to share what she knew.

"Would _you_ write her a song, Len?" Tsuchiura asked, his tone playful. "I wonder how that'll start..."

Len rolled his eyes. He knew Tsuchiura was teasing him.

"Yeah, Len," Kaji said, leaning toward him excitedly. "What would you say to her?"

When had they started to call him by his first name? Sometimes Tsuchiura would alternate between 'Len' and 'Tsukimori' but... Kaji...?

He looked at their faces: Tsuchiura grinned like the devil. Kaji's face was openly curious. They were waiting for him to reply. Len rubbed his temple. Really? _They_ were asking him what he'd write for Kaho? _I did say I was no longer surprised, right?_

"I don't know," Len answered, his tone apathetic.

Tsuchiura snorted. Len's eyebrows shot up. "You write Mori any songs lately?" Len challenged.

"She can beat me at it anytime," Tsuchiura said. "But if she wants an orchestra to bring her songs to life, I'll gladly offer my services."

Tsuchiura had a hand on his heart; he bent a little at the waist and did a mock bow. Kaji looked at Ryo with admiration, "You're really smooth, Tsuchiura."

_Sure. Tsuchiura was Cassanova_. Len grunted and went back to gazing at the running river. If he were to seriously attempt songwriting...

What would he say?

_Lyrics have to be compact. The lines could leave room for interpretation, but they had to have focus_. He wondered if he was going to meander like the river he was watching...

If he attempted to write a song, he couldn't keep adding words to it, and he couldn't just say whatever it was that came to mind (no matter how inspired). It was different from talking in person (conversations meander, he acknowledged).

Music was essentially a form of conversation, Len reminded himself. He also said to himself that he excelled at the violin and that he was equally glad that Kaho liked hearing him play. He was more than pleased actually...

She said he was amazing...

_But..._

His gaze remained fixed on the river. It amazed him more that he was in a relationship with Kaho. There wasn't a day that Len hadn't been awed by Kaho's presence in his life. It had been years since they'd first met, and there were more years spent apart, but he had found himself ..._helpless_ when it came to her. He enjoyed thinking of the permanence of his feelings for her. There was no way he would let them be free of each other.

_It's simple_. _I can't undo what I feel for you...I can't stop the sun from rising, and I can't will my heart to stop beating._

It was in their names, he thought; he was the moon and she was the sun whose warmth he desired. He borrowed her light, and she was the reason that he shone.

_Sun and Moon..._

_God_. He could be sappy after all. He hadn't seen that coming.

Tsuchiura grinned. "I think," he said to Kaji, "that Len's secretly being poetic in his head."

Len was embarrassed. He knew he was blushing, so he pulled himself out of the Jacuzzi and made up an excuse about going to the bathroom. Poetry and songwriting should be left for another day, he thought as Tsuchiura's and Kaji's laughter receded into the background. He walked into the adjacent changing room/bathroom, which also had blue-tiled walls covered in beads. He saw a few beads catch the light; there were white ones and blue ones, but most had dull blue-green surfaces that weren't as reflective. As his gaze scanned the tiles, he moved a few steps closer to the wall. Something was out of place.

He stretched his arm upwards.

Len frowned when he heard Kaji push through the other entrance across the room. Tsuchiura followed after Kaji and was in the middle of telling a joke. Len ignored them and stretched his hand further up. Why was that one bead different from the rest? It was attached near the edge of a tile...Its surface appeared smoother...

He touched the round object, which he soon realized wasn't glued to the wall. He pulled on it, and a length of black cord followed.

_I knew it._

"We're being watched," Len said.

"We should try one of those fancy Lavender baths," Kaji said, oblivious to Len's discovery.

"What's that, Tsukimori?"

It was Tsuchiura who had spoken. Len turned to his companions and showed them the object in his hand. Kaji's eyes widened, "Is that a camera?"

.

.

.

Ha Seul stood guard while Kaho deftly removed Na Ra's 'secret eyes' from lampshades, wall sconces, potted plants, fairy lights, and a host of other creative hiding places in the different rooms.

Remarkably, they'd handled things without a hitch or interruption until the seventh room: Kaho was balanced on a stool and was reaching up behind a wall fixture when the door behind her flew open with a bang. A short man with salt and pepper hair and what Kaho guessed was a semi-permanent scowl appeared beside a willowy girl who gave her the evil eye. Her long black waist-length hair was unbelievably straight, and her dark eye-liner only contributed to her ready-for-Halloween look, despite the employee uniform she was wearing. She looked scary and seemed to be the type to enjoy the impression she made.

Ha Seul entered after them with her head bowed down and with her hands folded in front of her. Kaho willed Ha Seul to raise her head and look at her, but it was as if Ha Seul had closed in on herself. The employee beside her appeared as though she was silently judging Ha Seul. Kaho's brows drew together when she saw the girl's name tag. She was Ha Seul's friend, Na Ra, the one with the multiple jobs.

"Sir," Nara said in a disapproving voice, "I think they were trying to spy on our customers."

Kaho nearly fell off her stool. She jumped before she could land gracelessly on the floor. "What! No!" She placed a hand over her chest, forgetting that she hadn't changed into one of the spa's robes. "I'm a customer here, you'll find my name on the guest list."

When the manager didn't respond, she added, "Look, I found this camera," she said, holding up the offending gadget. "Why would I –"

"Yes, why would you be in one of the male dressing rooms?" The manager said with a glare. He turned to Ha Seul, who flinched under his sharp gaze. "Are you in this together?"

"Yes, but –" She glanced at Na Ra. "We were trying to remove them."

"Why didn't you report this to management?"

_No, no, no, no_. This wasn't supposed to happen. Kaho's eyes darted between Ha Seul and Na Ra. Ha Seul wasn't speaking up. Why wasn't she defending herself? Na Ra threw Kaho a dirty look as she surveyed Kaho down the length of her nose.

_Of all the...the girl was smug!_

"God, I hate this. The last time this happened, we were at a hotel in China," came Kaji's voice from the door. Tsuchiura and Len stood by his side.

"Excuse me, Sir," Tsuchiura said, tapping the manager on the shoulder. "We'd like to report –"

"You!" Kaji shouted, pointing at Na Ra. "Why are you here?"

Kaji's voice rose_. _"You were one of the girls that followed us to the bathroom during our last show! You broke into Yul's dressing room!"

That got Ha Seul's attention. Her head snapped up, and she glared at Na Ra.

Na Ra, who stepped back when Kaji had identified her, had been momentarily surprised. She squared her shoulders and returned Ha Seul's glare. "They're all fair game," she said in a casual voice.

That did it. Ha Seul threw herself at Na Ra, and their bodies slammed into the nearest wall. "You said you wouldn't!" Ha Seul yelled.

"Whatever," Na Ra said, trying to shove Ha Seul away from her. For a slip of a girl, Ha Seul had a lot of firepower when motivated. Na Ra lost her balance, and the girls rolled on the floor in a tangle of limbs. Ha Seul struggled to sit up; she straddled Na Ra, who tried to block Ha Seul's attacks. Both girls were screaming at each other.

"Stop this," Tsuchiura said, pulling Ha Seul off Na Ra. Ha Seul flailed, and Na Ra peeked from hands that had tried to shield her face and chest.

The manager had, for a moment, let the fight take its course; after a gentle reminder from Len, he bellowed for the guards near the entrance. The guards had responded within a few seconds. One picked up Na Ra and restrained her while the other went to collect Ha Seul. Kaho blocked his way. She stretched her arms out to stop the guard from coming near Ha Seul.

"Please let us talk to her," Kaho asked the manager. He fixed his glasses, sighed, and signaled the other guard to escort Na Ra out of the room, presumably to an area where she could be detained while awaiting her punishment.

"Kaji," Kaho pleaded, "please let her brother handle this." She looked over at Tsuchiura and Len. "Don't let the guards or the police take her."

Kaji approached Ha Seul. "Who's your brother?" he asked.

Kaho wasn't sure Kaji could detect the family resemblance. When Ha Seul lifted her face, Kaho tried to check if there was a flash of recognition on Kaji's face. There was none.

Kaho bit her lip. "They have the same eyes," she said.

"Really?" Kaji said, his voice rising. "You're Yul's missing sister?"

It seemed Kaji had finally learned more than the surface details about his bandmate. Maybe Yul was becoming less secretive; Kaho speculated that Miyabi's speech during the confrontation at the studio had affected Yul and had prompted him to become more open to his bandmates.

Ha Seul stayed quiet. "Does he know what you and your friends have been up to?" Kaji asked, his voice tinged with worry.

"I'm going to call Yul," Kaho offered.

"No, Kaho," Kaji said, "I'll call him. He and I will talk to her together."

.

.

.

Kaho was sorry that Kaji had to go through something so stressful. She'd be sorry for him too if it had happened on another date but that he'd had to experience this on his birthday…

Well, if she could somehow give him a birthday wish...

"Kahoko," Miyabi said, interrupting her thoughts. Kaho remembered she'd sent Miya a text message about her whereabouts. "Are you ok? Were you in the lobby this whole time?"

They hadn't heard the scuffle. Mori and Miyabi had probably fallen asleep during their massage.

"Where's Mori?" Kaho asked.

"With Tsuchiura," Miyabi said. "They're having tea in one of the relaxation rooms."

Kaho laughed. "Isn't this whole place supposed to be one big relaxation area?"

"We thought that was where you disappeared to," Miyabi said. "Mori guessed you were getting some alone time with Len."

Kaho blushed. _Ah, no. Not when everyone else is here. _

Miyabi laughed at Kaho's expression. "Even if you aren't engaged like Mori and Tsuchiura are, you're allowed to _eventually_ disappear with your boyfriend. It's not like other couples don't do it when they're on group dates."

Kaho gestured to the space around her, "This was more of a group outing for friends."

"That's true but –"

Miyabi had stopped mid-sentence. Kaho looked behind her shoulder to check what Miyabi was staring at.

Yul, in his usual all-black, blinked at Miyabi. He then glanced at Kaho before settling his eyes on the floor. It was rare to see him appear embarrassed. "Miyabi," he said, raising his head to look at her face, "is it ok if I borrow Kaho for a while?"

There was no 'hi' or 'hello'. No 'How are you?'. Kaho waited for Miyabi's reply. "Sure," Miyabi said hurriedly, "sure...yeah... I'll leave you two alone."

Kaho wondered what Yul was thinking. Did he want to avoid Miyabi because of what happened? Did he want to explain the situation to her himself? Miyabi hadn't witnessed his sister's predicament.

"See you later, Kaho," Miyabi said before walking past Yul.

Yul's gaze followed after her, but Miyabi hadn't looked back. He stood still for a moment before lowering himself on the bench to sit next to Kaho. They faced a large painting of sunflowers.

"I'm sorry about Ha Seul," he said. He looked tired. There were bags under his eyes.

"Busy day, huh?"

"Yeah."

"How's your sister?"

Yul spoke in the voice of the long-suffering who had recently seen the end of their problems. "I think it's over now," he said. "She's spoken to Kaji, apologized to him and to me."

"What did Kaji say?"

He shrugged. "Kaji's always been nice. I knew he would be willing to forgive her even before my sister started to come clean about everything she's done...including the gifts she sent to your apartment."

"No," Kaho said in disbelief, "she actually told him?"

"I was surprised, too," he said. "She told us she's very sorry because she now considers you her friend. She thinks you're one of the best people she's ever met."

"She really said that?"

Yul winked at Kaho. "Kaji likes you. Flattering you was a step in the right direction."

Kaho chose not to comment on Kaji's feelings. _Wait_, did Yul tell his sister to say nice things about her? _He's joking, right? _Kaho doubted Yul would coach Ha Seul on how to "lighten her sentence", so to speak.

"What's going to happen to her now?" Kaho asked.

"She's going back to school," Yul replied. "It's only been a short time since I met her, but...She shouldn't have had all that free reign."

"I thought she wanted to be involved in music..."

"She still does," Yul said. "She's been accepted into Hanyang University. It's good news, but I think she should seriously consider studying abroad."

"Wait, you said she was accepted into Hanyang?"

"Yeah," Yul said proudly. "She should be bragging about it, but she isn't. I know that, had it been me, I would have announced it to the world. By the way, where did you go to music school?"

Kaho's brows rose. "I went to Seisou University in Japan."

"I'll tell her you went there," Yul said. "I think Ha Seul should try broadening her horizons. If I suggest she go to the same music school you attended, she might agree."

"Why?"

"Didn't I say she thinks you're one of the best people she's met?"

"She's special herself, I think. I mean, Hanyang...that's impressive."

Yul's face had become more cheerful while they spoke, but his expression had turned serious again. "You didn't judge her, she's thankful for that," Yul said as he stood from the bench. A corner of his lips turned up, "Consider yourself on the same list."

"What list?"

"You," Yul said, "are also on the list of the best people I know."

The smile on Yul's face grew wider. "There will come a time – when enough people start throwing it around – that it'll become your official title, 'Hino Kahoko, one of the best people I know'"

Kaho imagined herself wearing a sash with her new title emblazoned in glitter. She chuckled and grinned; Yul's words and the way he said them had reminded her of Miyabi.

Kaho had to dare: "I'm one of the best...Next to Miyabi?"

Yul shook his head. "She's in a league of her own."

Kaho stood and made her eyes meet Yul's. She could dare some more: "Will you be talking to her soon?"

He turned to leave, but Kaho thought she caught another smile. "See you at the party, 'Most liked Person'," he said, giving her another title to consider.

"I'll be sure to bring Miyabi!' she shouted after him.

Yul lifted his hand in goodbye.  
.

.

. 

Notes:

Hanyang University is a prestigious university in South Korea.


	19. Chapter 18

Kaji could have invited trumpeters to his birthday. "We need actual fanfare," Tsuchiura said to Len and Kaho. They should have contacted Hihara in Japan.

Their host, Kaji's bandmate, had placed a shiny plastic crown on Kaji's head and a Cape around his shoulders. Kaji had drawn the line at a fake scepter.

"He should have kept the scepter," Tsuchiura said. Ryo made a lazy motion with his hand, "He could use it to knight someone. You are now a member of the Royal order of... What is their fandom name, anyway? ARMY?"

"That's the name of BTS' fandom," Kaho said. She went through the fandom names in her head: _EXO's is EXO-L, NCT's is NCTzen, BLACKPINK's is BLINK..._

"ARMY, huh? If you're a fan, but you don't want other people to know, do you call yourself a secret agent?"

"I think a ceremonial sword and not a scepter is used for knighting," Len said out of the blue.

Tsuchiura ignored him. "Have you ever been to one of these parties, Kaho?"

Kaho replied that she hadn't. She enjoyed the fan videos on Twitter and YouTube, though. Last year, Kaji's birthday had coincided with one of their concerts, so there was a special segment with the guys singing him Happy Birthday in different genres (they had lots of fun with Opera and RNB). When one of his bandmates blew out the candles before Kaji could, the look on Kaji's face had been priceless.

Mori said she wouldn't mind owning one of the light sticks the fans brought to the concerts.

Except for the stage (or dais, maybe, for the birthday celebrator), the aforementioned lightsticks, the cheer towels, and the group singing, it was a regular birthday party.

"He bought tiaras for his fans to wear," Mori said, looking over the crowd from backstage. "Isn't this day supposed to be about him?"

"I guess Kaji just wants to make them feel special," Kaho said.

Len added: "He's grateful to them. He knows he wouldn't be here without their support."

On the way to the venue, Kaho had talked to Len about Kaji's invitation.

_"I'm surprised he invited you," Kaho said. _

_Len shrugged. "He's free to invite anyone he wants." _

_She thought Kaji was angry at Len. He had confronted him, and they had talked about her, of course, but Len hadn't revealed much about what happened at the rose garden. Len told her that Kaji was concerned about how Len would treat her. _

_" I know but-" Kaho began._

_"But?" Len asked._

_"I don't think we can avoid disappointments. We won't purposely try to hurt each other, but we might not be able to tell when the other person is upset so...I suppose, when we do make mistakes, the best we can do is learn from them. "_

_She knew that Len tried to learn from his. _

She let her gaze fall upon him. Whoever said love was grand, was right.

They watched as Kaji, Yul, and their host made fun of Kaji's baby photos. The images were huge and were projected on the wall for everyone to ogle.

There was one photo of him as a grade school kid. He was holding a violin.

"This is a rare find," their host, JD, said to the audience. He grinned at Kaji, who looked at the picture with a bit of surprise before his expression turned sheepish.

"I used to play the violin," Kaji said. The audience made a collective "ooooh" sound.

Kaji turned to them and said in a slightly embarrassed way that he'd never been particularly good at it.

The audience was disbelieving. "No, it's true. I sucked."

"That's why he admires musicians," JD revealed. He turned his broad smile to the audience, "We've talked about his ideal type in lots of interviews. He likes girls who can play an instrument. "

"Wonder why he doesn't mention the violin specifically," Tsuchiura said.

"This audience already knows or has already guessed his preferences," Len said.

JD brought out a board that had pictures of different instruments stuck on it. "So," JD said, " which instrument is your favorite? Not the one you'd like to play yourself, but which sound do you like the best?"

There was a violin, a viola, cello, trumpet, piano, and flute.

"I like all of these," he said. "Each instrument has its own charm."

"Ahh. But you have to pick one or else there won't be an outcome to this game. You pick a favorite, and we'll see which prize is under the picture."

"How about I pick someone from the audience, and they get to keep whatever is behind the picture?"

JD laughed. "I actually don't know what's under these. What if the prize is something only a guy could use?"

"Then, they can trade it with a hug from me."

The girls squealed.

"He knows them well," Tsuchiura said, shaking his head slightly. "His birthday is less about him and more about his fans."

Kaho thought Kaji was very sweet. It had probably been planned beforehand, but JD had allowed more than one prize to get picked. He'd said: "Pick another one! let's call another person from the audience!"

One of the prizes was a video call from one of Kaji's old friends. They watched the video, and Kaji had allowed the girl who'd picked the prize to hug him since it wasn't a gift she could take home.

Yul had brought in Kaji's cakes after. There was a red velvet ice cream cake which Kaji loved and another chocolate one that was two tiers and had been decorated to look like tree bark. Kaji's name and the fandom name was drawn into the faux bark icing in the way couples would carve their initials on a tree.

Upon seeing the cake, Kaho asked Mori, "That's pretty cute. Would you like something similar for a wedding cake?"

Tsuchiura and Mori considered the idea. "You mean RT+MM for me and Mori?" Tsuchiura said.

"It'd make pretty centerpieces for the tables at the reception," Mori said. She and Tsuchiura had already gone to some shops; they'd seen a lot of beautiful designs, and Mori had fun going over ideas. Mori's favorites had been the cakes that looked like they'd been decorated with a watercolor brush.

"That sounds lovely!" Kaho exclaimed.

"How about you Kaho, are you already thinking about wedding cakes?" Tsuchiura said in a teasing voice.

Kaho gave him a quelling look, then quickly threw a glance over her shoulder. She was glad Len had gone to the bathroom and hadn't seen her ears go red.

Yes, she had a Pinterest board for wedding ideas. And Tsuchiura might have seen it by accident, but it wasn't something she'd started because she already had the groom in mind. The wedding gowns and the different color schemes and invitations were inspiring; she was merely collecting pictures.

"Maybe it's better to start off with a ring," she said, pursing her lips.

"I could suggest it to him," Tsuchiura replied conspiratorially. Clearly, he wasn't done with the teasing.

Kaho was saved from having to make a reply when Tsuchiura's phone rang. Kaho pointed to one of the exits, made her way out near the side of the stage with Mori, and found herself standing next to one of Kaji's managers.

The cheers had become louder since Yul had wheeled in the cakes. He'd given a short speech and had just finished thanking Kaji for being his "kindest and most considerate friend". The energetic crowd cheered and waved their lightsticks in the air.

After Yul's speech, Kaji hugged him and thanked his other bandmates even though they couldn't make it to the party. Kaji named all of them and thanked them for making an effort to greet him at midnight.

"Thanks for synchronizing your watches and for sending me greetings on Instagram. You are my brothers. I'm glad we've built this strong bond over the years." He then addressed the audience, "You guys changed our lives...We wouldn't be living our dreams without your support. Thank you not only for buying our albums but also for caring about us and worrying if we're healthy. The guys and I will continue to do our best. I hope that on my next birthday, I'll get to see your smiles again." He signaled to his friends. "And I hope this song will make you smile too."

Beside him, Yul and JD had grabbed their mikes. The lights had dimmed." I know it's my birthday, but I think there's no better time to give this gift. "

A spotlight shone on Kaji, and he smiled winsomely. " This song was written by one of my friends. I hope you all like it. "

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.

.

Tsuchiura had walked up behind her. "So this was Len's plan," he said softly. "Kaji's right. There's no better time than his birthday."

Kaho didn't look at him. She was transfixed by the song. _The song she had written_. _Her song_.

She had never imagined it could sound so beautiful, so real, so nostalgic.

"I must be dreaming," she said aloud.

"The guitars are nice. They could easily make an orchestral version with this one."Tsuchiura said as Yul and JD were illuminated. He murmured something about wanting to learn Korean.

She only nodded. She could translate for him if he wanted, but she was preoccupied with her own thoughts and feelings. She'd said before that when a musician performed a piece of music, it was as if he was giving life to something – or, perhaps, resurrecting sound. She felt as if her dreams were being given new life as the music enveloped her.

_Like being pulled by the current_

_Like floating around the ocean_

_I'm getting tired, but I don't see paradise_

_I need your warmth_

_It tells me that I'm alright_

_I need you, I need you_

She was confused. _How did they even...? _She was caught between the emotion in their voices and the emotion pushing against her chest. How was this possible? How did they get a copy of her song?

_Grab my hand and draw a circle_

_That's how much we've shared_

_My whole heart is by your side_

_Your dreams are by my side_

_Once again we're connected without an end_

She struggled to contain a swell of tenderness that was almost more than she could bear. Her voice wobbled when she asked, "Where is Len?"

.

.

.

Len viewed the stage from a balcony above the fans. "I wonder if Kaho would have let us listen to these songs," Miyabi said, surprising him.

He supposed that if he hadn't kept the USB, it would have taken a while before Kaho shared her compositions with him.

He doubted she would have thought of the possibility of Kaji singing her songs, though Kaji himself had told her he would enjoy performing them with his bandmates. Kaji, of course, wouldn't be allowed because of restrictions in his contract, but based on the conversation he'd had with him, Kaji could sing it during his birthday. He'd told Len about his bandmates who had other creative outlets and original projects of their own: JD liked uploading cover songs from the Disney musicals on his Instagram. Another bandmate produced Lo-fi sounds and shared his work through Sound cloud. If the company had objections, Kaji would reason that it was his birthday, and the song was dedicated to the fans. Kaji had said that he would be given some leeway. He'd doubted their bosses would be thinking of a loss in profit.

Though they, the higher-ups, might consider the gain and discuss the possibility of working with Kaho based on the public's response, Len thought. She had the work ethic and she already had the output; she could handle it.

"I'm not sure how she'll be able to take all of this in," Miyabi said.

"I have a question for you," Len said. He saw Miyabi quirk a brow as he turned to face her fully.

"If your brother would support your singing career, would you pursue it? Would you like to have your own album?"

Miyabi blinked several times. "Wait, what?"

"I think you have enough skill and charisma to be successful. I'm sure when Yunoki heard you sing Kaho's song, he considered the possibility of arranging something for you," he said.

The video call with Yunoki had reminded him of the importance of connections. Talent was desired above all, and perseverance was essential if one was to become ready, but connections opened the way to opportunities. A life-altering break wouldn't wait and could pass one by, but it would be available to someone who had been working hard and had prepared even before there were any opportunities in sight. He thought Kaho was that someone.

"What are you talking about? Did Azuma...wait, he heard me sing?"

"Shimizu sent him a copy of the recording," Len said.

Aside from that, Len thought, Yunoki might have seen it through other social media. If Shimizu's promotion got the attention they wanted, he expected Miyabi would eventually be interviewed about her performance.

"Oh," she said. "Do you really think I have a chance?"

"I do," he said. "It's the same with you and Kaho, you already have the skills."

"I think I understand why she likes you, Len," Miyabi said. "Can I call you Len? Or maybe just plain Tsukimori, like Tsuchi does?"

_Tsuchi?_

Miyabi smiled at his confusion. "Thanks for everything, Tsuki," she said, hugging him before he could back away. She laughed at his frown.

"I'm sure Kaho's 'thank yous' will be more interesting," she whispered then laughed as Len frowned.

.

.

Kaho ascended the steps to the balcony. She was almost at the top when she ran into Miyabi, "Have you seen Len?" she asked. "I predict good fortune for you, Hino-san," Miyabi said with the air of a fortune teller. She ignored Kaho's confusion and solemnly, she added, "Go and meet your future."

"What's up with you?" Kaho asked.

Miyabi laughed. "I just felt that you should have found him more quickly," she said. "I really like your song, by the way."

Kaho blushed. "Thank you."

"Were the lyrics inspired by him?"

Kaho's blush intensified.

"Hmmm. Do you already have a theme song?" Miyabi asked. "Hey, what about you write a song together?" Miyabi smiled again and let go of Kaho's hands. Kaho blinked at her. "I can't believe you let me hold you up," Miyabi said with a sigh. "You're too nice for your own good."

"If you're like that –" Miyabi said. "No, I don't think he'll be stolen even if he is innocent. You two are very much alike." She patted her friend on the shoulder and continued down the stairs.

Kaho let Miyabi pass, she had no time to puzzle out Miyabi's words. She took one step after another while the song faded in her ears. No matter where she was, her heart was tied with Len's. The closer she stepped, the closer she was to meeting her own feelings. Though he had his back to her, it almost hurt to look at him. She heard the audience say their goodbyes to Kaji and his friends.

Len turned before she could whisper his name. It was then that she jumped into his arms. She held him close and sighed.

"I never thought it could feel this way," she said.

He cradled her face with callused fingers. She leaned into his touch. "I told you," he said. "More people should hear your music."

She shook her head and smiled as she looked into his eyes. "Thank you," she said. "I'll treasure this forever."

_You and I. Whatever happens, I'll throw the doors open and greet our future_. She'd voiced the words, to which Len replied, "You're speaking in song lyrics."

She smiled at that. "Would you like to write a song with me?" she asked, placing a hand to his temple. She had to be more confident about her next idea. She brushed her lips against his.

"It could start with..."

"A kiss?" he asked.

"'When I kiss you, I know everything I have is yours. Every part of me belongs to you.'"

She looked at him longingly, and he answered with a kiss on the forehead. "How about, 'When I kiss you, I know I can wait.'"

"Wait for what?" She whispered in his ear.

He kissed the angle of her jaw. "'When I kiss you, I know I can wait..." he said again.

He held her face and, at the same time, put some distance between them. He continued, "Because one day, all the rest will be mine."

She blinked up at him. He gave her an indulgent smile, and she blushed. "Only when you're ready," he said.

Had she been thinking about..._that_? She wasn't sure. Then again, as soon as he'd said the phrase "only when you're ready", her blush had climbed to her ears and reached down her neck.

If her expectations had been right, _she _was supposed to be the first to say those words to _him_. He took her hand, and after she'd pondered his words, she noticed they had already made their way to the orchestra level.

"Wait a minute!" she said, stopping in her tracks and pulling Len to face her.

Was she ready?

Well, what did she have in mind? She'd only meant that she loved and wanted him. If he was ready, well...

She could feel her ears burning. "I don't have anything else to say, I guess," she said, backtracking. "I mean, I know we're in a serious relationship. And you already introduced me to your mother."

Her eyes met his, and he said, "I suppose you're waiting for me, too."

Yes! That was precisely her point! She was waiting for him.

"I'm old fashioned," he answered.

_So am I_, she almost blurted. She was, actually. Except, she wanted to hear him say where they were headed. _Love. Relationship. Marriage_. She looked down at the floor. People walked past, moving to the exit.

"I wasn't –" she broke off. He was still smiling at her. "I just want –" she broke off again. "I just want _us_. You and I."

Once he left Korea, they would be apart again. She would look up at a bright sun while a moon hung in his sky. "Together...at the end of my day and at the beginning of yours," she said. "Maybe, that's how it'll be."

"I won't always be in Europe," he said. "I could be over in Japan. There won't be a time difference."

"Still, you won't be as close as I want you to be," she whispered.

He pulled her to a hidden corner and kissed her hairline. "I'll carry your feelings with me," he said. "And you will have mine."

As long as they felt the same way, there would only be meetings to look forward to. Raising herself on her toes, she kissed him softly on the lips. She echoed his words: "One day, I'll have the rest as well."

Tsuchiura cleared his throat. "I didn't think you'd be the one to say that, Hino."

Kaho blushed fiercely, and with a calm she didn't feel, stepped primly away from Len. Tsuchiura continued, "At least I didn't catch you making out this time. I'm glad I volunteered to look for you instead of Kaji." He sighed. "I'd like to spare the guy from more awkwardness."

"Spare me from what, Tsuchiura? I didn't catch that last part."

Tsuchiura's head jerked sideways. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" he shouted. "Does Kpop give you stealth training? You keep popping up out of nowhere!"

Tushiura waved a hand in the air. "Never mind," he said dismissively. "You came just in time."

"Did I miss something?" Kaji asked.

"No," Tsuchiura said. "Be glad you weren't here before I was," he muttered.

Kaji turned to the couple in front of them. "If you don't mind, Len, I'd like some time to speak with Kahoko," Kaji said, meeting Len's gaze. "_Alone_," he said with emphasis, "if you're ok with it."

.

.

.

"When I saw you come in, I thought you'd meant to talk to Len," Kaho said as Kaji opened the door for her. For the moment, they would have the privacy of Kaji's dressing room. JD and Yul were somewhere making a video for their YouTube channel.

"I'm out of practice," Kaji said with a grin. Instead of sitting next to her, Kaji opted to sit on the leather couch across the coffee table between them.

"Did you like our performance?" Kaji asked. His voice sounded almost sheepish.

"I more than liked it," Kaho said. "I was – I can't tell you what it felt like to hear my song. It was almost as if you were singing it in concert."

"When the guitar came in, I couldn't keep my jaw from dropping," she said. "I was overwhelmed. You, JD, and Yul were captivating."

"Thanks," Kaji said. "I knew you'd like it. Len hoped you would." He scratched the back of his head, "Ah, I feel like Len's going to sneak up on me because I keep using his first name. I don't think I've gotten his permission to drop the formalities."

Kaho giggled. Saying Len's name wouldn't summon him. Kaji grinned and replied, "Maybe I should say it in front of a mirror, then?"

As soon as he'd said it, Kaho's laughter came out in short, half-stifled burst.

"It's ok, I'm sure he won't mind after a few tries," she said after she'd recovered.

Kaji's expression turned serious. "He hasn't told you about how he planned this, I guess?" Kaji asked. "I was assuming he had when I saw you two together, but with the way Tsuchiura was acting...maybe, not?"

Kaho wondered if Kaji had only pretended not to get Tsuchiura's meaning a while back.

"I guess he couldn't have talked to you about the confrontation he and I had," Kaji said. "I wanted to know why you picked him. I told him, more or less, that you weren't right for each other."

Kaho's eyes widened at his admission, but she refrained from speaking; she'd caught the regret in Kaji's face and in his tone. A lot had happened during that conversation. She probably wasn't going to hear all of it, but she anticipated that Kaji had planned to reveal some of what had happened.

"I'm sorry I said that," Kaji said with a rueful smile.

She suddenly felt the need to apologize as well. "I'm sorry too, Kaji," she said in a soft voice.

He sighed and said, "I realized something when he talked to me about you."

What had they talked about? From what she could gather, Len had asked Kaji to sing her song during his birthday. He'd shown her it would sound like performed by a popular group in front of a large audience. She felt she'd been given a preview of what her dreams would look like in the real world. She'd told Len she'd treasure the memory forever. _It was a dream..._

"_Why did you agree?" _Kaho thought. It came out as, "What did you realize?"

He had leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I was too focused on how I could have you," Kaji said. "I wanted you to choose me. Instead, I could have focused on what you wanted and how I could have helped you get closer to your dreams." He sighed. "Len hoped singing your song during my birthday would get you more attention. He thinks I could help you better than he could. I'm not going to lie, I wish I'd thought of singing your songs on my own. I'm aware I sound really selfish, thinking about how helping you could make you look my way for a change. But-" He stopped abruptly and looked away. "I think you should keep writing more songs. I liked the one Miyabi sang, too. She and I, we both wish we'd thought less about ourselves and more about you."

Kaho looked down at her hands. She wasn't sure what to say. She could reassure Kaji, but she knew that wasn't what he wanted.

"I'm glad you tried Kpop," he said. "I'm also glad you still play the violin. If we could, I'd like to try to perform in a quartet again."

"Sure," Kaho said. "Maybe we could try a piece that includes Tsuchiura on the piano."

"Sounds to me like you already have an idea."

"I have a few," Kaho admitted. _Ah_. Speaking of Tsuchiura, they could also do an orchestral cover of one of Kaji's songs. She'd seen it done on YouTube.

"I like it when you're enthusiastic," Kaji said, getting up from the couch. Kaho stood along with him.

"I guess that's what I wanted too. Enthusiasm."

"What do you mean, Kaji?" she said, laughing. "You're amazing on stage. Your voice has a lot of expression. You're one of the best –"

He interrupted her with a finger to her lips. "This is the last time I'm going to be touchy-feely," he said. "When I said I wanted enthusiasm, I meant that I wanted it from you. I wanted you to look at me the way you look at Len," he said. "I want unexpected hugs. I want your smiles. I want everything, so I could give all of it in return. But –"

"But what?"

"I already knew the outcome," he said. "I've known for a long time, Kaho. Since the day Len kissed you, I was afraid you wouldn't be able to get away from him. I didn't think you'd want to after that kiss."

Kaho understood Kaji's frustration but she knew she couldn't respond to him in the way that he wanted.

She struggled to pull her thoughts together; comforting words would only make him feel as if she were patronizing him.

"Will you still let me spend time with you, at least?" Kaji asked, withdrawing the finger he'd placed over her lips. "I know I'll still get my heartbroken, but what does it matter as long as I get to be around you? At the end of the day, I'd still be living my life, enjoying my time with you."

"I suppose that for me, the outcome doesn't matter anymore," he continued. "I still want to be your friend."

Kaho was moved by his frankness. "Thank you, Kaji," Kaho said, stepping forward and enveloping him in a hug.

"I need more famous friends anyway," Kaji said. "Not just the members of my band."

"What? You know I'm not famous."

"You will be," he said. "It's bound to happen. Consider this your fortune for today."

"Miyabi already beat you to the fortune-teller role," she said.

"Ah. What was the fortune she gave you?"

"She told me I was going to meet my future..."

"That sounds lame."

She laughed. "I don't know," she said. "I felt like it held a lot of promise."

"I like it when you're optimistic," Kaji said.

"I do too."

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*_Recommended Listening_

The song Kaji and his bandmates sing is called "Without You" by NCT's Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Taeil. It was a song I was already familiar with even though I hadn't listened to a lot of NCT's material before writing this story. After deciding to give Cherrybomb (their third EP) a listen, I discovered "Sun & Moon", which is one of the inspirations for this chapter.

"Without You" and "Sun & Moon" have this beautiful nostalgic feel to them, and I highly recommend that you give both a listen. (Lyric translations are available on the website colorcoded lyrics and also on YouTube.)


	20. Chapter 19

_Two weeks later..._

Vines covered the house's windows like a veil; there were pockmarks in the cement –actual bullet holes that the house had acquired during the Japanese occupation. According to Shimizu, the mansion boasted of hidden rooms and passageways.

When she first saw it, Kaho had described the historical building as a lonely old widow at the end of a line of beautiful debutantes. She'd been with Shimizu and the realtor when Shimizu had made the purchase and had driven past a row of modern architectural marvels before Shimizu had made the decision to call this haunted-looking one his new home.

_Shimizu will never settle for something normal. _

"I've never a read a story where the Prince ends up helping Cinderella clean," Kaho teased. She and Len were in the process of helping Shimizu move in.

Len had decided for himself that he would help Kaho clean. He'd already replaced the old light bulbs and dusted the chandelier in the foyer, and was now vacuuming cobwebs. He got down from the ladder and fixed the kerchief on Kaho's head.

"When I saw you hunched over in the hallway, I had to do a double-take."

"Did you mistake me for a ghost?" she said, smiling. She was dressed entirely in white.

"A ghost doesn't get scared of mice. And Cinderella wouldn't have run away from her friends."

Kaho laughed and said she'd probably never have mice for sidekicks. _Not frogs either_. In that fairy tale, the frog had been the prince all along. _If anyone's the frog in this story...well..._

She preferred "My Fair Lady" when it came to transformations.

"Right, Cinderella's mice were her friends," Kaho said. "I guess...I'm not Cinderella then."

She hadn't become a princess, but she'd been pretty magical herself; a _fata_ had given her a magic violin.

"I think as far as transformations go, mine wasn't that shabby," she declared.

Len's expression prompted her to explain: "Well...before learning to play the violin, I didn't really imagine where I'd be in ten years. I wasn't the type to think that far ahead. I didn't think it was weird; it's normal, I think, for many teenagers not to have a dream that's etched in stone. I suppose that's one reason why I thought Music was a whole other world. When I saw how dedicated you were and how different we were from each other, I felt something grasp my heart. Whatever that something is, it hasn't let go. I think, all these years, I've been transforming myself into someone who could be part of your –"

_Enter "Little Mermaid" reference_.

" –so I could have a future as a musician," she continued. "There's no freedom like knowing where you want to go."

"What if it's not about transformation but discovery? You haven't become someone else, Kaho. I think your experiences have revealed who you really are."

"Oh, do you really think so?"

"I do."

She wasn't different from him or from Tsuchiura or Shimizu. She was where she belonged.

"You're supposed to be here," Len said.

_With you, _she thought, placing her hands on his shoulders_. _"Cleaning a haunted house?" she asked as she looked into his eyes.

He let his hand rest lightly on the angle of her jaw as he smiled in response. Kaho's cheeky grin broadened when he moved closer. Slowly, he lowered his head. "How about –"

They were interrupted when Kaho suddenly pulled Len's arm and hid behind his back. Surprised, Len turned to see what had caused that sudden change in mood. A sheet of white watched them from the space between the door and the doorframe. A disembodied hand appeared above it.

_Surprise! _A scowling Tsuchiura came into view as he pulled the sheet off Shimizu's head.

Tsuchiura ferried Shimizu into the room and apologized to Kaho for frightening her. "Shimizu ended up with this sheet on him after I'd thrown it off one of the tables outside." He gave Shimizu a paternal look, "Can you even see through this thing?"

"I was looking for the light switch, _Senpai_," he answered.

"Ahhh. I guess that answers my question. Is it brighter now?" Tsuchiura asked.

Shimizu blinked lazily and moved his head left and right. The room was empty except for two end tables, the carpet, and the solitary bookshelf. "This will be the ground floor music room," he said, content with his appraisal.

Tsuchiura sighed and placed a hand on top of Kaho's head. "You look like a thief."

"I'm supposed to be Cinderella."

"And is Len your fairy godmother?"

Len's brows dipped down as he crossed his arms. Tsuchiura grinned at him, and Kaho laughed. "Don't you mean prince?" Kaho asked.

Tsuchiura grinned. "He can be both if he wants to," he said.

The rest of the day was spent cleaning and clearing out furniture. By late afternoon, Shimizu had received two more visitors. Kaji arrived with fried chicken, soda, and _Soju_. Miyabi brought a bucket of champagne (yes, a bucket filled with fancy ice that had edible flowers frozen in the cubes...)

"Did you steal that from the party you just came from?" Tsuchiura asked.

"What makes you think that?" Miyabi asked.

"The tag around the champagne bottle."

"No, no," Miyabi said. "They were giving these away. I bought another bottle extra – of which I will not drink," she added hastily, "as a gift to celebrate my good news."

"You bought yourself a gift?" Tsuchiura asked.

Miyabi shook her head. "It's for Kaho."

At Kaho's confusion, she added, "I'll let Azuma update you, sweetheart. Here take my phone," she said, placing the device over Kaho's ear. Miyabi's smile took over her face as she waited eagerly.

"Hello, Kahoko," Yunoki greeted her. "It's been quite an eventful few months for you, hasn't it?"

"Hello _Senpai_, how are you?" Kaho said politely. She moved to the window where there was better reception. Miyabi followed.

"Busy," he answered. "I've been working on a few projects for my sister."

"Oh, that sounds...productive," Kaho answered. Seconds after Yunoki's vague introduction, her mind made a list of questions. _What new projects?_ And what did they mean for her? Would Miyabi be doing other work in between movie shoots? Or did Yunoki mean projects after the movie? Was he going to ask her to continue as Miyabi's assistant when Miyabi returned to Japan? Was she going to follow Miyabi to Japan?

"I can sense the gears in your brain turning, Kahoko," Yunoki said.

She could also imagine his innocent-headed-toward-devious smile. "I'm not so sure," she responded.

"Oh, is that your reply?" Yunoki said. "Are you implying I don't know you as well as I do?" He chuckled and paused. "To be honest, I recently learned some new things about you and my sister. Although, now that I mention it, I would credit Miyabi with the real surprise and not you. Your news, I wasn't shocked by."

"_Huh_?"

Kaho stole a glance at Miyabi. Shimizu had come up to them, and Miyabi had patted his head before refilling his glass of champagne.

"I didn't know that my sister could carry a tune," Yunoki said. "The video Tsukimori and Shimizu had sent me was an eyeopener. As for you, Kaho. It's clear you have more to offer, I knew you had it in you, but I became even more sure of it after I watched that video."

_Eh? _"You saw her performance at Shimizu's event?"

"Didn't I just say so?" he said.

"What do you mean by 'I have more to offer?'" she asked.

Yunoki sighed. "There's no subtext for you to wade through, Kahoko," he said almost tiredly. "Miyabi told me that the song she sang was yours. I enjoyed it, so did a few other people I know. I'm telling you this, Kahoko, because I'm about to give you a great opportunity. Are you ready to hear it? Tell me if you are."

"I...I'm ready," she stammered, her heart slamming against her chest. _He's not seriously going to..._

"No, I don't think you are," Yunoki teased. "Be honest with me Kahoko, do you still doubt yourself?"

She pursed her lips and looked out the window. Doubt seemed to be a friend that lived inside her, a part of herself that she had to re-assure. Her eyes went back to the room; she sought her friends, Tsuchiura, Shimizu, and …. her eyes fell on Len.

"It's not something I can totally avoid," she said. "I've encountered a few setbacks, but I've been encouraged by people's faith in me."

"Consider this another proof of our confidence in your abilities," Yunoki said. "Miyabi has been offered a record deal. The head of the label is a friend of mine who, after Miyabi and I had agreed to join his team, had only one favor to ask me. Do you want to guess what that favor is?"

Kaho frowned. "No?" Yunoki said after her silence. "He wants me to invite you to Japan, Kahoko. He would like to meet you and formally offer you a job. He wants to welcome you to the label. That is if you'll agree. I'm confident that you will. What do you say, Kaho?"

"Azuma," she said. "Are you telling me...am I going to be..."

"Yes. You've been asked to write Miyabi's songs. I haven't arranged the particulars but –"

"They want to meet me...and they want to see me in person?"

"Of course," he said. "We will arrange it," he said.

But she was Miyabi's assistant...And now...now that she was offered this –her big break, she would have to fly back to Japan. Could she meet Yunoki's friend? Thoughts tumbled and climbed on top of each other in her head. Was she prepared for this?

"I can sense the doubt creeping again, Kahoko," Yunoki said.

"I...I'm sorry."

"I am too," he said. "I'll have to look for another assistant for Miyabi, or else I'll have an overworked and underpaid employee in my hands, and I wouldn't want to hear complaints from your boyfriend even if you'll obviously offer to shoulder the extra work."

Sometimes she just couldn't understand him. He had helped her when he'd given her a job as Miyabi's assistant; and been kind to her on many occasions, though he teased her constantly.

"I..." she was going to comment on his 'obviously' but opted to say: "Thank you, _Senpai_," she said. "You have no idea how much I want this."

After a beat he said: "That's true. I didn't." There was another short pause before she heard Yunoki speak again, "I'm sorry I couldn't have helped you sooner, Kahoko. But you have reached this point because you pushed through despite your doubts. If you were waiting for people to notice, they have now."

"Thank Shimizu and Tsukimori as well," Yunoki said. "I know you won't forget, but this is also Miyabi's way of thanking you. She is grateful, too. Like I am. Thank you, Kahoko, for taking care of her."

She was tempted to end the call with another thank you. Yunoki's goodbye was: "The best time to be noticed is when you are prepared. Just think if you'd jumped into this with less confidence than you have now."

She pondered his words: had she become more confident? Yes, _yes_, she was. She believed in what she could offer. And after seeing the fan videos from Kaji's birthday party on the internet, there were several people, known to her only by their user names, who liked her song. It was exciting.

"Well," Miyabi said, looping her arms around Kaho's shoulders. "Did you say yes?"

She nodded, and they both jumped in place while hugging. Miyabi shouted, "Guys, it's official! I'm going to be JPop Star, and Kaho's going to be a genius songwriter!"

"She's already a genius songwriter," Tsuchiura quipped.

"Oh, yeah, let me fix that," Miyabi said. "She'll be the _famous _genius songwriter. Aka, the wind beneath my wings."

Kaho couldn't help thinking of the song reference. Miyabi had started to hum the tune.

"Ah," Shimizu said amidst the burst of congratulations, "are we congratulating _Senpai _for another project? Ah. Has someone else already told you?"

Kaho blinked at him. "Another project?"

"Burberry," he said. "Blueberry..."

"What is he talking about?" Kaji asked Tsuchiura.

"Why are you looking at me?" Tsuchiura answered.

"Aside from Kaho," Len said, "you are the next best person when it comes to decoding Shimizu."

"Does he want cake?" Kaji said.

"Shimizu-kun," Kaho said, taking Shimizu's hands, "what are you talking about?"

Shimizu looked at Kaji. "That other company. The one with the B – they want Kaho-_senpai_."

All eyes turned to Kaji, who still had no idea if Shimizu was talking about fruit or a real talent agency, etc. "You know, there are lots of entertainment companies," he reasoned.

"We should just google this," Miyabi suggested. She whipped out her phone and started typing.

"Twelve member girl group," Shimizu said to Miyabi. "They plan to debut after each girl gets a solo."

Miyabi added the new info to her search. "So, they want her to write for the girls, is that what you mean Shimizu?"

"It's clear Miyabi is the best interpreter," Tsuchiura commented.

"How did they contact you about Kaho?" Len asked Shimizu.

"Wait..." Kaho said, finally jumping into the exchange. "This company, they want me to write their songs?"

Shimizu nodded. "_Hai_, _senpai_. They told me in an email."

There was a collective groan from everyone in the room. Miyabi helped Shimizu open his mail, and after a few minutes, the name of the company, the name of the upcoming girl group and the names of each member and their roles in the group, were made known to the occupants of the room.

"Should Kaji see this?" Tsuchiura said. "Aren't you spying on the competition?"

Kaji held up his hands. "Hey, there have been times when fans get into heated arguments about the groups they like, but, we, the actual Idols, stay out of it. Everyone does their best to be polite."

Len added, "They respect each other. Also, they wouldn't know each other's choreography if there wasn't some admiration for the other's work. I don't think it's just about popularity."

"Exactly," Kaji said, beaming. "Kaho must have given you the full Kpop crash course."

Len shrugged. "I want to understand what she likes to talk about."

"So, Kaho," Miyabi said, directing the attention to Kaho once more. "Are you going to accept?"

"Of course, she is!" Kaji said happily.

"I can't believe this is happening," Kaho said. "Are they sure they sent it to the right person?"

_Am I really the right person?_

Shimizu nodded. "I have only one email address, _Senpai_."

Tsuchiura grinned at Shimizu. "He's right, Kaho. There's no room for confusion."

.

.

_Hours later..._

Kaho and Len were taking an evening stroll. The rest of their group, Shimizu, Kaji, Tsuchiura, and Miyabi, had decided to stay over at Miyabi's to watch movies. Len agreed to take Kaho home and pick up Tsuchiura after their friends had watched the horror film Miyabi had been praising.

"You didn't want to watch it with them, did you?" Len asked.

"Did you?"

She was only glad there hadn't been a tv and a wifi connection in Shimizu's house. If there had been, Miyabi would not have passed up on watching in one of the dark, hardly furnished rooms.

Len tipped his head to the side. "Aren't horror movies a rite of passage for couples?" he asked.

_On a first date, maybe._

"You really haven't dated before," Kaho said with wonder. It still amazed her that he'd stayed single. _Has no one tried hard enough?_

"Has no one ever asked you to go out with them? Not even on a group date?" She didn't seem to think he would do the asking.

Her theory was: He probably had been asked out but hadn't noticed the significance of it (case and point: that girl from the orchestra who'd invited him to go shopping with her for their friend's birthday present).

"I went on a group date when we were in Seisou," he told her, watching the scene in front of them.

Len and Kaho stood nearby a crowd of people who had formed a circle and were dancing to Kpop. When the music changed, new members from the circle ran to the middle and danced to the next upbeat song. Some of them waved lightsticks. Len had answered while observing the dancers.

"I suppose this is another example of how knowledgeable the fans are," he said. "I recognize this song from the playlist you shared with me."

"You went on a date in high school?" she asked, leading him back to their original topic.

"Yes," he answered. "I'm surprised you forgot."

She blinked a few times. _It's not like you would have told me..._ "How would I have known?"

"You were the one I went out with," he said, unable to hold back a sigh. "We went to an amusement park with Tsuchiura and his ex."

"Oh," she said. "That wasn't a date."

"You're right," he agreed too readily. "At the time, I didn't think of it as a date. But in retrospect, your actions ticked all the right boxes. We did things people usually do on dates."

Out of everyone she knew, he was best at making her blush unexpectedly. "My actions?"

"You clung to me while we were in the Horror House."

They'd also held hands. When they'd gone to the amusement park, and they'd paired up with each other in the horror house, he'd told her to take his hand so she could stay calm. She wasn't that big of a scaredy-cat but –

"But you offered your hand," she countered. "You wanted to help me."

"You're right," he said. "I did."

There was something in his eyes, something she recognized only when the _deja vu_ had hit her. She remembered what she'd said in the cafe the night before he left for Vienna. She'd told him the same: _you offered your hand_.

_It was different when we first met, but when we got to know each other better..._

He'd wanted to help. He'd allowed himself to look after her. And he'd probably realized sooner than later (earlier than she had imagined) that he cared. Before he'd left for Vienna, he had also realized his feelings for her.

_He knew..._

"I keep remembering those moments," he said. "I remember what I lost and what it took for us to get here."

"Len," she said, placing a hand on his cheek, "don't be sad about what happened."

They'd made their way past the loud music and the dancing. He'd found a bench for them to sit on.

"If I attach an emotion to it, I'm sure I won't forget. When I think of that night, I tell myself I should never hurt you again."

He rested his forehead against hers. "I'll keep reaching for you, Kaho...I...Wherever you go, I'll still offer my hand. I'll wait for you, I'll be beside you, I'll chase after you – whatever action is required in whichever season we're in, know that I will keep choosing you."

"Len, I'll choose you too," she promised. Love didn't end at feelings; it was also about decisions. He kissed her softly, and after a few moments, she asked: "Um, speaking of decisions, which project do you think I should take?" She thought about the record labels in Korea and in Japan. She wanted to know his opinion. "Which should I choose?"

"Both," Len answered with confidence. "There's no need to forego one for the other." He raised his brows and asked, "Do _you_ want to do both?"

For her, the news hadn't yet sunk in. _Well, it would settle in my mind for a bit, but then it'd float back up again later so I have to pinch myself again._ _That's the_ _processing my brain has done since I found out.._. She couldn't believe there was a company in Korea that wanted to work with her and another in Japan that wanted her to write songs for Miyabi's album.

"It's just so...amazing," she said, looking at her hand in his. _You are amazing_, his eyes seemed to say.

"You have the freedom to take on as many projects as you wish," he said.

He was right, she could do that. No one was stopping her. But something inside had stirred, and she had to erase as much space between them as she could. She placed a hand on his chest. "Will you...will you be returning to Japan soon? You aren't doing any more recordings in Korea, right?"

He smiled and pulled her closer. "We can go back together," he said.

"I...I guess that is possible," she said.

She missed him already.

Yunoki had promised he would arrange her schedule and the flight to Japan, and Kaho was given the option to meet with the other company with Shimizu before leaving. "I'm no longer Miyabi's assistant. But..."

She wondered about the "where, when, and what": Where would Len be needed? When would that be? What would that mean for their relationship?

"Will you be waiting for me?" she asked. "Will you be hopping on planes... be in one country one day and fly back to Korea or Japan on the next?"

"I did say I'd do whatever the season requires," he reminded her. "If it's my season to wait for you, I will. On another day, on another date, when it's your turn, you will have to wait for me."

_Waiting_. _Chasing_. _Meeting_. _Coming_. _Going_. _Staying_. Their direction was always toward the other.

"That's right," she said, loving the way he looked at her.

_You and I. That's the decision we've made._

She wrapped her arms around him and smiled. Blessed by moonlight, they kissed.

.

.

.

_Goodnight and great love to you. We see the same stars. - George Mallory_


End file.
